


Overmorrow

by starsprout



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Character Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fictional epidemic, Forced Feminization, Forced Pregnancy, Gore, HEAVY mention of miscarriage, HOW DID I FORGET TO TAG ANGST GOD, M/M, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Mpreg, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Revolution, SLOW BURN x3, Slow Burn, This is pretty heavy, Unrequited Love, Violence, and abortion, be careful!, birth scenes, corrupt society, genetic mutation, heavy angst., jisung is struggling, mainly Jisung centric, no major !, plot heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:00:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 105,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27573478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsprout/pseuds/starsprout
Summary: Jisung was seven when a new infectious disease broke out, killing females mercilessly.Jisung was seven when women were then announced as critically endangered.Jisung was eight when the government informed the rest of their population about their plans to make males carry.Jisung was ten when they successfully found a way for males to carry.And Jisung was eleven when he lost everything for the future of humanity→“Why are you even doing this if you’re suffering so much?”“Because I care about tomorrow,” he mutters, lifting his head. His youthful face has been mauled away by the rampaging plague of tiredness and his eyes are dull and dimming. “I’m fighting because I believe we deserve a tomorrow.” He tightens the bandage making him wince a little bit. “Because I want to see tomorrow, I want to see overmorrow and the days that follow, the months, the years," He breathes deep. "Because I refuse for this to be the end,"
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 473
Kudos: 547





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> HELLLOOOO this is my first skz fic and im beyond excited gosh im almost jumping out of my skin lmao
> 
> This fic is so much different to anything i've done and i love it so much!! I just wanted to say before we start to take the tags very seriously bc it is quite a heavy fic (again 0-0) and the themes in the tags are mentioned a lot... like a lot so if they make you uncomfy please be careful!
> 
> Lots of love!!! <3333

Jisung had unknowingly watched the downfall of humanity at the age of seven. 

He had overlooked it entirely and had eventually figured out the dire situation at the last moment possible. 

The world looked the same to him. The same daily struggle to fill his stomach, his parents struggling alongside him. The world wasn’t fair to anyone now. Jisung knew that at the tender age of seven, but the truth about the disarray the world was in was sheltered from his mind, never quite grasping the full concept of it until he was too late. 

Recalling back, Jisung couldn’t tell anyone when he really started to notice that something was different. 

His days bled into one another, too similar to pinpoint them as different dates. 

Survival was his motive. His parents motive and his friends motive. 

Finding ways to get food under the nose of the government was hard, harder than what it had sounded at first when his parents had explained why he was the one to sneak out their enclosed town and into the scary wilderness all by himself.

Jisung’s days weren’t like the children his age that lived outside of the slums, contained by concrete walls to protect them from the outside dangers. They roamed within their safe concrete box with each other, toys that Jisung wouldn’t ever be able to afford in their grips and spending their free time playing with each other. 

Instead of playing around with the other children in the slums all day, they formed small groups and raided farms from outside the concrete walls, finding new ways to sneak in and escape the grip of the angry farmers. 

Jisung brought whatever food he could find back to his parents in their tiny one-roomed shack. If they were lucky, which was so rare, Jisung who had only been taught the numbers up to ten, could count the times a small loaf of stale bread was waiting on the only table in their home. 

His mother would try her best to make the scraps Jisung brought home into something they could stomach, usually cooked into a watery soup. 

He was focused on the tasks his parents gave him, too busy trying to not be seen sneaking into the resisted wilderness that held an abundance of berry bushes, wild root vegetables and fish swimming in the ponds. Although they were difficult to catch, Jisung tried his best to capture the slippery things, only succeeding three times. 

Jisung was too busy trying to keep himself and his parents fed that he had missed the arrival of government officials, dressed in hazmat gear and leaving with full body bags. 

He had missed the families grieving in his daze of survival. 

The disease wasn’t uncommon in the slums and the first time Jisung had seen them, dragging three bags on stretchers in their grasp, he hadn’t thought much except to try to avoid the areas affected by the infection

Jisung was playing around with a young girl who had become one of his only friends, throwing a ball made of twigs to each other when a group of men had appeared in their home, sticking out like a sore thumb against the brown and weary backdrop of the slums that surrounded their colourful clothed bodies. 

The leader of them, situated just in front of the other four men, cleared his throat and Jisung had put the makeshift ball down and clasped Jooyeon’s hand, and crept closer, wearily. 

“Hello,” The man had said coldly, no hint of emotion in his tone at all. He sounded robotic and it sent a wave of uneasiness down Jisung’s spine. He had taken a step back, bumping into Jooyeon’s chest in the process. 

“Take this home to your parents, it is an announcement from the government of the utmost importance,” and gingerly, Jisung had plucked the envelope from the man's grip and with a look in his friend's eyes, they bolted away. 

“What do you think it is?” Jooyeon had asked, peering over Jisung’s shoulder as he opened the paper envelope. Both had deflated from their excitement when Jisung had opened the letter, finding a script that they both didn’t know how to read. 

Jisung had wandered home, Jooyeon on his tail, wondering if his parents could decipher the message written across the paper. 

But Jiusng’s parents had grown up in the same environment as their son, only concerned about surviving ad not privileged enough to afford education, and had shrugged. 

It seemed the little paper envelopes had spread all over the slums and within the new commotion, Jisung and his parents had been attracted to the new crowd.

A granny, looking close to crossing the river sat against a wooden beam and read out words from the letter, a horrified expression painted over her old, wrinkled face. 

And the words flowing out of her mouth had seemed to shock everyone. 

But Jisung was just a child and the words that had seemed to affect the adults in hearing distance had flown through his ears, leaving him confused and whining to his mother who had paled and slowly backed away from the crowd. 

She had scooped up her tiny son in her own frail arms, weakened from malnutrition and ran. 

  
“A new plague has been born! One hundred percent of victims are females, of any age! Protect your females!” 

Jisung was seven when a new infectious disease broke out, killing females mercilessly. 

  
Jisung had noticed the changes in his mother. She was more alert, never daring to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary. Jisung was beginning to understand something was wrong. 

  
Jooyeon had lost her mother not many days ago, leaving the girl distant and not wanting to play with Jisung, and soon enough, Jisung found that seeing girls and women of any age were becoming scarce. 

Maybe because they were scared, maybe because they had come down with the infectious disease, or maybe they were taking extra precaution, trying to protect themselves against the rampant disease. 

  
Jisung was seven when the declaration came. Women were then announced as critically endangered.

Contact had spread the disease from woman to woman, poisoning their wombs first and once that had started, it would spread to their blood, their own blood that once kept them alive and well flowing like toxic poison in their veins.   
Organs would shut down from the toxicity and then, it was impossible to live. Wombs had been cut out once they showed signs, but once signs started, it was already too late. 

There were no cures, none so far and everything they had tried, the disease fought its way around it, sucking the life out from the inside out.

Jisung had his own mother, her precaution must’ve saved her life so far, but other than that he hadn’t seen many women or even young girls at all. 

His own friend, Jooyeon had passed not long after her mother had, catching the disease from her and dying prematurely, even before her womb had even awoken. 

Women and young girls were dropping dead like flies. And soon enough, the population had dipped so much, the government had no choice but to find a way so humans wouldn’t die out. 

  
Jisung was just barely eight when the announcement came, plastered to crumbling buildings from the previous war, all around the slums, even. Jisung couldn’t read and the granny that had read them the last declaration had passed, dying from old age instead from the disease. 

Her grandson was still alive, however, and he was lucky enough to learn the script from his late grandmother. Jisung had stood next to the man, holding onto his father's hand. They were out together, going to sneak into the wilderness and try to fish from the ponds together when they had seen the gasping crowd around the man. 

Not a woman in sight. 

Jisung, sweet little Jisung who only knew the struggle to fill his belly and the warmth of his parents' hugs, had understood exactly what this message meant. 

Jisung was eight when the government informed the rest of their population about their plans. 

“With the new downfall of women, humanity itself is threatened. Without our women, we will cease to exist. The future now lays in our hands! The best scientists have gathered to find a way to save our race! Without women only men will exist, we must find a way to make males carry children,” 

The pale faces around Jisung had heightened his sudden discomfort. His brows had furrowed tightly and he looked up to his father. 

“Daddy?” He had whispered softly. His father had looked down at him, his jaw clenched tightly. “Yes?” He answered back, his voice rough and sounding like he was suppressing his emotions. 

“Mama said boys don’t have babies,” he had said, cocking his head to the side. “How could they do that?” 

“I don’t know, Jisung,” His father had answered. “I don’t know,”

  
When Jisung finally turns ten, the only woman he has seen in months is his own mother. He’s grateful. Incredibly so. 

He’s older now, old enough to understand the gravity of the problem weighing down on society. When his mother's middle starts to grow outwards, Jisung understands. 

Her bump becomes prominent and it steals Jisung's comfortable seat on her lap quickly. But Jisung is entranced. His mother has lived through this disease and had come to show Jisung why the world was in such shambles.   
This disease was taking the gift of life from them. 

And when his little sister is born months later, Jisung feels a weight of panic settle in him. 

When he stared down at his new little sister, Jisung had broken out into a fit of tears. 

Jisung finally understood. 

When all the women die, everyone will eventually die. 

But unlike the usual life and death, there will be no more life given out. 

  
Just a month after his little sister's birth, when he’s wandering over to the wild, a loud noise attracts him to another large crowd of men. 

The spectacle reminds him of all his other run-ins and he turns on his heels quickly, wanting to go fetch his father to tell him about the news, but the booming voice stops him. 

  
“The mission to find a way for males to carry has finally succeeded! They have found a cure to the crisis!” 

Jisung halts, his heart dropping into his stomach that prompts churns. 

Jisung is ten when they successfully find a way for males to carry. 

He had run home as fast as his little legs could take him and when he finally reached his little home and badly told his parents, their reactions were much different than what he had originally expected. 

They smile widely and comment briskly on it before going back to smother his sister with love. Jisung had slowly approached and snuggled into his father's side, a twinge of loneliness tugging in his gut. 

  
Not long after that, Jisung turned eleven and not even two weeks after his birthday, advertisements for the repopulation project had popped up everywhere. Bright posters, dragging you in and filling you with hope. Televised ads, billboards in the Capital. 

Jisung didn’t need to know how to read to know what it was about. He didn’t even dare pick it up to take back home. 

The weeks that followed were strange. 

Jisung felt on edge. There was a persistent tingle in his gut, something that told him something was wrong. As he watched on as his parents slept on the only bed in the house, his sister cradled between them— the spot he used to sleep before his mother had kicked him out with her stomach bulging with life— he felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him. 

He pinned it to the lack of food he’s had lately. He’d been knocked down from his parent's main receiver of affection, sleeping on the cold floor had told him he wasn’t just imagining it either. 

  
When the morning came Jisung was pulled out of his sleep harshly when a hand gripped his small bicep and promptly picked him up like he was nothing but a weightless twig. He had gasped loudly as he was pulled to his feet. 

“Dad,” he breathed out, not even having the time to brush the sleep from the corners of his eyes. “You need to get dressed,” he comments and Jisung felt a pit of worry form in his stomach at the lack of emotion in both his father's voice, but across his face. 

There was not one clue to tell Jisung what’s going on. 

He had looked over to his mother who was busy with the baby. 

“Mama,” he had called out gently with a pout on his lips. “Dad hurt my shoulder,” he whined, rubbing the part of his arm where his shoulder connected. 

But she didn’t answer. 

And the whole morning while he had gotten dressed and ate some of the leftover watery stew over the fire, she had only given him one long hug. 

But it felt wrong. Jisung would’ve collapsed into her warmth if it wasn’t for the tenseness in her body. 

Something was wrong but Jisung for the life of him couldn’t figure it out. 

“I’ve not seen these clothes before, Mama,” He had called out, fingering at the cotton shirt and pants that must’ve cost them their whole year's savings. 

It was weird. 

He had received no answer, the only thing talking to him the rapid beating of his anxious heart. 

His mother hadn’t left their little home since she had fallen pregnant so it didn’t surprise him when his father ushered him wordlessly out of the door, she hadn’t followed with his sister. 

Jisung had stared up to his father, confusion morphing across his features. His father hadn’t looked down to him, instead, he had swooped down and promptly gathered his small-framed son in his arms, sitting him on his hip. 

Jisung was eleven now, he had deemed himself a big boy now, but when he had tried to wriggle from his father's grip, it grew tighter until he gave up, his chin tucked into his father's neck. 

His father hadn’t carried him like this since he was a toddler. But there was something so strangely scary about it. 

Jisung hadn’t figured it out until it was too late. 

He had only lifted his head after waking up from a dreamless sleep. His father was talking to someone when he turned his neck and suddenly his eyes were filled with the colour grey as he stared at the walls of the inner Capital. 

His father finished talking and then walked in through the guarded gates. 

Jisung felt his stomach flip.

“Why are we here?” He had then asked, panicked but no answer came. And then he had felt the pressure of tears welling in his eyes. “What’s going on?” 

The more he asked, the more the silence surrounded him and panic would encase him in its freezing grasp. 

Jisung barely had time to take in the new world around him. Buildings were held together, not breaking in at the roofs or a broken window. Everything was neat, put together and if Jisung had a word for it he’d choose secure. 

A crowd grew in his vision, all looking much better off than anyone else Jisung has seen in his eleven years, with the exception of the very few government officials on business in the slums. 

His father had only put him down, grabbing the neck of his shirt once they entered the line amongst the crowd. Jisung wanted to cry out, cling to his father's body but fear had frozen him over and he couldn’t bear to move his body. 

His father had dragged him along, his well-worn shoes scraping over the pavement beneath them. He recalls whimpering, his nails digging into his father's wrist almost deep enough to break through his skin and pierce his flesh. 

“Dad,” he had whispered, only for it to fall dead on his lips as he suddenly came face to face with another man, older than his father but not yet old enough to be called old. 

“Ah what a lovely young boy!” He had cheered and his words had made Jisung's stomach churn and his spine shiver. His father’s grip had tightened around his shirt. “And what’s his name, age, address?” 

His father had cleared his throat and given out the details in a monotone voice. 

“And you must sign here,” the man points to the paper he was filling out. Then his father opens his mouth and Jisung feels his heart drop completely. 

“I heard there was a reward if you surrender them to the government,” his father stopped when Jisung whimpered out loudly. 

“Oh!” The man had cheered loudly. “Of course, this one could go for a lot… you still must sign, oh, here and here!” 

Jisung then backed up to his father's legs. “Dad!” He screamed loudly and this time, a flush of warm tears flowed down his chubby cheeks. “What are you doing?” 

But his cries were ignored and the only other thing Jisung remembers from that dreaded day was rough hands pulling him from his father and the image of his father wandering away, a stack of money in his grip that would allow his family to live comfortably. 

Jisung was eleven years old when was sold to the institution, given up without a word from his parents. 

And here he has remained in the same place for seven years. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think so far in the comments they truly make my day!! 
> 
> Lots of love!!!!


	2. 1→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure you're aware of the tags and warnings!
> 
> Warning! nonconsensual genetic mutation/medical procedures!

Jisung groans out loudly, pulling the thin sheet over his head and rolling over onto his side before promptly returning to his back, whining loudly as he pounds his fist down on the mattress beneath him. 

It had been seven years since this same pain had started, but Jisung just knows he’s never going to be able to tolerate it any time soon. 

His hips are aching and his abdomen cramping which distracts him from his task of sleeping. “Fuck this,” he mutters beneath his breath before flinging himself out of bed, pushing his feet into the slippers next to his bed and pressing a green button beside his door.

The telltale ding sounds out through the sound system and Jisung presses his lips together in a fine line before making his way back to his bed, cuddling up with the single sheet and blanket given to him. 

Five minutes later, a nurse is entering his room, a cart with him and Jisung sighs heavily. Even if they press the green button for the most mediocre reasons, a check-up is needed.

They were the key to a successful future after all.

“What is wrong tonight, Han Jisung?” He mutters and Jisung raises his eyebrows. “Cramps,” He answers simply. The nurse sighs and signals for the boy to lay down. “Do we have to do this every time?” Jisung mutters and the nurse nods. “If you die at my hands,” the nurse shivers at the mere thought. 

Jisung rolls his eyes and promptly pulls his shirt up, shuffling to pull his pants to sit at his lower hips, his lower abdomen on full display. Jisung winces when the gel is squirted on his skin and sighs loudly when the instrument digs down into his abdomen. 

“Looks good,” the nurse comments. “Uterus is getting a great amount of blood flow!” The nurse then cheers and hands Jisung a pill. “There you go,” he then ticks off several boxes on his chart. “Soon enough I won’t be called in here in the middle of the night to give you this,” Jisung’s brows furrow deeply at the thought of the upcoming events.  
Jisung rolls his eyes as he’s passed some water to swallow the pill. The nurse then shrugs. “Sleep well,” he murmurs before exiting the room. 

But Jisung has never had a good sleep for the past seven years he’s remained here, and he is sure that his sleep these next few months will be the worst of his life. The nurse's words echo throughout his mind until Jisung feels like he can’t breathe anymore, a hot burning exploding in his chest. 

But Jisung doesn’t cry. There are almost no more tears he can possibly shed. It was hopeless, a fruitless act that would only make him physically drained, there was nothing positive about crying about his situation. Not anymore.

  
Jisung had never wanted this.

Ever since he was eight, the thought had brought negative emotions to the surface and they have never once left. 

He entered at eleven and ever since then Jisung has felt as if he’s been stuck in a nightmare. The continuous medical procedures, the prodding and poking. The change of his biological makeup. 

They had taken everything from him since the day his father had sold him, surrendered him to the institution. Jisung had no one to advocate for him, no one to say that what they were going to do to him was a choice. 

Jisung's life was in the hands of the government. There was not a single part of him that belonged to himself now. 

When he was eleven they were quick to gather everything they needed from him to change him. Jisung remembers the day as clear as day. And as soon as they had what they needed, Jisung was sedated and never the same.

No matter how hard he’d like to forget it, his body will never be able to let him.

He could do nothing but lay there, limp from drugs as they pulled out a large needle and injected stem cells into him.

It was the scientific breakthrough of the century, maybe even the last few centuries, but all Jisung felt was hatred. 

He had no voice here. He couldn’t say no to anything and if he were to refuse, he’d be forced. There was no protection for him here, it was just him, the white walls and disgust building up in his gut every time he thought of himself. 

It had worked, of course. The stem cells, harvested from his own body were artificially modified, made to eventually grow into a fully functioning uterus were injected into his body just as he was about to hit puberty. He had been sold at the perfect age to start this process, there was no such thing as settling in period. 

The pain of growing another organ that was never supposed to be in his body in the first place had ripped through him like no pain ever had. It only grew worse after six months after the injection. From then on, growth hormones were delivered straight to the growing organ after being deemed both big enough too and attached and forming an entrance, just a few inches inside the rectum.

Jisung would lay awake all night, trying desperately to ignore the pounding and pulsing inside his abdomen. There was no escape from the pain of an extra organ growing into his body, creating changes that went against his biology. Jisung could do nothing but allow his body to grow an extra organ he should’ve never had. 

  
The first two years he spent in the institution were a hazed over with the memory of pain. Jisung didn’t want to remember, but his body will never let him forget.   
  
And as soon as the pain had stopped when he was thirteen, ultrasounds had deemed his uterus fully developed, equipped with fully functioning ovaries, which carried his own genetics, and a birthing canal.

The next three years he was monitored almost every single second of the day. During the stem cell modification process, they had strengthened the walls of the uterus and somehow they had found a way for these artificial uteri to recycle the uterine lining, although it caused much more severe pain than the average shedding process, which ultimately eliminated changed the make up of these wombs, they had zero to none chance of catching the deadly disease. 

When he was deemed fully developed, Jisung had found himself in the treatment room, people filling into the room as he sat as stiff as a board on the treatment bed, eyeing the doctors and scientists all around him. 

In all the commotion, Jisung had seen a young boy, his age no less or more standing right next to the doctor that had treated him his whole life in the facility. Jisung had felt shame creep up his neck, painting his ears a bright red. 

His ears had rung when the doctor stood closer, in his gloved hands a sharp instrument and an inch long, thin metal rod. 

Jisung didn’t have time to scream when he cut the skin open on his bicep, promptly pushing the metal rod far into his flesh. He had jolted at the sudden pain, tears pricking in his eyes and teeth gritted. 

He had made eye-contact with the boy. He had squirmed under Jisung's gaze, holding the clipboard tighter to his chest and gulping. 

Jisung found out two hours later what the metal rod was for and it left him with a hand pushing down onto the new wound on his left arm. It would control all his hormones in his body, regulating oestrogen and progesterone levels though his body, promoting ovulation, and Jisung, who had only just forgotten about the crippling pain the growth of the dreaded organ had caused, was left realising that this was only the start. 

Three months was all it took to regulate the functions of the artificial uterus. 

And with that came Jisung's greatest fear at the time, becoming fertile and physically able to carry a baby. 

He was sixteen. 

Jisung was certain, not an ounce of doubt had filled him, that they would’ve made the move to get him pregnant as soon as possible if it wasn’t for his tiny body. 

He had failed to reach a healthy weight, the percentage of fat on his body too low to carry a baby and they were worried about how thin he was, his waist tiny and his hips frail. So they did the most logical thing they could think of. 

Jisung was pumped with a higher dose of oestrogen for a few months and Jisung could do nothing but slowly watch his body change from right under his eyes. His hips had changed shape and fat had settled around his hips, plumping out the tops of his thighs until the gap he used to always have was close to being filled. Jisung had panicked when he began feeling a tender feeling in his chest, but they had taken him off the dose as soon as he had hit his weight mark and because of his previous state his body had been in, they kept an eye on him for six more months, making sure he held onto the new shape and fat. 

Jisung had. 

Just days after his seventeenth birthday, Jisung was taken back to the treatment room, not knowing anything they were planning on doing to him. Every time they collected him, leading him to the treatment room, two burly men by his side just in case he decided to act on his own whims, he felt the flare of heat enter his chest, spreading out to his body and lighting him on fire. 

Jisung didn’t even bother to resist anymore. There was absolutely nothing he could say that would give him back his rights as a person. Ever since his family had given him up —sold him —   
His rights as a person had disappeared, only to be squeezed in the government's grip. 

Jisung didn’t know many of the other boys here, he had met most of them, but he had never bothered to try to make friends with them. 

When he was eleven, he had been too shut off, too traumatised from his family’s decision to even socialise with anyone and as he got older, he refused to let anyone in, annoyed at anyone's presence. 

Jisung knew it wasn’t normal, or healthy at all but there was a numbing feeling that grew inside him every time he was alone, and there were only two options for him.

Numbness or feel everything. 

And physically, Jisung already felt enough to remind him, he didn’t need emotions too. 

But he was always anxious at the thought of going to the treatment room. He walked in like a sheep being led to its death, on high alert and jolts of nerves exploding inside him. He was lead to the bed and he sits down, his body language void of any emotion. 

Jisung had grown too well at hiding all his emotions. They didn’t do him any good here, anyway. 

His doctor is in the room and standing by his side is the same boy he recalls seeing when he received his hormone implant. He’s holding onto another clipboard and he’s taller, his pitch-black locks longer. Jisung stares into his dark brown eyes and the boy falters from his gaze. He drops it first, licking his plump lips quickly. 

“You’ve made nice progress, Jisung,” His doctor comments. Jisung huffs in response. They don’t press for an answer. They had gotten used to his wordless remarks. Jisung had thought a few times maybe he’d be taken out of the program because of his personality. He’s sure they didn’t wish to repopulate the earth with babies that could turn out just like him. 

But Jisung had heard them talk.

Parents inflict the way children behave and there was an easy solution to that problem. Change the parent.

Jisung had felt his heart drop, but he had forced it from his mind. He was meant to be disgusted by this, and he was, but the thought of all this just to go through it all again, gaining no outcome from it all, that had hurt a lot more than Jisung was prepared to admit.

“Today marks the last stage before you’ll be completely ready for pregnancy,” Jisung stiffens. He eyes the doctor and he feels like he’s going to throw up. The mere thought of falling pregnant causes a flurry of panic through him and the worst part is that he knows he can do nothing to get himself out of this. 

He had tried before, of course. He was fifteen when he first tried. 

In the dead of night, he had broken out of his room and just as the alarm had started he ran, running for his life. He had made it to the outside gardens where they were allowed to go during the day. 

Jisung was running on pure desperation. 

He had been caught, hands wrapping around his waist and tugging him back to his room. He had been sedated and for the next three days, a groggy headache had reminded him of his fruitless efforts and a brand new tracking device in his thigh.

Jisung now wishes he at least tried to think about it in more detail. He knew he’d never make it out of here by himself, so he doesn’t even bother to try to think of an escape plan. 

Right now, however, Jisung wishes that he had cashed right into the electrifying fence and broken out forcibly. 

Jisung can do nothing but glare into the boy's eyes as the doctor injects the last hormone drug into him. They said it was to open his maternal side, his want and desire to keep the children he’d become full with one day safe and sound. 

But Jisung knew they’d be taken away from him. 

He blames it on the new drugs, but for the next month on the drug, his sleep is plagued by the terrible nightmares of watching his newborn children being snatched right from his arms. Jisung had woken up crying. 

  
Then news had floated around the facility. 

He ends up in the garden, pulling on the wide-legged white pants up to his knees, allowing the autumn breeze to graze past his legs. There were no boys around but even if they were here none made an effort to talk to Jisung. They were different from him. 

As far as Jisung knew, he was the only person that spent every single hour of his day in the facility. He had seen the others in passing, mostly from treatment rooms or chatting with nurses in the halls, dressed in normal clothing while Jisung looked like he was a lifelong patient at the hospital. 

He had heard the nurses chatting in the halls on his way to the gardens. 

His chest feels tighter and there’s a blockage in his heart. Jisung tries to breathe, blend in with the breeze blowing softly but there’s a dull ache that remains. 

  
“Did you know Jeongwoo?” One of the nurses had asked. Jisung had remembered him. He was the oldest in the facility, coming in when they were finalising the treatments at twelve. He had to be twenty-one at least. 

Jisung had recalled seeing him a few months ago, his middle growing and Jisung remembers how he had froze and scrambled back in the opposite direction, not ready for any interaction with him. Jeongwoo would’ve urged him to become pregnant soon, Jisung knew him as a man that had always harped on about how he wished another boy would be in the same situation as him so they could provide each other comfort. 

Jisung refused to be that boy.

“The oldest one?” The taller nurse had whispered back. They weren’t doing a very good job since Jisung could heat their conversation from behind the nearest corner. 

“Yeah! That one, his nurse, Jiyoung was just arrested and put into custody,” Jisung had stiffened and straightened his spine out, trying his best to listen to their quieting whispers.

“What?” The other nurse hissed. “Yeah” the deep voice replies. “Apparently he had gone into labour and refused for Jiyoung to send for anyone,” 

“So?” 

“Jiyoung did send people, but Jeongwoo refused medical help,” the men were whispered in quiet voices by this point but Jisung could hear them as clear as day over his rapidly beating heart. “So?”

“They died,” the man grits out to the other man who gasps. “The boy and the baby,”

  
Fear coils in Jisung's stomach. Of course, the first child to be born from this mess just had to die alongside the man who had been through years of pain to get to that stage of his life. 

For a little bit, Jisung had feared that he’d die himself. But he knew that he couldn’t do anything to save his child from their grip and there was absolutely no point in refusing medical attention. 

  
Four months after the first shot of the new drugs and a handful of new injections to speed up ovulation, Jisung was pulled back into the treatment room.

This time, he was glad the boy his age wasn’t present for him to glare at. 

He was drugged almost as soon as he entered and even through the drugged daze he was in, he could feel their hands on him, entering his womb and retrieving eggs from him. Jisung had laid there, embarrassed and feeling violated. 

Hours had passed and he was still sedated when another male nurse had returned. He wheeled in a cart, a few machines on the bottom and on the top he carefully passed a dish to another nurse as he began to set up the same machine that they used hours prior. 

Then it hit Jisung, what was about to happen. He had thought maybe he’d have a few days to get his body in terrible condition, but apparently, they knew him better than he thought. 

Implantation day.

Jisung would have screamed if he could. Fear sparked in his eyes and he tried to open his mouth, but all he got out was a strangled whimper. The doctor situated in between his bare lower half had the indecency to pat his thigh, probably with the thought that it would comfort the boy. 

But Jisung wanted to jolt out of his skin and run away as far as possible. 

  
Jisung was seventeen when he fell pregnant for the very first time. 

  
He stays in his room for the first three weeks after the implantation.

The second week after the implantation, his results came back positive, but Jisung didn't truly believe it until on the third week, he started to show the typical symptoms and Jisung was absolutely horrified. He had been left in a crippling state of anxiety after the implantation. 

Maybe if they had told him prior what they were planning to do to him it could have helped, Jisung doubted it ever would’ve but he was left feeling all different ways of violated. 

They had violated his right to know what was happening to his body, they had violated his choices and they had violated him by taking everything from him without his consent. 

Not once had they asked for his consent. 

Jisung tried to not grow attached. He tried really hard. But it was weird. The thought of even being pregnant had made Jisung sick to his stomach, and it still did but there was a hint of something, he wasn’t sure what it was but he felt less lonely. It didn’t kill his fear and uncertainty and Jisung felt confused when he was stuck between disgust and awe. 

But it was wrong to him. 

He started getting more attention from the doctors which he had hated, but he had also gained a new pass to go around the facility at any time he wished. Now that he carried the future, they were to give in to even his smallest desire. 

On the fourth week, Jisung finally wanders out into the gardens, admiring the colours autumn had painted over the garden. And for the next few weeks, the gardens had become a safe place for him. He felt freer than he had in years breathing in the outside air. 

He felt he was slowly going to terms with it and with each passing week, the small swell of his abdomen had caused a flurry of emotions inside of him. He didn’t know what to think, really. So he had put his hand over his stomach gently and poked at it, swaying between the lines of both utter hatred and disgust and a strange tingle of awe.

  
The morning of the seventh week Jisung remembers waking up to an abdominal cramp rippling through him stronger than he had ever remembered them to feel. He had rolled out of his bed, his head pressed against the springy mattress as he cried into it, muffling his cries. 

When it had passed, he lifted his head only to be met with the sight of red standing out against the stark white sheets.   
Jisung had stared in shock for a few seconds before the pain returned and this time, he allowed himself to scream. 

Horror had filled him to the brim in that moment. 

It had only settled hours later as he laid on the treatment bed, cocooned in blankets. He had felt relief fill him for a little bit and then all that remained was absolute disgust at himself that he could even have the heart to be grateful for losing the pregnancy. Because Jisung had grown to feel things for the little flutter, his hand rested on his stomach throughout the day, his thumb pressing into the swelling of his abdomen, a skipping of his heart when he imagined life under his skin.

But he was relieved. Terribly so and he had tried so hard to convince himself that it was okay to feel such. 

After all the thing he had never wanted to happen to him had come half true, he had fallen into the early stages, but somehow he was pulled out of it. Jisung felt sick that he was grateful. 

He was eighteen now. 

He had been given months to regulate his fertile cycles again before they were to try again. Jisung was now a zombie. 

He simply breathed. There was nothing he could do to stop his fate now. After miscarrying it all felt so pointless. He couldn’t possibly get out of it every time. 

But this time it was different. It scared Jisung more and more he thought about it. He didn’t sleep a wink at all. Instead, he held onto his abdomen and tried no to override himself into a panic. 

They had put everything up as an option to why it hadn’t stuck. The implantation being done the same day the harvest was done was another, but they hadn’t started him on hormones which lead to Jisung thinking they were planning something different. 

And when Jisung found out what these other plans, he had paled and back when he was in his room, he had thrown up. 

The first implantation hadn’t worked. And once he heard the news of the second implantation being done during his fertile week, he froze.

Jisung couldn’t breathe at the thought. 

He swore they were testing his limits. Their continuous conversation about the topic had heightened his anxiety for the events, and when the dates of the implantation would occur became known to him, Jisung had locked himself in his bathroom and he had expected himself to cry, but nothing came. 

Staring at himself in the mirror, he had felt the creeping numbness return. 

And since then, Jisung has felt nothing but a dull aching in his chest and the throbbing of an organ he never should have developed.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH so hi!! im going to be posting the first two chapters and then I'll be moving onto weekly uploads (Sunday) so one more chapter after this before the next updates are weekly :DDD please leave a comment if you're liking this so far! <3333


	3. 2 →

Chan had seen the downfall start right before his eyes. 

He was ten when it had started. Living in the outer part of the closed-in city had given him the freedom to go out into the slums during the day while his mother worked to support their family of two, and with that freedom, Chan had front row seats to humanity downfall. 

Chan had made friends with a boy who lived just outside of the slums, Lee Minho, the son of the farmer whose produce was always topnotch and the highest quality. They had enough money to move from the area into a closed-off safer place but the boy's parents had refused. Chan didn’t know why they didn’t want to leave, but when he was playing in the yard just off from the fields of greens with Minho, Chan had realised why. 

Kids, his age and younger swept in quite stealthily, Chan had almost missed them but when Minho froze to watch them, Chan had seen them, frowning.

Chan had asked why Minho didn’t shoo them away, or even tell his father but all Minho had done was point to their bellies and Chan had noticed the obvious difference then. 

Both their bellies were lucky to almost always be filled. They didn’t know the deep pang of hunger that haunted the people of the lower slum.

His eyes narrowed down on a particularly small child, one that held onto the hand of a girl a few years older than him. He was tiny and the ratted clothes that he had on hung off him, threatening to tip off his shoulder when he made a movement. He carried as much as he possibly can with his small arms. His eyes hold dark circles underneath them, but his cheeks, puffy and chubby, the only part of his body that held onto excess fat. 

“Dad says I’m lucky,” Minho told him a few seconds later the group of children disappear. “Some people don’t have enough food so we always plant extras!” The boy younger by a year had smiled widely. “It makes me happy to let them take the plants I sowed!”

Out of pure curiosity, Chan had made his way down the slums two days later after his mother left for work. The furthest he had ever been outside of the concrete wall was to the Lee’s farm which was located just outside the wall, stretching on and on to grow crops for the Capitals population.

The further he went, the more the colour palette had reduced, leaving the world around him coloured in with several shades of brown and grey. 

People had stared at him, but no one dared to advance on the kid from the concrete walls. Chan felt a little uncomfortable under all their prying eyes but his curiosity was too strong to ignore and so he went on, falling deeper and deeper into the slums. 

It was strange here. Inside the walls there were so many rules put in place, you weren’t allowed to do this or that, but here people sat close with each other, cuddling up with one another. People weren’t uncomfortable to show their affection for one another. 

Chan craved that. 

People sat and laughed with each other, not caring if their laughter carried in the wind, travelling loudly around. He saw so many smiles, a stark difference to the hard and emotionless faces he peered at inside the walls. 

Families were tightly woven together, and though survival was their main goal, Chan saw true happiness. 

Ten-year-old Chan had then begun to visit the slums regularly. Sometimes Minho would sneak out from the farm and come with him, playing around with the makeshift toys the children had made. 

And for once, Chan had felt welcomed. The rules here were heavily enforced by the Capital, most things punishable by death, but there were fewer government officials down here which meant life was lived a little looser.

Months went by of Chan visiting. 

Maybe Chan was just observant? Or perhaps he noticed the changes easier than the people who had spent their whole lives in the slums? 

Nonetheless, Chan had noticed. 

The sudden gaunt faces of some of the women and then mere days later, influxes of funeral songs and burials had shocked the then ten-year-old.

Chan had been startled by the nonchalant people that lived in the slums. It was like they had not noticed the sudden deaths that were becoming more frequent each passing day. It lasted for a few months until the presence of the disaster had grown too large for any one to miss. 

They only noticed when the announcement came. 

Chan watched from afar as sudden fear had come over their faces and he stood still in the stampede of people rushing back to their homes. 

The little boy Chan had seen in Minho’s fields was there and Chan watched as he was hurriedly picked up by his mother. His eyes were soft, holding confusion in them and Chan, at his young age had felt sorry for the little boy. The children that didn’t understand would suffer, not realising why their mothers were dropping dead like flies. 

The disease had spread in the city months before and even under the strict rules of the Capital. 

It had taken just a few months after the first announcement of the disease that women were critically endangered. Chan lived with a pit of fear always coiling in the pit of his belly. He watched as his mother shrink from the pressure of not able to go to work anymore. The money they were given to the government was barely enough to feed them both and Chan sunk down into distress as he watched his mother give up her own meal to just feed him. 

Chan stayed home with his mother for quite some time. Inside their little home, Chan had watched his mother slowly go insane. 

He tried his best to comfort her, but she had pushed him away and Chan was left alone in the house, his mother eventually locking herself up in her room. 

Chan started going back to the slum. 

He had been curious how they were dealing with it. 

He was almost eleven, then. And he had stopped in the middle of the small market place where some goods were sold and traded where a crowd of men was forming. Chan didn’t see a woman in sight. 

He had stood frozen as the announcement filled his ears. Everyone was shocked and Chan had stared all around him then, realising the weight of this problem. If they were truly that desperate to begin trails for males to carry, Chan knew it was worse than he had originally thought.

Chan grew anxious each passing day. 

Days then bled into each other and he and Minho had stopped playing childish games in the grassy patch. Instead, they sat together and talked. They had matured too quickly for children their age. 

Chan's mother became more and more distant and Chan had eventually found himself alone to fend for himself. That was until he turned twelve and she cracked. 

Chan was surprised she lasted this long. He had felt it coming long before it had happened. She had come out again and there was something so terrifying about the smile she had forced onto her face. Her smile was believable, but it was her eyes that had made Chan feel so uneasy. Inside her warm brown eyes was a whirlwind of emotions. 

His mother was a lively woman how thrived on being out and feeling helpful. When the disease broke out and women were urged to stay home, she still went out but once it had become too dangerous to even think about stepping outside, Chan had watched the light in her warm eyes fade. 

The look in her eyes was frantic, full of panic and each passing day it grew until the smile she had perfected turned manic and Chan was left sheltering himself in the corner of his home, hiding in front of a fallen table. 

Glass was shattered everywhere and the stench of blood filled the room so intensely that Chan was almost choking on the air. The screams she let out, pulling at anything in sight and tearing her way through their home had rendered Chan into a pit of silent blubbering tears, too scared to announce his presence to his mother. 

It was only when she had tumbled into her room that Chan picked himself up and threw himself out of the broken window that she had smashed in her mania. 

He ran as fast as he could, out of the concrete walls, past Minho's farm and instead of running into the slums as he had originally planned— he wasn’t sure why he even wanted to go there in the first place— his legs took him away, straight into the wilderness. 

He had scrambled over the fence, tears rolling down his cheeks and choked sobs leaving his mouth. 

He had spent weeks out there. 

The wild was so quiet. There was no one here except for the occasional animal, though most species had become rare and mostly extinct through the centuries. The cracking of the fire he had made comforted him and the silence around him was a hundred-degree turnaround from the recent events. 

He had taught himself how to survive and only weeks later after the fear in his chest had died down did he show up at Minho’s doorstep. 

His mother had died two weeks before his return.

Chan had cried into Mrs Lee’s chest, wishing his last memory of her was kind and warm like the embrace he received from Minho’s mother. 

Minho’s parents had taken him in with approval from the government. Chan liked living with the Lee’s. Minho taught him how to plough fields and sow seeds. Chan enjoyed feeling needed and it the farm gave him that. 

The world was cruel, though. Too cruel to breathe most of the time. Minho had his time to comfort Chan. It was short, only weeks of him offering his slighter frames warmth until it was Chan’s time to give him comfort back. 

Mrs Lee falls ill five weeks after Chan’s arrival in their home. And all it takes is two weeks for her to take her last breath. 

Chan and Minho witness first hand the terror of the disease. 

It started with bloating of her abdomen which had grown larger and larger. She lost strength, unable to even lift herself from her bed after four days. They watched in horror as the life drained from her body, her breathing shallow and wheezy. 

Her bloodstream was poisoned and quickly after she had haemorrhaged, the bloat of her stomach easing and sucking the life from her. 

It was too much for the boys and as soon as she had passed Chan had taken Minho into the wild with him, not one of them telling Mr Lee where they were going.

It had healed them in a way. 

There was no deadly disease out there for them to watch kill half the population. All there was the overgrown forests taking over the world slowly, eating up what used to be peoples homes hundreds of years ago. 

They survive with each other’s help for months until they grow uneasy at the lack of news they got out in the wild. There was no way to contact people where they were and after four months of living out on their own whims, they trudge back to the farm. 

Minho’s father was a mess, spluttering over the two boys as soon as he saw them, bringing them both into a strong embrace. They apologise for what felt like hours, promising the fretting man to never go out unless they had told him prior. 

Chan frequented the slums less and less, but every time he did he had seen the same boy that he saw in the fields. He had barely grown over the years and every time Chan saw him, he always seemed to be on an important mission. The boy barely played from Chan’s observations. 

He had grown up seeing him run around, eyebrows furrowed and his chubby cheeks puffed out further in concentration. He had been tempted to go up to him and offer him something, a game or perhaps a few crops but Chan had decided against it each time. The little boy looked too busy to pay anything much a mind. 

Chan was thirteen when the announcement comes. In roaringly loud posters, coloured brightly and the text bold. Chan had been lucky enough to receive an education. Minho had received some too, less than Chan but he knew the basics of the written language and the counting system. Minho had stood by his side, gaping at the bold poster. 

“What?” The twelve-year-old had muttered. Chan had turned to Minho a frown encasing his features, mirroring his younger friends expression. “I can’t tell whether it’s a good thing or not?” Chan whispered and Minho bit onto his lower lip and shrugged. “I don’t know?”

SAVE HUMANITY!  
  
BOYS AGED 10-13

REGISTER NOW FOR THE

HOPE OF HUMANITY!

Just weeks from Chan’s fourteenth birthday he spots the same boy being carried by his father. Chan watched them enter the gate and with a frown present on his face he had waited, not wanting to enter the capital but too curious for his own good. 

The boy's father comes back without the boy, his hand nursing a full pouch and an anxious look glazed over his eyes. 

Chan waited a little longer, waiting for the boy but after twenty minutes Chan ends up wandering in and he recalls clearly the screams from the boy and the rapids flowing from his dark eyes. Chan is felt frozen in his spot as he watched them shove a needle into his body and he whimpered out when the boy fell, losing consciousness. 

Chan stiffened and slowly backed away as they picked up his small body, taking him away. 

He ran all the way back, an unsettled feeling tingling in his gut that has never once gone away. 

There was something that had stirred inside of him from that point on. On his fourteenth birthday, Minho had asked him what he would’ve liked to do and Minho had been shocked at his request. 

“Fight me,” He had said. Minho had stared at him with wide eyes. “I don’t know how to fight,” he had countered back. 

Chan had been adamant on learning how to fight and instead of trying to learn by busting his friend's butt he had started practising moves he thought could be useful since the books the capital allowed the libraries to hold were limited on knowledge, there was no use looking for a book on _fighting styles_. 

He was filled with pent up anger that fuelled himself to fight harder. He thought about that day in particular a lot. The day when he watched the tiny boy go limp in strangers hold and the bag of money his father carried in his now empty arms.

It made anger soar inside of him every time he remembered that day and Chan often found himself thinking about the boy, wondering if he was okay and what they were doing to him. Chan hadn’t dared to tell anyone what he saw. He hadn’t even told Minho. Not because he didn’t trust him, but there was something about it that made Chan not dare talk about it. It was weird. 

But Chan could only teach himself so much, but there was little to no way Chan could learn to fight any other way. 

Until he met Changbin. 

Changbin was small. 

That was Chan's first impression of the boy, but it certainly changed once the younger boy had made him land flat on his ass in seconds. 

“Woah,” Chan could only breathe out. “Teach me how to do that?” 

Changbin becomes a close friend of Chan and Minho's. The boy, younger than Chan by two years is strangely good at fighting. He comes from an upper area of the slums, just outside the wall where a popular underground fighting ring is located. 

Fighting rings are highly illegal and how it had slipped under the radar for so long had confused Chan. 

Changbin’s father was a judge inside the ring and if you’d ask Changbin about it he’d tell you fighting was something he’s always known. Since he was young he had seen fights and picked up on moves and fought other kids who frequented the ring. 

Chan had blown not just himself away, but Changbin and Minho.

He had exceeded in his fights with the other two boys and only after a few lessons he could land Changbin back on his ass. The youngest was never happy about it, but he had been surprisingly supportive of Chan's natural ability to kick ass. 

Minho was good too, he was quicker than the rest of them, nimble and able to defend himself which gave him the upper hand many times. 

But Chan was a prodigy. 

Changbin had taken him to meet with the men who regularly fought in the ring to show him off and to get their opinion on what to do next to allow him to grow even further. 

Chan had been taken under the wing of a man named Jeongho. He was considered a big man in both the slums and the capital and Chan had to look up at him. 

He was good at training Chan and Chan took home new skills and taught Minho and Changbin who eventually accepted that Chan was on a whole other level from him. 

Chan enters the ring for the first time when he’s sixteen.

He was one of the youngest to ever join an official match and it had created an uproar when he was matched with a man six years older than him. 

Jeongho stood on the sidelines with Minho and Changbin and Chan remembers meeting their gaze, not one speck of worry in their eyes at all. 

Chan had secured his place in the ring the ever first time he stood into it. 

Not only had he broken a record for the fasted fight, but he also broke it as a young rookie. He had come out on top, undefeated for years. From a child determined to learn how to make a path in this cruel world, he had come far. 

He had won countless fights, but every time he won there was one thing that remained. His friends by his side. 

Chan really isn’t sure how Hyunjin had made his way into their little trio. All that remembers is on one of his bigger fights when he was nineteen there was a boy who stared at him with wide eyes and a grin on his face. 

“You know the vital points,” Hyunjin had commented after he had won. Minho handed him a towel to wipe off his sweat while Changbin passed him a canteen of water. Chan raised his eyebrows at the boy. 

“Yeah,” 

Hyunjin had shrugged. “Not many people know about basic anatomy these days,” 

It was a strange introduction but Hyunjin had fit right into their trio which had grown by one.

Hyunjin wasn’t around a lot though. He was a mystery for almost a year until he had worked up either the courage or hit his breaking point. 

Chan still suspects heavily he had hit his breaking point, but Hyunjin had never given him a proper answer. 

When he finally cracked it had opened up a wave of memories Chan hadn’t settled inside himself properly. 

Hyunjin spent most of his life in the capital, deep inside the walls. His family were well off, enough to class them as rich. Chan already had his speculations about the way Hyunjin was dressed and how shocked he had been during the first time he followed Chan into the slums. 

His extensive knowledge about the body had suddenly made sense. 

His father was a doctor, a highly prestigious one and Hyunjin was to become the second-best after him. Hyunjin was passionate about being a doctor but when he had explained the situation the medical knowledge was being used in Chan had tensed up like he had just been given the task to fight a boulder. 

The humanity project as they called it.

Hyunjin first hand had witnessed everything done to the boys. 

Chan had felt sick and judging by the looks on his other friends' faces, they were just as shocked and appalled. 

The boys that were being made to carry the future— literally— was a secret, not one person outside of the tight science facility had known details about. 

But Hyunjin had sat in front of them and looked on the verge of tears. 

He hadn’t seen too much only following his father on certain days but he knew a lot and what he did know had left the friend group fuming. 

Chan remembers looking down at the boy and asking what he meant by consent wasn’t ever given out to a particular boy. Hyunjin knew his name but he refused to tell them who it was after explaining that he just knew the other boy wouldn’t appreciate being spoken about. 

Hyunjin tells them about the crying and whimpers of pain that never seem to cease.

Chan wants nothing more than to tear down the doors and let them out. But he can’t, Hyunjin had continued rambling and the more he went on did Chan realise to the possibility of ever ripping them out was close to zero. 

  
  


But it was _close_ to zero. 

Chan's breaking moment had come when he was nineteen. 

The ring had been outed or found by authorities and Minho had held him back from afar as everyone who had been in the ring at the time of the discovery was murdered in plain sight. 

The militaries walkers, the armoured men that wandered around the streets with guns slung over their bodies, ready to shoot anyone caught doing anything illegal had grown in size. And Chan watched in horror as they pointed their white guns at the people he knew, his teachers and his friends, shooting them dead.

Chan was blind. 

He had been too invested in fighting and getting better that certain things had blown over his head, only remembering it at that moment. 

No one could talk with living in fear these days. People were starving, almost no women existed anymore yet people were being blindly murdered with absolutely no remorse. 

Chan sees corruption clearly now. Living anywhere the government touched was a curse. Politics was a strain of dark magic and Chan wanted nothing more than to run and drown out the dark magic with pure light magic. 

He wasn’t a fucking mage, though. 

But there was one thing he _could_ do. 

  
  


Minho's a genius to put it short. 

Chan was baffled by him when he had brought back an old and broken television from the capital that really wasn’t anything more than a relic and Minho had plonked himself in front of the piece of junk and when Chan asked about it days later, he had excitedly pulled him by the hand and revealed a working television on his bedroom floor. 

“How did you do that?” Chan asked, baffled. Minho had shrugged. “I pulled it apart and put it back together. Remember that time the tractor had broken down and Dad had to call the mechanics?”

Chan nodded. “And you watched them the whole time!” He recalled suddenly.

“You remember all that?” Chan gaped at him and Minho nodded. “We all have different strengths,” 

He was right and quickly it became clear what everyone's strengths were. 

Chan was a force to reckon with, defined muscles developed from his time in the ring and keeping up with the demand of getting better at fighting. He was the most level headed out of their little quartet, always breaking up the quarrels Changbin and Minho would find themselves in. He was their comfort, their home and Chan would do anything to keep it that way. 

Minho had proved himself to be a genius. Seeing something done only once, he could perfect it in just a matter of seconds. He was quick and nimble, able to fight off danger and fight back if needed. Although he was hot-headed, almost exploding at something at least thrice a day, he had proved himself to become a big part of the plan stirring in Chan's head. 

Changbin was a master at slithering around in the shadows. He blended in with the dark and Chan had lost count of the number of times he had been startled by the younger. Changbin knew how to get things down quickly and thoroughly. Living in the slums had given him an understanding of how cruel the world could be and he knew how to survive in it. 

And Hyunjin was the last puzzle piece to fit into his lacking plan. 

He knew his way around the facility, inside and outside and that was the last thing Chan needed before the plan he had formulated in his mind had become fool-proof. 

It was risky, incredibly so but Chan has had enough. 

Chan had told his plan to his three friends as soon as it felt smooth enough in his mind. Instead of any of them rejecting they had added bits to make it even more possible to complete. 

Hyunjin had been the one most wary. He knew the facility better than the imaginations his friends perceived it as. But Hyunjin couldn’t say no. 

The things he saw, the things he did with his father were concreted in his mind and all he could see when he was on the edge of backing down was the pair of eyes at stared mercilessly into his soul, the life-sucking out of them in mere seconds. 

Hyunjin brought back a map of the facility and they spent months revising it, mapping out the floor plan in their heads until they swore they could see it when they closed their eyes. 

Chan had taken Minho to the landfill just outside the slums, searching around with him for things that Minho had deemed both useful and fixable. They brought them back to the farmhouse, where Changbin was waiting for them, he too moving in with the farming family when his father had been killed in the ring’s raid. They sat there for hours, opening up the broken things for Minho while he replaced broken parts and rewired certain parts. 

Late into that night, they had a full collection of inner earpieces that Minho tinkered to fit with the small walkie talkies that clipped onto the collars of their shirts, looking like a questionably placed button instead of a chunky device. Minho found hadn’t been able to find tracking devices and Chan knew the government wasn’t dumb enough to throw out their more valuable devices, no matter how broken they were. The threat of people like Minho were enough for them to keep firearms and most devices out of the landfills. 

Changbin had snuck into the capital with Hyunjin by his side who had taken him close enough to the facility so he could clearly see the buildings, but far away enough for it to be disguised as an innocent walk. 

From there, Changbin had polished off the route they could take to reach the facility. 

The building was far away from housing estates or any other buildings for that matter. It was surrounded in its own concrete wall, and an electric fence that was on 24/7, but Changbin had an eye for detail and had found a weak point that would let them in if the electric fence could be turned off. 

Hyunjin returns to the farmhouse two days before the planned date of the mission, on his back a bag that contains a single uniform. 

“I tried to find a size that would fit you nicely,” he says, throwing the clothes to Chan who catches them. “We want you to blend in as best as possible.” 

It was Hyunjin’s contribution to the plan that had finally made the plan strong enough to execute. 

He had smuggled out a nurses uniform for Chan, needing more than one person to help him out before they could let the other two in. Chan had been wary at first because Hyunjin had spoken about face identifying technologies before, but he had assured him that it turned off when the facility was unable to be the prime consumer of the Capital's energy. 

The day that had planned to finally break-in was during the Capital’s festival. A time where the Capital put on performances inside the grand hall, showing off their wealth and enforcing laws. There were dances, spectacular coloured lights burning brightly across the capital, taking up the power needed for the more power-draining aspects the facility had. It was aired across the towns, and on the large screens built onto the sides of buildings, allowing the slums access to the night that is filled with art, but merciless and horrid acts. 

It was perfect timing. 

“Thanks,” Chan gives Hyunjin a small smile, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Hyunjin gives him a tight lipped smile in return. 

“How is everyone feeling?” Chan asks, breathing out heavily as he neatly places the clothing down. 

“Nervous, but what’s new?” Hyunjin mutters, fiddling with his fingers. 

“Yeah,” Minho breathes out. “I don’t think we're meant to be jumping with excitement over this,”

“Well,” Changbin cuts in. “I know we’re all _excited_ about this, it’s just a really intimidating situation,” there are hums of agreements echoing around the room then.

“And no one wants to back out?” Chan asks softly. He really hopes no one will, and he’s sure they won’t but if someone were to back out, Chan wouldn’t dare to question them twice. If this didn’t work out it would be a death mission. 

Minho scoffs. “As if we would. We want to do this just as much as you do,” 

Chan's tensed muscles relax then and he lets himself smiling, draping his arms over Minho and Changbin, tugging them close to his sides. “Come here, you,” he gestures to Hyunjin who grins. 

His long arms curl around Changbin and Minho's shoulders, leaning his face in the crook of Chan's neck. 

“We can do this,” Chan tells them in a gentle mutter. 

“Of course,” Changbin agrees straight away. 

“If everyone does their part we’ll get out with enough time to run away,” Minho muses with a slight chuckle. 

They pull away from the hug and Chan pats his friend on his head, dragging brown locks out of his eyes. “Have you told your father yet?” Minho hums. 

“He knows,”

Mr Lee had been let in on the plan since the beginning, but only recently he had been let in on the date and the coincidences that would follow quickly after the rescue. 

“Then I guess all we can do then is sleep until it’s time,” Chan concludes. There’s a flutter of anxiousness rising in his chest but Chan forces it back down. 

They will save them, Chan will make sure of it and as they run away together, they will leave the world in chaos, their future far from their hands and vanishing into thin air. 

Chan can’t wait. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay! next updates are weekly from now on!! thanks so much!!


	4. 3 →

Jisung lays in the bed, staring up at the white ceiling. The mattress is uncomfortable underneath his body, springy and hard but Jisung stays there, lying still.

Implantation day had gone by, passed and Jisung felt heavy.

All Jisung could do now was wait for the testing day, another day that will seal his unforgiving fate.

If it does turn out positive, Jisung can’t help but hope that it fails just like it did last time. Maybe eventually they will give up on him, classify him as infertile even though he had gone through the years of modification. The feeling of hope that lingers inside of him makes him sick to his stomach that he even had wished to go through that pain again.

But it stays, persistent and stubborn and eventually, Jisung doesn’t even try to forcibly remove, he lets it stay, festering into a bigger feeling until it becomes a gaping wound in the side of his heart.

The dim light that’s flowing through the clouded window fills the dull room with flickers of colours, something Jisung didn’t have the privileged to see much. But instead of trying to peer out of the frosted glass window, Jisung lays still, hands clasped over his stomach and his eyes watching the colours reflect on the white ceiling.

His stomach is growling at him, begging for food but Jisung will not give in.

He knows the pang of hunger too well for it to affect him like the other privileged people who had access to food at all times.

Jisung was used to going days, weeks at a time without filling his belly and the deep rumble he feels only reminds him of the beginning of his life, back in the slums where it was simple. Jisung only had to survive, feed himself, but now his life is filled with uncertainty if he’s going to make it out the same person.

Jisung has changed too much already, though.

A deep sigh leaves his lips.

The facility was quiet than what it usually was, most workers out at the Capital’s Festival, watching or participating. It was eerie in a way. Jisung was so used to noise here. There was always something going on, but now there was nothing but the distant noise of the festival, a blur of faint noise and the noise of the dripping iv stuck in his hand.

They couldn’t force him to eat, forcing food down his throat was a big risk of choking and they were doing anything in their power to keep these boys safe and alive. But they could give him nutrients through the drip and Jisung felt too tired to even fight against their will.

Jisung knows there are other boys who have been staying in the facility for quite some time now. Jisung guesses they were going through the last step before a harvest. Jisung has seen several of them around the gardens when he wanders out and his heart had felt both heavy and hot in his chest.

They were all young, every single boy around his age. Their eyes were bright, still full of life and Jisung can’t help his jealously for that. His youth had been snatched away from him right in front of his eyes, leaving him with dull eyes, hollowed out and a shell that protected him from the peering eyes.

They had looked at him and some had smiled, trying to advance to him, but Jisung would glare back and walk away before they could even get close to him. Jisung wasn’t going to let anyone in, no matter if they were in the same situation as him or not.

He wasn’t prepared to lose something else.

Jisung sniffs out and rolls onto his side, hugging the spare pillow he had taken from the treatment room when he was taken in for the implantation.

Jisung blinks when the only light in his room, coming from his iv stand suddenly goes out. His eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the new light, only coming in from his window in bright greens and blues.

He sighs louder this time and props himself up on his elbow and that’s when a loud screeching noise of metal fills his eyes. He hisses and covers his ears that have grown sensitive from the lack of noise.

He shuffles up, pulling his only blanket up with him, covering his lower body. Footsteps are thumping down the hall, heavy and loud and Jisung freezes for a second.

There’s hardly ever any commotion in the facility, it was a place enforced with strict rules and cruel punishments. Jisung could only think of this as something terrible. He’s heard stories of war and ruin, stories that tell of captured victims, murder.

So when his door flies open, Jisung flings himself towards the intruder. His balled-up fist is caught in their grasp and Jisung grunts out, trying to kick them but he’s too fast and blocks him again.

“Hey!” They grunt out as they grip Jisung's arm harshly. “I’m not here to hurt you!” He lets go of his grip on Jisung's arm and Jisung takes two seconds to see his escape and he takes it, gripping onto his iv, he kicks his intruder where the sun doesn’t shine and when he doubles over in pain, he bolts past the unsuspecting man right out of his room and into the hall.

He takes five steps before he’s being caught around his arm again, pulling him back. He yelps out and struggles in the mans stronger grip.

“Hey, hey we're not here to hurt you! I promise! We’re here to get you out!”

Jisung stiffens and turns, meeting the man's eyes for the first time.

He’s almost a head taller than him, but it was easy to be taller than him. He was the shortest boy in the facility, everyone else taller than him. His round eyes are a deep brown, but strangely distant. “What do you mean?” His own eyes are wide.

“We’re getting you out of here,” he repeats again and Jisung stares. “I don’t know you,” He can only say.

“I don’t have to know you to save you from this all,” He gestures with his free hand. Jisung narrows his eyes at him. “I don’t trust you,”

“You don’t have to, but if you don’t hurry up, we’re going to be off schedule and we’ll get caught!” He throws something at Jisung from his backpack and hurries him into his room again. “Change into this, quickly!”

Jisung has two options right now. He can either listen to the man who he’s not entirely sure if he can trust, or he can lock himself up and allow himself to miss this opportunity and live his life out like the government wants him to.

Jisung scoffs.

“Fuck the government,”

The shirt is around three times too large and the pants barely stay on, its only purchase on his fuller hips but surprisingly the boots the man had given to him after he was dressed in the dark clothing fit pretty well with enough room to spare for it to be comfortable, not threatening to fall off his feet.

“Good,” the man says and tugs on his hand, beginning to pull him out of the room. “Wait!” Jisung calls out, suddenly remembering the implant he had received when he was fifteen.

The pants he was given had rips and worn out patches through the legs and when Jisung tugs up the too loose pant leg, a gap appears by his thigh and with his other hand, he rips his iv from the back of his hand, only a small hiss escaping him as he yanks the needle out.

The man he’s with groans out as Jisung shoves the needle into his thigh, digging it into his flesh. Jisung holds back his scream as it cuts in deep enough for him to finally feel the metal device. He pulls the needle out, throwing it to the ground and he grits his teeth, hissing when he pulls out the metal square from his body.

“Okay,” Jisung says as he stands back up again, throwing the bloodied tracker into the pile of white clothes on his floor. “I can go now,” the man only nods, obviously shocked at what Jisung had just done.

The man starts running and Jisung follows him, trying to keep up with his longer and faster legs. They loop around where Jisung had spent seven tortuous years of his life and into the gardens where to Jisung's surprise is six other people climbing over the electric fence he had once tried to climb when he was fifteen.

“Is that you all?” Another voice comes out. Jisung looks around to see three other familiar faces and he nods. There was only four of them that had become stuck in the facility. Someone else answers him vocally, but Jisung doesn’t know their name. He doesn’t know anyone's name except his own.

The man that had come and got Jisung from his room jumps up onto the fence and begins climbing. Jisung blanks. It was obvious that one of them had shut the power off from the facility so it was possible to climb the large fence.

Jisung is weary when he puts his foot into the first groove in the weaved metal, but when he realises it not only holds his weight and that his arms can support himself as he climbs, he scurries up the tall fence as fast as possible.

He scampers away from the fence as soon as he gets to the other side. “Changbin!” The man with the most muscle calls out and a man Jisung's height gives him a thumbs up and a short whistle. “All here let’s get moving!”

Jisung feels like he’s going to start shaking like a leaf, he’s a mix of emotions. Anxiousness wants to swallow him whole, but he’s finally free from his stark white life.

Jisung looks around for a few heartbeats and feels his heart soar.

Free.

→

“Does everyone remember the plan?” Asks Chan, his voice steady and loud.

Groans erupt from all around the room. “You’ve asked us like seventeen times already! I swear!” Hyunjin cries out from where he’s shoving things into a backpack. “Everyone knows what to do, Chan, it’s fine,” Minho assures him for seems like the nth time.

Chan let’s put a deep sigh and nods his head. “I’m just on edge,”

“We all are,” Changbin puts in. “Terrified,” Hyunjin adds.

“Great,” Chan sticks both of his thumbs up and smiles wearily.

“We’ve gone over this plan way too much for anything to fall through,” Chan speaks up as he bundles more supplies into bags. “We’ll be fine.” His friends grin at him and Minho hums, sticking his thumbs up back at chan.

“But do we have everything?”

Chan laughs when his friends groan out again.

When the sun sets and in the television that Minho had fixed sparks to live, airing the Festival on the screen, brightly coloured light filling the room, they grow even more antsy, knowing that they’ll be executing their plan not even half an hour later.

They have a final meal with Minho’s father who tearfully says goodbye to his son and his friends and after their bellies are full and their eyes are wet from tears, they set off.

Changbin and Hyunjin lead the way, both boys knowing the route the best. They go through the wild first, going around the concrete wall until they make it to the unguarded post, abandoned after the building had collapsed due to poor architectural design. However, there still remained security cameras and movement detectors all around the wall.

Minho throws both bags that hung off his back to Hyunjin and he quickly digs out his pocketknife he received on his thirteenth birthday from his father and unwires them out of sight, thanks to Changbin who had sussed out the blind spots months prior.

Changbin, the only one that could scale the ten-foot wall scampers up in one swift movement. “Good job!” Chan praises in a whisper and gets a glare from Minho in return for talking.

The six backpacks get thrown over first, Changbin catching each one and moving them to a different section of the unguarded wall to protect the valuable things they’re going to need in the near future.

The other three could get close to scaling the ten-foot wall, so it makes Changbin’s job of grabbing them and helping them up much easier.

It takes an hour and court minutes of them walking the route to finally even see the facility.

“You better change soon,” Hyunjin tells Chan as they slip out of another alleyway. “I can do it here,” chan says and the boys agree.

“It fits well,” Hyunjin mutters as he reaches out to fix the pocket at the front. “Last stretch of this part,” Chan smiles at the other three. “How’s everyone feeling, quick check-in,”

He receives thumbs ups from all the other boys and he shuffles his two backpacks off his back and gives them to Minho and Changbin. Hyunjin follows suit and passes off his one, leaving the two with three bags each.

Minho presses the inner earpiece situated in his ear and leans down to his collar and speaks, “is it working?”

“Yes,” comes Changbin’s voice through the pieces. They all test out their own and Chan and Hyunjin only set off to the facilities entrance once they’re all deemed fully functioning.

“Are you sure this part is something to go smoothly?” Chan asks, his nerves fully him at full force as they near the entrance. “It will,” Hyunjin says with confidence. That makes chan feel a little bit more at ease. “Besides, if not you get to knock out a few extra people,” Hyunjin sings, hopeful that he’ll get to see chan in action more.

“Great!” chan replies sarcastically.

The gates to the facility open as soon as Hyunjin scans the keycard around his neck and Chan feels jitters flow through his body.

“In the first gate,” Chan sends the message through the earpieces. “I’m nervous,” Hyunjin sings as they walk up to the facility’s large doors.

The building is stark white and it pops out against the concrete wall behind it. It kind of hurts Chan’s eyes to even look at it.

Chan slips his hand into Hyunjin’s just steps before the door and squeezes it reassuringly. The younger boy turns back and smiles gently. Then, he lets go of the eldest’s hand and steps forward, slipping his card and the doors click open, slowly widening in front of them.

“Welcome, Hwang Hyunjin, 178, please proceed in discretion.” A robot voice fills their ears and after they step in, Hyunjin snorts a bit.

“In the facility, start proceeding to the wall,” Chan whispers to his collar.

The facility is just as bright in the inside, worse possibly due to the light in the facility. It’s so bright that at first, Chan has to squint. Maybe this was a security measure, too?

The only person they come in contact with straight away is the receptionist sitting at a desk.

“Hello, Doctor Hwang,” They bow in Hyunjin’s direction and the boy bows slightly back.

Chan’s heart soars when their eyes lock onto him and they point a finger at him. “You,” they say and chan points to himself like an idiot. He’s gestured to come closer and he does, proceeding with caution.

“Jisung is causing problems again, you’re going to have to prepare another drip bag soon,” they say quickly. “ ale sure you give him the modified solution,”

“Of course,” Chan finds himself saying and then he’s finally walking away after what felt minutes of standing off against an enemy.

But then he turns, having to complete their plan to the last tiny detail. “Actually,” he says. “What about this?”

His body flies over the desk and in one swift movement, too fast for the man to even yell out in surprise, he’s knocked unconscious.

“Ohhh! Chan, you’re so good,” Hyunjin sticks his thumbs up at the eldest of their little group and smiles. “Right,” Chan brushes himself off.

“We need to get to the control room straight away,” Chan then says, cracking his knuckles.

“Right this way,” Hyunjin says gesturing to a hallway. “You’re ready to kick some ass?” Chan snorts at this. “When am I never?”

“Hey boys!” Hyunjin cheers as the door to the control room is kicked down by his long legs. They’re growing at him as he enters. “It was so nice knowing you all! I hope you don’t lose your jobs after this!”

Chan flies in, elbows shoving into pressure points that knock the men unconscious as soon as he gets near them. Someone tries to put up a fight against him and Hyunjin takes the time to actually watch this one. Although there’s not much of a show, Chan is too quick and one swift action to the man's neck leaves him sinking to the ground.

“Nice!” Hyunjin cheers as soon as all twenty men of the control room are completely knocked out of it. “Minho, we’ve done it! Now, what do we do?”

“Okay, cool! Hyunjin showed me a picture a few weeks ago, there should be a button on the main control panel, very easy to spot, it’s the only suspiciously red coloured button,” Minho’s voice flows through their right ears steady and clear. He had really done a great job at repairing the broken devices.

“I’m gonna get moving to the boys, have you got this down?” Hyunjin gives him a nod. Chan changes back into the clothes he had on prior to the nurses clothing and leaves after making sure Hyunjin is fine.

Even after studying the layout of the facility, it was harder to navigate than Chan had originally thought. Everything looked so similar, white, plain and headache-inducing.

Only after being gone from the control room for five minutes, he finds the quarters where he knows three boys are staying. There were only four boys in total being locked up in the facility that Hyunjin knew of and that was their only targets to save.

There’s a name on the door that he opens, his eyes scanning the letters carefully.

_Felix_.

When the door opens there’s a boy peering up at him from a small bed.

“Hi,” Chan greets softly. The boy looks surprised to see him. “I know this is really unexpected but we’re here to get you out of here,” then the lights are shut off, the power leaving the building.

“Good! Changbin is at the wall I’m going to get the other boy!” Minho’s voice comes through the device.

The boy on the bed flinches when the lights flicker off.

“Out of here?” The boy asks back in a much deeper voice than Chan had possibly imagined to come out of the fairy-like boy's mouth.

“Breaking out. Free,” Chan puts shortly. Felix tilts his head, the words registering through his head. When it does, his eyes light up and he looks at Chan, shocked.

“Out of here?”

“Yeah! Come on, we’re on a tight time limit here. Do you want to get out or not?”

“Of course!” Felix jumps up and follows Chan down the hall. “We have to get the others!” Felix points to the rooms ahead and Chan nods.

With Felix already convinced on getting out of the facility, it’s easy work to get the other two boys in this certain wing of the facility.

The boy with fox-like eyes lets out a hurried jumble of words as they’re running to the facility’s garden, “What about Jisung?” It comes out as a blur of words, but Chan understands it much to his surprise.

Chan remembers the name that the nurse had uttered. Hyunjin hadn’t told them specifically their names just yet, but it wasn’t needed since they had the layout and rooms where the boys were memorised.

“The boy in the other wing! We sent Minho to him instead, he’s the least nice out of all of us!”

Hyunjin had recommended that Minho was to go to the East Wing, to the only boy that resided there. He had spoken of a boy that was cold and stubborn and he had said the rest of them were all too soft to deal with the boy.

And Hyunjin knew Minho wouldn’t be the one to get his emotions the best of him to a stranger at best.

Chan watches as Jisung climbs the fence.

Chan knows it will be a rough trot from here on out, but he will do anything to make sure everyone kept safe and sound.

→

Jisung stares up at Changbin who scales the concrete wall ease.

He catches the bags that the other boys throw up to him and carefully place them on top of the wall a little more than a meter from where he’s perched on top of the high wall.

Jisung takes a step back when he sees the first boy, the tallest of them—he hasn’t seen his face yet, it being too dark and too occupied from running—takes a running start and makes it more than halfway by himself, but the smaller man grabs his hand and helps him up the wall.

“Come on!” Someone hisses at him.

He watches as the boys he vaguely remembers climb, just less than halfway, but enough for them to be caught nonetheless.

And soon Jisung is the only one left at the bottom, the opposite side of the large wall.

“Come on!” The voice comes again and Jisung looks up to see Changbin gesturing to him. “Jump!”

Jisung tries.

But he’s been locked away for seven years, the only exercise he’s done is the pacing in his room and the occasional walks around the gardens.

Jisung is no by means fit. Not at all.

He can only try to reach up for the other boy's hand, but he’s too far away.

“I can’t!” He cries, suddenly stunned by a wave of panic.

Changbin tries to reach down but he grunts. “You’re too small!” Jisung has the nerve to glare at Changbin after he yells at him. “Says you!” He grits back. Changbin scoffs loudly. “I don’t like this one, maybe we should leave him here!”

Panic soars through the small boy and this time he lets out a frustrated yell.

“Hyunjin, go down you’re the tallest one,” the voice is much calmer and it makes Jisung feel a little comforted, but it still sends a flash of uneasiness down his spine. Because of that _name_. Jisung has heard that name before.

Jisung pivots out of the way when the tallest slides down the wall, landing surprisingly gracefully at Jisung's feet.

He yelps when hands enclose around his waist. “Don’t—“ he begins to scream at the boy grabbing him, but he’s then being thrust upwards and he scrambles to find purchase on the boy's shoulders.

“Oh my god did they even feed you in there!?” The boy holding him, Hyunjin cries out. Jisung grits his teeth together as he grasps onto Changbin's hand he tries to open his mouth again, but instead, he lets out yet another cry when Changbin yanks him up the wall, harsh and not caring if he pops his shoulder out of his socket.

“How do I get down?” Jisung inquires out in a shaky tone. The drop looks much higher here, the ground sinking lower than what it did on the other side. Hyunjin is beside him in a few seconds and without hesitation, he jumps, landing safely on the other side.

“Just jump!” Someone calls to him. “I’ll catch you instead!” He follows the voice and his eyes land on a figure with muscled arms stretched out. Jisung feels a shiver run through him.

“Come on! We don’t have that much time!”

Jisung looks back at the white building that has housed his worries and greatest fears for seven years.

He was the future of this world. He and the three boys on the other side of the wall looking up at him where the last hope of fixing this horrid mess they had let go out of control.

Jisung is the last hope this world had, the tiny cell implanted in him was humanities ever fazing future.

And here, upon the concrete wall he had stared at for seven years, wishing to break right through the wall, he finally has a choice. Something he has not had his whole life.

Jisung makes a choice.

Humanity will fall, and it will fall at his feet.

He leaps off the wall, into the awaiting arms of the man who promised to catch him and this time, Jisung can't help but let out a laugh.

The world will turn into shambles now. The boys that were the start of their new humanity are gone, their only test subjects disappeared. Millions of dollars wasted on each boy.

Jisung can taste destruction on the tip of his tongue, and he’s never tasted something so delicious in his life.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I SAID SUNDAY Updates but ive written up to chapter 12 and i just cannot help myself when i have chapters ready to post so its a blessing in disguise lol
> 
> i really love reading ur comments!! U guys make my day thank u so much!!!
> 
> Twt @sungiesprouts


	5. 4 →

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @sungiesprouts come say hi!!!

Blood pounds throughout his body as his feet land harshly on the ground underneath him. His feet are throbbing, feeling battered and bruised each time he puts his foot firmly down on the earth, but Jisung will not stop. 

There’s a stage feeling in his heart, twirling with newfound freedom, excited but there’s so much fear that Jisung thinks that might be the thing to pull him back under, the positive feelings of breaking out drowning in the negative like he’s used to. 

But every time the pain spirals up into his calves, he breathes out a new breath of relief. 

Breathing in the cold air into his lungs, in his peripheral vision he can see the bodies of the others running with him. 

He had forgotten all sense of time in this moment, but when the softest shades of pink and orange begin to illuminate the sky, four of them stop and suddenly run in a different direction and the other boys can only follow them mindlessly. 

Jisung had stopped recognising their surroundings ages ago. He had only ever gone far enough into the wilderness to find food, always able to come out with just a half hours walk, but this has taken hours of running. 

When the dense forest finally comes into his vision just as the sun is peeking up from the horizon does Jisung relax a bit. 

The forests around the world were let alone for centuries, nature taking back over her original masterpiece and filling it with even more with time. 

As far as Jisung knew, there was no need for men to be trained in tracking these days, machines had taken that over, but one on in this period of time was brave enough to even step foot into the forests and the other wonderlands mother nature has created. 

They would be safe from the Capital here. Not for long, but for some time. But they wouldn’t be safe from the danger that lingered inside these overgrown safe-havens. 

  
Exhaustion mauls at Jisung bones, his head starts to feel too heavy to hold up and the pounding feeling in his feet feels like it has travelled to all around his body, causing an onset crash. 

“Hey,” his lungs are burning at the extra power it takes to get words out. His voice is loud enough though, and when he skids to a halt, his hands on his knees as he desperately tries to catch his breath, the others stop with him, most of them copying his pose and breathing heavily. 

“How much further until we can rest?” Jisung had been the only one to not receive a backpack when he jumped off the wall, and he was glad he didn’t now because the exhaustion that is beginning to weight down in his bones, coming on quicker and quicker now that he’s stopped if proving to be overwhelming. The bags look heavy and Jisung briefly wonders how far he could’ve gotten if he had one of them to haul around with him too. 

“We need to be at least deep enough so it’s almost impossible to find us,” Comes a puffed out voice. It belongs to the man that had come up to his room to retrieve him. 

“Can we walk for a bit instead?” Jisung suggests. He then looks around the group as the man who caught him as he jumped off the wall nods his head at the suggestion. 

Everyone looks tired and their cheeks are red, and Jisung is sure the drumming of their heartbeats are just as loud as his own, booming and deafening in his ears. 

And then he freezes, tensing in his spot and his heartbeat seems to miss a beat, finally giving his ears a break from the pounding. But then it returns, faster than before and a sudden chill runs through him, turning his blood to ice in his veins, frozen in fear  
He too meets his gaze, but instead of freezing he swallows the lump forming in his throat and his eyes dart around nervously until they finally settle back on him. 

“You,” His voice is shaky and low, carried through the air in a trembling whisper. 

When he finally regains movement of his body, his blood suddenly turns to red hot rage in his veins, burning him from the inside out and the sudden change of temperature causes it to curdle and burn hotter.

His body acts on its own, his mind running too fast for him to single out anything. When he lunges at the tall boy, his hands circling around his neck, everything happens too fast for Jisung to comprehend. 

Eyes full of fear, pity and guilt stare back at him and almost as fast as they had come into Jisung's direct line of vision there’s a force pushing him back and then he’s flying, the only thing cradling his body the sharp chill early morning air.

His body collides with a tree’s broad trunk, that knocks the air out of his lungs and the heat raging through his veins seeps out, leaving him with nothing but the pounding pain of his back hitting the tree and the dull throbbing of the deep cut on his thigh. 

When Jisung opens his eyes the first thing he sees is the face of the man who had scaled the wall with ease, but his features are marred with anger and his eyes are unforgiving, sharp and unmoving. 

Jisung feels unease tingle in his gut. The gaze is unhinging and Jisung does feel intimidated by it, but he finds the will to stare back after his moment of uncertainty. 

“Are you insane!” He yells out at him and when he starts storming towards him, his boots digging into the plush soil and lifting up onto the tip of his boots, his back jacket blows behind him and the thumping of his footsteps echo throughout the earth, drumming up into Jisung's spine. 

Jisung doesn’t really know what’s overcome him. 

His body goes rigid and he thinks just before his mind goes blank that if this had happened in the facility, with a doctor and not this man with thick muscled arms, he would’ve fought back, stood strong. 

But Jisung falters and with large eyes he pushes himself further into the tree, so hard that his spine digs into the rough bark and scratches his skin through his shirt, leaving a burning sensation. 

The collar of his shirt is gripped harshly and his body follows with it until he’s standing eye to eye with the furious man. 

Jisung can’t move. 

He’s screaming at himself to even lift a finger, but the only movement he seems cable of his the sudden tremor that flows through his body like shockwaves of electricity. 

“Changbin!” A voice calls out. It sounds distant to Jisung, but that might just be because his heartbeat is drowning out all the other noises around him. 

“Let him go!” 

And then his grip on him disappears and Jisung gains control once more and scrambles back, falling onto his butt, his palms pressed into the damp earth behind him. 

Changbin stares down at him. “You,” He growls under his breath. “I really don’t like you,” and then he turns and runs to the boy that had started Jisung's inner turmoil from bubbling over. 

Jisung stares at their figures with their backs to him and tears his eyes away as he feels the hot pool of anger twinge in his stomach again. 

“Hey…” The voice is soft, almost hesitant but Jisung looks up at the person trying to catch his attention. The boy is around his age, freckles dusted over his cheeks and his eyes sparkling under the limited light of the rising sun. His hair is blonde shines ever so lightly in the dull light. 

His hand is outstretched, a small gesture that makes the heat pooling in his chest a little more bearable. Jisung accepts it and is pulled back to his two feet by the blonde boy.   
  
“Did you know of him before?” He seems concerned and Jisung thinks he has every right to be.

After all its not every day you get busted out our prison by a group of boys that you’ve never seen in your life. Jisung can only guess his not only concerned for his wellbeing— which honestly makes Jisung's conflicting emotions arise again. He doesn’t want to be looked down on, but the thought that someone actually cares enough for him to even think about his feelings makes him happier than he’s willing to admit— but for his own too. Perhaps he thought Jisung had a run-in with him and he had turned out to be a criminal or some sort. 

But that means that this boy that had been in the same facility as him had never had the embarrassment and shame of being observed and destroyed under his gaze.

“I never knew him,” Jisung answers shortly. “But his face is too familiar for comfort,” 

The boy bites onto his bottom lip. “Oh,” he whispers. “He worked in the facility?”   
  
Jisung raises his eyebrows at the boy. “Yeah. You never saw him?” He shakes his head gently. His hand gently pats on Jisung's sleeve.   
  
“My name is Felix, by the way,” He whispers out and a tiny smile appears on his soft lips. Jisung presses his own into a thin line. “Jisung,” he says before walking off to join the already moving group ahead of them. 

“Aren’t you hesitant?” Felix asks as he falls into step with him. They’re about twenty paces behind the others, but Jisung doesn’t feel particularly giddy to join up with them any time soon. 

“Of course I am,” Jisung scoffs. Then he turns his head to Felix who peers at him with slightly enlarged eyes. “But I think this is better than being imprisoned in that place for the rest of my life, what do you think?” 

“Are you always so crude?” Felix asks, genuinely curious. Jisung can only chuckle at the boy. 

“Isn’t that what happens when you have limited contact for seven years?”

Felix’s jaw drops and his eyes grow wider. The sun is shining brighter now, turning the sky orange around them and Felix's eyes sparkle in the orange light. 

“Seven years?” He gapes. “That's a long time!” Jisung frowns. “You didn’t spend that long there?” 

Jisung would be lying if he said he wasn’t mad at the confession. It just didn’t seem fair to him at all. He hadn’t suffered the Hwang boy peering at him over his stupid clipboard that contained notes of his ‘personal devolvement’ and the gnarling pain for seven whole years. 

“No,” Felix whispers with a shake of his head. “I entered at twelve-“ A whole year older than Jisung had been at the time. “But they only really locked me away when my parents died when I was seventeen,”   
  
“How old are you then?” Jisung mumbles. Felix hears him. “I’m almost nineteen. It’s a few months away. September.”   
  
“Oh,” Jisung looks up at him. He’s just a bit taller than him, but it’s enough to create a clear difference between them. “Me too,”

Silence falls around them for a while until Jisung trips on a root of a nearby tree and falls goes to fall face first if it wasn’t for Felix's grip on his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” Jisung mutters. “The shoes are a little too big.”  
  
“Doesn’t help that you haven’t been anywhere else except the facility for seven years,” Felix muses and Jisung sighs heavily. “Yeah,” He mumbles. 

→

They finally catch up with them when they find them sitting outside of a cave's entrance. 

  
“Do you not know what animals live in caves!?” The Hwang boy is shrieking at the man with curled brown locks. 

“Hyunjin,” he places a hand on his shoulder. “Minho and I lived out in the forests for months and we came back in once piece!” 

“Have you not heard of bears, those big fuzzy things with the big teeth? Claws! Ring a bell?” 

“You could always go first to see if it’s there?” The man suggests and that elicits a scream from Hyunjin’s throat and a slap to his bicep.

“Chan, I swear to god I am not in any condition to perform surgery on seven other people if there’s a fucking beast in there!” 

  
“Chill,” Changbin slaps Hyunjin on his shoulder. “Chan and Minho already said they’re going in first,”   
  
“But!” Changbin hisses at him and Hyunjin pouts. 

Felix silently settles on the other side of the cave where no one else is standing and sits on a fallen log. Jisung follows him, finding himself already strangely attached to the blonde boy. 

“He’s a doctor?” Felix cocks his head as they watch Chan and the man that Jisung kicked in the balls earlier— Minho he had concluded by both Chan and Changbin referring to him— wander into the cave, flashlights tightly gripped in their hands. 

“I guess so.” Jisung murmurs along with a small shrug of his shoulders. 

  
He knows he is. He had been in his hands once. 

  
He was seventeen. 

Hyunjin was walking the halls, past Jisung's room when the scream had attracted him to the boy's room. Jisung remembers this time of his life vaguely— too painful for him to want to remember but he recalls Hyunjin stepping into his room and rushing him out to the treatment room while he was in hysterics. 

Hyunjin had been the one to break the news to him in a small voice. 

Jisung didn’t need it but ever since that day, his dislike for the doctor's son had grown into a deep hatred that reminded him of the dark day. The day that his body reminded him that he was a mutation to the world. 

Jisung hated that. 

Chan and Minho wander out after five minutes, unharmed and Hyunjin lets out a deep sigh, visibly deflating when he sees them unscathed. 

“It’s not that deep but it should fit us all pretty comfortably,” Chan concludes. His eyes wander over to Jisung and Felix and he smiles gently. “You guys should come in and rest for a bit.”

Felix rises first and turns back to Jisung. 

The sun has come up high enough in the sky for the pale morning light to illuminate the earth and through the thick canopy, weak sunlight beams in and allows their eyes to finally see more than just shadows. 

Felix gasps at Jisung and holds onto his shoulder. “You’re bleeding!” He points to his thigh and Jisung looks down to see the wound oozing blood again. It wasn’t a terribly big wound, but it was deep enough for it to look worse than what it actually felt. Jisung had barely noticed it at all. 

“He’s crazy,” Jisung looks up to see Minho talking while looking directly at him. Minho doesn’t advert his gaze, so Jisung does, suddenly uncomfortable under his intense gaze. It didn’t send waves of fear through him as it had done when Changbin was staring at him with fiery fury in his sharp eyes, but it makes his stomach churn and his nerve ends tingle. 

“He dug out a tracker with a needle,”

Felix looks at him with raised eyebrows. “What?” Jisung frowns. “Was I supposed to leave it in and lead them right to where we are?”   
  
“Fair point,” Minho concludes.  
  
“You know I’m going to have to take a look at that, right?” 

  
His voice enters his ears and just that is enough for his stomach to flip, his pulse thumping wildly under his skin. It was painful. Every time he talked, he saw his face he was reminded of white walls, the endless procedures and the vivid red splattered across a white canvas, filling him with the conflicting feelings that left him hollow and numb. 

Jisung stands and stays by Felix's side. “No thanks,” he mutters. 

“You’re really getting on my nerves, kid,” Changbin barks at him with a furrow between his brows. “If that gets infected and you slow us down we should just leave you to get caught,” 

Jisung feels his heart hit his stomach and he stares at Changbin, his eyes softening into a fearful look and his brows knitting tightly upwards. 

Felix stands up taller and steps between the two, pushing Jisung gently behind him. “You’re being a jerk! Why would you say something like that after getting us out of there? Don’t you know how hard it was!?” Jisung grips onto Felix's sleeve, sensing his rising emotion in his voice.

“He’s right,” Hyunjin murmurs to the shorter man. “You really are being a dick,”   
“You need to think before you speak, Binnie,” Minho pats him on the shoulder before he slides back into the cave, three bags hanging off his arms. 

Slowly everyone pours into the cave except for the three.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin lets out a sigh. “I was being insensitive and wasn’t thinking about everyone,” Felix accepts his apology with an apology of his own, but Jisung only scoffs and wanders into the cave, sitting away from the small group forming around the middle. 

It’s wider than it is long and the air is earthy but it also blocks out enough light so they’ll be able to get some sleep before they’ll need to either walk further or set up a camp. 

Personally, Jisung wants to keep going, go further and further away from the capital as they can. 

Felix plonks himself next to Jisung.   
  
“Is this okay?” He gestures to himself sitting near him and Jisung shrugs but doesn’t move away from Felix.

He gently curls in on himself and closes his eyes, but not even after having them closed for a minute, he’s opening his heavy eyelids and met with a face he really doesn’t want to see. 

“Can I at least clean it?” Hyunjin asks him. His voice is gentle and his eyes are kind, but that makes Jisung want to punch him so much more. 

If he was so nice why did he just stand there while Jisung underwent changes that he’d never be able to fix for the rest of his life? 

Jisung resents him for the worst reasons possible, but his wounds are opening and gaping at the seams, unwilling to patch up just because he’s offering his help now. 

It’s useless. 

“Why do you want to help me now?” 

Hyunjin lets out a deep sigh. “I’ll leave the stuff and you can do it yourself then,” 

“Fine,” 

Jisung stares at Hyunjin retreating back before meeting Felix's pondering gaze. He just sighs loudly.

→

“He doesn’t like you at all,” Minho deadpans as Hyunjin stretches out beside him. “Nope,” Hyunjin folds his arms over his chest. 

“You not have anything to add to that?” Minho prods a bit further but Hyunjin shakes his head. “I don’t think its exactly my place or story to tell,” 

Minho just hums and nods gently. “You should sleep too,” the older man tells him. 

But Hyunjin’s mind is running too fast to shut off to sleep and when he steals a look at Jisung in the corner, he mind flashes with the look of pure fear and distress in his eyes, his screams filling his ears and his heartbeat picks up in his chest. 

Hyunjin can’t seem to blame Jisung for his obvious hatred for him either. 

He had stood there far too long, seen far too much that Jisung had never wanted him to ever witness and the bond of trust they never had time to form was served at the most crucial point, the beginning. 

  
And truthfully, Hyunjin can’t see a beginning for the two of them for a long time.

But they don’t have a choice. Out here, it’s just them and Jisung will eventually have to put up with him, or maybe it’s just Hyunjin's hope. His heart pangs at the hatred he has for him and Hyunjin wants a beginning, a beginning that doesn’t have an end.

  
→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHHH HOW GOOD WAS THE CONCERT!!!! 
> 
> i just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! bc I've never had this much support and feedback ever and I'm so overwhelmed in the best way!! i really love reading comments and really when i say they lighten my day i truly mean it. thank u guys for giving me fic a chance :'))


	6. 5 →

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CANT HELP MYSELF AAA but i honestly thought the last update was too small so here u have two!!!

Time seems to be flowing differently. 

It could just be that Jisung had finally fallen asleep as morning broke throughout the thick canopy, awoken when the soft morning rays of light had turned into a warm golden light that warmed up skin underneath its kiss. It could be nothing more than the fact that he was used to falling asleep in pitch black and waking to bright white. 

Time had slowed endlessly in the facility. A day was never fast, it was dull and achingly long. Jisung had spent seven years there, but it felt like centuries, each day a decade. 

But here, Jisung can only stare up at the tops of the green trees, astounded by nature that he didn’t have the privilege to see in the four white walls that enclosed him for so long. The light on his skin was abnormal to him, the way his skin felt after spending time in the natural light had made panic first soar through his chest. 

He had grown accustomed to artificial light that did nothing but illuminated the white prison in even brighter, white light. 

But the sunlight felt soft against his skin and it slowly heats him up from the outside to his core. The warmth that radiates from his skin strangely comforts him, reminding him of days when he’d try to fish in a pond, only to end up with sunburn down his back. 

Jisung didn’t feel comfortable here, not quite yet. The people he were with were just as foreign as anything else Jisung has encountered in the last seven years, but it was accompanied with a force that soothed at his frayed edges. 

Felix smiles ever so gently at him after Jisung catches him watching him stare up at the sun, where the light is pouring through the gaps in the leaves. 

“You didn’t get to see much sun, huh?” He asks gently, sitting himself down to the boy who was meant to be collecting water in the canteens from the nearby river. 

Jisung can only scoff. “I didn’t see much of anything,” he watches as Felix deflates a little, maybe from his tone or his answer, probably both. Jisung knows he should be nicer to Felix. Even though he’s known him for a few hours, he knows Felix means no harm at all. Jisung thinks Felix is nice, he knows he wants Jisung to be friendly back at him, but Jisung doesn’t know how to. 

The last time Jisung can remember interacting with anyone in a friendly way was before the disease had broken out. His friend, Jooyeon had been his only friend and after she had scummed to the illness that rampaged over the land, Jisung was left with nothing but a burden of responsibly and soon, parents that had seemed to forget his existence if it wasn’t for him bringing them food. 

The thought of his parents brings a turmoil back inside him that he hasn’t felt in quite a while. The first few years after his father had sold him, he felt nothing but pure hatred for his parents, that hasn’t changed but over time it left his mind, too many other worries entering and taking over the space that belonged to them. 

A bitter taste fills his mouth and he glares at nothing and silently gets up, holding the bag with the canteens with one hand. 

He leaves Felix behind in the small clearing and stomps towards the river. 

Jisung hasn’t felt much these past years. His heart had hardened in his chest, becoming an impenetrable fortress that protected him from the emotions that once wanted to swallow him up whole. 

He can remember the feelings that came with all the negative emotions, but Jisung has truly forgotten the feelings that came with positive emotions, the nice feelings. Jisung doesn’t recall any of them. 

He wanders back to the temporary camp where he finds everyone sitting outside of the cave, either on the earth or situated on a fallen log near the entrance of the cave. 

“Everyone is here now,” Chan claps his hands. Jisung drops the backpack near the entrance and leans against the trunk of a tree, a little away from the rest of the group but close enough to be considered a part of it.

“Okay, wow, this is a lot more awkward than I had initially imagined,” Chan grimaces slightly, but he forces a smile on his face. “So, hi, um… I thought it was time to give you guys a better explanation of what’s going on,” 

“That would be nice,” Jisung doesn’t know the boy's name, but he’s taller than the other two that had also been rescued from the facility. 

“Well… I don’t know if any of you recognise Hyunjin here,” Chan gestures to the tall boy sitting next to him. Jisung scoffs and turns his head away from Hyunjin. He pretends he doesn’t feel his gaze linger. “Right…” Chan continues on. “We had the insight into what was happening in there, so we decided to help,”

“Is that it?” Jisung drawls out. His arms are crossed over his chest and his eyes are narrowed in a glare. “Because you heard of the things that were happening, you thought you could just break us out? Do you even have a plan of where we can go now? Because I don’t know if you thought about this detail, but the moment you step foot anywhere near the Capital and the states surrounding it, you’ll be killed and us?” Jisung can’t help his voice rising. “The life you tried to save us from would only be harshly printed down on us and we’d be plunged into a life we didn’t ask for!”

Chan grows a frown as he talks and Changbin is staring back at him. Hyunjin is staring at his feet and Minho is looking past him, into the distance. 

“We do have a plan,” Minho is the one to speak up.

“And you can listen to us if you’d like or you can live with that thought in your mind for the rest of the time that we’re together.” 

Jisung takes in a greedy amount of air. 

“What is it then?” 

“We go as far north as we can,” Changbin fills in. 

Really, that means absolutely nothing to Jisung. He had lived in the slums his whole life before being sheltered in the facility. He didn’t have the entitlement of education, so Jisung truly has no damn idea what going north means. 

Judging from the reactions of the others, they do though and it leaves Jisung feeling isolated from this new group. 

“North?” Felix pipes up and his eyes are wide. Chan nods in confirmation. “My family hailed from the north,” he says softly. Chan's eyes light up after Felix’s confession. “Mine too!” He smiles widely. “My Great-Grandparents came to the Capital and here we are now,” 

“But what happens when we get to the end of the land?” The voice belongs to the boy with deep black hair and sparkly fox-like eyes. “The ocean there is vast,” 

“But not impossible, Jeongin,” Chan concludes. Jisung stares at him. The ocean was an unknown place, a place known for danger. A threat to humanity. Its rising levels had swallowed much land that used to be habilitated by humans in the past. It was unexplored now, left alone to thrive by itself. 

The thought gives Jisung shivers down his spine. 

“Then what? If we survive the trip over the ocean, what do we do then?” Felix is the one to ask. Jisung falls back against the tree, happy to just observe and listen to the conversation. 

“We go to Mydar,” Minho gives them a tight-lipped smile. Jisung is lost once more but the others gasp. “But that’s a place of legend!” The boy with the soft eyes yells out, obviously shocked by the proclaim. 

“Is it?” Minho shoots back. Felix starts up next. “Seungmin is right,” He sounds slightly panicked himself. “No one in the Capital has proof of the colony!” 

“Is it so impossible?” Hyunjin asks them. “If there is such a place, so high up, far away from everything would you think they’d give themselves away to foreign places, just waiting to be overrun by corruption?” Felix and the taller boy next to him, Seungmin both look to each other, frowns marring their features. 

“We could be safe forever. They won’t dare to even think of a trip so far and hard.” Jisung swallows at that. “What if we don’t make it then? If it’s so difficult for a society with high technology to not dare to complete it?” 

“We can lose them and make it,” Chan tells him. “We can do it. It will be hard, but we can do this. It’s that or getting caught.” 

Jisung clears his throat, already making up his mind. He moves his body form leaning on the tree and moves into the crowd. 

“Then,” he says. He takes a deep breath in. “When do we leave?” 

→

Jisung knows it’s risky. 

The risks of getting caught were higher than anyone really felt comfortable with, but it was a risk they had all collectively decided on going ahead with because, really, going back was not even an option. 

They leave the cave camp at dusk, an hour before the sun was to appear over their heads. 

Jisung still hadn’t grown any closer to any of them during the night. Felix still tolerated his presence and he talked to him every so often. Changbin still is iffy around him, rightfully so but Jisung acts as if he doesn’t exist which seems to piss Changbin off even more. 

And Jisung doesn’t even spare Hyunjin another glance. 

Jisung adjusts the backpack on his back as they climb uphill. They hadn’t exited the forest yet, Chan had predicted that it would take at least another week to navigate their way out of the thick forest. Minho had gifted everyone a knife before leaving this morning. They kept them near their hip, close by in case they needed to protect themselves. Jisung had watched wearily as the older four men slung guns over their chests. 

He understood it was precautionary and for everyone's safety, but Jisung doesn’t trust anyone quite yet. 

Jisung feels lonely. He feels lonelier than he did when it was just him and the beeping of the drip in his hand. 

Before, in that room, he had thought that was the loneliest he could get. But then the days when he was seventeen came. When he was left all alone, not even a little flutter to keep him company anymore, he had felt the loneliest he had ever felt in his entire life. 

And it was. He had never felt the deep pang of loneliness as much as he did then. It had never quite disappeared, but it had eased off slowly. 

But it was different here. The loneliness didn’t compare to the days it did when he was seventeen, but it still hurt. This time, he was surrounded with people, out in the open with nothing but the sun above their heads. But those people felt distant, too far away and Jisung was struck with conflicting emotions again. He wanted to grow to trust them, get closer because this journey is not going to be anywhere close to being easy, but the other part of him bubbles over when someone speaks. 

He’s been too long without human companionship that he doesn’t know how to process it anymore. 

Jisung struggles silently. He struggles through the exhaustion put on his body, unused to such use of his body and every time they stop to rest, Jisung crumbles like a leaf and gives in to sleep so easily. He struggles through intrusive thoughts.  _ They won’t like me. They already said they’d leave me behind _ . Jisung pushes himself harder and harder each passing day, trying to keep up with the group because he can’t get left behind. 

Jisung can act as aloof as he wants, but it will never change the fact that he knows he needs everyone just as much as they need him. 

It’s a strangely comforting thought. 

When they reach the edge of the forest just as afternoon hits one week later, Jisung lets out a loud sigh and slumps against a lone tree. The landscape changes right before his eyes. Instead of lush trees and shrubs, logs covered in moss, the scenery changes to open fields and Jisung can barely see the edge of the grass thinning, but it’s there to tell of another landscape change. 

Instead of journeying on through the open fields, they decide to camp in the outskirts of the forest. It was risky to even travel through such open areas and even worse to camp in them. 

“Are you hungry?” Felix wiggles a little closer to Jisung. “A bit,” he admits and accepts the piece of cooked meat offered to him. Minho had hunted it down back in the forest just yesterday and Jisung has never been so grateful in a long time for food. 

“You know,” Felix starts off softly. He swallows his food before turning towards Jisung. “If you need to talk to anyone, at all I’ll always listen to you,” his offer is sincere and Jisung knows he means it. He doesn’t know what brought it on, but Jisung doesn’t dig deeper.

“Thanks,” Jisung mutters. 

Felix looks at him with tightly pressed lips. He looks like he has much more to say like he was expecting Jisung to break out of his protective layers and pour his heart out to him. 

“Okay,” he only whispers back, mirroring Jisung's quietness. 

Jisung has nightmares. 

They’re born of his own mind, his memories and every time they appear in his mind during sleep, Jisung wakes, disorientated and gasping for air, checking over his body and around him that his nightmare wasn’t real.

The nightmares remind him of things too painful to want to remember. 

He dreams of his baby being born, ever so tiny and as soon as they let out little cries, noises of life Jisung grows cold as he watches a masked nurse take the tiny thing away. That one leaves him with nausea throwing him around and a hollow feeling in his chest. 

He recalls the night when he was seventeen many times, vivid red and the sickening feeling of relief and grief. 

Jisung hadn’t had nightmares since he left the facility. He had thought that place had been the main cause of them. That place had been unforgiving and Jisung had been swallowed whole in its unforgivingness. 

But he dreams this night. 

They all had seemed to come back just to laugh at him, behind his shut eyelids he can see the vivid memory of red blood against white, and the picture of his middle swelling only to be robbed of the life that had made him less lonely. 

Jisung gasps out loudly. 

Hands are cupping his cheeks softly as he comes back to and when his eyes open, he’s met with Felix's concerned face. Nausea churns his stomach around and he scampers up from his position laying down to on his knees, hunched over and promptly throwing up. 

Jisung is just glad he had chosen his regular spot away from the group again last night. 

Felix's small hands land gently on his back, rubbing soothing circles that helps him control the spasming of his stomach quicker. Felix doesn’t say anything about the tears running down his cheeks, but he silently opens his arms and Jisung surprises himself when he falls into them, sobbing into his shoulder. 

His hands grasp desperately on his abdomen and it leaves him feeling weak and helpless. “They can’t hurt you here Sungie,” Felix whispers to him. His hands rub his back softly and even after Jisung stops his hysterics, he’s a pile of limp limbs in Felix's arms. 

“We’ll keep you safe,” It’s not an empty promise, Jisung can sense that much. 

He doesn’t even budge when Felix settles to lay next to him, instead, they cling onto each other, offering each other comfort that they both desperately needed. 

The feeling of a body next to his own is so foreign that Jisung is too tense to fall asleep but when Felix's soft voice fills his ears, telling him of stories he’s not sure are real or not, Jisung relaxes and it doesn’t take much more for the spell of sleep of fall over him. 

→

Jisung grows more fond of Felix each passing moment. From the time they wake up, Felix only smiles at him and pats his cheek softly. No questions asked. Jisung is more than grateful.

Jisung feels slightly uncomfortable, he had not only had a nightmare that had obviously messed with him enough to make him physically sick, but he had shown his vulnerable side to Felix and he had continued to show it to him, even when they gripped onto each other during sleep. 

The morning shrouds them with soft light and Jisung curls into the blanket further. He watches as the others rise from sleep around him and when the sun is finally high above their heads, everyone has woken. 

Jisung creeps forward from his blanket when Chan begins giving out food and water. He knows he has to put food and water in his body even though his stomach is still suffering the side effects of head-spinning nausea. He eats little and slow, testing his limits and Jisung stops as soon as he feels weight in his belly and offers Felix the rest of his portion. The smiley boy takes it gratefully. 

“Do you think we can make it through the fields in one day?” Jeongin asks around a mouthful of food. Chan hums at his question. “Of course, we should be able to make it close enough to the rapids soon,” Jisung perks up at that. 

“The name doesn’t sound too pleasing,” Jeongin murmurs and Minho sighs from next to him. “No one has been there so we can’t say much, but I’m with you,” 

“How long do you think the whole journey will take?” Chan seems to calculate this for a while. “At least three or four months,” Jisung's breath hitches. No one looks at him but Felix gives him a soft pat on his back. 

“I know it’s really daunting,” Chan sighs. “But we can do this. Together,” 

Jisung looks down at his hands in his lap and grimaces slightly. 

“Once we cross the rapids we should get to know each other better. Since we should be able to have a bit of a break.” 

Felix doesn’t leave Jisung's side throughout the whole day. When they had been getting ready to set on out, Felix had taken the backpack Jisung was supposed to carry. It was Felix's day off from carrying one of the large bags on his back, but one look at Jisung he had sacrificed his comfort day. 

Jisung thanks him quietly and Felix only smiles brightly at him, obviously happy to help and even happier to hear Jisung's gratitude. 

The walk is hard out in the open. With no protection from the sun, the skin exposed on the back of his neck burns in the bright rays. The rest of his body is covered, but it doesn’t stop the heat from affecting him. His clothes are mostly all back, save for the white stripes on the too big long sleeve shirt which traps in the heat and creates a sauna between the fabric and his skin. 

“Sung,” Felix stops him when the rapids are just in sight in the distance. He can see water on the horizon and he wants to push himself further, but he feels as if his head is suddenly been replaced with bricks and it weighs his body down. Blood pounds in his head and when the boy's voice fills his ears, he winces, overcome with a migraine. 

“Hey,” He grabs onto his arm, concerned and when Jisung just screws up his nose, pressing a hand to his temples, Felix makes a noise of alarm. “Hey, hey sit down,” he gently pulls him down and the moment Jisung sits down, dizziness overcomes him and he’s glad that Felix had caught it before he had even felt it. 

“Do you have water?” Jisung asks drowsily. His head is cradled between his knees, but the pounding won’t stop and Jisung's anxiety spikes when he feels nausea curl around in his belly. “Hang on,” Felix rustles through the bag and when it falls down on the ground, Jisung can hear that it had attracted the others attention. 

“Jisung? Are you okay?” Chan's voice always has a comforting edge to it, but noise just makes Jisung feel as if his skull is about to combust. Felix hands him water and he takes small sips. “I’ll be fine,” he tries to say but as he talks, bile threatens to rise up his throat. He swallows harshly and goes back to the water. 

A hand lands gently on his shoulder and at first, he thinks its Felix, but he’s grown accustomed to the feeling of the small and soft hands that grasp him gently and this isn’t his hand. It’s a much larger hand, a spacious palm stretching across the whole span of his shoulder, the fingers gently pressing into the skin of his neck. 

He shakes the hand off him as soon as he recalls the touch. 

It had plagued him in his nightmares, the feeling of strong palms holding him together as life seeped out of him. The touch had burned into his mind, reminding him of the day he had suffered loss. 

Hyunjin meets his eyes, his gaze is apologetic and concerned. But the look of his face sends Jisung into a frenzy and before he knows it, he’s glaring and backing away slowly. 

“Don’t touch me,” he growls out slowly, clear enough and his tone heavy with malice, a clear warning. Hyunjin gulps again and he’s a splitting image of his younger self, holding the clipboard to his chest while Jisung lay on the treatment bed. 

“You’re hurting,” Hyunjin whispers out gently. His voice doesn’t hurt his head due to the softness he uses but it's a voice that hurts his heart. A voice laced with heavy memories. 

“I don’t care, just leave me alone!” His own scream tips him over the edge and he squeezes his eyes shut as red hot pain fills his body. 

Chan grips Hyunjin’s arm and pulls him away, shaking his head softly. “Chan,” the younger boy cries out softly, very clearly distraught. “I don’t know how to help him,” 

“Let’s just stop here for the night, okay? Maybe he’ll be fine after a good sleep?” 

Sleep embraces Jisung's body as soon as he’s laid close to Felix and his eyes close. 

It sweeps over him quickly and it breaks just as quickly when the images appear behind his eyelids once more. 

Felix wakes again, rubs his back and brushes hair from his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Felix says gently, careful not to wake anyone else. “But you can confide in me. I’m not going to judge you or belittle you,” 

“I know,” Jisung says and for the first time, Felix hears his soft voice, hollowed out from malicious intent and Felix finds a warmth singing in his chest. “But it just hurts so much,” he presses a clenched fist to his heart and bangs it against his chest as if it will rid of the pain. 

“You’re strong,” Felix tells him gently. “We can get through this time together, okay? If you’re only comfortable when I’m around I won’t leave your side,” 

“It makes me feel bad,” Jisung admits. “But thank you.” 

Felix is warm, he shines brightly even in the dark of the night, and even through his tear glazed vision, Jisung thinks that he’s too good for such a broken world. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twt: @sungiesprouts
> 
> THE JILIX IN THIS FIC GOD also peep the slowburn tag... when i say slowburn i don't mean the slowburn in my last longfic but i mean, the main ship doesn't even talk properly until chapter 10. slowburn. god.


	7. 6→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is slightly heavier than the rest!! be careful!!

Chan follows Hyunjin’s gaze, not surprised that his eyes land on Jisung's small form. 

The tall boy looks miserable and it’s not just this that makes Chan realise that there is— was— something going on between them that was deeper than he had initially thought. It’s almost a lost cause, too because Hyunjin refuses to tell anyone what happened between them, claiming he didn’t want to break Jisung's trust further— Minho had scoffed and said there was not one ounce of trust between as it is— and that it wasn’t his place to tell such a story, and Jisung, who’s story it was to tell has barely spoken a word to anyone except Felix. Chan's just glad Jisung has someone to talk to, but it creates a bruising feeling in his chest at the thought of making the small boy uncomfortable. 

The boy is lying with Felix, pulled tight to the taller boys chest and in a deep sleep. Felix had grown progressively more protective of him as time went on and slowly, Chan can see a friendship developing but he watches carefully, knowing that Jisung has no idea that he’s forming a strong bond. 

Whatever had happened to Jisung, Chan knows hadn’t been good. Not because of his closed of personality and his tongue that shoots to hurt, but the way he fails to find words to speak, how to act around the presence of other humans and Chan has witnessed a few times of him drifting away, not even Felix's efforts to bring him back work and when he returns, there’s a glint in his eyes that causes Chan's stomach to flip around nervously. He looks distant all the time, unapproachable but Chan can see through him and he swears there’s a young boy in there, a spirit forged out of the deepest fires in hell. 

And as strong that is, Chan knows that with time he will see his spirit awaken and Jisung will be a force to be reckoned with. 

“I think you’re going to have to be getting creative with how you can approach him,” Chan tells Hyunjin who then groans, his head in his hands. “Or you could wait for him to come to you,” Minho chips in and Hyunjin turns and glares at him. “He won’t let me anywhere near him!” Minho shrugs. 

“I’m just worried about something,” Hyunjin mumbles again, groaning as he pulls at his face at his hands. “Oh?” Minho raises a brow. “Are you inclined to share, or this another privacy infringement?” Hyunjin scoffs at him and punches his shoulder, but then he deflates like a balloon. “Yes…” 

Chan can only sigh. 

→

“So!” Chan turns around to them with a wary smile on his face. “Who’s a good swimmer?” Jisung watches around him as Felix, Seungmin, Hyunjin and Changbin raise their hands around them. 

“Okay good! That’s more than I actually thought. The rapids are pretty calm right now,” Chan gestures to the several rivers with fast currents behind him and smiles broadly. Jisung can’t really remember a time where Chan hasn’t smiled. Really, Jisung commends him for that.

“Minho you can cross with Hyunjin, Binne with Jeongin? You okay with that?” The fox-eyed boy brightens up and nods. “Seungmin and Felix?” Jisung frowns as soon as he hears Felix's name, his name not following.

“And Jisung,” Chan gives him a kind smile and Jisung isn’t really upset to be going across the rivers with Chan, he has nothing against the kindhearted man but Felix is the only one he could stand for long periods of time, the only person who he was alright with touching.

“You’re with me.”

Jisung decides to speak against it. “But why can’t I go with Felix, he says he’s a strong swimmer,” He has a frown marred between his brows and Chan hums, his mouth pressed out into a line. 

“I don’t want to offend you,” he starts off gently, but that already pushes a button on Jisung's fuse. “But your endurance is a bit low and I want to make sure we all get over safely.” Jisung sighs and as much as he’d like to argue, he can’t because it’s true.

“We’ll go last just incase,” Chan tells him. “What about the bags?” Jeongin questions. He’s holding tightly onto Changbin's hand and the muscled man looks quite pleased, to say the least. “They’ll be okay,” Chan tells him. “They’re waterproof,” 

“Nice,” Minho muses, giving him two thumbs up. He links arms with Hyunjin and looks at Jisung and tilts his head, carefully studying him. Jisung feels strangely small underneath his gaze and shuffles unconsciously behind Chan a little. He flinches when Minho finishes off with a wink before wadding into the water with Hyunjin close to his side. 

“Uh?” Jisung blinks and then looks up at Chan who sheepishly laughs. “Minho’s special,” he says. “A bit weird, but he’s lovely.” 

Jisung grimaces. “Okay…”

Chan waits until he sees everyone safe on the other side. It takes at least half an hour, easily and Jisung has opted to sit down while Chan fusses and watches them cross through the currents with caution. 

“You ready?” Chan questions him but Jisung shakes his head. “I really can’t swim. I don’t remember how to and are you sure the water isn’t going to drag me away?” He says in one breath and Chan places a steady hand to his shoulder. “Jisung, I’ll hold you, okay. And besides, you would have to be super light for the water to take you away,” 

Jisung gets dragged away in the largest river. 

Chan's grip on him had loosened just the tiniest bit, but the wind had suddenly picked up and brought a faster current, one that was unforgiving and Jisung can’t help but scream as he gets dragged from Chan's embrace. 

Chan had been wrong, terribly wrong because Jisung is definitely light enough to be carried away in the currents. Even in the facility after they had forced his body to put on extra fat, he was underweight but the percentage of body fat he held was deemed healthy enough to carry. 

Jisung knew he was light. His own suspicions of being lighter than what another boy his age should be had only really been confirmed when he was hoisted over the wall by Hyunjin. He had almost thrown him if he hadn’t stopped in the last few seconds, obviously expecting him to be heavier than he was. It was probably the oversized clothing that hid his small frame. 

The water is cold, something Jisung had craved the previous day when he was struck with a migraine, but now it feels like he’s going to freeze to the bone in the currents. 

Just as his head slips underwater, water filling his lungs a hand grips the back of his shirt and he’s pulled tight to a warm body. 

Jisung clings to Chan, all previous apprehension gone. 

Chan's grip on him is tight, one muscled arm around his shoulders and the other wrapped around his thin waist, pressing him flush to his front as he wades through the currents. 

He pushes Jisung out of the water and as soon as he hits the land, Jisung collapses and takes in deep breaths, still occasionally coughing up water. 

“Oh yeah totally not light enough to get carried out!” Jisung cries as he looks up at Chan who trudges out of the water, as equally drenched as Jisung. “I’m sorry!” Chan fumbles to help him back to his feet, his face cast with obvious worry and sympathy.

Jisung bundles the fabric of his oversized shirt and rings it out, watching the water flowing out from the material with a grimace. 

Felix appears by his side, eyes wide and Jisung is thrown into his embrace before he can even react. “You scared me!” Felix cries into his shoulder. Jisung freezes in Felix's hold, unsure how to comfort the boy. He’s never had the chance to comfort anyone but himself and the thought that others too needed comfort was something foreign. 

He gently pats Felix's back and when they’re finally heading away, through the much smaller streams and across large stones lying in the river beds, Jisung can’t shake the feeling of failure off him. 

Not because of his unwelcome adventure through the rapids, but because the hollowness he is so aware of throbs in his chest, alerting him that he was too different from the rest. Felix could offer endless comfort to him, but Jisung was left in shambles when it was his time to give back. 

Maybe that’s what put him on edge. 

The campfire is warm against one side of Jisung's face, the other being nipped by the chills of the night. He’s bundled up in the blanket he’s basically claimed as his own, keeping his body heat in like a cocoon around him. Felix is beside him. That’s become the norm now and Jeongin has crept closer to Felix, to Jisung, although clearly hesitant to interact with Jisung. 

Jisung really can’t find himself to care much about that.

Chan is telling a story rather animatedly, using his hands too much that he had already smacked Minho across the mouth which leads to a wrestle between them. Jisung watches the curly-haired man talk about one of he and Minho's adventures in the wild and sighs. 

He wishes could’ve collected stories like theirs, but the only stories he had are ones of white walls, silver needles, his heartbreaking and blood. 

Chan talks about his adventures fondly, Minho mirroring his smile as he recalls their lives together. 

Jisung sits on the edge of tumbling into the tunnel that shows him white light and bright red.

In passing, Jisung hears Chan asks Seungmin a question. 

“Yeah,” He hears Seungmin say. “Us three have always been close with each other,” Jisung perks up slightly at that. He knew that he had seen them plenty of times in the facility, but had walked away from their advances too many times before they all finally gave up on him and left him by himself. 

Changbin's eyes land on him, obviously wondering why Jisung had never been close even though he had been in the same place they had. Jisung grumbles under his breath and turns his head, the cold side of his face being warmed up by the open fire now. 

“Not Jisung?” Changbin asks and Jisung heaves out a deep sigh. 

“Uhh,” Seungmin shuffles a bit. “We never really got the chance to talk to him… until now.” Seungmin lifts his hand in a sorry excuse for a wave. “Hi, Jisung…” 

Jisung huffs but gives him a hi back, bit doesn’t say anything else. 

“Jisung was there before any of us,” Felix says softly. “We kind of just floated together… Jisung was a bit indifferent,” 

“That's understandable though,” Chan tells him as if he could see Jisung's balled up fists underneath his blanket. He offers him a soft smile, the same one that felt as if it could soften the fraying edges of his gnarling anxiety, but this time it gives him another rush of heat that he can pinpoint as anger.

“I entered when I was fourteen,” Jeongin’s voice is soft and at the confession, Jisung's head picks up, eyes wider than they previously were. Jeongin had entered at fourteen. Three years older than what Jisung had been at the time he was surrendered to the hands of the government. Three years.

Everyone falls quiet as the boy begins to speak. “It wasn’t my idea,” his voice starts off quiet, barely even a hum but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear even the quiet crackling of the fire. “But I didn’t object to it when my parents brought it up… I thought it was an okay idea,” Jisung tears his eyes from the boy. His lip quivers and he catches it between his teeth. 

“It was alright at first… but it was scary being away from my parents when I was so young,” Jisung actually scoffs at that. Jisung had been much younger, three years didn’t sound like too much but developmentally, Jisung was a young child, a child that deserved comfort from his mothers embrace and the soft kisses his father would leave on his forehead. 

Jisung is full of envy. 

“I was twelve,” Seungmin nods and points to Felix. “We pretty much came in together. My mother was the only one left in my family, they had died from an accident when I was just a baby and it was mothers dream to see her grandchildren be born safely, but then the disease broke out… she didn’t die… not that I know of but I entered willingly just to please my mother's wishes,”

Jisung thinks it’s stupid to live your life for someone else. 

The beating of his heart will stop one day and he will look back, wishing he had never lived his life the way he did just to please someone. Jisung now will live the way he wants to, unhinged by peoples wishes. The heating in his gut is overbearing at the others stories.

Everyone had seemed to ignore Jisung's obvious judging, his sounds of disappointment and the heaving sighs that leave his lips. 

Felix, the boy that has grown enough on him that Jisung actually wishes to be in his presence, when he talks, Jisung feels sick. 

“I… I don’t really know,” He murmurs. “I saw the posters and thought ‘wow’,” he pauses briefly, looking around the group. Jisung doesn’t meet his eyes. “I thought it was a good idea at the time. To be able to start a family in the future,” 

Jisung scoffs loudly this time and frowns at Felix. 

“Are you stupid!” He cries out, his fists bang on his thighs and Felix looks at him, shock evident in his eyes. He hadn’t expected that type of behaviour from him at all. 

“Hey!” Chan frowns at him. “That wasn’t very nice,” 

Jisung goes to open his mouth, to prove his point because these three boys had been so stupid, so so so stupid. They had a choice. They had stood there at one point in time, staring up at the posters that claimed would be their saving grace and had accepted it too easily and fallen into a life they could’ve easily avoided. 

“Yeah, why are you so judgemental for, it’s not like you’re any better!” Jisung’s not surprised that it’s Changbin who shoots back at him.

Jisung stands up, the blanket in his fists. 

“Why! Because you had it worse than those boys did?” Hyunjin slaps Changbin across his mouth, on purpose and Changbin turns to glare at the young doctor. “Why?” He hisses at him. Hyunjin gives him a look, hoping he’ll shut up. 

Jisung notices. 

And the anger that grew deep in his belly is crawling up his throat, taking over his body.

“Stop it! If you’re so protective why don’t you just fucking tell them? Huh! Wouldn’t that be easier instead of trying to keep me from hearing all this! Since you know so much about me why don’t you tell them all, Hyunjin! Why not just tell them if it’s so easy!” 

“It’s not easy!” Hyunjin shouts back, eyes blown wide at the small boy. “Do you think it’s easy?” 

Jisung growls. “Then I’ll—“

“Everyone stop!” Chan is standing between them, his arms stretched out and his chest rising at a slow rate, trying to calm himself down. 

“Changbin, apologise to Jisung,” 

“I’m not apologising until he realises that they’re in the same boat!”

Jisung lets out a sharp cry and bundles the blanket closer to his chest. 

“I never had a choice!” He yells out. The fire is consuming him so much it hurts. His head is pounding with hot blood and he shakes in his spot, overrun with emotion for the first time in a long time. 

His eyes shut tightly when silence washes over them.

“I was eleven,” he continues on, his voice shaky. His throat constricts at the feeling. “I grew up in the slums. We were poor and my parents held no remorse when they handed me over in return for money,”

He opens his eyes and meets Changbin's shocked gaze. “Those guys,” he points to the boys behind him. “They had a choice. They were never locked up like a prisoner until they hit their fertile state. I,” he gulps and he feels like sinking into the ground when he feels tears well in his eyes. “I was locked up for seven years, all by myself.” 

Jisung hugs the blanket closer to him and with one last look at the sudden fear and obvious regret that lays heavy over everyone’s face, Jisung wanders a little further from the fire and lies down, his back to the crowd. 

His body shakes throughout the night, residing anger poisoning his blood. 

→

The footsteps are too obvious to Jisung that he doesn’t even bother to turn around. Instead, he waits for Felix to settle by his side. He had climbed a small hill this morning and had settled at the top, overlooking the view down below. 

He can see various animals in the clearing below and Jisung is fascinated. 

Animals became rare during the centuries, many species had been wiped out to never return and though Jisung found that upsetting, the amount of animals in his line of vision makes him feel that the animals were healing a whole lot better than humanity. 

“Hey…” Felix is quieter than usual. He was quiet at first but after a few days he had opened and shone brightly, almost too brightly for Jisung to handle but it made Jisung feel at ease like he was in the hands of the sun itself.

“Hey,” Jisung greets back. They don’t look at each other but just sit in each others company, enjoying the view and wind that hostels their dirtied hair. 

“You know last night…” Felix's voice carries off into the wind. It catches Jisung attention and he finally looks towards him. “I wanted to try to explain myself, you didn’t really wait for that,” Felix sounds disappointed and his stomach drops at the tone. 

“Okay… sorry…” his voice isn’t full of sympathy but the smile he gets from Felix is enough to tell him that he accepts his apology full-heartedly.

“I like boys,” Felix starts off and Jisung nods along. He hadn’t ever said anything specific about his preferences but after last night Jisung had guessed that much after his confession of wanting to start a family. 

“And when the posters were put up, I wanted so badly to be able to live out my dream to have a family with my future lover—“

“Felix, I—“ 

“Please Sungie, just let me finish first,” The nickname catches him off guard and Felix uses it as an opportunity to start again.

“I don’t think I saw what you did at all. My experience wasn’t really negative until they deemed me fertile,” 

Jisung grows antsy and stands, shuffling closer to the incline of the hill. “I wanted it badly, Sungie to be able to have a family with my lover and I know that’s hard for you to digest, I never knew you were so sensitive because… because of your history with the facility, but I thought it was a good thing. I mean, I still think it's good that we can carry now,” 

And Jisung explodes. 

“Don’t you get it?” Jisung puffs out. “They mutate you into something we were never meant to be, they give us things that turn us into a totally different  _ thing _ but you’re saying it's a good thing?” Felix stares at him, his pretty eyes wider than usual and a small grimace upturning on his plush looking lips. “Have you ever thought about it? Of course, you haven't, everyone saw the propaganda and thought ‘huh, this is amazing maybe we really can survive this’ but you know what Felix, propaganda is propaganda and when have they ever said that this was so you could go home to a husband and make a family of our own?” 

A small frown settles between the blondes eyebrows. “Never,” Jisung spits out, his words become rapid, faster as if the words are burning his tongue on the way out of his mouth. “We were made to be used, have strangers cocks fill us up and knock us up. Don’t you know that? We were made so we’d lay there and take it!” Felix’s bottom lip wobbles and Jisung doesn’t bother stopping even Felix winces at the harshness of both his words and his voice. 

“And tell me, Felix, that you wouldn’t grow attached to that thing that you grow inside of you, the thing that keeps you up at night and flutters inside of you, tell me you wouldn’t break once they took that baby away from you as soon as you use up all your strength and energy to meet that thing!” 

Felix gulps, his eyes now unsteady and he shuffles backwards a little bit, growing fearful or overwhelmed, Jisung can’t quite make it out in all his rage. 

“They’d take our babies away, knock us up again as soon as possible and repeat the process until we become nothing but a womb, a hollow host of our own bodies,” 

And when Felix cries, mirroring the tears sliding down Jisung’s face, does he realise he was shouting, his tone full of spite.

“I don’t know about you, Lix,” Jisung says and the name comes out so naturally, he doesn’t bother correcting himself. “But even I, who hates the thought of this whole thing, I know I’d grow attached, and I might even, terrifyingly enough, might come to love the tiny thing. And I can tell you that I wouldn’t be able to live a life where my babies are taken from me one after another,” 

Jisung says that with confidence because he had been there once already. He had grown attached to the fluttering inside his abdomen quickly, in just as little as four weeks, Jisung had fallen in love. A tainted love that had his head spinning with the knowledge of the future, but they had changed him, made him like this so he could love it and Jisung had felt his heart being ripped out of his chest when he lost the little flutter.

Jisung wipes the tears from his plush cheeks and tears his gaze from Felix. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, turning on his heels and beginning to walk away. He means it this time. His voice holds emotion and Felix breaks out into sobs as soon as he detects it. Jisung cries harder too and he can’t bear to hear his friend cry, so he runs. 

His friend. 

He doesn’t know when they had crossed the barriers, but Jisung is comforted by Felix, he likes being around him and he thought well of him most of the time. Felix is the shining sun and Jisung is bathing in his light, but he was a broken piece of reflective glass. Jisung didn’t shine, he reflected the boy's rays and gave them back.

He doesn’t get far until he’s crashing into a firm chest. 

He looks up to meet Hyunjin who’s staring down at him, a faraway look on his face but Jisung can see the fear and pain in his eyes. Empathy. 

“I never knew,” is all he says softly. 

→

The bright colours sang out to him, the words across the paper ruled to the wall of a building reduced rubble the government had forgotten about. 

He had stood there, breathless, his heart running loops around in his chest. 

For a whole year, Felix passed the poster daily, the decision slowly becoming concreted in his mind over time. Felix knew what he wanted to do. At twelve, Felix had made his mind up. 

The only thing he had to tackle was his parents. 

It had taken almost a year to build up his confidence to ask. Felix had heard them several times throughout the year talking about it, how terrifying it must be for the boys families to watch them go through such an unknown procedure. 

They had been concerned at first, refusing their son to go, but Felix had persisted and when their friends started to drop dead, taken over by the disease his mother had looked down at him and cried, asking him if that’s what he truly wanted. 

Felix entered when he was twelve. 

He went through all the procedures that would lead him to be able to carry in the future and after each one, he was spent home, hand in hand with his father as he took him home to his mother. 

Felix had support and not once did he regret his decision until the day came. 

His mother had fallen ill and his father had succumbed to his own swallowing sadness and grief. 

It was too quick for even Felix to barely notice, but his decision that he had been so sure of had slowly turned sour as the days passed and he was never allowed home, not allowed to send his parents off. 

Felix was stuck. 

His tears don’t stop when Jisung disappears from his vision. 

Jisung was right. 

His words had made perfect sense and they were backed up with the sound of sorrow and devastation. Jisung knows everything. 

Felix allows the sob trapped in his throat to exit, loudly echoing into the air around him.

Jisung had let down a barrier, tipped over the edge by Felix's own foolish dreamy perception of the facility. Jisung spoke truths, ones that ripped his tongue and bled out nothing but the truth. And Felix was stupid, optimistic in the worst possible way. 

A hand lands softly on his shoulder and he flinches upon the contact. He finds himself drowning in warm brown eyes, inviting and ever so gentle. 

And Felix clings to that.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIII this chapter is honestly one i enjoyed writing !! im having a lot of fun writing this fic lol i always do but this one is very different to the stuff I've done before?? I just want to say a big thank you to everyone!!! Thank you for reading my work and leaving comments!! I've never had so much support before :DD thank you guys so much!! truly!!! I love all you guys input!!! <33333
> 
> twt- sungiesprouts


	8. 7→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EARLY CHAPTER I TOld u i cant help myself sometimes :D honestly its mostly after i finish a chapter tbh... since i finished chapter 13 i felt that i had too much hoarded away JSDBFN

Hyunjin had a good life. 

It was comfortable. Warm in the cold winters and cool in the hot summers. 

His stomach didn’t know the pang of hunger. He’s never known the feeling of hunger gnarling away at his body. He went to sleep every night, warm under blankets that keep heat in and with a full belly.

Hyunjin didn’t know the struggles of anyone under mid-class. He was sheltered, kept safe from the world.

Hyunjin never really had a choice in whether he wanted to become a doctor in the future, but he had seen how highly his father was regarded and his father was proud of him by default when Hyunjin said he wished to become like his father when he was just a tumbling little boy. 

But the only thing Hyunjin had ever wished for since he was a little boy was to feel the warmth of his parents love and affection. Hyunjin had found himself sinking back into the corner, put on a pedestal for being born to such competent parents. They were busy and when Hyunjin had finally started the medical course his father had enrolled him in, Hyunjin had received hugs from his parents. 

He couldn’t remember the last time their skin had contact, but the warmth of their breath against his neck and the warmth radiating from their bodies had put a smile on his face. It was nice and so Hyunjin fell, diving face-first into the courses and graduating ahead his age, the top of all the classes. 

His father had visited his room a few days after his sixteenth birthday. He was dressed in his work clouting still, obviously just getting home from his shift. 

For a few years, his father had been chosen to work on the humanity project with the best scientists and Hyunjin had been astounded, fascinated by his father who managed to climb the ranks and become the doctor working on fixing the future. 

Hyunjin had mixed feelings. He was proud of his father, proud to be his son but the thought of his job had sent unease through him. 

And when his father had told him he was now to follow him to work every now and then, Hyunjin’s breath had hitched in his throat. 

The first day he had ever stepped foot near the isolated facility, his stomach had flipped instantly filled with dread and as soon he stepped over the threshold, Hyunjin thought something was wrong. It hurt his eyes at first and Hyunjin was overcome with so many emotions he would’ve shut off right there and then if he didn’t remember who his father was and that he was standing right next to him. 

Then, he met Jisung for the first time. 

He was small, looking even more so in the large reclining medical bed he sat on. His eyes seemed so dull, so frightfully empty and when he had noticed him, Hyunjin’s heart had stuttered in his chest, threatening to halt. 

Heat had flashed through his body and that night he returned home, Hyunjin smelled of disinfectant and sweat. Through his sleep, those hollow eyes had haunted him. 

He had tried to work up his courage to get out of his duty to go to the facility, but his father had announced him as the doctor to take over his work in the future and Hyunjin had shattered into bits at his own two feet. 

He had been swallowed in love from his parents and if he were just months younger, he would’ve loved it and gone to bed in a good mood and sleep soundlessly. But Hyunjin’s eyes had been opened over the months he worked closely with his father. 

Jisung was on his mind, hollow and terrifying and Hyunjin was at loss for his life. 

Running away had been on his mind, but Hyunjin was a coward, too sheltered and wrapped in cotton wool to leave, but all it took was the day he found nurses whispering in the hall about the boy that had haunted his nights. 

And Hyunjin ran, disgusted with himself and with a new loathing of the world. 

Jisung was a child, a tiny fretful child when he was forcibly entered into the stupid project his father was so proud about. He had no choice, no voice and suddenly those hollow brown eyes held much more than what Hyunjin had initially seen. 

How he had ended up where he had, in an underground boxing ring, Hyunjin doesn’t think he’ll ever know the answer to, but he doesn’t mind if it's left unanswered for the rest of his life, because what came out of his sudden rash behaviour had led him to Chan. 

Chan was strong, not just in the way Hyunjin had first seen him knock out a man almost three heads taller than him, but his demeanour, his eyes sparkled with this gentle simmer of determination. 

From the first day that Hyunjin had ever met Chan, he thought of his eyes in the middle of the night when his mind wandered back to Jisung.

Chan and his little crew were inviting and Hyunjin quickly grew stronger, putting on a stronger front when he had to face the white building. It takes him months to climb up the ranks of the facility and soon enough he was handed his own white robe, one that matches his fathers and when he gets the title of doctor at the young age of seventeen Hyunjin sneaks out again to seek out Chan and his friends. 

Hyunjin begins to frequent them more and more, enjoying each boys company and he tells them stories, becomes friends with them too. 

And then Hyunjin shatters. 

  
Night shifts were something had had to get used to, but Hyunjin trudged through the graveyard shift without any other doctors present. Really it was quite an honour to be trusted this much, he must be a lot more skilled than what he had given himself credit for, but nothing was to prepare him for what happened. 

The halls were empty as he was walking down them in a sleepy haze. The shift was only a few hours in, but Hyunjin was already fighting sleep. 

The scream cut through the air harshly, too high pitched that it rings in Hyunjin’s ears seconds after it dissipates in thin air. Hyunjin had stilled for a few seconds, knowing exactly where the sound that comes from, but that knowledge caused fear to run through his veins. 

Jisung barely spoke a word, barely lifted his head to even engage in anything, but to hear a shattering scream coming from his room had frightened Hyunjin right to the core.

He had known, of course, the news of a successful pregnancy floated through the staff members of the faculty and Hyunjin gulps. 

Opening the door to Jisung’s, he tried to brace himself for anything, anything at all. 

But Hyunjin still freezes for a split second, his heart rushing to a skidding halt in his chest. 

The quiet boy, the boy with hollow and daunting eyes in obvious agony on the floor, grasping the bloodied sheets in his fists as he cries, tears streaming down his face restlessly and the eyes that Hyunjin had only ever seen hollowed out were so full of pain that his knees buckled and he gripped tightly on the doorframe. 

He was useless to the boy in those moments. All he could do was pick him up and his heart had tightened when he didn’t even fight. Jisung had only blubbered on, clutching his abdomen in one hand and his heart in the other. 

  
Hyunjin could only watch helplessly as Jisung struggled through the waves of pain. 

He had broken right after that moment and he had run to Chan in tears of his own, but nothing could mirror the anguish he saw on Jisung's face. 

  
And now, Jisung stares up at him with reddened eyes, the brown orbs filled with tears. Hyunjin's heart is shaking in his chest, clenching painfully at what he had overheard Jisung yell.

“Never knew what?” Jisung spits at him. 

“That you felt that way about this all… your baby,” Jisung then looks down at his feet as soon as Hyunjin mentions his little flutter. 

“You were there,” Jisung hisses. “You were there when I lost the flutter, how could you not know?”   
  
“I—“ Hyunjin swallows thickly. “I thought you were in pain.” He gently says. His voice is so gentle it feels like a gentle autumn breeze, but Jisung feels his heart pick up anyway.

“I was,” Jisung confirms. He sniffs and wipes more tears from his cheeks. “It felt like a stabbing knife through me, but my heart was torn out of my chest, too,” Hyunjin hangs his head low. 

“I know you really don’t like me—“ Jisung scoffs and Hyunjin chews down on his bottom lip. “And you have a good reason for it, but can we at least be civil out here? Im afraid everything’s going to fall apart.”

“Again?” Jisung questions and Hyunjin nods his head. Things had fallen apart too many times already and it had been just over a week and a half. 

“I’m not asking you to forgive me for what happened, for me being there and not leaving, but I promise if you ever want me to go away now, I’ll do it as soon as you ask,” Hyunjin promises and his eyes are sincere. Jisung sniffs once more, wondering when he’ll be able to stop crying. 

“Whatever,” he replies and then walks off. 

He had put up a strong front because as soon as he’s out of Hyunjin's sight, he collapses gasping for air between his sobs. It had been painful, the mention of the flutter and his heart felt like it was beating in his throat and Jisung vaguely thought he might throw it up if he wasn’t careful. 

The emotions are suffocating, a remorseless ocean that was threatening to drown him in its cruel waves. Jisung hasn’t felt this much in a while and it shows through the shaking of his hands and the uncontrollable crying fit he rides out. 

Hours must’ve passed by the time he had calmed completely, but all that was left of him was exhaustion that draws out his energy right out of him. 

“Oh, there you are!” Someone cries out and tiredly, Jisung lifts his head to meet with Minho's gaze. 

Minho confuses Jisung. He has an aura around him, a mist almost that shrouds him in mystery. He changes quickly, his eyes playful one moment and the next, hardened and protective of the emotions lingering underneath. He could laugh at something, looking at ease and in other moments he looks completely untouchable. 

This time, his gaze is a mix between the mysterious shroud, but ever so slightly he can see Minho is intrigued.

“You were gone for a long time. We got worried,” Minho tells him as he stalks forward. 

Jisung stills. 

Minho walks towards him like he is prey, his stance strong and that of a predator hunting down their next meal. But he’s smiling so softly, it's too conflicting that Jisung doesn’t make any noise and instead puts his head on his knees, watching him carefully. 

He stops in front of him, his smile not failing but when he looks down into his eyes, a frown appears between his brows and his smile disappears. 

Minho hums softly and gently bends down, grabbing onto Jisung's forearms and hauling him back to his feet.   
  
“You and Felix had a fight?” He brushes leaves off Jisung's shirt. Jisung shrugs. He guesses they had, but it had been something else that had thrown Jisung of his course. 

“Come on, everyone's waiting for you to come back,” Minho pats his arm gently and begins to lead him back to the crowd. 

“Is this really going to take months,” Jisung asks. His voice is husky and quiet from his sobbing. 

“If it takes any less than a few months it would be a miracle,” Minho mutters. “It will take long.” He nods his head. “But once we leave this land we should be much safer.” 

“Why?” 

Minho cocks an eyebrow at him. “Ahh sorry I forgot you didn’t grow up like us… not that its a bad thing!” Jisung only shrugs, not bothered enough for a bigger reaction. “It’s just that when the seas rose ages ago, settlements moved further inland and there’s not as many as what there used to be. Not many people live out in the wild anymore, but they refused to contact each other after the Great Wars,” Minho shrugs this time. 

“To prevent war?” Jisung asks. ”Yep,” Minho nods his head. “The Great Wars almost destroyed everything. It took centuries to even recover from most of it,” Jisung frowns at the news, but it really works out in their favour now. “Is it dangerous… the land?” 

“Not so much anymore,” Minho answers. “It’s been too long for it to really be dangerous. Besides nature has taken over pretty much everything again,” 

“That’s a good thing, though, right?”   
  
“Of course,” Minho smiles. “It keeps the earth's temperature down. No one wants a repeat of what happened during the Great Wars,” 

Minho talks to him the whole walk back, and it is the most Jisung has talked and listened to in quite a while, but something about Minho is intriguing and Jisung can’t find himself to mind the hand that’s wrapped around his arm. Maybe he’s just too tired?

The stark contrast from Minho's stalking stance and then the soft touch of his hand on his arm sends Jisung into a small spiral of confusion, but he forgets about it when the fire is in sight again. 

“Shit,” Minho hears Hyunjin mutter under his breath when he sits back down with him. 

He watches as Jisung shuffles towards Felix, falling into his embrace while tucked next to Chan’s side. They hear a few sniffles but no one says anything to the two boys. 

“What?” Minho frowns at his younger friend who groans into his hands. “I forgot to ask Jisung the thing I’ve been worried about,”   
  
“You guys talked?” Changbin asks, surprised. Hyunjin nods. “Pretty brief but it was long enough to be classified as a conversation, I think,” 

“Well, then why don’t you just go ask him now?” Changbin asks, pointing at the boy who’s curled in Felix's embrace who’s using Chan's lap as a pillow. Chan looks quite pleased with himself and Changbin snorts at him. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Hyunjin moans out, throwing his head back. “Geez,” Minho laughs. “It’s actually important?”

“It could potentially change our whole dynamic!” He whisper-shouts and Changbin snorts. “What dynamic.” 

Hyunjin lets out a frustrated groan again and Minho frowns at him. “Really?” 

“Really!” Hyunjin shouts back. “But I don’t want to disturb them— just look!” He points to where Felix and Jisung are asleep in each others hold, obviously all bad blood between them gone as if it had never happened in the first place. “And when I was talking to Jisung earlier he was crying quite a bit,” 

“I saw his eyes before when we were walking, you could tell,”   
  
Hyunjin presses his lips together and his eyes soften as he takes in the small figure of Jisung clinging to his new friend. 

“I’m glad,” Hyunjin murmurs softly. Minho scoffs, “Of what?” 

The taller boy smiles. 

“That he finally has a friend,” 

  
→

  
Jisung jolts awake. 

The hand on his chest crawls into his skin and he hisses lightly as nails dig into his flesh.   
  
Felix is looming over him, his eyes glassy and Jisung gasps lightly, sitting up slowly and bringing Felix's hands into his lap. “Why?” He asks alarmed.

He begins to look around their camp but finds nothing but the others sleeping around the crackling fire. 

“You don’t think there are painkillers anywhere?” Felix asks through clenched teeth and Jisung opens his mouth, but no words fall out when he finds he doesn’t have anything to say. 

“I don’t think so,” He settles on after a few seconds and Felix squeezes his eyes shut and his eyebrows contort into a deep frown. “But maybe Hyunjin is more prepared than we thought?” 

“I doubt it…” Felix mumbles. “He didn’t give you any when you were sick before,"  
  
“But that was a migraine,” Jisung says. He gives Felix's hands a squeeze. “You can usually sleep them off. But hey, what’s going on anyway? Are you hurt?” 

Felix then juts out his bottom lip and his brows knit together, and overall he looks absolutely miserable. 

“Cramps are terrible,”   
  
Jisung stills for a few seconds before the realisation hits him. Felix had been changed just like him and Seungmin and Jeongin and suffered just as much of the monthly pain that fell upon them. 

“We should just rip out these stupid implants,” Jisung them murmurs and Felix whines from the back of his throat. “But that would be really dangerous,” Felix says and Jisung sighs. Felix is right, taking out the metal implants would mess their system up and Jisung knows that the artificial makeup of the organs inside them are designed specifically to work with the implants and Jisung fears the unknown. If they ripped out the implants, what would it do to the rest of their bodies that had been modified? 

“I can heat up some water for you?” Jisung offers gently. Felix tilts his head forward to be level with Jisung and a tiny smile pulls at his lips. “It sounds nice,” Felix murmurs as Jisung begins to move.   
  
“Does it help?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jisung answers honestly. “I only ever asked for painkillers when the pains hit, but I think warmth would help. It was always less painful if I was warm,” he answers as he pours some water from Felix's canteen into the pot that sits a meter away from the fire. 

“It shouldn’t take too long to boil,” Jisung crawls back to Felix and lays by his side. Felix curls in on himself, his hands setting around his abdomen. “Sometimes I wish I had chosen not to go,” Felix whispers. 

The night is placid. The breeze is cool, but the still air is comforting enough to be able to sleep comfortably without shelter. Jisung pulls the blankets over both of them and hums gently. “Sometimes I wished I had run away as soon as my sister was born,” Jisung murmurs back. It’s one of his many sore spots and the mention of her sends a pang through his heart.

“As soon as she was born, it was like my parents forget I even existed. Until they found the opportunity to get rid of me for a reward.” Felix juts out his bottom lips even further. His eyes are filled with sympathy and gently he reaches out a small hand to cup Jisung's full cheek. “Your cheeks are soft,” he whispers. Jisung smiles ever so softly. 

“I cannot fathom in words how hard it has been for you,” Felix then tells him gently. “As soon as you said that last night I had suddenly regretted my whole life up to this point,” Felix hums, pulls his hand back to rub his stomach. “It hurt my heart.”  
  
The sudden rumble of water surprises Jisung and he springs up, heading over to the pot of boiling water. He pours the hot water into the canteen, cooling it enough to drink right away, but still hot enough to sit as liquid warmth in Felix's stomach. 

He gently hands Felix the canteen and slides back under the blankets with him. 

  
Hyunjin had awoken not long ago, but he had heard the sharp intake of breath coming from Felix and Jisung. Chan had stirred next to him and woken as well. He had been concerned at first, wanting to go and make sure Felix was fine but Hyunjin held him back just as he saw Felix waking Jisung up. 

It was interesting to see Jisung like this. Hyunjin had only ever seen him as a caged boy, not daring to let anyone see his true self, or a more vulnerable side of him that had never left Hyunjin's mind. 

But here he was, fretting over Felix and almost condoling him. It was nice to see, reassuring even because Hyunjin had begun to worry that Jisung's exclusion from society and human interaction had made and bigger impact on him than what it is turning out to be. 

He stilled struggled and even when he lays down with Felix, Hyunjin can see his hesitation, small, but it’s there. 

Chan shrugs his shoulders and turns back to Hyunjin. “Should we just leave them?” Hyunjin asks him gently. “I do have painkillers, but only for extreme occasions,” 

“I think he’ll be okay,” Chan pats his shoulder and gives him a large smile. “Go back to sleep, give them some time, hey?” 

Hyunjin nods and pulls his own blanket higher, but he can’t help listening in and if Chan sees the dried tear tracks on his face in the morning, Hyunjin will only smile sadly. 

  
“It feels like I don’t even have a heart anymore,” Jisung tells him and it is brutally honest. The only thing reminding him that the organ is keeping him alive is the steady rhythm of it in his chest. 

Felix drinks slowly, sipping on the warm water. He sends him a soft look, but Jisung doesn’t sense pity. Jisung is grateful, however, he thinks he’d pity himself if he were a different person. 

“It hurt too much. All the testing, the producers, the drugs, the pain, the loss,” He sucks in a deep breath, suddenly squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “It hurt all too much that it just stopped… it reached a peak that I never knew it was capable of reaching and after that… I felt numb. Everything felt dull, nothing made my heart rate pick up in my chest, I was just a living shell.”   
  
Felix reaches out and holds his hand. His canteen is tucked to his stomach and Jisung guesses it’s nice and warm on the outside, too.

“They wanted to break us, I think. I… I think they wanted to gain as much control over us as possible. You know, to make themselves feel less guilty about using someone their whole life, I think it would’ve comforted them to think they were using up a hollow persons life. Turn us into nothing but wombs,” 

“And they succeeded,” Felix croaks out. Jisung sighs deeply. “I guess they did…”   
  
It falls silent for a little bit. 

“You’re not hollow now,” Felix then says. His eyes are concerned and Jisung wonders when the veil of concern will finally leave them all. It’s only been barely over a week, but the concern has been evident and Jisung can only guess how much worse it will become.

“No,” Jisung smiles, a gentle tug of the corner of his lips but Felix finds it even in the dark. 

“Ever since I saw Minho in the halls, I felt again and now,” Jisung breaths out a small chuckle. “I’ve felt more than I have in a few years in this short span.”   
  
“It’s amazing,” Jisung whispers out. Sleep weighs his eyelids down. The tug is irresistible and his body suddenly feels lighter when he gives in to closing his eyes. 

“What is?” Felix’s voice is drifting like his own, thick under the enchantment of sleep. 

“Belonging somewhere,” Jisung murmurs, falling into the enchantment.

“Finding a home in people,” 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna say... the character development in this fic... i do think its quite a good attribute of this fic heheh
> 
> i will just say Hyunjin is such an interesting character too, u gotta give him his chance that he deserves! Everyone in this fic is diverse and they have very deep characteristics that will eventually all get out!! that's one of my favourite things about writing long fics tbh, personal growth and development... sexc 
> 
> Anyways thank u so so much for giving my shitty little brain fart fic a chance :DDD i love u!!! <33
> 
> Also!!! come say hi to me if you have twt i always tweet when i update! and if anyone is interested i also post when some progress sometimes and new fic thingos....!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	9. 8→

Jisung wakes Felix with a gentle nudge. The boy stirs but whines and slaps Jisung's hand away. 

Jisung had slept like a rock as soon as he fell asleep. There was nothing to keep him up except for the smell of his own clothing that was stiff with dried sweat and the smell of mud. His hair feels wet on the top of his head, damp with oils that have been collecting for too long. 

Felix looks exactly how Jisung feels, shiny and his clothes sticking to his skin uncomfortably. 

Chan plonks next to Jisung and shakes Felix gently. “Lix, we’re going to wash up in the stream, you need to come, too,” Jisung perks up at that and thanks Chan silently. Nothing sounds better than washing the built-up grime that’s collected over his skin. 

Felix wakes, begrudgingly and huffs all the way to the stream. 

“How come we haven’t broken out the spare clothing sooner?” Jisung asks Changbin who’s hauling one of the backpacks down with him. Jisung looks at the backpack in disbelief that they had fit so much extra supplies in just one bag. 

“We needed to be far enough away first,” Changbin tells him honestly. “And we didn’t have enough time to spare to indulge in such luxury,” Felix raises his brows and laughs gently. 

“So this is like a checkpoint in a way?” Felix asks and Changbin nods. “Sure. If that’s how you see it,” 

They walk out of the last sprinkling of trees and Jisung breathes in deep. 

Nature has reclaimed herself beautifully. 

The water is crystal clear and shines with a blue hue and Jisung sees fish swimming around Minho's and Jeongin’s legs, the two boys already in the water, still fully clothed. The trees surrounding the waterhole are thick and green, a perfect coverage and Jisung, who is still a little enthralled by nature after seeing nothing but white walls for seven years lets out a deep sigh, crouching down and letting the tips of his fingers dig into the sand of the bank. 

Water laps over his fingers gently and Jisung smiles softly. “If you go to Minho, he has leaves that act like soap, so you should get some and clean your clothes with them too,” Changbin tells them as he bends down, the bag on the floor as he digs through it, pulling out neatly folded clothing. 

“How did you even fit that all in there?” Felix laughs when Changbin keeps on pulling out clothes. “Go ask brainiac over there,” he points to Minho who flinches as a fish brushes by his leg, falling and the water from his splash covers Jeongin head to toe. The youngest screams loudly and tackles Minho in the water, the both of them flailing around in the water. 

“Unfortunately, I have no hope at getting all the stuff back in without him,” Changbin sighs loudly and Jisung cocks his head to the side. “Minho’s smart?” He sounds rather surprised and Jisung flushes as soon as he realises his question could be misleading.

Changbin cackles at that. He throws his head back and barks out in laughter. “I know it’s really hard to believe,” Changbin snorts and he shakes his head. “But he’s really smart,”   
  
“Huh,” says Felix. “I haven’t really interacted that much with him yet.” 

“He’s a good guy. Terribly confusing, but a good person,” Changbin smiles at them and Jisung finds himself frowning.

He knows Minho is a different character. The way his gaze changes, but how his aura always holds a certain smoulder, even now as he’s playing around with Jeongin in the water, Jisung feels as if there’s a hidden power hidden deep beneath him. It’s pulling Jisung in, but Jisung refuses to gravitate towards it. 

Jisung follows Felix blindly into the water, wading through the gentle current towards Minho. 

Jisung feels a knot form in his stomach, something that feels akin to a hive of bees swarming inside him. There’s not a set word Jisung could use to describe the way he feels as he nears the mysterious man.

“Hi!” Felix cheers and Jisung raises a brow at how he can be so happy even when Jisung knows too well about the pains currently plaguing him. Minho waves at them and Jeongin cheers loudly, crashing into Felix to give him a large hug. 

“Oh! You’re happy today, Innie,” Felix pats the taller boys head who beams down at him. “It feels nice to finally have some fun.” He smiles widely, but as he turns to Jisung, it falls a little bit. Jisung is half hiding behind Felix and he tries to smile at the younger, but he’s sure it turns out to be more of a grimace than anything. 

“Hi…” Jisung waves at him. Jeongin smiles a bit brighter, “I have leaves from Minho if you want them,” Jeongin thrusts out his hands filled with leaves and Jisung splutters a bit, hurriedly catching them. 

“Just tear them and rub them between your hands!” Jeongin says. “I’ll come with you guys too!” Seungmin comes running to them, clearly having trouble running through water and he almost trips a few times if it wasn’t for Changbin beside him. 

He has a wide smile over his face and even though everyone is drenched and look like grease pits, Jisung hasn’t seen them smile so much in one day yet. 

“Hey…” Jisung finally moves away from Felix's shadow when Seungmin joins them. “Umm maybe we could go around the bend there,” He points where the stream curves around itself. It had occurred to him when Jeongin handed them the leaves that this required a bit more than showing some skin and as he looks over to the other four ten meters away, he squeaks when he finds them pealing their clothes off. 

“Woah!” Felix sticks his two thumbs up at Chan, smiling broadly. Chan splutters, covering his chest with his arms and Minho breaks out into cackling laughter when the tips of his ears turn red. 

“But sure,” Seungmin shrugs. 

“We’re going around the bend,” Felix tells them and he falls into the water, favouring swimming in the hip-deep water instead of trying to trudge through the water. 

Everyone follows suit and soon enough, they’re safely concealed by trees and other shrubs. 

“We should put the clothes together and clean them all at once,” Jeongin suggests and while that is the most time-saving option— Jisung knows they have to scavenge for things to eat today too— his heart picks up in his chest. 

“Naked?” Jisung whispers out and Felix shrugs. “I mean we’re all pretty much in the same boat…” Jisung winces but he nods anyway. 

“Okay, but I’m not getting out naked,” Jisung grumbles as he works on unbuttoning his pants. Jisung wasn’t really too nervous to be nude, he had become almost desensitised by the institution's ways of exposing him almost daily. Jisung doesn’t have to even ask if the others had gone through that, because the answer would be yes and if any of them had a problem with bathing in the nude together, Jisung assumes— hopes— they’d speak up.  
No one does. 

“That's fine, just don’t get them dirty while they’re wet. And make sure you change once you get out,” Seungmin says as he pulls his shirt over his head. 

  
Jisung feels bare. 

Considering they’re butt naked, that’s inevitable, but Jeongin stares at him, no hint of shame across his face, and cocks his head in thought. Jisung sinks further into the water from his hip-deep position. 

“Jisung… did they… you know?” The youngest gestures a shape with his hands and it catches the attention of the others. 

“Yeah,” Jisung mutters, sinking further into the water. He knows what Jeongin is asking even without asking. He’s thin, almost too thin it’s worrying but it’s the way his structure differs, the rounded edges of his body that Jisung had slowly accepted as a part of himself over time.

“I was too skinny for them,” he tells them. It feels strange, to talk about his experiences and not have to explain in great detail because they understood almost as much as Jisung did himself. And something about that, these boys have gone through the same thing he did feels comforting and even though Jisung has barely spoken to both Seungmin and Jeongin before this, it feels oddly natural. 

“For carrying?” Jeongin presses on and Jisung hums. “Hey, guys,” Felix's voice is a little sterner than usual. “You shouldn't ask such personal questions without asking first,” this brings a smile to Jisung's lips. 

“It’s okay Felix, they’re just as curious as you are,” Felix flushes brightly. Jisung had noticed Felix's visible confusion a few times they were laying down together and then his comparing of his own body then his eyes taking Jisung's frame back in. 

“You really are tiny, though…” Felix whispers. He’s close enough to grasp Jisung's hand and Jisung would’ve totally been fine with that if they weren’t stark naked. “Are you sure they were confident you could even carry a baby?” Jisung stiffens at that. 

They had at first after they put the extra weight on for him, they had been more than optimistic. 

Jisung, now, wasn’t so sure. He had already lost one, but it was the first of what was supposed to be many. Jisung wasn’t exactly sure how small he was either until he stood next to the others. Most of them were similar heights, Changbin being closest to his height but he was broad, muscly and Jisung felt like a stick next to him. Chan, too. He was made up with thick muscle around his body. The others were taller than him, shoulders wider and limbs longer. Hyunjin towered over him enough to make him feel slightly intimated. Jisung knows most of them would be able to snap him in half if they wanted and that’s quite an intrusive thought.

“They were,” Jisung answers. 

  
“But not you…?” Seungmin smacks Jeongin hard on his arm. He yelps and pouts at him. Jisung sinks even further into the water as if it’s concealing him. 

“Mmmh, not really… it’s a bit complicated,” He swallows thickly, feeling as if a stone has been suddenly gotten lodged in his throat. “And I’m not quite ready to talk about it…”   
  
Jisung thinks he’ll never be ready to share that part of his life with anyone. 

  
→

  
Jisung feels like a brand new person now in new clothes and his hair still wet from their wash in the stream. 

“Hey Sungie, maybe you should try a smaller shirt?” Felix giggles at him and Jisung whines, pawing at him with his hands that have been eaten by the fabric of his too-large shirt. “Chan said this one was the smallest out of the dry clothes! Besides, it’s actually really comfy,”   
  
Felix just shakes his head at him. His own shirt was baggy on him, but Felix's fingers poke out of the long sleeves whereas Jisung's don’t quite make it. 

Seungmin snorts at him too and Jisung feels himself blush when he takes his hands and rolls up the sleeves for him. Seungmin pats his wrists and gives him a smile. “There,” 

“Thanks,” Jisung tries to give him a smile back. 

“Alrighty!” Chan cheers and gestures for them the huddle closer to him. “So as everyone knows, we’re running low on food. But Minho and I looked around a bit before and it seems like it’s a good place to scavenge and hunt. So! Teams!” 

“We need someone to stay here and prepare the fire and things for cooking, and teams to collect and someone to go with Minho to hunt… Jisung do you want to go?” All eyes pan over him and Minho's gaze is darkened again, but he’s smiling softly. Jisung gulps. 

“I umm… was wondering if I could collect instead…?” His voice is small and he feels as if he’s shrinking underneath all their eyes. 

“Oh,” Minho breathes out. “I taught Seungmin last time, he should be good to go with,”   
  
“Then that’s settled!” Seungmin cheers and he links his and Jisung's arm together. Jisung stiffens at first but relaxes in the hold, realising it too is awfully comforting, just how Felix's small, warm hands felt against his skin. 

Human touch feels warm, and it sends a sudden spark through his body that warms his insides and creates a feeling of sedation. Jisung was only used to cold gloved hands, prying him open and pulling at his soft skin. But the gentleness these boys treat him with makes him feel… safe. 

And the sudden thought causes Jisung's eyes to well with tears. 

He’s lucky that it’s just he and Seungmin now, wandering around the forest, pulling up different plants and picking different fruits from low and high hanging plants.

But Seungmin notices and he drops his bag of berries he was collecting from the bush and hurries over, grabbing Jisung's hands and inspecting them for any wounds. 

“I’m fine,” Jisung croaks out. He steals his hands away and wipes the tears away. “I don’t know why I just got emotional then…”   
  
“Oh,” Seungmin then smiles at him, obviously glad no harm had been done to Jisung. “It’s okay. I get emotional when my cycles are nearing… Maybe it’s almost time?”  
  
“Maybe,” Jisung nods, thinking it’s a very likely idea.

“You know being rescued at the time that we did saved me from getting pregnant,” Seungmin says after a brief amount of silence. He’s back plucking berries and Jisung is digging for root vegetables again. 

Jisung looks at him and he finds Seungmin’s lips in a thin line, his brows furrowed. “You didn’t want it either?” 

Seungmin hums and shakes his head. “After realising what the circumstances were I never wanted anything more than to get out,”  
  
“And here you are,” Jisung says. Seungmin sends him a warm smile. 

“What about you? I know you were the longest residing person there?” 

Jisung only hums. “Of course I was close. A few times.”   
  
Seungmin raises his eyebrows. “And you got out of it?” 

Jisung stills for a few seconds before he hums gently. “I guess you could say that.” Seungmin doesn’t push for an explanation and the ball of nerves threatening to unravel inside Jisung's belly slowly fades away until there’s nothing but a subtle warmth. 

  
→

  
Jisung perks up when he hears leaves crunching under footsteps and is suddenly meeting eyes with Minho. His head cocks to the side and he slowly takes him in. Jisung shuffles a bit but doesn’t move away. Minho does intimidate him, he makes him hyperaware of everything going on around him and when Minho's around him, it’s like the air stills, it is useless to breathe and time flows differently. Minho demands attention even when he is doing so little as breathing. 

Jisung gulps and tears his eyes away from him just as Jeongin tumbles into the small clearing, three rabbits in his grasp. 

Jisung can feel Minho staring at his back and he knows he’s walking towards him by the crunch of the leaves, but Jisung allows him to advance on him until he’s sitting right beside him and he pulls the bag of foraged goods closer to him and works at removing the inedible parts with Jisung. 

“Thank you,” Jisung whispers to him and all he gets in return is a small smile and a stare full of unspoken wonder. 

  
→

  
When Jisung's eyes peal open to see nothing but darkness that night, he panics at first. 

But a voice fills his ears, so soft he barely hears it, but he does and when he follows it, he finds Chan awake and poking at the dying embers of the fire. 

He rubs his eyes once to rid of the sleep crusting his eyes shut and then twice to rub away the nightmares that clung to his eyelids. 

“Jisung?” Chan whispers out. Jisung clutches at his blanket and gently stands. Felix mumbles in his sleep but doesn’t wake. Jisung takes the chance to hurry out of Felix's zone and allows Chan to help him make himself comfortable next to him. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” Chan asks him softly and Jisung hangs his head, nodding. Chan hums gently and reaches out his hand, “Can I touch you?” And Jisung pauses and stares into the eldest’s eyes, shocked that he had even asked him. Jisung nods. 

Jisung doesn’t remember a time where anyone had asked for his consent. It feels good, to finally have a say. Jisung feels that out here, in the middle of nowhere on a journey to find freedom and safety, he feels the most alive he has ever felt. 

A warm trickle eases its way into his heart and it stays, warming him up. 

Chan’s hand gently rubs circles against Jisung's back and Jisung finds himself leaning into the touch. 

“When I have nightmares I always like to drink something warm,” Chan tells him as he hands him warm water in a canteen. “It makes me feel safe,” Jisung takes a sip and it eases his nerves and helps the blurry feeling of his eyes settle. Jisung does feel safe now. 

It had been almost two weeks now, and compared to the first few days when Jisung was even wary of Felix, he feels like a different person. 

He had only known how to glare at people, flinch from their touch, but now here he was today, leaning into the touch of others he had once been wary of. 

“Do you have nightmares a lot?” Jisung finds himself asking. “Hmmm, I guess so? Not every night, but they’re pretty persistent things,” He faces Jisung and gives him one of those soft smiles. “Are yours bad at the moment?” 

“Yeah. They always happened every night in the facility and when we first broke out they disappeared for a bit. Maybe it was the sudden change of physical activity that wore me out too much, but I thought my nightmares only came while I was in the facility, but now it turns out no matter where I go, they’ll follow me,”   
  
Chan sighs. “The worst things are always the things that follow you around,” Jisung nods and rests his head on his hand, staring at the fire that Chan had just fed. It’s flames grow again and engulf the wood, licking at its fuel growing hotter and brighter. 

“My mother went insane,” Chan suddenly says and Jisung looks at him with raised eyebrows. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” Jisung tells him but Chan just shakes his head. “It’s fine. It was a long time ago now,”

“Well, you already know my story,” Jisung mutters after they fall into silence for a bit. 

Chan scratches at his head. “Yeah, I do… I wish I could’ve helped you sooner. I think I recall seeing you as a kid,” Jisung looks at him and Chan suddenly sucks in a breath. 

“Definitely,” Chan tells himself. “You look so similar…” he mutters. “I think it's the cheeks,” And Jisung juts out his bottom lip and scrunches up his nose in dismay. Chan laughs softly at him. 

“When my mother died after she lost the plot Minho’s family took me in. We were always friends, so it wasn’t a major adjustment I had to make, but I still escaped with him into the wild and that’s where our knowledge comes from. We did it twice. For months at a time.” 

Jisung adjusts his body and shuffles closer to Chan, enough so their thighs touch. Neither of them makes a move to slide away. 

“I was every aware as a kid what was happening to the world and it scared me a lot. But it never sat right with me, the facility. I always had that kid with the chubby cheeks at the back of my mind—you.” He stares into Jisung's eyes. “I grew angry and I developed a sudden need to vent and become strong because one day I knew I was going to help you if nobody beat me to it.”   
  
Chan opens up to Jisung in the middle of a soundless night.   
Jisung sits and watches, listening to Chan's story and gapes when he finds out how devoted these four boys had been to rescue him and the other three boys. Jisung is speechless and the only thing he can do his tackle Chan into a hug. 

Chan hugs him back and doesn’t say anything about it. 

“Maybe we created our own little revolution,” Chan then muses and Jisung cocks his head at him. “Oh, you don’t know the meaning?”   
  
“I lived in the slums,” Jisung reminds him. Chan instantly understands and just gives him a smile before he explains to him, “It’s like a forcible movement to change something in power, usually the government system or something like that,”   
  
Jisung suddenly perks up. He angles his body so Chan can look at him easier and he leans in, voice quiet and eyes wide. 

“So has it happened before? Revolutions?”   
  
“Oh, plenty!” Chan nods, smiling and showing teeth. “There’s been too many to count, but recently they’ve become less frequent,”   
  
“But do you think what you did was a revolt?” Jisung's voice grows slightly louder and he talks faster and Chan senses his excitement easily. Chan frowns. 

“Umm…”  
  
“You broke out four boys that were supposed to ‘fix’ the world crisis,” Jisung whispers, smiling. Chan's face falls again. 

“Oh,” He says. “Oh,” Chan bites on his lip nervously. “I guess we did?”   
  
Jisung notices his apprehension and frowns at Chan. “You think that’s a bad thing?” Chan shakes his head. “No I don’t, but the start of revolutions usually meant that something worse was on its way, some type of defensive move from the opposing side,” 

“But we’re running away from that?” Jisung says. 

“We are,” Chan assures him but his gaze drops. “But it never quite clicked that what we did wasn’t just a small breakout…”  
  
Jisung blinks at him. “Before I jumped off the wall,” he begins to say. Chan looks back up at him. “I thought about my options. My decision was obviously this, but I knew as soon as I jumped humanity would fall,”   
  
Chan swallows thickly. “Do you think that disease is really everywhere?” Jisung shrugs. “I don’t see why it can’t be when it mysteriously appeared here anyway. But Minho told me that the government refuses to interact with other settlements. So, there’s no way they’d actually reach out to find that out or try to hunt us down, right?” 

Chan bites on his bottom lip. “It was to prevent war. To not speak to each other and ignore the other's existence meant peace… I don’t know if they’re that desperate to break the centuries-old law, but perhaps if what you said… the end of humanity,” Chan shrugs his shoulders and forces a smile back on his face. 

“We shouldn’t worry about these things. They’re probably highly unlikely to happen.” Jisung sees right through Chan. He can see how his words had worried him and Jisung wants to slap himself at putting such a dangerous idea into Chan's mind. “Okay,” Jisung whispers softly. 

Felix then lets out a small cry and Jisung perks up. Chan does too, but when Felix cries out once more, Jisung gestures for him to stay. “Go to sleep,” he tells him. “I’ll take care of him,” Chan tries to argue but Jisung shakes his head. 

“Is it that bad?” He whispers and his eyes are shining with worry and dread. 

Jisung hums. “It’s always worse at night,” he mutters before making his way over to a whining Felix. 

Chan watches for a few minutes, only settling to rest when Jisung lays next to Felix and starts humming a tune of a song Chan has only heard once in his life. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! Im so so happy that you guys are enjoying this fic hehehe pls bear with me through the chapters i know I've said this a lot but when i say slow burn id just like to let u know that on the document where I've planned this fic out, slow burn is in caps, bold and a font size 20 instead of my usual 11 lol
> 
> anyways!! I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my good friend Highena!!! Happy birthday!! <3333
> 
> have a good week, i love u all!! <33333
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	10. 9→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly graphic injury! and blood in this chapter!!

Jisung's feet are throbbing. 

Each step he takes it sends a shockwave of busing pain up his feet and into his legs. They have been walking for a whole day straight, the only breaks were to eat and now as the sun has disappeared from the sky, Jisung is more than agitated, waiting for someone to finally ask for a rest. 

Jisung wasn’t about to ask himself though. Two weeks ago it had been Felix who had been the one asking for breaks and everyone complied easily while Felix struggled through but as soon as the cramps had left him, they were pushing harder and harder and Jisung, who has been struggling to even keep his eyes open during the long treacherous walks had asked for many breaks over the past week and he could sense the annoyance that they tried so hard to hide. Jisung has stopped them too many times over the past month they’ve been together, and he wasn’t ready to test their fragile bond, so he stays quiet and ignores the blistering pain and continues on.

It seems like it’s hours later when they finally call for a rest. 

Jisung collapses as soon as the words fill his ears and the only thing he can hear is the scream from Felix and Seungmin as he goes limp. 

→ 

When Jisung finally comes to, the night is deep and the sound of cicadas chirping fills the night's silence. The fire is crackling nearby and then voices finally fill his ears. His head is placed in someone's lap with someone's hand is sprawled out on his stomach, and another on his forehead. 

Jisung peels his eyes open and glares as soon as he sees Hyunjin hovering above him. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Hyunjin breathes out a sigh of relief and falls back, his butt colliding with the ground as he groans. “He must be fine if he can glare at you,” Minho muses and Hyunjin shoots the elder his own glare, which Minho returns back. Jisung tries to sit up, but the hand on his stomach pushes with light force and when he looks up, he locks eyes with Minho. He’s frowning softly and Jisung continues to look up at him like a fool because, god, Minho is handsome. 

His eyes are shiny, the fires light reflecting in the dark orbs, but they’re deep and full of unlocked secrets. 

Secrets that Jisung isn’t quite sure if he ever wants to unlock. Minho is shrouded in layers of mystery, facades that can fool anyone, but Jisung has his own facade and he sees right through them, leaving only a dark cloud of mist around the man. 

Jisung is confused. 

He would think Minho is a rather cold person, but with the corners of his pink mouth turning up and his lap underneath Jisung's head and the warm palm pressing into his abdomen, Jisung thinks it’s just another mask.

“Why can’t I move?” He asks with a frown and Minho only laughs. Jisung frowns. He’s growing more uncomfortable as time goes on, why hadn’t he woken in Felix’s lap, or Seungmin or Chan's for goodness sakes?

“You just passed out?” Minho says and he stares at him with a funny look. 

“Yeah, whatever. Can I please get up now?”

“No you idiot,” Hyunjin comes closer to Jisung and frowns. Jisung huffs and shuffles awkwardly in Minho’s hold. Really, it’s starting to become too uncomfortable for Jisung to bear. 

“Didn’t you hear what Minho said? You passed out,” 

“I was tired!” Jisung yells and this time, he rolls out of Minho's grip. He doesn’t reach back out for him. Instead, Hyunjin clutches onto his arm and Jisung hisses at him, shaking his grip off as he wanders over to Felix who’s watching him with weary eyes. 

“Sung,” Felix says when he sits down next to him. Jisung rests his head on his hand, his arm propped up by his knee and hums as he looks at his friend. “You really should listen to Hyunjin… you just collapsed.” 

“I’m fine, Felix,” Jisung stresses out. “Really, I was just tired, okay? I’m gonna go back to sleep, I’m still tired,” 

Felix only stares at him with a knot between his brows. 

“Okay,” He whispers softly. 

→

“You have something on your mind,” Felix says, sifting closer to Chan. The elder looks up from the fire and gives him a smile. “Yeah,” he admits and Felix gives him a gentle pat on his thigh and offers him his own bright smile. 

“You’re the closest with Jisung at the moment,” The look on Chan's face suddenly turns a little more serious and Felix straightens up, nodding. “Has he said anything about… about a revolt?” 

Felix stares at Chan, his eyes wider than usual and his lips parted. 

“A revolt?” Felix hisses under his breath. “He even knows what a revolt is? I thought he never had an education—“ 

“I told him two weeks ago,” Chan mumbles back. Felix shakes his head. “He hasn’t said anything—“ Chan deflates a bit, “But what’s on  _ your _ mind?”

Chan breathes in deep, closing his eyes. “I think we started something bigger than we initially thought,” Felix blinks and then his eyes go wide and he sucks in a breath. “Chan, you can’t think that this is suddenly going to go south?” 

Chan shakes head. “I don’t know,” He groans. “I think we’ll be fine, but something about it is putting me on edge,” 

“Hey! Come eat some food!” Minho shouts to them from a few meters away. “Can you wake Jisung?” Chan whispers to Felix. The younger boy nods and his looks into Chan's eyes and gives him another smile. 

“We’ll be fine. This one move will have probably caused enough damage than a large revolt anyway,” 

There’s something strangely comforting about that thought. 

→

Jisung learns throughout the week that when the plague of tiredness falls over you, it doesn’t leave so easily. 

After his fainting spell last week, the group had been on high alert and Jisung had already snapped at both Hyunjin who was adamant to check him over— Jisung had blown up over it and had cried in the forest again until Felix trudged over and brought him back to warm up by the fire— and Changbin who had forced him to sit down after catching him swaying hazardously. 

“Stop touching me!” Jisung screams and he flings his hands out, pushing Changbin from his side after he catching him around the waist after he stumbled on a rock. 

Everyone turns to look at him and he fumes. He breathes in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly with his controlled breathing. 

“Would everyone stop treating me like I’m going to fall and die at any point!” 

“We’re just trying to look out for you,” Chan tells him but Jisung just groans. “For the twentieth time,  _ I’m fine _ ,”

“Maybe you could say that when you can stop tripping over your own feet and sleeping as soon as we set up camp,” 

“Isn’t that what the camp is for?” Jisung sneers at Changbin. “You haven’t even been eating!” Hyunjin cries out. “That's why you’re so lethargic now! Jisung, this is a straining time for your body, you need to take care of yourself.” 

“And I feel that I need to sleep!” He cries. 

“Hey!” Chan shouts. He's frowning and he looks mad, something Jisung has yet to see. His voice is booming loud, and everything falls quiet around him. 

“Everyone needs to calm down,” he tells him. “We’re going to set up camp here,” The area is thick with shrubs and trees and Jisung spots a pond nearby. It’s hotter here, the air is humid and the heat is eating away at Jisung's last patience and making him even more lightheaded. 

“And Jisung,” His eyes narrow at him. “You’re going to eat and then sleep and you’re not going to argue with everyone trying to help you,”

“I don’t need help—“

“Don't argue,” Chan growls at him and the tone he uses on him makes Jisung halt and stare at him before he nods, completely useless against the eldest.

“Now go and gather food. We’ll meet at the base fire when you have enough for us all,” 

“Who’s with who?” Hyunjin asks and Chan shrugs. 

“I’m going with Minho,” Jisung grunts out grabbing the older man by his collar and pulling him away. Minho lets out a strangled noise of surprise but allows Jisung to drag him away.

“Why not Felix?” 

“Because I don’t want to be stared at with such sympathy right now!” He yells back as they disappear into the bushes. 

“And what makes you think I won’t stare at you with ‘such sympathy’?” Minho chuckles, clearly mocking him. 

Jisung places his hands on his hips and sends him a glare. “I’ve noticed you’re quite a dick,” 

“Oh wow,” Minho scoffs and pauses for a brief moment before he nods his head in understanding. “You’re right,” 

Jisung makes a noise of satisfaction and then points to the weapon slung around Minho's chest. “Do you think we will find anything?” 

“To hunt?” Minho raises a brow at him, cocking his head. “I mean I guess so. There is usually plenty in the wild since no humans come out here,” 

“Shouldn’t it be a lot more dangerous, then?” Jisung mumbles. “To think we haven’t run into trouble with anything other than ourselves,”

“You gotta admit it’s always you that makes the trouble,” Minho counters swiftly and Jisung sends him a glare. “I was cooped up for seven years, anyone would have trouble with this if they only got half an hour of walking not even every day,” 

Minho winces. “Oh… yeah of course… But regarding your previous question, maybe we’re just lucky?”

Jisung screws up his nose and shakes his head. “Not with me around, no one should be lucky,” 

“Oh come on, you’re such a pessimist,” Minho pokes him in the shoulder and the younger boy glares at him. “And stop looking at everyone like that, it makes me want to either punch you or hide,” 

“There’s only one right answer,” Jisung tells him and Minho smirks, shaking his fist in front of Jisung who snarls at him. 

“You are one feisty little thing,” Minho scoffs and Jisung groans. “I am not little!” 

“Alright then…” Minho raises a brow and with one last shrug, he wanders further into the dense vegetation. Jisung follows him blindly, keeping his eyes trained on the unstable ground. “Hold onto my shirt,” Minho mutters when he notices him struggling to keep his eyes both on the ground and where Minho is going. 

His hand reaches out, fingertips clasping onto the hem of the elder’s shirt. “If I find a berry bush, should I pick some?” Jisung asks him. Minho is stalking through the trees, his footsteps quiet and he tenses when Jisung talks. “Whatever,” He hisses out. “Just make sure you’re quiet enough. I don’t want to scare away prey,” 

Jisung shuts up after that and tries to tread lighter through the mess of nature. 

Minho points across from where they’re currently standing and Jisung follows the line of his finger and finds a mess of blackberry bushes. Jisung's eyes light up and Minho gives him a small smile and Jisung softly manoeuvres through the thick shrub to get to the berries. 

Minho continues on without him, gently whispering not to follow him and to stay where he is. Jisung doesn’t fight it, instead, he plucks juicy berries off their bush, trying to dodge the prickly stems, and dropping the dark berries into his pulled out shirt. 

It takes some time to fill his shirt with berries, but when he’s close to plucking them all off, his fingers now drenched in dark juice that drips down onto the earth beneath him, a loud noise fills his ears and he yelps loudly.

His foot rolls and he falls. He loses most of the berries from his shirt when he stumbles, and blindly reaches out to grab at anything to keep him falling. The brambles on the blackberry bush cuts through his flesh, piercing his hand and Jisung cries out. He falls to his knees and the impact of his body falling drags the sharp plant through the soft flesh on his hand. 

Tears prick in his eyes and he whimpers out loudly, but he doesn’t dare to move. 

He stays kneeling on the soft earth, crying at the searing pain. Blood is flowing down his hand, streaming down his arm and dripping at his bent elbow. 

His head turns when he hears footsteps along with the rustling of leaves. Minho comes out through the bushes, holding a chicken in his left hand. He’s smiling when Jisung first sees him, but as soon as Minho looks in his direction, his face falls and he drops the pheasant to the ground, scurrying over to him. 

“Shit, Jisung what did you do?” Minho squats next to him, pulling out the knife at his waist.

“I fell,” he mutters out, wiping his tears with his uninjured hand. “And I grabbed it like an idiot,” 

Minho's eyes widen when he notices the boys arm drenched in blood. “Oh fuck, that’s a lot of blood,” Jisung winces and nausea spins his head. He takes in deep breathes and winces when Minho's fingers land on his hand. Panic fills him with flashes of sudden heat, the churn of his stomach and Jisung whines out low, ripping his eyes away from the mess of red that is causing him to suddenly spiral down. 

“Can I pull it out?”

“God, if you can,” Jisung answers with a pained hiss. “Okay, but it’s gonna hurt, you can squeeze my sho—“

Jisung screams profanities at the top of his lungs. 

→

“Is anyone actually skilled in fishing?” Hyunjin mumbles. The two others with him, Felix and Chan turn back to him and shrug their shoulders. Hyunjin only grimaces. 

“How hard can it be?” Chan asks him as he wades into the water and Hyunjin groans. 

“Fish are slippery, and they’re fast swimmers, so it’ll be hard to catch them! Right, Felix—“ 

Hyunjin's mouth falls open when Felix emerges from the water, a fish in his hand while smiling like a fool. Chan follows not even a few seconds later, his own hands curled tightly around a large fish. 

“Forget it,” Hyunjin grumbles as Chan throws him his fish. “I forgot you’re like, good at everything,” 

Felix looks towards Chan who sends him a bashful smile, snatching the nape of his neck. “You guys continue on then,” Hyunjin shoos them back into the water. “I’ll prepare them, then,” 

It only takes the duo twenty minutes to have enough fish to feed everyone well. 

Chan had originally thought Hyunjin would struggle with deboning the fish and preparing it to eat, but it turned out that Hyunjin didn’t just know how to operate on humans, but on fish as well. Felix, however, struggled and instead sat and watched, but his eyes distant. 

“I’m worried,” Felix says suddenly. Chan takes his eyes off of the last fish he was preparing and looks at the younger man, cocking his head. Felix's eyes flicker to Chan's before he averts his gaze to his lap. “About Jisung…” he elaborates. He’s playing with his fingers in his lap, clearly nervous, but he looks up to meet both of the others gazes. 

“Have you noticed changes to?” Hyunjin shuffles a little closer. He had noticed major changes in the boy, too. 

“I mean I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but he wasn’t so… wasn’t so,”

“He wasn’t so clumsy, so tired, so snappy?”

Felix screws his nose up at the last part. “Right,” Hyunjin murmurs. “He’s always been snappy,”

“But yes! I mean maybe this really has taken a toll on him, but something feels off… there’s something not right. All of us walk the same distance, us three were locked up for some time too, but we aren’t collapsing as soon as possible, avoiding food,” Felix's voice heightens in distress. “I’m really worried…” 

“I think,” Chan sighs loudly. “Hyunjin maybe you should confront him,”

“Me?” The boy shrieks. His eyes are wide and he nods his head furiously. “He’ll rip my head off! Chan, why can’t you do it instead, he’s growing to like you! Or Felix! He actually likes Felix!” Hyunjin whines loudly, the protest loud and clear but Chan shakes his head. 

“First of all, you’re the doctor, not Felix or me and secondly, as much as he might despise you, you’ve known him the longest.” 

Hyunjin sighs dramatically. “But if he does get really mad come back and I’ll try to talk to him instead,” Felix pats Hyunjin on the arm. 

“Do you have any idea that it might be? Did anything happen in the institution before we rescued you guys?” Chan shots his question out to Felix who hums, shaking his head. “I don’t know…”

“Hyunjin?” Chan's eyes slide over to the taller male and when he sees his face whitening, the young doctor's fingers trembling, Chan gulps. 

“What do you know?” 

Hyunjin shakes his head, licking his dry lips. “I think I know.” He murmurs lowly. He lifts his head and nods. “I’m pretty sure I know, but this… this is going to change a lot… god…” 

Felix and Chan can only share a worried look between each other. 

→

Around the fire, Felix jumps up from Chan's side suddenly when he spots Jisung and Minho wandering back into the newly set up camp. 

Felix wouldn’t have sprung up so fast, or gotten up at all if it weren’t for the look on Jisung's face and the blood clinging to his arm. A closer inspection, Felix can see Minho's hand tightly holding onto a bloodied hand. Jisung is wincing and his eyes are red, clear tear tracks down his cheeks. 

“Sungie!” He cries out. The boy looks at him and Felix takes a breather when Jisung meets his gaze and immediately bursts out into tears once more. Minho looks as equally as confused. 

“What did he do this time?” Hyunjin sighs, taking the injured hand into his two much larger hands. Jisung is sniffling, whimpering into Felix's shoulder while Minho sits just behind the distressed boy. 

“He fell and grabbed a blackberry bush to try to save himself,” Hyunjin winces and nods. “This is gonna hurt, Jisung so I suggest you try to find a comfortable position—“ 

Minho lets out a loud ‘oomph’ as Jisung's elbow shoves into his stomach, the boys head-smashing down onto his shoulder. “Hey! Don’t bite me aga— HEY!” 

Hyunjin watches Jisung's sleeping form. He’s tucked as close as he could possibly get to Felix’s chest, sleeping soundly with the occasional whine drifting from his barely parted lips.

Hyunjin had barely succeeded in forcing Jisung to eat after fixing his wound. He had tried to curl up to Felix as soon as they were done and Chan had to peel him away from his friend to even get him to open his eyes. Needless to say, Chan’s arm is stuck around Jisung's tiny waist, his back pressed against Felix. Jisung has a tight grip on the eldest’s hand, even in sleep. 

Hyunjin sighs loudly, pulling his own blanket over him and cuddling up to Jeongin who’s looking up at him with a small smile, dark eyes sparkly. He tucks the youngest close to his chest and sighs happily at the warmth. 

His questioning would have to wait until morning. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY SO i just wanna say thank you for all ur support and all the kind comments omg i know so many of you are actually enjoying the story itself and omg that makes me so so happy really!! 
> 
> also I'm up to chapter 15 now so i have quite a lot still up my sleeve and honestly this chapter isn't quite full on so ill post it before update day so you guys have a more satisfying read on Sunday!! this chapter still has relationship development and character development so its still important ! i hope you guys enjoyed!!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	11. 10→

“We should head off again,” Chan says. He’s just finished sharpening his knife that he used the night prior with the fish and is studying the sharp edge carefully. He deems it good enough and slides it back in the sheath by his hip.

“Down the mountain?” Jeongin questions. His hair is sticking up in different directions and Hyunjin reaches out to try to soothe down the dark locks. 

“Yeah, it’s about time we got moving again. We don’t want anyone catching up on us,"

“You think they are?” Jeongin asks, nervous. Chan just shrugs. “We can never be sure about these things,”

“So pack up now?” Seungmin asks and Chan nods. “But, since we only got fish and a chicken last night, let’s split up and look for food on our way down. Meet at the lake at the bottom by noon?”

Jisung eyes Felix who gives him a little glare. Jisung pouts, still nursing his injured hand to his chest. “Why won’t you go with me instead?” He whines, shuffling closer to Felix but he huffs. 

“You kept me awake all night with your stupid panting!” Jisung looks at him with wide eyes and then pouts again. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “But I wanna go with you, you make me feel the comfiest…” Felix sighs and shakes his head. “I know, Sung, but you can’t just stay with me this whole time. You need to trust the others eventually… we’re a team now. A family,”

Jisung grunts. “A very dysfunctional family,”

Felix winces. “What's a family without the… dysfunction?” 

“I can go with you,” Hyunjin is looking down at him and Jisung just scoffs. “Do I get paid?” Hyunjin's face falls then hardens into a frown. “No. And I’m not that bad,”

“You don’t get to decide that,” Jisung murmurs, waking away from the medic who looks at Felix, crestfallen. “He’ll come around one day,” 

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Not if I’m going shatter his world,” Hyunjin whispers. Felix hears him but he just bites down on his lip. 

Jisung stops in front of Minho who’s packing the blankets into a bag. 

“Again?” Minho raises a brow at him. “Really?” Jisung hums and Minho sighs and nods. “Okay, but you still haven’t apologised for biting me.  _ Twice _ ,” 

“Sorry,” Jisung hurries out and Minho sighs, knowing well that Jisung hadn’t meant that as much as Minho had hoped. “We could get another chicken or something,” Jisung mutters as Minho slings the bag over his own back. The elder nods his head. “There were quite a few,” 

“Can we head off now?” Minho calls out to Chan. They get a thumbs up in return.

Minho and Jisung are the first to set out. 

“I am not going near another one of those,” Jisung shivers when Minho spots large blackberry bushes. “Fair enough,” Minho shrugs. “But it’s food, so you can hold the bag open with one hand while I pick some, then,” 

Jisung grumbles, but he still ends up with blackberry juices on his hand, Minho's aim a little off sometimes. 

Jisung had tried to fight the urge to figure out Minho. He had tried to keep distance, watch him from afar instead of following him blindly, but here he was giving in to the temptation that Minho oozed. 

He watches, admiring his profile for a while, wondering why his dark shiny eyes held so much mystery. Chan had said Minho was a rather normal kid, but Jisung falters in his gaze, mixed between hunger of a predator and this fond softness that eases Jisung's frayed edges. 

Minho feels like a threat, but he feels like a warm blanket at the same time. 

“You’re staring,” Minho states boldly and Jisung hums, not even bothering covering up his actions. “I was just thinking,” Jisung tells him honestly. Minho turns and looks down at him, raising an eyebrow and it’s strangely threatening. Jisung feels a burst of heat fill his heart, erupting over his body. 

Jisung thinks back to the first time he met Minho, he had been too high on adrenaline to even look over him enough, but now, there’s golden light flooding in from the canopy and Jisung cannot help but stare, even when Minho locks eyes with him. 

He stares and stares and Minho stares back, unwavering. 

“Do you think it’s almost noon?” Jisung breathes out, finally breaking the warming stare. 

“Didn’t you want to hunt?”

“I did, but—“ A sudden deep roaring growl rips out of nowhere and Minho frowns, cocking his head at Jisung. 

“What the hell was that?” It comes again and Jisung stands abruptly, pulling the bag with one hand. Minho takes it from him and slings it over his shoulders. “I don’t know,” the elder mumbles. “Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound good,” he grips onto Jisung's good hand and begins to pull him out of the trees, though the scrubs— all while the noises become louder and much more frequent— until they’re suddenly at a cliff's edge. 

Jisung can see the others already down the mountain, past the lake, all unharmed but looking weary. 

He then hears Minho gasp from his side and his grip tightens around him involuntarily. Jisung frowns and he turns to look back, convinced something is going on. 

When he does, his stomach drops and a small scream leaves his lips.

Dust. There’s dust everywhere and with another sudden roar, Jisung suddenly discovers it is the earth making the deep growls that reverberate through him.

A landslide. 

His heart rate picks up in his chest and then he looks to Minho, fear evident on his face. Minho isn’t much better. He’s trembling and holding Jisung so tight it hurts.

The sudden rumble startles Jisung. 

He looks over the edge of the mountains cliff and a scared squeal leaves his lips when he sees the drop. The other six are down there, waving to them, screaming at them to come down, all drenched in water from their swim after climbing down the small mountain.

But Jisung's mind is pulling him in too many directions, he pauses to look back, a horrified noise escaping him. 

Crumbling earth is roaring down the mountain, coming straight towards them. 

Jisung takes an uncalculated step backwards. 

His foot lands on a rock and his ankle rolls, causing him to stumble and just as he goes to yell out, there’s an arm circling around his thin waist, pulling him plush to a larger chest. His fingers grip onto Minho’s shirt, his eyes tightly shut and his cheek pushed against the taller’s shoulder. 

“Jisung,” Minho's voice is steady, his mouth right by his ear. His warm breath tickles against his cool skin. “You’ve got to trust me right now,” 

Reality suddenly slaps Jisung across the face and he pulls away from Minho's grip. The elder boys arm slips from his waist and he takes a few steps backwards, glaring at the elder. He frowns through his glare when he sees Minho's own narrowed eyes. “Don’t touch me like that,” He begins but the roar of the earth cascade is growing louder and he sees how Minho jumps on the balls of his feet, antsy. 

“I don’t care if you hate me after this,” Minho growls and Jisung startles when his hands clasp around his waist, pulling him flush to his body again. The warmth of his body radiates through their clothing almost as soon as they touch. His hold is tight around him and Jisung feels himself tense, looking up at the elder. His eyes are smouldering and Jisung feels a groan of anger bubble up his throat.

Minho is quicker than him and one hand travels down, past his hip and hooking at his thigh, gripping him tightly.

Jisung yelps out. “Put your arms around my neck!” He has to yell over the storm of earth and in his fit of panic, Jisung listens. 

“I’m not gonna let you get hurt,” Minho then promises a soft tone, but it’s unwavering, strong and Jisung feels strangely safe at this moment, with earth roaring behind them, greedy to eat them up. Minho's arms are warm, comforting even.

And just as Jisung is as close as he can possibly get, his face tucked into his neck, Minho runs, Jisung's feet dragging against the rumbling earth until there’s nothing under his feet. 

Minho throws them both of the mountain.

There’s nothing around them but air. Jisung screams loudly as Minho gasps loudly in his ear, his breathing shuddering before he breaks out into a loud cry. His hands tighten around his grip on Jisung's body and the smaller male grabs onto anything his hands can purchase on. 

Minho's grip is vice-like and Jisung knows there will be bruises on his body after this, telling the story of desperation.

The hand that had been tightly gripping onto his waist suddenly disappears, a hand now cradling his head and just as he registers the touch, his body is plunged into coldness. 

He feels Minho's grip on him slip away as they sink further down, but the adrenaline in his body has caused a crash to his system and all Jisung can hope is that the people he’s been with for the past month care enough to save them. 

Just as Jisung feels his breath being robbed from him, a large hand grips around his arm and forcibly pulls him upwards. 

As his head breaks through the surface, he’s tucked to a bare chest, an arm underneath his knees. 

Jisung sucks in air, greedily breathing in air to his lungs and when he finally looks up, he’s met with Hyunjin’s concerned face. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Chan helping Minho back to the shoreline, his friend half draped over his back. 

“You’re crazy!” Hyunjin shouts towards Minho just as Jisung scrambles from his grip. “You could’ve gotten the both of you killed!” 

Felix is by Jisung's side almost as soon as he falls to the ground, still gasping for air. Hyunjin is running over to Minho and Changbin growls out when he pushes Minho's shoulder, shoving him backwards. 

“Excuse you!” Minho shouts back, giving him a deadly glare. “If it wasn’t for me he’d be up there,” he gestures to where the larger mountain has collapsed, covering the cliff in debris, “he would be dead! You should be thanking me!” 

Felix pats Jisung's back, helping him sit up. “Are you okay?” He asks softly and all Jisung can do is let out a small whimper, throwing his head back. “Everything hurts,” he shudders out. His skin is stinging, the force of his body hitting the water had felt like thousands of pinpricks, needles like he regularly was poked with back in the institution. 

Jisung breathes out heavily as Felix runs his hands over his back, trying to help with the stinging. It soothes it a little, the warm comforting. 

“Look, everyone's okay now, but if you guys are done fighting maybe we should run from the landslide?” It’s Jeongin who’s shouting at them. The younger boy had lived in the shadows of the elder boys for a while and had recently found his voice, slithering out of his shell with a force that Jisung was surprised such a sweet-looking kid could have. 

Jisung admired that. 

And that’s all it takes for them to be on their feet, running from the downfall of dust that falls, just barely missing the lake. 

→

Hyunjin stares. 

He stares until Felix lifts a brow at him, questioning the depth of his stare and why he hasn’t come and confronted Jisung yet. 

Mostly, Hyunjin is shit scared about even facing Jisung, and now after he’s been through a rather rough day, Hyunjin would rather stay clear of him altogether. 

But it’s the lingering nagging in his mind that wills him to get up and silently offer a hand to Jisung. 

He frowns but when Hyunjin persists, he rolls his eyes and gets up, not bothering with putting his much smaller palm into the taller own.

Hyunjin's fist curls around nothing but air.

He leads Jisung away a fair bit, enough to be out of earshot and away from the eyes of the others, but close enough to still hear the muffled conversations of their brood through the thick scrubs. 

He stops suddenly and Jisung halts, almost crashing into his back. He takes a step back as Hyunjin turns to face him. 

The taller’s mind is going a hundred miles per hour, scurrying between the pros and cons of facing him, face-to-face, whether to be vague with his questioning or so full out and not regret anything he’s going to say, even though he knows he’ll be walking out of this conversation harmed, probably nursing a broken nose.

“So?” Jisung folds his arms across his chest. 

Hyunjin feels tall next to him, too tall. He feels like he’s towering over him, dominating his shadow that easily fits into his own. Hyunjin feels intimated by his own looming frame, but Jisung's eyes, those deep brown orbs that swam with nothing but hollowness are hostile, always ready to pounce if needed, are much more frightening. 

He takes a deep breath and tries to ease himself up, he doesn’t know how well Jisung understands body language, but by the light snarl across the smaller’s face, he’s guessing he doesn’t look too confident at all. 

“Um, I wanted to ask you something… is that okay?” Hyunjin screams at himself mentally for even sounding so weak. He needed to be strong in front of Jisung, powerful to get it through the boy's mind but he couldn’t. Not in front of the boy he so desperately wants to hold and protect and to run away from. 

His heart beats faster in his chest. 

Jisung narrows his eyes, his shapely lips lifting into a much more defined snarl, and it sends a flurry of butterflies through Hyunjin's stomach. 

“Whatever,” is his answer and Hyunjin is surprised he’s actually still here and hasn’t wandered off, leaving Hyunjin to rip his hair from his scalp. 

“It’s just… I’ve noticed some changes—“ if this goes pear-shaped, Hyunjin doesn’t want to drag Chan nor Felix into this mess. Jisung still deserves someone to feel safe and content with and even though Hyunjin knows he will never have the privilege to feel his warmth, his real warmth— not just the warmth of his body— and the pretty smile he’s seen once, the same smile that had sped his heart up so much, he felt it was going to veer right out of his chest.

“And I just needed to make sure that you’re okay,”

Jisung stares at him, his face now blank and Hyunjin shivers. He would much rather him have emotion on his face because the look he gives him is so dauntingly void of anything. 

“I’m fine,” He spits back at him and Hyunjin's heart, that had made a temporary home in his throat falls back to his chest. Although his mind then screams at him, because Hyunjin  _ knows _ . 

He just knows he’s not okay, and maybe Jisung hasn’t noticed, but Hyunjin isn’t stupid, and if he didn’t notice he be ashamed of wasting all the time he spent studying to become a doctor. 

There’s a crunching of leaves then suddenly and just as Minho comes into view, his own eyes misty and dark, Hyunjin turns back to Jisung hurriedly. 

“Just think for me, please,” He begs and he watches as Jisung's brows furrow together. 

He takes a step away from the smaller, Minho coming to stand beside him. 

“Think back to the institution, did they do something you’ve forgotten about?” 

His frown deepens, but Hyunjin is gone before Jisung can even question him. 

“What was that about?” Minho inquires with a raised brow. Jisung shrugs dumbly because he truly doesn’t know himself. 

“I don’t know, but what are you even doing here?” Jisung eyes the gun slung around his chest. Minho points to it. “Chan asked for me to hunt. Are you gonna tag along?” 

Jisung hums and falls into step with the elder easily. 

“I do have a bone to pick with you,” Minho raises his eyebrows at him, huffing to himself, but he sighs quickly. “Look, I’m really sorry I didn’t warn you before, but it was the only logical thing I could think of at the time,” 

“Minho, I understand that, but we could’ve died!” 

“But we didn’t!” Minho pulls at his shirt, fanning himself. Jisung can see sweat slick against his skin and Jisung then feels how muggy the air is. His own shirt is damping with moisture from the air around them. Jisung knows it will rain soon.

“I’m terrified of heights as it is, so do you know how much courage that took me to finally jump off? And with you too?” Jisung looks up at him with pursed lips. “I could have saved myself,” Jisung tells him. “So why did you not just jump off yourself and leave me?”

Minho gapes at him, scoffing. 

“Look, Jisung,” he removes his gun from his chest and slings it over his shoulder instead. Jisung isn’t sure the reasoning, but it is slightly intimidating. “I,” He thumps at his chest. “Actually care about you. And all the others, don’t get mixed up in your perception of me that I’m some type of careless dickhead, because I’m not and if you think I even had the thought of leaving you behind, you’re stupid. Crazy even?”

“Maybe I am crazy,” Jisung sneers. “Because I’ve been locked away so long. My life was ruined, you know, so this, you know is something I never thought I’d be going through and maybe I am struggling! So excuse me if my ‘ _ perception’ _ is off!” 

“I lost my mother too, you know. To the disease,” Minho suddenly says. “This disease started this all. It ruined your life and it ruined mine, Chan’s everyone else who’s apart of our new family, everyone in the Capital, the slums, you name it. It’s been hard on everyone, so of course, I had to toughen up.” Minho shakes his head at him. His eyes are dark, stormy and even though he’s speaking to him, unravelling himself right in front of him, Jisung will never not be entranced by his dark pools for eyes, swirling with mystery that he may know soon. 

Minho is powerful, hardened at his edges whereas Jisung is frayed, falling apart. 

“We’re up against the world right now Jisung. The whole world could be against us and out here, we have no idea. You can’t be mad at me for trying to keep myself and us all together,”

He stops and stares at Jisung for a while. Jisung stares back. He wouldn’t waver under his gaze, even though it sends waves of warmth tingling down his spine. Jisung welcomes it and he stands taller, but Minho still stands that bit taller than him, but it is enough to make him feel insignificant.

Minho screams for attention like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it, but Jisung thinks there is no way Minho wasn’t fit for the amount of attention he absorbs. He’s too glorious to miss out. 

Minho shines but falls into the shadows a perfect mix of dark and light. Minho is greyscale. Lights up the dark, but darkens the bright light that threatens to blind him. 

“If you keep all your emotions suppressed you’ll choke on them and die,” he says crudely. 

Minho blinks at him then scoffs. “From experience?”

Jisung lets out a hollowing laugh. “No,” He shakes his head. “I just stopped feeling altogether,”

Minho lifts his brows and then hums to himself. “That doesn’t sound entirely healthy, either,” 

“You get what you can take,” Jisung shrugs his shoulders. He looks around and clicks his tongue when he doesn’t see anything to harvest. “Let’s go further in,” Jisung suggests and Minho wearily sucks in a breath. “I’m not sure, it’s going to be dark soon and it’s going to start raining anytime soon,” 

“Just a little bit then?” 

Minho sighs and gestures for them to carry on. Jisung finds it peaceful walking in the overgrown forests. Sometimes they come across old ruins of housing and it’s rather peculiar to think this was once a built-up area.

Jisung yelps when the first drop of rain hits the tip of his nose. Minho turns and grimaces at him. “We should’ve really turn back now the rains only going to get heavier and we’re losing daylight—“

Minho's voice drifts off in Jisung's mind.

The younger takes a hesitant step backwards and his eyes widen suddenly. Minho frowns at him. “What’s wrong now?”

“You know how we said we were lucky we hadn’t had any collisions with animals… well…” 

Minho turns, his head snapping around to find a bear, on its four legs, sauntering closer to them. 

“Do you think you could outrun a bear?” Minho hisses to him and Jisung whines out. “I’ll take that as a no!” 

It springs up at them and Minho instantly shoves Jisung away with his palm. Jisung flies out of the bears reach and he can only watch helplessly and Minho is dodging the bear's claws, its teeth and the charging. 

Jisung spots a gleam in the grass. 

Minho yells out when he trips on a slick with rain tree branch, falling to the ground on his butt and just as the bear launches itself, roaring at the elder a crack surrounds them and the bear suddenly collapses, just a mere few meters from Minho's body, a bullet wound through its skull.

He takes a few deep breaths before his gaze flies to Jisung who’s hurrying over to him. “Are you hurt?” He asks panicked, and he only heaves in a sigh of relief when Minho stands and shakes his head. He then looks down at the bear. 

“Should we just leave it here?” 

“Well, we’d have to get others to help us drag it back if we really want it?”

“Let’s just head back, then?”

Night falls and Minho suddenly comes to the realisation that he doesn’t recognise anything out here. “Jisung,” he mumbles. The younger is close to his side, shivering from the rain and the cooler air of the night. “Yes?” He looks up at him and Minho breathes in heavily. 

“We’re lost,” 

Jisung's face falls and Minho then sees the panic swirl in his eyes. “What if they left without us…” Minho shakes his head as soon as the words fall out of Jisung's mouth. “They wouldn’t dare. Don’t worry about that. They’ll wait for us…”

“Let’s just try to find our way back,” Minho suggests gently. 

Jisung stops not even ten minutes later, clutching his stomach. Minho raises a brow at him. “What’s wrong?” But Jisung only shakes his head. “I just don’t feel very well at the moment…” 

“Should I find shelter somewhere to wait out?”

Jisung shrugs. “I really don’t know, but I think that might have to be what we do,” 

Minho finds a cave and Jisung jokes that there might be bears in it, but it’s too shallow for a bear to fit, just deep enough for the two of them to be fully sheltered by the elements.

“Hyunjin knew the direction we went in,” Minho reminds Jisung. They’ve made a fire and are huddled closer together. “Hopefully he took notice… he was a bit out of it when I came… Why was that?” 

Jisung cocks his head to the side and shrugs. “He just asked me if I could remember if something happened in the institution before, that’s all.”

“Oh… do you remember anything?” 

Jisung scoffs and shakes his head. Minho raises a brow. 

Hyunjin had been adamant that he was to remember something but Jisung has tried too hard to forget about that place, the mutation of his body and the implantations—

His stomach drops along with his heart and suddenly, he’s too hot, filled with fiery fear. 

He had been so stupid. He  _ is _ stupid. 

Tiredness was to be expected, but his tiredness outweighed the others own exhaustion tenfold. Everything made sense. 

The implantation. 

Jisung sucks in a deep breath and wills himself not to cry, but tears pluck in his eyes anyway. Minho is left frantic when he breaks out into tears. 

The pulsing sensation heightens and he’s suddenly aware of the throbbing in his lower abdomen. His breath is shuddering as he tries to suck in air, to supplement him and this thing —this  _ baby _ — Jisung lets out a sob, gnarling on his bottom lip as his hand squeezes at his swelling abdomen. 

Minho can only watch as Jisung holds himself, tears running down his face and when the boy curls into himself, his hands not moving from his stomach, whispering muttered apologises that at neither directed to Minho or himself, he freezes, his heart skidding in his chest. 

Hyunjin had suspicions, ones that would change everything and as he watches Jisung breakdown whimpering utters of despair, Minho knows that everything is about to change. 

Jisung lifts his head, locking eyes with him as he sucks in a deep breath. 

He murmurs the words to Minho that he had been waiting for, dreading, but when Jisung lets out a laugh, it doesn’t fill him with joy or sends warmth through his body. 

His laugh is hollow, cold, mourning and Minho is left feeling frozen to the bone. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! im so excited to post the chapters from here on out but I'm just going to say the tags are really important! This fic is not light at all and it deals with quite heavy topics so take that how you will but not everything is going to get better... heck
> 
> And as always id like to thank everyone for leaving so much feedback!! i love you guys!!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	12. 11→

The air is icy. Even with the warmth of a fire crackling near their bodies, the air is frozen, thick with tension and unspoken fear. 

Minho can feel it. 

Jisung is radiating fear, his whole body is trembling, his fingers that are still clutching at his stomach are shaking and Minho wants to reach out and hold him, squeeze his hands until the jitters stop, but it only took one look into the boy's eyes for him to stop. 

Jisung looks like he’s not even present at the moment. He’s distant, eyes hollowed out but his gentle moments are the only thing that’s telling Minho that he’s at least physically okay. 

The rain pelting down outside the shallow cave is filling up the silence and Jisung's face mirrors it, his own storm rushing through him. The night has fully blanketed over the skies and Minho begins to feel tiredness seep into his bones, but he fights it. 

“Jisung,” he mumbles and hesitantly, he reaches out his hand, landing it on the smaller boys shoulder. Jisung barely reacts to the touch and Minho gulps down a deep breath when he turns his head, looking straight into his eyes. He tries to stop the freezing feeling that snaps down his spine, but he can’t help but shiver. 

“We have to find a way back to the others,” Ever so slowly, Minho watches as he comes back to the surface, his hollow eyes slowly filling with a sadness that shakes Minho's heart. “But we’re lost,” Jisung murmurs out and his voice is hoarse. Minho sighs and nods. “Then, do you want to stay here for a bit while I go look?” 

Jisung looks down at his feet. 

He’s silent for minutes and Minho stays still, keeps quiet, just waiting for him to be ready. 

“Do you think that we have started a revolt?” Minho's eyes fly to Jisung who is staring at the opposite side of the cave's wall. His heart thumps hard in his chest. 

Jisung turns back to him with those haunting eyes. “I think we have,” he murmurs and Minho blinks. 

He nods and he watches Jisung as he hums, pursing his lips. “Do you think we could finish it?” 

“Jisung,” Minho reaches out this time and holds his hands. “Don’t think about that right now, please…” His voice is on the edge of pleading. Jisung's shoulders drop further. 

“What if it’s a girl?” Jisung then says quietly and it’s so soft, his voice suddenly coated in a singing warmth that fights back at the icy air surrounding them. Minho almost doesn’t hear it, but when he does he freezes once more. 

He had been sitting here, feeling suffocated in the small cave, his mind still clear enough to function while Jisung had sat just as silent, but his mind was full with scenarios. From the moment he had become aware of the fluttering beat inside his abdomen, his mind had become full with worries, with terror and disgust but he still had felt that same hope, the twinge of a sudden warmth in his cold heart. 

Jisung had bitten back all his memories of his last flutter, the tiny thing that had ruined him, but now, with a new flutter is heart is heavy and he fights the same emotions he felt back then. Disgust, hatred, awe. 

Love. 

Jisung barely knows love. But he knew the warmth in his heart hadn’t been anything less than love and now, a part of his heart is thawing and Jisung doesn’t have the will to stop it. 

He’s just as torn as he was last time, suffering between the lines of hating everything and falling in love with it. 

Jisung wants to cry, he wants warm arms to crawl into and tell him its okay, that he’s going to be okay. But it won’t be okay, because Jisung has jeopardised this journey and as much as he wants to confide in someone, tell them of his jumbled up feelings that he can’t quite figure out himself, he knows he can’t because who will look at him like he’s not some type of psycho for wanting to hate and love the flutter.

Minho's mouth goes dry, but he swallows thickly and squeezes his hand. Jisung finds he likes the touch, the warmed calloused warm in his own much softer hands.

“Then we’ll protect her just like how we’ll protect you,”

Minho's words send a rush of emotion through him and when his lip juts out, Minho only squeezes his hands again and allows him to cry. He doesn’t hush him or tells him to stop crying but he sits with him, his hands warm and holding his frayed seams together.

  
“I wish the world was different,” Jisung whispers. His head is tucked between his knees, his eyes turned to Minho.

Minho doesn’t say anything, he lets Jisung talk through his gentle sniffling sobs. “I want to change it,” he murmurs. His hand is clamped tightly around his stomach. “If I can have this baby, I don’t want them to be born into a world where,” his voice cracks. “It’s so corrupt. I don’t want them to know that they were born out of human desperation, or nonconsensual procedures…” 

Minho knows Jisung's scars run deep, but he’s not sure how far they go but Jisung has said enough, and Minho can guess they go far deeper than he can even fathom. 

“I want a world that’s safe for my kid,” Jisung whispers. “I want the days that follow our tomorrow, their tomorrow to be safe,”

“Overmorrow,” Minho mutters gently. Jisung cocks his head at Minho, his brows furrow in gently and Minho gives him a soft smile. “It’s a really old word,” Minho tells him. “It means the day that follows tomorrow,” 

Jisung gives him a small smile, the corners of his lips lifting slightly. His eyes gleam in the firelight, tears highlighted in the warm orange light. “Overmorrow,” Jisung says with a breath.   
And Minho's breath fails him. 

→

  
Minho’s breath comes out in shudders. The rain makes the cooling nights colder and with his drenched clothes sticking to his skin, Minho can’t help but shiver from the cold that digs its way into his bones. 

He had only been walking for twenty minutes, leaving Jisung alone in the sheltered cave, no wanting to make him walk in the elements, after his eventful day, especially in his current state. Minho hopes he either bumps into someone soon or finds a camp they’ve set up because as much as the cave could be good shelter overnight, Minho wants to get Jisung back and have Hyunjin make sure he’s okay.   
“Minho!” Felix's voice is loud and clear even over the rain and Minho could cry in relief. “Felix!” He shouts back and welcomes the boy into his arms. He almost loses his footing on the slick ground, but he keeps his ground. 

“Do you know the way back?” Minho asks him as soon as he wiggles out of the embrace. Felix nods his head and peers over his shoulder, looking for Jisung. “I left him in a cave,” Minho mutters and Felix frowns. “Do you know the way back to the cave?” 

Minho scoffs and nods. “I do, thank you very much our last predicament would’ve had been up to me almost getting mauled by a fucking bear,” Felix gapes at him, his mouth falling open and his eyes widening. “Are you okay? What about Jisung!” Minho sucks in a deep breath. “He’s okay,” 

Felix sees through his fronting and frowns deeply, scurrying off in the direction he saw Minho come from. 

“Hey!” Minho cries and hurries after him. “You don’t even know where to go!” 

“Then lead the way,” Felix gestures with his hand and his voice is firm, something Minho hasn’t heard. The boy’s usual sunny perception has disappeared and in the dark, rainy night, there is no light left radiating from him. 

Minho doesn’t dare speak. Felix walks with purpose, his jaw hard set and his shoulders squared out. Minho knew the boys shared a bond that had developed quickly, deeper than Minho had been able to imagine Jisung would allow. 

When they reach the cave, Minho stands outside in the pouring rain, watching as Felix eases his way in and gently leads Jisung back out, carrying the single back that Minho had on his back before. Felix sends a harsh look to Minho when Jisung wanders out, gripping the plastic cover Felix had brought with him. His eyes are reddened, and he’s still shaking and Minho's eyes drift to his hand that’s clamped tightly around his stomach. 

“Come on,” Felix pulls on his free hand gently. “We found an abandoned farmhouse to stay in for a bit,” Felix tells them. Jisung allows Felix to drag him along, but he doesn’t go willing until he sends Minho a look that tells him to keep his mouth shut. 

  
→

  
The moment they near the old cottage, its gardens overrun and covering over half of the stone house, there’s commotion out in the front. Someone has slashed the overgrown plants back enough so there’s a clear path to the rotting door almost falling off its hinges. 

Minho jumps forward, leaving Felix and Jisung clinging onto each other while he scrambles forward, shoving his body between the fighting men. 

“What is going on?!” Minho cries, trapping Chan’s wrist in his hand. It’s a struggle to keep his fist from escaping his grip, but Minho digs his nails in and Chan pulls back with a hiss. 

“He attacked me!” Hyunjin grits out. He swipes his hands down his dirtied shirt and snarls at the eldest. Chan retaliates with a growl and Minho frantically looks over to Changbin whose arms are wrapped tightly around Seungmin’s and Jeongin’s waists, keeping the frightened boys away from the fight.

Changbin just gulps and jerks his head in Jisung's general direction. 

Minho looks over to the boy who’s shaking still and in the heat of the moment, Minho has forgotten all about the rain that’s soaked him to his core. Felix could’ve given him a plastic cover too, but with the look he had given him earlier, Minho didn’t dare press for one.

“Chan,” He grabs his friends shoulders and stares into his eyes. “You don’t lose your temper. Ever. What happened?” Chan lets out a frustrated groan and lifts his head to the skies. Rain lands on his face and pours down the curves of his face. Chan could be crying, but with all the rain, Minho can’t make it out. 

“God, you guys are back,” Chan lets out a deep breath and suddenly bundles Minho up in his arms. Minho frowns but hugs him back, allowing the eldest to breathe his earthy scent in.   
  
“I’m so sorry,” Chan tells Hyunjin when a hesitant Jisung wanders in. Hyunjin looks down, averting his gaze and even in the rain, Minho can tell he’s crying. His eyes are red and his lips jut out between his cries. “He said… that it was his fault that Jisung and you weren’t coming back…” Chan murmurs gently. Jisung shuffles closer and closer and Chan's breath hitches at the sigh of the boys red eyes, his bright red cheeks and the puffy skin around his eyes. 

“He said he ruined him,” 

Minho takes another look at Jisung. 

He still refuses to move his hand and Minho wonders briefly just why he isn’t willing to, but he vanishes the thought quickly and he moves his eyes along the boy, taking in his clenched fist, the way his feet dig into the wet earth, stabilising himself. He stands tall, his spine straight and his face is covered in a mist of mystery. 

Jisung isn’t ruined. 

  
Jisung is far from ruined and Minho knows, without a doubt, that the boy craved out of hellfire itself will need a lot more to ruin him. And he feels it too, looking at him, he knows Jisung will triumph everything that tries to burn him down. Because Jisung's hellfire burns hotter, brighter than the roaring bronze of the fires that try to suffocate him. Jisung glows in blue flame, white-hot flames burning throughout his whole being. He screams that he’s invincible and Minho will watch as he disintegrates anything that comes his way. 

  
And Minho wishes he will become the water that eases his burning, lapping up with cool shores and the gentlest waves to lick to pain away that threatens to burn him from the inside out. 

→

  
Hyunjin swallows hard. 

“I,” he begins but Jisung just shakes his head. They were the last left in the first room of the old, weather-worn house. Jisung had stopped and silently held onto Hyunjin's sleeve, keeping him stagnant. 

“I don’t really want to hear anything apology related right now,” He tells him and his voice is the gentlest Hyunjin has ever heard it. “I just… I just want you to check me over and confirm it maybe… make sure it’s okay?” 

Hyunjin gulps again and nods. “There's a few rooms… some even have old beds still… I’m not sure how hygienic it would to use them though,” Jisung just nods. “The floor will be fine,” Jisung murmurs. “It’s not like we’ve been sleeping on clouds for the past month.”

Hyunjin purses his lips and nods. “Right,” 

The house is big enough for rooms to be free and Hyunjin silently leads Jisung up the creaky and stairs that are probably not safe to walk up anymore, but they don’t crumble or crack under their weight, so Hyunjin deems it fine, and finally a free room that’s been very obviously untouched for decades.   
Plants have broken their way through the smashed window and they climb around the walls, creeping closer to the door. It’s beautiful, though. The vines are flowering and Jisung breathes in deep, his senses overwhelmed with the smell of fresh jasmine. 

“It smells nice,” Jisung murmurs and Hyunjin hums. “It’s very calming… I thought you might like it,” Jisung looks over at the taller male and nods, but his face doesn’t flicker with any type of emotion. 

But Hyunjin still has to clench his suddenly sweaty fists, because no matter how much Jisung doesn’t try, he always seems to make Hyunjin's heart thump a little harder and a little faster. 

“I wanted to ask earlier…” Hyunjin admits gently. Jisung takes a seat on the floor as Hyunjin zips open his backpack, shuffling through it and getting out his medical gear. “But I didn’t want to push the boundaries,”   
  
“I would’ve probably pummelled you anyway,” Jisung whispers back. Hyunjin lets out what sounds like a laugh through his nose. “Right. Maybe that’s why I didn’t,” 

“Then what made you so brave today?”

Hyunjin shuffles closer, his hands full of instruments that sends a wave of chilling fear up Jisung's spine. Those things, those instruments had been such a big part of his life for seven years… and now it sends flashbacks through his head. He swallows and looks at Hyunjin's face, but his nightmares had contained his handsome face for far too long and the mere look at Hyunjin's perfectly carved face sends him into an inner frenzy. 

“You jumped off a cliff,” Hyunjin reminds him. Jisung frowns. “I was thrown off, thanks very much,” 

“Physical exertion… you’ve passed out more than once, Jisung it’s worrying me…” Jisung's most goes dry. “Not another one,” he whispers and this time, his eyes go wide in horror. The emotion that Hyunjin had seen across his face when Jisung was seventeen…

"No, no dont get the wrong idea, Jisung I just think we need to make sure you're both doing okay," Jisung breathes out a sigh of relief.

“But I still want someone else here,” Jisung says rather bravely. Hyunjin looks at him with a soft look in his eyes and nods. “I can get Felix…” 

  
Felix sits at his side, holding onto his hand comfortingly. He hadn’t exploded at the news, but he had silently sat next to Jisung and allowed the shorter boy to rest his head on his shoulder. “I'll always look after you," is what he says back and Jisung squeezes his eyes shut. 

Felix helps distract Jisung from Hyunjin's poking and prodding and although Hyunjin has his full consent and his best intentions at hand, Jisung still feels panicked. 

Maybe it’s the dread of finding out whether he had been stupid enough to push himself too far over the edge again. 

“Last time,” Jisung croaks out, his voice tight with what only can be the will to keep tears at bay. “I was so conflicted when it happened,” Jisung can feel Felix tense underneath him, but he continues. “I was so… devastated. I was miserable and I felt like nothing would be right again, but the sick and twisted part of me was so glad that I was freed from the beginning of a life I never chose… and now,” Jisung sucks in a deep breath. 

“I think I feel the same way,” he mutters. Hyunjin stops his movements across his abdomen and looks up at him. “I want it,” Jisung says gently. “But I can’t. I don’t want it, but I do. I want to be able to love any children I have one day… but I’m so scared. What happens when they find out I never wanted them? When they realise they were made out of desperation for the human race and not made to be loved… the government has won even when we’re this far away from them,” He whispers and he cracks open his eyes. “I don’t even know who has sired the child… isn’t that terrible?” Jisung's voice cracks and to everyone's surprise, he leans forwards and catches Hyunjin's face between his hands.

“If it happens again,” Jisung sucks in a deep breath of air. “Last time it ruined me, so if you think… it might happen again, I need to know, I need to prepare for the worst because if it happens again, I don’t know if I could handle it,” Felix squeezes his hand tighter and Hyunjin stares at him with glassy orbs. 

He nods once. 

“Then,” Hyunjin croaks out. “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best,”

→

The feelings Jisung feels contradict him, leaving him a host of winding storms of hate and disgust and with the gentlest breeze of jasmine brushing by him. 

“I don’t know what to do,” it brushes his lips as it comes out and Jisung hugs himself tighter, clenching his thighs tighter together. His hand stays on his stomach and Jisung relishes the warmth of his skin against his skin and as he closes his eyes, his head gently burrows into Hyunjin's shoulder blade. 

And as sleep falls over him, Jisung swears he can feel the throbbing of his blood nestling around the flutter, and the softest flickering of a heart deeply nestled inside him. 

  
→

Hyunjin feels like he could break at any time. 

Jisung’s body is warm behind him and Hyunjin is statue-still but want has swallowed him whole, consuming his whole being. He wants to turn around, bundle up the smaller boy, rest his hand on his waist and keep him warm. 

Hyunjin wants to allow him into his heart, and each passing minute, each day that goes by, Jisung slithers in and Hyunjin is absolutely doomed. 

Jisung can barely stand him and Hyunjin knows, the only reason he’s being so lenient to him right now is because Hyunjin knows of his inner turmoil, the feelings that he’s scared that are going to rip him apart. Hyunjin would like to think Jisung is getting over his hatred for him, that he’s allowing him into his heart, but Hyunjin knows better than that. 

Hyunjin is a warm body right now, and as empty as it should make him feel, Hyunjin feels needed, like he is giving Jisung the protection he’s always wanted to give him. 

Hyunjin lays awake, listening to the confessions that leave Jisung's lips and the whimpers he lets out during his sleep, plagued by the memories that Hyunjin had fought hard to forget himself. 

Those memories, ones that Hyunjin knows Jisung had tried to swallow— but it had choked him and he had no choice but to leave them alone, hoping for them to become dormant, but now Hyunjin can hear the rapid heartbeat from Jisung's abdomen that had rung in his ears moments before and Hyunjin fights sleep because once he drifts off, he forgets the sound of life fluttering and all he’s left with is the sound of silence, death. 

And Hyunjin just can’t watch Jisung's heart tear apart again.

  
→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i say this all the time now but thank you so so much for all the feedback and support I'm honestly so overwhelmed by it since i didn't really get much last time!! but now!!! wowie!! 
> 
> I love receiving comments honestly i love reading them all its just so... its so good i cant even omg im really reallyyyy glad that the story is appreciated a lot! im so happy when i receive the comments saying overmorrow is like reading a young adult sci fi :'D
> 
> seriously, thank you guys so much!! i cant wait to share the rest of my story with you!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	13. 12 →

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please be aware of the tags!!

“We can’t stay here and just wait,” Jisung mumbles from his bowl of mashed vegetables and boiled meat. Everyone looks up at him from their breakfast.

Seungmin stops shuffling around the table and cocks his head at Jisung. He silently reaches out and places another chunk of boiled meat into the ceramic dish Changbin had found earlier and washed in the nearby creek. Jisung looks up at him and the boy just smiles, eyes crinkling prettily. 

The others had found out in the early morning about Jisung's current predicament, and all of them had been surprisingly calm. 

Changbin had froze and Jisung had seen him swallow hard and sniff when he first saw him. Jisung knew he was beating himself up because of his previous statement during the first few days they travelled together. 

Jisung had awoken to a soft touch across his face, fingertips swirling over his back muscles. He opened his eyes and met himself with a firm chest that kept him warm throughout the night. When he saw Hyunjin's face, he sighed and shuffled away gently. He would’ve been fuming if it weren’t for the heavy blanket of exhaustion draped over him. 

“Jisung,” Chan starts gently. His hand is warm where he wraps it around Jisung's forearm. “We don’t want to push you any further. You’ve been struggling and it’s fine to admit that, okay?” Jisung looks down at Chan's hand and gently reaches out to drag a fingertip over his rough cuticles. “We don’t want you to get sick…” he trails off. 

“Or lose the baby,” Jisung adds crudely and someone sucks in a deep breath of air across from the table. 

“Well,” Chan says. “We have the best interest in you at the moment,”

“What if I said I didn’t want it, then?”

There’s a silence that fills the room then, thick and deadly. Jisung regrets saying it as soon as it left his mouth. 

“Then we’d support you too,”

It’s Seungmin who tells him that and Jisung looks at him, thankful that he was brave enough to speak first. Seungmin gives him another smile, one that’s comforting and Jisung as the urge to hug him, which is as comforting as it is foreign. 

“Of course,” Chan nods along and Jisung gulps. He locks eyes with Felix who gives him a smile, soft but his eyes are sad.   
  
“I don’t… I don’t know what I want,” Jisung admits slowly. “That’s fine, Jisung. Really. We’re not asking you to give us an answer, we just want you to be okay… that’s all,”   
  
Jisung gulps and nods his head. “So we stay here for a while, then?” 

“For as long as you possibly need,” Chan tells him. 

→

  
The days flow by in the worn cottage. 

As much as it was dusty and mostly unusable now, the cottage was comfortable and life was easier for a little bit. Chan and Minho had taken up cleaning the fenced-in area at the back of the house, planting a small garden from seeds they kept from different fruits and vegetables they found along the way.   
  
The others had joined in with helping with the garden once they realised they weren’t just lazing around in the cottage or hunting in the fields near the little house. 

Jeongin had come back a few days prior after finding an old quilt that was in rather good nick for being so old and washed it in the nearby lake, fixed its stuffing with some of the feathers plucked from the pheasants Minho and Changbin had come back with and presented it to Jisung with a large smile across his face. 

Jisung had sat there, like an idiot staring up at him until Jeongin had placed it in his lap, proclaiming he had made it for him. And Jisung hasn’t slept so well in his life ever since he received the gift. 

The first days after arriving Jisung did nothing but sleep and eat, replenishing energy that he seemed to never be able to recuperate. They had been worried at first until Hyunjin had told them it was normal and that his body was going through big changes and trying to share all the nutrients to both himself and the little life. 

  
“If you’re making a garden, you’re thinking we’re going to be here for a bit,” Jisung muses as he wanders outside. Chan gives him a smile while his hands are still covered in earth. He’s covered in dirt and Jisung scrunches his nose up at him when he comes closer to him. 

“It gives us something to do, too,” Chan pokes a little sprouting and smiles widely. “Besides, these grow pretty fast,” 

“Do you think we’re safe here?”   
  
Jisung watched as Chan's smile falters. He takes a step backwards, almost trampling on the radishes that have popped up already. 

“Jisung,” Chan breathes out. Jisung fumbles with the hem of his shirt, wrapping it around himself tighter. “We’ve travelled for almost two months… we have quite a lot of distance down.”   
  
“And yet there’s still the risk of getting caught,” Jisung reminds him. Chan frowns but nods. “I’m anxious,” Jisung admits. “I’m scared because what if they do find us? Look at me, Chan,” he gestures to himself, poking his abdomen. “The moment they realise that their attempts worked, I won’t ever be able to make a choice for myself again. I spent seven years not having a say. I spent each day in pain waiting for what the next moment would bring, I couldn’t escape anything. Not even my own head because they ruined us completely. And I’m sorry if I’m overbearing if I’m scared of the chances of being caught again but it’s because that was my life. I had nothing and now I can’t go back. Not that I know what being free feels like.” 

Chan stares for a moment and then he nods. “I understand,” he murmurs. “I really do, and I think we’re all scared… but there’s been nothing so far… I think we’ve gone far enough for a little while…” 

“Just promise me,” Jisung whispers. “That if something goes wrong… if something happens, you stay with me. With us all,”

Chan gulps. “Even Hyunjin,” Jisung stiffens the tiniest bit. His mouth twitches. 

“Even Hyunjin,” Jisung replies. 

“I promise,” And Jisung knows Chan means it. 

→

“You like Jisung,” Minho states. 

Hyunjin splutters and turns to him and frowns. “I do not!” He squawks at the older male. Minho raises a brow and jabs his hunting knife in his direction. Hyunjin huffs back at him. “You literally cannot be any more obvious. You can’t fool me,” 

Hyunjin then sighs loudly and plops down in the field. Minho follows him. 

They were the ones chosen to go out and hunt. They had found enough to last three days already and were just about to head back until Minho opened his mouth.

“He hates you,” Minho deadpans and Hyunjin gives him a glare but it falters quickly and then he whines. “I know,”

“So,” Minho then clears his throat. “What's going on then?” 

Hyunjin sighs even louder this time. “I don’t want… I don’t want to be like ‘oh hi, I really like you’ because of reasons…” Minho stifles a small laugh. “Just say he can’t stand you, it’s fine,”  
  
“Right. But it’s a little bit more complicated than it seems… the trust between us, it’s small, whatever little trust he has for me… I think it can grow and I think maybe one day he’ll be able to accept what happened between us, but I’m mainly scared of myself…”   
  
“Because you want him?” Hyunjin flushes red, catches his bottom lip between his teeth and nods gingerly.

Minho sighs and pats his back. “And the heart wants what it wants,” 

There's a tug in Minho's heart, but he ignores it and allows Hyunjin to vent. 

Jisung burns bright. And Minho wasn’t the only one who saw through the dark facade to see the raging spectacle that Jisung is. 

Minho feels like the own fire in his heart has been doused out by a bucket of icy water. 

It stings. 

→

  
Weeks pass. 

The sun sets and it falls, in a never-ending cycle. 

Jisung notices the small changes to himself. The tiredness that had draped over him thickly weeks ago has lifted, allowing him to do more than just laze around and sleep. He had noticed the tiny swell of his abdomen. 

Jisung had thrown his shirt back over himself as soon as he had noticed and allowed himself to seek the warm comfort of Felix's hugs. 

The mixed feelings haven’t left and instead of them easing up, Jisung feels like he’s going to choke on them. 

So instead of staying inside and wallowing away, Jisung has made himself useful. 

He Seungmin and Jeongin had taken the time to fix the other old blankets, patching the holes with the too-broken blankets thread and Jeongin had snooped through the cottage enough to find needles in a drawer. Seungmin teaches them how to stitch, saying he learnt from his mother and Jeongin was happy to go out and grab the pile of feathers they had accumulated for extra insulation. 

And finally, Jisung takes up Changbin’s offer to learn how to hunt. He had asked a few days back about teaching the others to hunt. Felix and Jeongin had gone with him the other day and Seungmin had already been taught by Minho, so all left was Jisung to learn. 

He ties the laces of his boots tighter and smooths his hand down his front. Hyunjin's eyes are set on him and Jisung turns to look at him. Hyunjin wavers again like he did years ago but Jisung doesn’t glare back at him this time. 

“Don’t get hurt,” is all Hyunjin says before he turns to leave back inside. Changbin just grumbles and gives him a hunting knife. “Just be extra careful. If you need a break, tell me and don’t just,” Change gestures with his hands. “Faint on me,” 

Jisung scoffs. “I’m feeling better!” 

Changbin just winces and nods. 

Yesterday, it had rained and the earth is still damp, the forest floor now sticky and slippery mud that causes Jisung to almost lose his footing more than he’d like to admit. 

“So since it rained last night, it should be easy to find tracks in the mud,” He points to the ground and Jisung's eyes follow to the muggy ground. There’s a footprint, a shape obviously made by an animal that has hooves. 

Good thing that, because Jisung isn’t ready to come into contact with any more bears, or predators in general. 

“When you follow them, you must be on the lookout for the animal, but you have to be stealthy, quiet and calculate your movements,” 

Jisung watches Changbin's movements and copies his moves carefully. He watches where to put his feet, careful not to step on a leaf that will crunch under his weight. 

“And once you follow fresh tracks for a while,” Changbin then whispers under his breath and he moves around. And over his shoulder, Jisung sees a deer munching on a bush. “You find your goal,” 

  
Changbin takes the lead, and Jisung flinches when the loud sound fills his ears. “Come on, I taught the others how to drag it back without injuring yourself or damaging the deer,” Changbin grips his sleeve and drags him closer. Jisung gulps and treads softly, slowly. 

Changbin squats down and grips onto a hind leg. 

Jisung gulps and his breath leaves him when his eyes find the stark red blood covering the leaved ground. Changbin seems unbothered, but Jisung takes a step back. 

He wants to look away. Away from the blood that causes his heart to pick up. He feels hot all of a sudden, clammy and Jisung lets out a lone whimper. 

Changbin looks back and frowns. 

Jisung falls. His knees hit the wet ground and his stomach lurches. 

His gaze glazes over, the image of the deer fading away to the white walls, the white sheets and the vibrant red. 

His hands feel sticky like they did when he was covered in blood, his head spins and he falls deeper and deeper. He remembers the pulsing pain, the thunder striking inside of him and Jisung chokes out a scream, piercing and terrified. 

A hand falls on his shoulder and it feels like it did then, when Hyunjin's warmth had encased him. Jisung falters and when he hears a voice calling to him, Jisung feels as if it’s the same words that echoed throughout his mind for days, weeks, months after. 

Jisung grips on to something and feels a shirt crumble in his grasp. Jisung cries out and his vision blurs, into darkness and crimson and the last thing he hears before he slips, falling under the wave of memories is a shout of his name. 

Jisung goes limp in Changbin's hold. 

→

  
“Hyunjin! Hyunjin!” Changbin comes screaming towards the house, an unconscious Jisung dangling in his hold.

Changbin is panting, struggling for breath as he shuffles the boy into the young doctor's arms. Hyunjin rushes to Jisung's sleeping spot and lays him down on the blankets. 

“What happened?” He breathes out. Changbin is still heaving breaths in and Hyunjin waits anxiously for Changbin to talk. 

“I was teaching him how to hunt, and he just,” Changbin lets out a choked cry. Hyunjin reaches his hand out and pats his friend's shoulder. “He just started fading, screaming things like he wasn’t even present in the moment,”  
  
Hyunjin turns back to Jisung and heaves out a loud sigh. Jisung would be fine after some rest, but Hyunjin knows the wounds his mind and heart suffer are gaping, open and prone to infection. 

“Is he going to be okay, Jinnie?” Hyunjin grips Changbin's hands and nods. Changbin deflates and leans his head on the wall beside them. He breathes in deeply, obviously relieved. “Jisung's been through a lot,” Hyunjin says softly. “And those things won’t leave him anytime soon.” Changbin slouches, his eyes dating between the unconscious boy and the young doctor.

“How can we fix that, then?” Changbin's voice is small and his presence shrinks further when Hyunjin shakes his head. “We can’t,” He answers honestly. “Only time can heal wounds like these. The only thing we can possibly do is keep him safe from the things that bring back the memories,” 

“No more hunting for him, then?”   
Hyunjin sighs loudly and nods. “I think,” he pauses briefly. “If anyone or something is bleeding, or if there’s blood around, we make sure he’s not exposed to that,” Changbin gulps. 

“Something really bad happened to him, didn’t it? Is that why you’re so persistent with him? Why you won’t give up? Because you know what happened?”

Hyunjin could say no, that he only wished to make sure he was doing okay, but his heart has stretched far, the end of its boundaries not in sight. Hyunjin's heart reaches out for the small boy, his fingers itch to hold him, to feel his wounds heal underneath his skin. 

Hyunjin wants to protect him, shelter him, keep him warm. And when Changbin notices his apprehension, his eyes narrow slightly.   
  
“Don’t tell me…”   
  
“He’s special,” Hyunjin spits out. Changbin's eyes then soften and Hyunjin relaxes. 

“It’s not because of his past, but the boy underneath all of this,” he gestures to him. Hyunjin sucks in a deep breath of air. “There is something marvellous there. Something so… breathtaking that I can’t help myself but fall into the allure,” 

Changbin bites onto his bottom lip. “What's he going to think when he finally finds out of your crush on him?”  
  
“It’s not a crush!” Hyunjin hisses and Changbin raises a brow. 

“Then what is it? Don’t tell me you’re in love with him for goodness sakes?” 

Hyunjin goes quiet and only the sound of his rapidly beating heart is enough to tell Changbin of Hyunjin's buried feelings.

→

  
Jisung wakes a few hours later after the rest of the crew arrive back from their gathering trip. 

The food is ready when he wakes and Jisung takes a bowl of stew and eats it slowly, his stomach still churning from the aftermath of his episode. 

Hyunjin is staring at him while he eats, either monitoring him or just plain curious about him, but Jisung assumes it’s both. These past weeks Hyunjin has stayed in his line of vision almost all day every day. 

But he doesn’t boil over in anger when he sees him anymore. He thinks of strong hands, a firm grip and his pretty face that he remembers seeing so vividly, but somewhere underneath his layers, Jisung cannot find the bubble of hate. The feeling that had once overcome him and almost eaten him alive. 

Hyunjin hovers, floating in and out, his warm honey brown eyes landing on him before he turns, giving Jisung space that he’s becoming to not want, not need.

It feels like hours before they pack away dinner and when Felix finally comes to cuddle with him in their little corner, Jisung allows himself to sleep, suddenly content and warm in Felix's hold. His belly full only helps further him into the intoxicating allure of sleep. 

And Jisung dreams. 

Of easier days, when he would raid farms and accept the flower chains his friend Jooyeon had made for him. 

In his sleep, Jisung thrashes, once, twice and then the misting haze of good memories dissipate, running out of good things and when Jisung thrashes a third time, it’s the nightmares that haunt him. 

He imagines a face so clearly, a tiny cry that pierces the air and Jisung's body jolts, reaching for the thing that had never come to be in the first place, using his might to protect its blurry future. 

And then he screams. 

  
Felix is awake in seconds, trying to hold him in a hug, but Jisung is thrashing wildly, swinging fists and kicking his legs. Felix cries out, scared for his friend but also in pain from the kick to the stomach he receives. 

Chan perks up first at the cries and rushes on over, scrambling across on his knees and grabbing Jisung from Felix's hold. 

“Are you okay?” He looks up at Felix with concerned eyes. Felix winces and rubs at his stomach but nods. He fights Jisung in his hold, but Chan is much stronger and is able to ease his thrashing, but Jisung's breathing quickens and he lets out a scream.

“My baby! They took my baby!” Chan freezes at the wail and his eyes widen, flickering over to Felix who is on the verge of tears. He looks shocked and he shakes his head, biting at his nails because he too doesn’t know what this is about. 

“Jisung,” Chan begins but Hyunjin leaps forwards, taking the trembling boy from the elder's arms. 

“You’re okay,” Hyunjin mutters gently. He holds him close, pressing their warmth together and Chan watches, still, as Hyunjin manages to calm down his harsh movements. 

“It’s okay,” He tells him gently. Jisung still cries, murmuring about a lost baby. Hyunjin holds him a bit tighter. The rest of the group awaken from the commotion and Minho grips Jeongin’s arm to keep him from wandering over to his friend. 

“The baby!” He blubbers loudly and with a gasp, Jisung flinches backwards, his teary eyes opening to meet Hyunjin’s. But he’s distant like he’s still living in his nightmare.

“No, no,” Hyunjin wipes more tears from his eyes. Jisung clings onto him and Hyunjin thinks he’s going to have a lot to explain when he comes to, but Hyunjin seems like he’s the only one not shocked out of his boots and emotionally available for Jisung right now. “There was no baby,” Hyunjin tells him gently, careful not to roll him over into another fit of panic.  
  
“Yes, there was!” Jisung blubbers out. “My baby, I— my baby!” 

Hyunjin tries his best to talk him through it, distracting him doesn’t work at all, so he waits patiently, talking back to him so Jisung doesn’t fall back under the wave threatening to drown him. 

This isn’t Jisung Hyunjin thought he knew.

The Jisung he knows is so shut off, a mystery and to see him broken at his seams, leaking out his most vulnerable side, Hyunjin feels sick for him. He knows Jisung would rather keep this to himself, this trauma that crushed through his chest, but Jisung was still human. As much as he acted as things didn’t affect him, Hyunjin has learnt twice today that Jisung cannot fight against the force of nature. 

He finally gains control over himself again a while later and when he sees Hyunjin holding him, he flinches in his hold as if Hyunjin's hands are burning fires licking at his skin. But to Hyunjin's surprise, he doesn’t move from his grasp, but he falls back into it.

“Sorry,” he mutters gently. Hyunjin is surprised he had even apologised in the first place. He had thought he would’ve been angrier, but the shadows of purple around his eyes are heavy and his eyelids are droopy with fatigue.

Something inside Hyunjin clenches.  
  
“It’s okay, Jisung,” Chan assures him in a quiet tone. “As long as you’re okay now,” 

He looks around him and meets Minho's eyes. His gaze is hardened to that same mystery and Jisung gulps as he stares unapologetically towards him. It makes Jisung squirm the slightest bit. 

“I didn’t have a baby,” Jisung suddenly blurts out. He can feel his cheeks heat up and embarrassment swirls in his tummy. He had been looking right into Minho's eyes as he spoke, suddenly captivated and quickly fallen entranced. He had lost control of his tongue and now the burning of his cheeks and ears are red hot as he flushes bright red. 

“Umm… yeah? No baby…” He whispers, hanging his head. “But they said they’d take them away when I had them,” he continues on and even Jisung doesn’t know what’s come over him in this moment. He had wanted to hide that part of him away, but it felt… okay to share that with them. 

None of this had ever been Jisung's fault. Nor had it been Felix’s, Seungmin’s or Jeongin’s. It had been the government's fault. 

They had failed to keep precious citizens save. 

A bubble builds up in Jisung's tummy. 

Chan’s features twist into a look of despair, but Jisung can still see the clear fume of anger in his brown eyes. Jisung can’t seem to blame him and as he’s surrounded by the seven boys that have become each others moving home, Jisung can’t shake the growing feeling of wanting to find safety. 

But Jisung feels something else under that. Something dark. Something sinister. But he will not say it. Not now, not yet. Maybe when they are finally safe, maybe in Mydar he will speak of the plan he wishes to take part in. 

Jisung has one wish. 

To take down the people that had failed him and his new friends. Take down the people that had disregarded the lives of young boys for their own greed. Defenceless boys they were when they entered, but now Jisung looks up at Chan, takes in the thick muscle coating his body and eyes the guns in the corner of the room. 

Together, they’re strong. Together they can be a force that Jisung requires for such a wish. But he looks at them. They all have a story to tell, but Jisung knows that these boys who he travels with to find safety are here for all the same reason. 

Together. 

Together with them, Jisung can do it.

A revolution is what he craves, the taste of destruction filling his mouth and leaving him drunk on the taste.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! 
> 
> i hope everyone had a nice holiday! 
> 
> get ready for the next chapter heheh ;DD
> 
> i honestly cannot thank you all enough for all the sweet comments I LOVE YOU ALL 😭 I'm going away for a few days this week so i might not be able to reply to comments as quick but i will make sure i get around to it! stay safe everyone!!
> 
> also if you want to follow my twt here it is! i always post a link when i update anything or post something new! 
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> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	14. 13→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw! Mentions of suicide, death, injuries

Jisung drops his head on his knees, tucking himself tightly into a ball.

“Can we go?” Jisung whispers against his leg, muffling his voice slightly. 

Hyunjin's fingertips gently dance around the boy's knee, but they come to a halt when he lifts his gaze to Jisung's face. The boy looks even more tired than what he recalls. His eyes are droopy, his lips pouted and the skin around his eyes is reddened and swollen. 

Hyunjin slowly backs away, trying to read him further.

Instead of his usual scowl, he wears for Hyunjin, his face is soft, something Hyunjin hasn’t seen him wear ever. Hyunjin gulps because Jisung is so unbelievably, effortlessly ethereal in his own way. He can look like he wants to burn the world down to the ends of the earth itself, his jaw handset and his eyes terrifying but Jisung glows brighter than those fires he wishes to burn. 

“In the morning,” Jisung murmurs again. “We should leave,” 

“Jisung, I don’t know—“ Jisung looks into Hyunjin's eyes.

His brows furrow together ever so lightly, but it causes his face to contort into this look— this look of genuine hurt that has Hyunjin's mind tumbling and his heart rattling.

Jisung is a raging blaze, an unforgiving fire that’s moving at its own pace and Hyunjin feels like the dried vegetation, like a blade of dried up grass in his presence. Hyunjin is fuel to the fire, nothing more. 

But Hyunjin is okay with that. 

“I’m fine now.” He tells him in a tone that’s gentle but Hyunjin can hear the snap behind it. It eases him a bit, after being so unsure of what to do with such a quiet and passive Jisung. 

“Physically I can do it,” he presses on. 

Chan slowly sits near him and everyone slithers closer. Even Changbin who’s rubbing the sleep out of his eyes nears with Seungmin’s tentative help. 

“But mentally?” Chan pipes up. Felix’s fingers land on his back then, swirling around in thoughtless patterns. Jisung gulps. 

“I can do it,” he states. “If anyone else doesn’t feel well enough to go, then we don’t have to but, we have to move at some point, right?” 

Jisung craves it. His muscles twitch at the thought of a revolution and he knows he cannot sit around and wait for magic to happen. He cannot sit around and wait for himself to accept his situation because Jisung knows he won’t be able right now. And maybe not for a long time. But Jisung knows time is precious. There is no way anyone can buy time. Even the richest man in the capital, the President didn’t have the luxury of buying time. It flowed. Endlessly. 

And Jisung will not be stupid enough to waste that. 

It will take time to cross the ocean, to finally settle in a safe place and Jisung will not— he cannot— sit around and waste this precious time. 

Jisung gulps. 

Precious time. 

The four boys may have made it out of the facility, but Jisung had seen over twenty faces in total in that place. Jeongwoo, the man who persisted to his own end, newcomers that had barely finished the first step to become a governments rat, old faces that were more than likely now in the same predicament as Jisung. 

The government would’ve freaked out when they escaped, their most developed rats, and Jisung just knows that the boys' that still had the luxury to live outside of the institution's walls would’ve been dragged in and Jisung swallows thickly. 

Just how many boys had he sacrificed to get himself out?

How many young men now stood like him, growing life they should have never been able to give? Jisung's fingers gently dance around his own stomach, under his skin a life growing. 

It all makes his head spin, his surroundings go blurry but the strong smell of rain clinging to Chan's skin settles his fiery nerves, the heavy presence of Minho grounds him down, alerting him to become aware of himself. The soft eyes of Seungmin that soothe out the creases from turning into cracks, the soft blanket under him that Jeongin made him, comforting and warm. Changbin looks downcast, away from Jisung and he’s reminded of the space he’s even, space that comforts him and allows him to breathe. Felix's soft touches, ones that leave a path of warmth in its wake, gently awakening his slumbering heart. Hyunjin's soft breathing, the quiet that tells Jisung that he’s just waiting. For Jisung's opinion. 

Because that matters now. 

It sends an easing warmth down his body and he relaxes. Jisung breathes. 

“If we reach our destination soon, that means we don’t have to worry about this all,” Jisung finally gets out. Hyunjin responds in a hum. Chan shuffles closer and so gently, cradles one of his hands, not like he’s a porcelain doll about to crack, but more as a butterfly waiting for its wings to dry out. He might be a little vulnerable as he waits for his wings to dry, needing a little more shelter than usual, but once his wings dry, he can fly freely in that soft breeze. 

Chan's hands are warm, rugged from hard work and Jisung breathes in deep. “If we’re together,” Jisung allows Jeongin to come curl up near him. Seungmin follows, situated between Felix and the youngest, still able to reach Jisung easily. 

“Then we can do it.” Jisung musters out. 

And it’s all seven other pairs of sparkling eyes, the wishes for safety so blatantly on the surface for them to see that stays behind Jisung's own eyelids as he settles back down.

  
→ 

  
They were more than capable to do it. 

Now, standing on the coastline of the continent they’ve spent all their lives on, Jisung swallows salty air and a laugh leaves his lips. 

Everyone is cheering, running into others arms, and Jisung yelps when Chan picks him up by his waist and spins him around. He grips down onto his wide shoulders and laughs, one that makes his head fall back, a laugh that sends jitters through his body, one that causes tears to prick in his eyes. Because they’ve done it. 

The first part of their long journey now coming to an end. 

Chan puts him back down and pats his cheeks, his own laughter bleeding into everyone else until the air is left filled with eight joyous laughs. 

“There's still a house in really good condition!” Jeongin shouts running back to the group sitting a few hundred meters from the sandy shores. Changbin is jittery next to him and just puts two thumbs up, nodding his head. 

“And there’s a boat a few hundred meters away, I can’t tell if you’d be able to fix it Minho… but we can only see!” Jeongin tells them. 

Jeongin is more than happy to lead them back to the house, blabbing happily as they near closer to the old bricked house that still stands. Perhaps this part of the coast hadn’t been hit with destruction too much, or it had been a town abandoned much later after the Great War begun. 

They all tumble in through the wooden door that Jisung guesses was once red due to the remnant of red paint faded against the dark coloured wood.

All of them except Hyunjin and Jisung, that is. 

Hyunjin clutches him by his shoulders and tugs him backwards gently. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” he says gently. Hyunjin had seen how Jisung grew more open these past few weeks, allowing anyone to advance on him, so much so that Hyunjin had even seen him willingly cuddle up to Changbin who had continued to play with his hair with one hand, the other rubbing gentle circles on his hipbone. He and Felix were still almost attached to the hip, but it had warmed Hyunjin's heart to see him so relaxed around them now. 

Hyunjin had even noticed changes in his behaviour towards himself, too. But Hyunjin was too used to advancing Jisung with extreme caution that it doesn’t leave him so easily. 

Jisung would’ve scoffed at him before and just walked away, but he looks back at him, his eyes soft but Hyunjin can see he’s tired, too. 

“What is it?” He asks and it's gentle, no bite of hostility in his tone. Hyunjin relaxes his tensed muscles. 

Hyunjin then grins at him. 

“Thank you,” he mutters first. “For believing in us first,” He then elaborates when Jisung cocks his head. 

Jisung turns his head away and smiles softly, his fingers cling onto the hem of his dirtied shirt. “We’re family now,” Jisung mumbles and it's so quiet that Hyunjin has to lean in so slightly. 

The tips of the shorter’s ears are red, his cheeks lightly flushed and Hyunjin is a fool. A fool for pink cheeks and the soft plush flesh of reddened lips, a fool for eyes that sparkle in the sunlight and that glow underneath the moonlight. 

“Even us?” Hyunjin finds himself whispering and those moonlit eyes stare back at up at him. Jisung hums softly and Hyunjin's heart swells. 

“I thought…” Hyunjin clears his throat and shuffles in his spot. He pulls at his clothing that’s creased. “I thought we were still on bad terms, is all,” he blabbers out. He looks down at Jisung who nods in understanding. 

“It’s been a while now, hasn’t it?” Jisung muses gently. “Almost three months, Hyunjin. And that might not sound like a lot of time, but to me… it feels like this is the years that I couldn’t live and each day— I’m not the best at managing all my emotions or communicating… but I’m trying,” he breathes in deep and looks back up at Hyunjin. Hyunjin tries to gulp down the rock building in his throat. 

“Maybe I’m better at managing my emotions more than I think… but my hate for you,” Hyunjin sucks in a deep breath and Jisung winces. “I can’t sugarcoat it…” Jisung tells him. “I did hate you. Truly. Maybe I’ve grown out of that hate, or maybe it’s because I don’t have the energy to hate you… and that I can’t,”   
  
Hyunjin shuffles forwards.

It’s good enough for him. He doesn’t hate him, and even if it’s a symptom of the fatigue that plagues them, Hyunjin will take it because he doesn’t know if he could live with himself while Jisung loathes him as he did. 

Hyunjin's a fool. A complete fool that finds moonlit eyes mesmerising, the soft breath that pushes through plush lips draws him closer. 

“I’ve never once hated you,” Hyunjin tells him and Jisung scoffs so lightly. “I know,” he answers. “You don’t have to tell me that,” 

“I’ll never be able to hate you,” Hyunjin begins to talk fast because even if Jisung doesn’t hate him, there’s still the chance that he doesn’t stand him enough to put up with his confessions. Tears prick in his eyes and Hyunjin feels useless in his presence because he shouldn’t be crying over something so… Hyunjin cannot call this futile because it’s Jisung that’s standing before him, watching him so intently. It’s about Jisung and his feelings. 

“Are you crying?” Jisung questions gently and Hyunjin can only nod once, sniffing as he allows for it to flow out. 

How much had he wanted to cry over this? How much had he wished to cry himself to sleep, feeling sorry for himself that he was hated by the person his heart had decided to want? Hyunjin’s heart is beating hard, his blood pumping and warming him up or maybe it’s just the sudden swirl of emotions?

“I could never hate you. No matter what you do, even if you turn out to want to burn everything down to the ground,” Hyunjin doesn’t notice the slight tensing of Jisung's body then. “Because in my eyes,” he takes in a shuddering breath. “You will never be anything less than wonderful,”   
  
Jisung's breath hitches and he looks up, peering at him almost and when Hyunjin spots the beginnings of a frown he rambles again. 

“And maybe you think I’m insane, but I can’t help it. Maybe you’ll despise me more now— but somehow I don’t care, because I want you to know because I can’t go on any longer and pretend that I don’t feel the way I do for you,” 

“Hyunjin…”   
  
“If you say no, then I’ll stop right now, okay? So you tell me, Jisung?” 

He stops then and his heart pounds in his ears, almost deafening as he waits for a response. 

But all Jisung does his smile up at him and he shrugs. “I’ve never had the chance to hear anything like this,” Jisung tells him. “I’d like you to continue, actually,”   
  
And if Hyunjin wasn’t already sinking fast enough, he’s suddenly pulled down deeper into the abyss that Jisung is. 

“I like you,” he gets out and maybe Hyunjin acts against his own will, but Hyunjin has thought about this too many times for it to be a simple innocent involuntary action. 

His hands itch, burn to hold him and when his palms land on his hips, smaller hands brace against his chest and Hyunjin spirals right down. 

And he swoops down, connecting plush lips together. 

Jisung burns in his hold, too otherworldly, too sacred for him or anyone else. But Hyunjin kisses him, his thumbs digging into his hips and Hyunjin's heart jumps in his chest when the frozen boy responds, ever so gently but Jisung doesn’t pull back, but kisses him softly, drawing out the hidden sweetness of his mouth. 

Hyunjin kicks himself the moment they pull away. Jisung's eyes are wide, glazed and Hyunjin is so stupid because he had never asked. Apologises fly off his tongue rapidly, asking for forgiveness between his self-deprecation. 

But all Jisung does is turn to walk inside the house and he gives him a tiny pursed smile. “Just ask next time,” He says before leaving Hyunjin in a complete frenzy. 

“Next time!?” 

→ 

  
When Seungmin sees Jisung enter the room Jeongin had claimed as their own, he gives him a soft smile and opens his arms, allowing the smaller to settle gently into his embrace. 

“You’re tired?” Seungmin asks as Jisung drops his head onto his shoulder. Jisung only hums and allows both Felix and Jeongin to cuddle up to them, joining the cuddle pile. 

“Careful,” Seungmin whispers, sprawling a hand over his swelling abdomen. Jisung sighs at the warmth and Seungmin hums in content, slowly moving his thumb over his clothed skin.   
  
Over the few weeks, Jisung had watched as his belly grow, bloating and then turning into a small bump on his otherwise flat stomach. Jisung had froze a few days ago when he realised he was far past the seventh week, past the week that he had lost the last pregnancy and relief had filled him this time, different to that feeling of fear and despair when the pregnancy first was discovered. 

“How are you feeling now?” Felix mutters, reaching out to put his hand on Jisung's stomach as well. “I’m okay,” Jisung murmurs. 

“That’s good…” he mutters. 

“But how are you feeling about the baby now… I know you felt a little… apprehensive before,”

Jisung turns his head to look at Felix and he bites down on his lip. “I feel… it’s not an ideal situation,” he begins and Jisung slowly sits up, their hands falling off his tummy. “But I don’t hate it… but I don’t think,” he swallows thickly. 

“I don’t really think I’d be able to deal with it all very well… like how am I supposed to have a baby potentially in an unknown space and take care of it? How? What if I can’t love it? What if I do hate it?” Jisung looks down at his fingers. “I feel sick to my stomach… because I hate it, but I can’t help myself but feel so… what the fuck, I shouldn’t say motherly because that’s not right but I can’t help it!”  
Seungmin allows him to turn and sob into his chest. It had become something he did quite often nowadays. Being overrun with hormones has caused him to sob frequently, wanting someone near him and comfort him. Seungmin, Felix and Chan have been the main ones he went to, but Jeongin would always wander over and rub his back for him, which he does now. 

“Sungie,” Jeongin says softly. “I know it’s really hard and we understand all these feeling you’re having,” he whispers to him. Jisung sniffs and nods. Seungmin cradles his head. Felix sits back a little bit, watching. “And when you have the baby, we’re going to be there for you. We won’t leave and I know for sure, I will do whatever I can do to help you both out, okay? You’re not alone and you never will be. Whether that helps or not…” Jisung lifts his head and nods, reaching out to squeeze the youngest’s hand.

“But a baby is a gift, too,” Felix murmurs. 

Jisung wipes his tears away and scoffs loudly. “For the government, maybe,”

Felix frowns at him. 

“You’re acting strange,” Jisung then tells him with a small frown of his own. 

And to everyone's surprise, Felix gets up and leaves the small, unfurnished room without a word. 

Jeongin lets out a sound of surprise and rises but Seungmin tugs on the hem of his shirt and shakes his head.   
  
“I think Jisung should handle that one instead…” Jeongin pouts but he plonks next to Seungmin and gives Jisung a pat on his belly before he leaves. 

“I’ll try my best,” Jisung mumbles softly.

Jisung wanders out of the room and passes Hyunjin who flushes brightly as soon as he sees him. Jisung just zooms past, his own ears flushing when he remembers the feeling of lips against his own mouth, but Jisung will have to deal with that later when his mind his clearer and he can think about options he can give himself. 

“Hey,” Jisung says. Felix is outside, watching the waves of the ocean that peaks out through the gap in the trees. 

“I don’t really want to talk to you right now?” Felix says. 

“But that’s the thing,” Jisung grunts and he sits down next to him. “Why? I didn’t do anything for you? Did I?” 

Felix sighs. “It’s just… I know you’re stressed and all about the baby, and I know this might sound so bad but I don’t think… I think you might be overthinking everything too much,”  
  
Jisung frowns. “What?”   
  
“It’s just you can’t accept it. It might not even be as bad as you think, Jisung… it’s a baby and like Jeongin said if you don’t like them, we’re willing to—“   
  
“Don’t forget this is still my baby,” Jisung hisses. He frowns deeply at Felix. He understands where he’s coming from, but to sound so insensitive about what Jisung feels for the baby is a little too far across the line for him. 

“I know that? But how you speak about Seungmin, Jeongin, myself…we were in the facility and you act like we didn’t suffer. Just because they favoured you for some reason… why would they push you to get pregnant over us?”

And anger boils over in Jisung. 

“Why were they so obsessed with me, do you think?” Jisung sneers and Felix flinches back from him. “Because if they knocked you up over me, you could have a say. You could go out if you had guardians, you didn’t have to stay locked up.” It’s a cold blow because Felix has mentioned before his parents had passed and he had been locked up ever since. “You could’ve fought for your babies futures. You could hold them! You could do all that! You could’ve…” His voice falters. 

“Because you were a person to them still. You didn’t belong to them like I belonged to them, and because of that, I had to watch them mutate me further and impregnate me more than once. And,” Jisung lets out a choked cry. “I had to watch myself fail. I had to lay there in my own blood while I miscarried, so yeah!” His voice heightens through his sobs. “Maybe I am sensitive and maybe indifferent about you and the others because I envy you so much!” 

Felix sucks in a deep breath and he stiffens at the sudden confession. Felix's vision tunnels and he imagines a smaller Jisung, clutching onto red sheets and crying hysterically. Felix finds his words fail him because even though he might be a little angry at his friend for thinking he was insensitive… all his friend has been doing is struggling through the thick mud of trauma that will not leave him even if he wishes for it for years and years. 

Felix suddenly feels like the indifferent one instead.  
  
“I wish every day that I had fought because it wasn’t fair. I thought I would be better off dead instead of living through all those horrors.” Felix's jaw is shaking, his lips pursed tightly and his throat constricts he tries to keep his cries down. “I wake up in the middle of the night after having nightmares of losing my babies that are just born, the memory of losing that first baby I had the chance to grow. And I hate it.”   
  
“We’re your friends, Jisung,” Felix mutters out. “And I’m so sorry that happened to you. I don’t even know what to say… but you sometimes make me feel like I’m your enemy instead,”

“Because in a way you are,” Jisung spits. 

“You think you had it hard too, and that’s perfectly fine but if you try one more time to try to push your ‘positive’ agenda on me, I’m not going to hold back ever again,” 

Felix blinks at him. “You could at least respect my opinion!” He shouts back. He wants to hold him and ask if he’s okay, but he’s worked up. Shaken to the core at the sudden realisation that Jisung was different to him. To the rest of them. Jisung was never free once, not like how Felix had a choice. Felix feels shaky. 

“Or you could finally wake up and realise whenever you talk about it all I can think about is al the pain I went through!” 

Felix's bottom lip wobbles. “And I’m really sorry that happened to you,” He blubbers out but he shakes his head. He’s crying hard now. “But we suffered too,” 

Jisung scoffs and throws his head back. “And when did I say you didn’t?” 

Felix doesn’t know what overcomes him, but he’s only human and he’s susceptible to overflowing with emotion and acting out, without thinking it through first. 

And as soon as he thrusts his palms out, shoving his friend to the ground, Felix freezes in absolute horror. 

Jisung cries out as he hits the ground. It rips through the air when he takes a shuddering breath and seconds later, Hyunjin is storming out and by Jisung's side. He glares at Felix who’s standing there, wide-eyed and shaking in shock. 

“Jisung, hey, hey,” Hyunjin grips him by his shoulders gently and picks him up off of the ground. “My shoulder,” Jisung hisses and just as Chan and Minho burst out, he breaks out into fat tears, sobbing to go inside. Minho is the one to reach out and begin taking Jisung back inside with him. Hyunjin stares at Felix for a few seconds before following, his eyes going wide at the blood soaking through Jisung shirt.   
There’s a long shard of what looks like old glass jammed in his skin near his shoulder blade and Hyunjin sprints forward, leaving Felix and Chan outside. 

“Lix?” Chan mutters to the shaking boy. Felix swallows and his knees buckle, causing him to fall into the dirt beneath him. Chan frowns and makes his way over, his hands landing on his back and the moment they touch, Felix finally bursts into tears. 

“I didn’t mean to!” He cries out and all Chan can do is pull him into his lap, allowing his tears to wet his shirt. “I got so mad and not even at him because the whole world just isn’t fair! And I hurt him! He told me things and I should’ve hugged him instead of pushing him,” he wails. 

Chan tugs him even closer, burying his nose into the blondes soft hair. They’d washed two days ago and Felix still seemed rather clean, considering the last stretch of their trip. “What if I hurt the baby, too?” He wails. 

“Lix, just breathe,” Chan whispers to him. But Felix cries harder, falling into the abyss of wallowing guilt because Jisung, the same young man that has been through hell and back, the same boy who carried the moon's rays in his eyes that are beginning to fill up with life, the boy that tenderly helps him every time his cycle comes, ignoring his own abdomen swollen with life in favour of nurturing him with such a soft smile and tentative hands. Jisung is a fire struggling to roar and Felix has become the snow, accidentally causing the flickering ember to struggle even further to burn. 

And Felix's heart has torn into two because Jisung deserves so much more than snow. Jisung deserves to grow with his own pace and he deserves water lapping nearby incase his flame grows too hot for him to handle. 

But Felix is the snow. Not the water to protect him. 

Felix passes out in Chan's arms, his breathing too laboured and thick with tears to keep him conscious. But Chan holds him tenderly, giving him the comfort he believes he doesn’t deserve, but Felix will never be the snow for long, instead, he will become the sunshine again, encouraging Jisung to glow and burn brighter than anything else in this god-forsaken world. 

  
→ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 
> 
> to celebrate a new year i decided to post a chapter!! there will still be one on Sunday, not to worry!! i hope everyone has a nice year and it is kind to them <333 thank you so so much again for all the support and all the kind words u guys are insane i just want to give you this whole fic ahhhh 
> 
> <3333
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	15. 14→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions death and infant death!

  
Jisung's cries turn into soft sniffles as Hyunjin settles him down on the tiled floor.

“What were you even talking about to get into that situation?” Hyunjin murmurs and Jisung breathes deeply.

“We were just being insensitive to each other, I guess…”   
  
Hyunjin hums. “So it’s complicated?” Jisung nods and hisses loudly when Hyunjin gently pulls at the glass in his skin. “It didn’t have to be,” he groans at the stinging pain in his shoulder.

“Do you have any other injuries or this is?” Hyunjin quickly changes the subject, but he’s still relieved when Jisung shakes his head no. “Well, that’s a bonus,” Hyunjin murmurs. “Do you want to bite down on anything? This one might hurt more than the blackberry bush,” And Jisung whines out loudly at that, but nods his head and Hyunjin quickly offers one of the other clean rags he had in the medical kit. 

Jisung flinches forwards, cursing loudly as Hyunjin extracts the glass from his back. 

“All done,” Hyunjin finally says after a few minutes. “It took longer because it must’ve broken when you fell on it,” He tells him. Jisung is panting, his head hanging down. Jisung doesn’t even bother to ask why Hyunjin lifts his shirt because moments later a cool damp cloth is pressed against the wound, cleaning it. 

Jisung looks down at his exposed stomach and gently draws circles on it, humming to himself, trying to ignore the searing cut on his shoulder. 

“I’ve passed twelve weeks,” Jisung murmurs and Hyunjin's touch on his shoulder lightens slightly. “Oh,” Hyunjin breathes out. 

“Usually… usually that means it will stick once you hit twelve weeks, right?” Jisung asks in a small whisper. His palms flatten on his abdomen.   
  
“I’m pretty sure,” Hyunjin answers back.

Jisung frowns gently and puts a little more pressure on his stomach, but nothing happens just yet. There’s no movement, nothing to tell him he’s carrying a little flutter except the little bump and some typical symptoms. 

Jisung thinks about Jeongin’s offer, and how Seungmin had caressed his belly so tenderly and Felix's obvious support but his envy. 

“I’m going to have a baby…” Jisung whispers and even though he’s known this for weeks now, it frightens him all over again, because he’s made it out of the danger stage which heightens the possibility Jisung will be holding a squirming little flutter in only a few months. It makes his heart shake in his chest and he bites down on his lip. 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin gently slips one side of Jisung's shirt of his body. His skin pricks up at the sudden chill, but Jisung doesn’t shiver. Hyunjin works quickly and thoroughly to bandage his shoulder and once he’s done, he settles in front of Jisung. 

“That’s scary,” Jisung murmurs lowly and he slowly lifts his gaze from his still exposed stomach. Hyunjin gently reaches for one of his hands and clutches onto it, cradling it in his much larger hand. Jisung's eyes find Hyunjin’s. 

“My body isn’t made for this,” Jisung begins and Hyunjin stays quiet, allowing the younger to talk. “They may of given me a womb and the ‘ability’ to birth them, but who’s to say it’s going to work? What happens if they can’t fit because my body isn’t designed to birth?” Jisung's eyes flicker with terror. “Is that what happened?”

Hyunjin tenses and frowns. 

“Jeongwoo,” Jisung says and heat flashes through Hyunjin's body. “Is that what happened to him and his baby? They died Hyunjin.” He deadpans and he clutches onto Hyunjin's hand tighter.

Hyunjin's mouth goes dry. “How… how did you know that?”   
  
Jisung's face contorts into one that shows despair and Hyunjin's heart clenches. 

“The day after they died,” Jisung mutters. “I heard nurses talking about them in the halls when I was going to the gardens,” 

Hyunjin licks his lips quickly and then shakes his head. “They didn’t die because Jeongwoo couldn’t birth the baby,” he admits. “The baby was born with the cord around its neck… it was stillborn because of that we think,” Jisung's stomach churns violently. “And Jeongwoo?” 

Hyunjin cups Jisung's small swell with his other hand. His hand easily engulfs the bump and it oddly comforts Jisung, like he too is protecting the little flutter. 

“We believe he developed preeclampsia…he was already gone by the time doctors arrived…” Hyunjin is quiet, hesitant to tell Jisung this in case he scares him, but Jisung doesn’t let fear flash through his eyes. But Hyunjin will never be sure what Jisung is feeling or thinking.

Jisung purses his lips. “What if something similar happens to me?” 

“Jisung,” Hyunjin touch becomes heavier on his body. “I will always be here and I will always prioritise your health before anything else, okay? I’m not going to let you get hurt, alright?” 

Jisung shuffles closer and meekly reaches his hands out, grasping at Hyunjin's neck as he slowly moves even closer. Hyunjin's hand slips from his stomach, raking around to grip at his hip. “When you said I had to ask next time,” Hyunjin's breath fans across his mouth. Jisung's body tingles at the remembrance of Hyunjin's touch, his kisses and Jisung is starved of touch that sets his body alight. “Did you mean it?”   
  
“Ask and find out,” Jisung whispers back. 

“Then,” Hyunjin gulps, his eyes fall down to his lips. “May I kiss you?” 

“You may,”   
  
And Jisung's body responds with waves of shuddering warmth when soft lips land on his. He mightn’t feel the same way about Hyunjin as Hyunjin does for him, the thought nags in the back of his mind but this feeling— the intimate touch of another causes his heart to race and a warm coil in his belly grows. Jisung allows the wandering touches of Hyunjin against his bare skin, allows the sudden rougher tug to the taller boys lap because it makes him feel alive. 

It fills the empty void of his too-hollow life and Jisung will allow himself get intoxicated off soft kisses that turn into harsh nips at his lips all because it fills him up, feeding him on life he’s missed out on for too long. 

→

When Chan had first thought of the plan to break out the boys from the institution, he didn’t think he’d have to deal with such frail relationships. 

He should’ve, really because who can blame the boys? Being locked away for so long had done obvious damage, so much Chan struggles to think how it will be mended.

But Chan is persistent and these boys are now his family. Jeongin thrives from physical affection and he’s lively bright but the kid is mature, desensitised from things kids his age would typically fear. Seungmin craves to be needed, like Hyunjin but Chan sees how much happier he is if he’s able to give out affection or comfort. 

And Jisung is complicated. He thrives off nothing, doesn’t crave anything but freedom and the will to make his own decisions. But he’s strong, fortified by years of torture and Chan will be the last person to ever cross over to his bad side because he’s an ember, a flickering flame that at any second will roar into an inferno. That strength, Chan can see but Jisung doubts himself still. He’s mysterious and Chan would like to comfort him too, but Jisung is different. 

But Felix, he’s an open book. If something is wrong, he’s willing to talk, and truthfully out of all of them, Felix has the best ways to cope because he’s not afraid to express himself or talk, and Chan finds that admirable in itself. 

Felix has his doubts too, about himself but he overcomes them quickly. 

But now, Chan knows he needs a lot more comfort than he alone can give. 

Felix is only human, like the rest of them. He had snapped at Jisung. Chan doesn’t blame him for losing his temper because he knows Jisung is adamant and frustrating because he’s so hard to understand, and Felix, the sunshine incarnate had hit a limit he himself didn’t know he had. 

Felix draws Chan in, with sparkly eyes and freckled cheeks and a sweet smile. He leaks with sunshine, filling the cracks in their mixed family with a little bit of light. 

Chan loves all of them dearly. His friend since his early childhood— Minho, his friends he made during the outbreak— Changbin, Hyunjin. And the four boys they had rescued from a life of cruelty— Seungmin, Felix, Jeongin and Jisung. 

They all had a place in his heart, cocooned there and safe but Felix digs his cocoon deeper, into a part of his heart that’s territory is uncharted. 

As unknown as it is, Felix is warm, beautiful and Chan will gladly allow him to dig as deep as he likes, and maybe, just maybe Chan will fall.

→

Felix apologises to Jisung the moment he sees him cuddled into Seungmin’s side and surprisingly enough, Jisung cries and flings himself into Felix's hold, muttering apologises one after the other until Seungmin eases him back down with soft touches against his back. 

Felix and Jisung then act as if nothing has happened between them, but when Jisung leans back a little too hard against Seungmin he groans out in pain and Felix's face contorts with clear guilt and worry. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin wanders down the staircase and cocks his head at Jisung. 

“We should wash up and clean the dirty clothes since we’re here for a bit,” he tells Chan who nods, swallowing the rest of the food he was eating.   
“Jisung,” Hyunjin calls and he gets the attention of all three boys on the beaten up lounge. Jisung wiggles out of Seungmin’s grip and wanders over to him. “Come with me?” He sounds slightly unsure as to if Jisung is going to reject him as if they weren’t just all over each other last night. 

“Okay,” Jisung just shrugs and waits for Hyunjin at the door as the taller shifts the bag across his back. 

Chan peers over at the two boys on the lounge and gapes. “Since when were they civil?” He squawks out but Felix can only shake his head in disbelief and Seungmin looks rather confused himself. 

“I’m going to go see how the other three are going with the boat parts…” Seungmin murmurs. 

  
→

  
There’s a dilemma. 

The boat they had found was in decent shape considering its age and the periods it had survived, but it had many bits missing. It was a fear they faced, worried the extra time it would take for Minho to craft new bits would cause their mission to fail.

They had looked all together for almost two whole weeks looking for parts and when they had finally run out of places to check, Minho had sat down at the oceans shore and stared out. Jisung had sat down with him, finding comfort in the silence.

“It’s going to take a while,” Minho had said. 

But Jisung had only shrugged, “I trust you,” 

  
Minho has seen how Jisung had slowly grown more comfortable around everyone else, including Hyunjin and something bitter in his mouth had appeared when he realised that. Not that he wanted Jisung to hate Hyunjin because Hyunjin is his friend and deserves to be treated nicely, but because they spent so much time together these days while Minho is working hard to make custom pieces for this damned boat.

Felix's and Jisung's birthdays had passed with small celebrations but they had both cried over finally spending a birthday outside of the facility.

Jisung wanders over from time to time, cool drinks in his hand for Minho who sweats as he works in the warming summer seasons. Sometimes it was cool water with crushed berries, other times lime juice in water, but every time Jisung would pass it to him with one hand on his growing abdomen and with a soft smile that melts Minho's heart. 

Minho knows he’s stupid for even thinking of wanting Jisung, but he’s rigged edges that mould into soft curves, wide eyes that are slowly filling up and brimming with sparkling oceans of emotions. He’s a roaring fire that Minho craves to hold, feel his skin burn his palms as he holds him close to his body. And each breath he lets out is sweet, feeding the growing fire inside of him. 

Jisung is one of the reasons he leaves the house in the early mornings and leaves in the late night, working all day to try to fix this boat that will take them across the ocean, into a safe land filled with promises.

Minho will do anything in his power to get this boat to move them across the ocean, cradling that hope for safety in his nimble fingers.

→

It’s the middle of the night when Jisung wakes with a start. Minho is next to him on his right and he jerks awake from the movement. 

He’s wide-eyed and his hands are clutching at his stomach. “Jisung?” Minho calls out, concerned that something has gone wrong. “Are you in pain? Are you okay?” 

“I’m okay,” He croaks out but there’s unshed terror in his eyes. “I think it just moved… the baby,” 

“Oh,” Minho breathes out in relief. He looks at Jisung who bites down on his lower lip and presses a little harder on his stomach before gasping, eyes shining as he looks over to Minho. “They’re alive,” he cries in a whisper and Minho's mind circuits. 

“Of course they are,” He whispers back, but his stomach swirls with fear from the boy's words. And when a tear drips down Jisung's cheek, Minho just knows it’s not anything he’ll question him on. “Thank goodness,” he mumbles under his breath, settling back down. Minho follows and once he’s gotten himself comfortable, Jisung wiggles into his arms, his forehead resting on his chest. Minho sucks in a breath, unsure how to handle it, but Jisung gently grabs his hand and moves it to his swollen middle, humming in content. 

And it’s this moment as Jisung's small frame is pressed against him that Minho realises the feelings he built for this young man are staying, not budging even if Jisung tries to burn them down. 

Minho's blood sings at the proximity of them pressed together. Jisung falls asleep easily but Minho is left awake, his blood warm in his veins and the tiny pulsating movements against his calloused palm luring him into a peaceful sleep. 

→

When Seungmin looks at Jisung something swells in his heart, but his stomach crashes at the same time. 

Jisung is an enigma. Soft edges that fade into bleeding, jagged messes inside, but Seungmin finds him quickly becoming one of his most valued friends he’s ever had. 

Seungmin thinks and thinks over the hours he has to himself when they walked for hours, days, weeks, months Seungmin had thought. 

He had looked over his life so far and something had shifted so drastically inside him. 

  
Seungmin was born lucky. Luck that had never bled out, that he still held onto to this very moment in his life. 

He was born to a single mother, a young woman who’s eyes held wonders of the world, glittered with such love that it burned brightly in the surface of her brown eyes. She wasn’t rich, she wasn’t poor, but she was never a lucky woman. 

Seungmin thinks maybe he had sucked all of her luck when he was born. 

She was the most beautiful woman Seungmin has ever seen, perhaps he’s just biased because it’s his mother, but Seungmin has truly yet to see a woman of such effortless beauty. 

She was hardworking, always pushing herself to her limits to care for him. Long laborious days at work to provide shelter and food to fill her son's stomach had never ended. But she was lovely, so lovely. She had never snapped but always held Seungmin like he was a precious treasure, a priceless gift from heavenly beings. 

Seungmin’s childhood was quiet, ever so peaceful and he was showered in unconditional love from his mother. She was patient, understanding and always put him first. 

And when he grew up, the love never slowed, it was consistent and Seungmin gave it back to her, never going one day without reminding her that he loved her just as much as she loved him. 

Seungmin grew and grew and with time, the world fell into shambles. 

His mother had never had much, Seungmin knew that and when he first saw the posters, he had thought about his mother, and briefly wondered if she would love his children just as much as him. 

He had brought a poster home on his way home from school the next day. 

His mother had known poverty, loss, hopelessness before him and when he stumbled into her warm embrace, asking what her wish was, Seungmin had made up his mind before he could even think over the consequences. 

She wished for grandchildren as she smiled down at him, wishing for chubby cheeks like he did as a baby. A large family filled with joy.

And Seungmin was a fool for his mother. 

So, he entered, on his mother's terms as well as his own. 

The process hurt, but he was lucky. 

But now that he has met Jisung and the others, he realises just how lucky he has been. He would go home to his mother after medical procedures, and his mother would take care of him, now supported with an inflow of money from the government to look after him well, she didn’t have to spend long days out in the burning fields at the farms. He would fall asleep in his mother's arms, held tightly when the throbbing of the growing organ grew too much, rocked back to sleep when the pain meds finally kicked in. 

Seungmin wasn’t alone during any of that. She was always right by his side, always caring for him until he was deemed ready and able to have a child. 

Seungmin was eighteen when they locked him up in the facility. He had no contact with his mother and the attachment he had to her was strong and Seungmin tried his best to see her again, but it was always the same answer. 

Over those months he was locked up he met the other boys that were currently in a similar predicament. And suddenly, this process of creating a fulfilling life for his mother was dark and grim, not bright and joyful like they had thought. 

Seungmin has never been a fool, and when his implantation was scheduled, he had realised this was a life he would never escape from. It had dawned on him quickly that he was never getting out, all he was to them was a rabbit, a vessel to fill the world back up again. 

Seungmin was always described as dainty from teachers, peers, but he had hardened, slowly turning to stone in that cold place and just before the stone could encase his heart, Chan had burst through his door.

Seungmin had suffered. He felt so suffocated he left with the seven other boys without even thinking about running to his mother. Maybe because he had already lost hope and realised how fucked up and corrupt the government really is?

He still thinks of his mother. How she is doing? Has she lived through the disease? How is she coping without him to hold and whisper loving words to at night now?

Seungmin can still feel the heavy weight of the facility deep in his bones. 

And when he looks at Jisung, his heart just breaks over and over again. 

Jisung had survived pure hell. 

Seungmin was lucky.

But Jisung was never lucky and whenever he catches his eye or settles his frail body next to his larger, healthier frame, Seungmin feels this urge to take care of him, smother him in love he hasn’t had. Jisung takes it gladly now, enjoys the fingers that rake through his hair that caress him into a dull sleep. 

When Seungmin reaches out for the boys growing middle, he begs himself to not shatter because it’s not fair at all. Life has fucked Jisung over and over again, never giving him a rest and now, with this baby growing inside of him, Seungmin feels like he could kneel over and implode in an earth-shattering way. 

Seungmin was lucky, getting out just before he could scum to a similar fate as Jisung, but Seungmin knows his heart is lighter than Jisung’s, less marred than the smaller’s. Sometimes he wished it was him instead, wanting to take some of his pain away but Seungmin thinks it’s silly, too. 

He can’t change this fate that has cursed them all, but he can care for him, love on him, make sure he knows he’ll never be alone anymore. Seungmin will gladly take care of the baby if he asks him to because, in a twisted way, Seungmin cannot put himself first in this situation, not when Jisung, the living breathing epitome of resilience lived right by him.

Jisung is an enigma, a boy that’s too close to exploding into millions of fragments and Seungmin is simply lucky.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii everyone!! this chapter is important for the dynamics of their friendship and how the boys experiences affected them. it is honestly quite problematic atm but i can say it does get resolved/things eventually get better!! 
> 
> Thanks again for leaving the nicest comments !! i love you guys 
> 
> 💓💓💓💓💓
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	16. 15→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw! Small mention of weight loss

Time goes by, and with time comes growth. Like the seedlings that popped up in the soil Jeongin tilled with Changbin, now tall and producing, Jisung has felt the growth of his own flutter. 

Over the months it takes of Minho's hard work, Jisung works hard himself to find strength in himself to finally sort out his emotions. 

Jisung watches himself grow. His stomach stretches outwards each day, expanding with the growth of his flutter and it causes a churn of his stomach, a total whirlwind of emotion because Jisung knows it's so… unnatural but he finds himself mesmerised by himself and the flutter that nestles comfortably inside of him.

He definitely doesn’t hate it. Even though once it had alerted him of its presence, Jisung has never been able to catch a break since, but Jisung only finds it strangely endearing. It’s strange.

The once fluttering movements, tiny pulses that wiggled in his lower abdomen became stronger, more distinct, larger until it was no more a movement like a like fluttering butterfly, but a clear whoosh of limbs. He can pinpoint feet to hands, where their legs wiggle around, and where their head lays against him.

Sleeping becomes harder and Jisung cannot go long between bathroom breaks anymore, much to his annoyance. Sleeping was worse because he had steadily become used to sleeping nestled in someone's arms but the younger boys have trouble holding him so close due to the new obstacle that is his expanding middle, so he must either settle with Chan, Changbin, Minho or Hyunjin. 

Chan becomes his comfort at night. 

Minho comes in too late from working on the boat for him to nestle up to him, but Minho still makes something swirl in his stomach, something that doesn’t ease him, but makes him alert, as if his survival instincts are turning on. Changbin sleeps as if he’s fighting bears in his sleep and the one night he had tried, he’d awoken to a solid slap to his abdomen that he had made him cry out of shock. Changbin still didn’t seem to forgive himself and sleeps as far away as possible from him. 

And Hyunjin is Hyunjin. Jisung doesn’t mind his touch at all if he did he wouldn’t allow him to steal kisses and suck the breath out of him, but Hyunjin fails to hold him for long periods, either getting too hot with summer now fallen on them or because he can’t take his touch too much longer. 

But Chan is always selfless and puts everyone before himself, and it makes something inside Jisung so blue. Chan is too good for this world, and it hurts Jisung's heart whenever he sees him working hard in the garden with Jeongin, or assisting Minho with the boat, going hunting with Changbin or helping Seungmin with cooking meals. And Chan has never failed once to tuck Jisung in his warm embrace, caressing him into sleep. He always comes back and holds him after Jisung's many bathroom breaks. 

Jisung knows he’s beginning to create a connection with his flutter, and as scared as he is to accept that, he allows himself to because maybe it won’t be as bad as what he thinks? 

Weeks tick by and Jisung still goes out every day to make sure Minho eats and drinks plenty and leaves feeling pleasantly satisfied knowing Minho is being taken care of. He helps Seungmin with cooking meals, but Seungmin doesn’t let him near the stove of the last extravaganza of him almost burning the kitchen down. 

Months trickle by and a weight of panic slowly sits inside of Jisung because they’ve never stopped for this long. Hyunjin had warned him and he had previously known it would take a long time even before they left for Mydar— even if the place exists— and he had taken that risk with the rest of him. But then, he wasn’t aware of the flutter gently sitting inside of him. If they got caught now, Jisung would genuinely rather die. 

The beings of a bond between him and his baby would be useless and the thought of losing his baby right after birth and never seeing them, never naming them, never knowing what their future held would render him useless and completely hollow. 

But Jisung said he trusted Minho, and he does. Each day he wanders out with his lunch, he sees the improvement he’s making on the old boat, trying his hardest to protect them all in his own way. Jisung does trust him, but Jisung has always been a pessimist. 

Hyunjin gently moves past him as he’s bent down at the bank of the lake, washing clothes. “You should probably be resting a bit more than what you’ve been doing,” Hyunjin tells him as he takes laundry from his pile into his own. “I’m still useful, I’m not dying, Hyunjin,"  
  
“You just look really uncomfortable,” he whispers and Jisung scoffs. “Maybe if you had a baby kicking their limbs up into your ribs and bladder all day you’d look like me,” Hyunjin grimaces. “I can give you a massage later?” He offers and Jisung rolls his eyes at him. 

“I know that’s an excuse for you to kiss me,” Jisung tells him and Hyunjin snorts. “Is it that obvious?”

“You think you’re slick,” Jisung laughs at him. “But perhaps a massage would be nice. My back is beginning to hurt quite a lot,” 

“Heh,” Hyunjin laughs softly. “Maybe that’s an excuse for you to kiss me,”   
  
“Don’t falter yourself, Hyunjin,” Jisung sings out his scold and Hyunjin laughs heartily. 

“But you do know that you’re pretty much six months along now,” Jisung turns his head to Hyunjin and bites on his bottom lip. “It took almost three months to reach this place… and now it has taken three months to fix this boat,”   
  
“Six months… half a year,” Jisung whispers. He flattens his hand across his stomach. “That's half a year out of the facility… they really can’t find us. They don’t know how to track us down…” Hyunjin reaches for his hand and gives it a squeeze. “This is the first six months of the rest of your life you’ll live with freedom,” he tells him and a smile blooms across Jisung’s face, so pure, happy that Hyunjin can only stare like a fool. 

“I like being free,” he whispers.

→

Many people over the course of Jisung's young life have told him nothing is for free. 

It didn’t matter what it was, you always had to pay back in one way or another. In the institution, Jisung had to pay for being there, giving his body unwillingly to the sake of humanities future. Jisung had to give up his spot between his parents for his unborn sister, paying for something he didn’t have any fault in creating. He had given too much, not receiving anything back throughout his eighteen years of life.

But Jisung thinks it's all bullshit anyway. 

Maybe it’s societies views because now Jisung does not have to give anything that he doesn’t want. 

When Hyunjin's lips brush past his own, his back softly pressing into the wooden beam that supports the house they currently live in, Jisung doesn’t necessarily need to give anything back. He doesn’t need to kiss him back if he doesn’t want to, but Jisung does because it’s his choice to. 

When Changbin fixes his stool he’s been using while helping Seungmin, Jisung doesn’t need to go and fix the creaky chair Changbin prefers to use, because Changbin would simply prefer doing it. When Jeongin gifts him blankets and new clothing with shorter sleeves, Jisung doesn’t need to go and find him summer items because it’s unnecessary. 

But there’s a fine line between owing someone and looking after someone, Jisung finds. 

When Chan can’t sleep at night, Jisung will make him a warm tea that soothes the eldest’s weight that he’s baring across his broad shoulders, allow his fingers to dance across his stomach filling with life, because Chan views it in almost the exact way Jisung sees it himself. He’s disturbed by the past— the procedures that Jisung had to go through to reach this stage, but there’s wonder behind his sleepy eyes whenever he feels the flutter, whenever he sees them twist and tumble around inside his body. He finds it despicable, how it came to be but it’s so difficult to not be in awe of what it has achieved. 

Jisung used to stick to himself, in the corners of the camps, away from the others, afraid of company or maybe— now that Jisung looks back, he truly didn’t care enough. He was self-centred because all he could care about was getting out, but Jisung was already so disconnected it didn’t finally click until the first night Felix had cried. 

Something had clicked then, the sonder had filled him and Jisung has slowly unravelled from there on, understanding that life is so much more than trying to not suffocate on the feelings trying to kill him. 

Jisung would have never helped Chan back to sleep, wouldn’t have brought Minho's lunch and refreshments every day, allowed Hyunjin to kiss him because it brought pleasure to the both of them mere months ago. 

Progress. 

Jisung's baby isn’t the only thing that’s growing. 

When Minho finally hesitantly reaches out for the first time, his palm flat to the highest point of his expanding middle, Jisung smiles soft, not hissing like he did when Minho saved them when he jumped off that mountain three months ago. 

The real growth comes from the mind, the heart. As amazing as it might be to think about how his flutter had started off without him even being aware of its existence to now feelings its limbs, head, Jisung has finally taken a step back to admire his own progress as a person. 

Life isn’t about constantly paying back, because if it was, the debt of life itself would kill before anything could’ve happened. 

But it is here as they’re finally packing up all their stuff, all the new things they’ve acquired at this coastal town, to finally fill their boat to sail away that Jisung realises that even though it isn’t always necessary to give back, its because you’re grateful. Because you admire what that person has done for you. 

So, Jisung makes sure the sewing kit Felix had found houses down along with many fabrics are packed into a trunk before they leave. 

→

There’s something bittersweet about finally leaving the continent. 

He’s lived his whole life here, all the bad parts, all the hard parts and the new hope-filled parts. But moving on means safety— hopefully. Jisung wants that. 

The boat is fully packed after a week of preparing food for at least a month or two thanks to the generator and the fridge and freezer that surprisingly work still. 

Jisung stands on the wooden pier, looking back at the home that became theirs for three months, where they grew closer, where growth was made. But Jisung can let it go. 

He can let it go for their future. A bright future. A future that will not fail them and leave them imprisoned for the rest of their lives. 

The sun is barely peeking over the horizon and a weight of tiredness is seeping in his bones, weighing him down but his vision is clear. The boat is equipped with four mattresses across two rooms below deck and a full functioning kitchen and toilet is all they really have, but it’s enough for them. 

Hyunjin steps beside him and gently is hands land on his waist, his fingers digging in to find purchase. Jisung’s own hands land on Hyunjin's and he’s hoisted upwards to the deck of the boat, Chan at the top to pull him up the rest of the way. 

Jisung would’ve been able to do it himself at least a month ago, but movement has become harder with the passing days. “Here you go,” Chan sets him down on the deck and pats his head fondly. Jisung sighs at the touch. “You can go rest more, I think Minho's sleeping down there too,” Jisung pouts a little bit, but the tiredness won’t leave him for the rest of the day if he doesn’t sleep more.

“Will you be okay to steer for now?” Jisung questions because he knows Chan had slept restlessly, because he’d woken a few times to Chan whispering to his stomach, patting it when the baby would make a larger move that would wake Jisung. “I’ll be fine, so sleep,” 

Minho is down below deck, already passed out on the mattress furthest away from the door and Jisung hums gently before deciding to go to the other room where Hyunjin is, much to his surprise because he had literally just hoisted him up to the boat. 

“You move quick,” Jisung comments but Hyunjin just shrugs and opens up his arms. “It’s peaceful down here…” Jisung screws his nose up at him. “Get your mind out of the gutter, young man,” Jisung scolds him gently but goes to carefully lower himself onto Hyunjin's lap. 

“Heres to new beginnings,” Hyunjin whispers as the roar of the engine starts. Jisung hums and yawns quietly. Hyunjin giggles at him and presses a kiss to the corner of Jisung's mouth. “Sleep now,” He murmurs. “I’ll stay with you,” 

Jisung takes the opportunity and eases into sleep quickly. 

Hyunjin bites down on his lip, his hands pressing against his thumping heart as if it is going to help it calm down. Jisung is many things, but Hyunjin will always feel a thump in his heart when Jisung looks his way. 

→

The boat moves fast. 

It’s still only been two weeks but Chan believes it will only take two more before they hit land once more. 

Jisung's made himself busy, wishing to give back to Minho so he takes out the sewing kit and hangs out with Seungmin and Felix most of the time, working together with Felix's past skill with sewing and Seungmin’s eye for detail to make more clothes for the others. 

“I want to make Minho a jacket,” Jisung states after finishing another sleeveless shirt for anyone who wants it. It’s hot out in the middle of the ocean during the summer and the air that hits their skin is more than welcome. It stays relatively cool below deck, with the oceans cool water insulating the floor and the bottom halves of the walls of the boat's interior. But it’s absolutely freezing during the night, almost like a desert of water out on the exposed sea. 

“A jacket?” Seungmin asks again and Jisung hums. He’s currently covered in a thin t-shirt that covers him down to his mid thigh and underwear underneath. There was no point in dressing in much else since all they were doing was trying to pass time and not bore themselves to death. 

“With pockets and stuff,” Jisung elaborates. “He likes to collect things,” Jisung has seen his stash of leaves and ‘cool’ rocks he’s stuffed in his pants pockets before. “Okay then!” Seungmin cheers. “Let's get to it, then!” 

→

“Hi,” Felix shimmies himself into the seat with Chan and smiles fondly at him. “You remind me of home, a bit,” he suddenly says and Chan's ears turn bright red. “You’re really adaptive, you know that right?”   
  
“Perhaps I know a few of my strong points,” Chan laughs bashfully. Felix rests his jaw on his fist and hums. “Tell me about yourself, then. We only really know each other's survival tactics at most,”   
  
Chan laughs at him and quickly finds himself not minding the close proximity they share. 

“Hmmm… my favourite colour is black?” Felix scoffs. “Black is a shade!” But he smiles quickly, his eyes pretty and shiny. “I like pink,” he then adds softly. “That suits you,” Chan tells him and the younger beams. 

“Everyone is getting so thin…” Felix trails off after at least an hour of talking. His head is now resting on Chan's shoulder as they both stare out at the sea ahead of them. 

Chan is glad Felix has noticed it too. Chan has noticed the changes of his own body, too. Before breaking them out, Chan had muscles upon muscles defined across his body, but most of them have faded, lost the mass they used to hold. Except for his legs, he’s used them way too much like everyone else. But that’s not that worrisome, because Chan knows he can put it back on and build up his muscle again when they finally find safety in this fabled civilisation.

Chan isn’t worried about his long time friends, but the youngest four, are gaunt and its becoming worrying. 

Jisung had been tiny from the get-go, his waist thin already and his ribs were already visible which was concerning then. And now, with the added pressure of carrying a baby, he’s far too thin for it to be healthy. But food is scarce and with this boat trip being uncharted, they can’t risk eating too much at once and it hurts Chan to see the young boy so frail from malnutrition. 

“I hope Mydar is real,” Felix whispers and Chan hums. “So Sungie can be healthy in the last stretch of his pregnancy and have a safe delivery…”   
  
“We all are hoping that, Lix,” 

“I think he’s going to be a good dad,” Felix continues on. “I’m proud of how far he’s come these months,”   
  
“He’s a good person,” Chan agrees softly. “But he’s so…”   
  
“Difficult to get around? Fragile? Sensitive?” Felix laughs but Chan breathes out a deep breath. “No… not really… I think he’s formidable… I don’t think just anyone could go through what he did and be so strong and resilient about it,” 

“Isn’t he?” Felix shuffles even closer. “I think he’s amazing… but you… do you know how much you carry us all?” Felix finally lifts his head and stares into the deep dark orbs that glimmer gently like the glistening waves lapping gently. Chan gulps and shakes his head, “I’m not, I’m just trying to—“  
  
“You are.” He states strongly. There’s no room for disagreement in his tone. Chan swallows the rock that’s building up in his throat. “You are the reason we got out in the first place, and don’t ask how I knew that Jisung blubbers when he’s sad— you Chan, you saved us four… can’t you accept what I’m trying to say?”   
  
“I,” Chan looks down to his feet. “I’m a little insecure, I guess.”   


“Then let me tell you how amazing you are! I can be like a warm jacket! You can rely on me, you know? You don’t have to put up with everything yourself, okay?”   
  
Chan gulps again. 

“I don’t want to be a bother…”   
  
“Chan,” Felix whispers. “I mean this when I say this, I would never offer if I didn’t want to. And you’re so worth it, it hurts me to see you so unconfident. If you could only see yourself like we do,” 

“You guys are enough for me,”   
  
“Chan,” Felix says sternly. “Don’t hold it all in, that’s not healthy,”   
  
“I’ll be fine, Felix. Seriously, don’t worry about me,”  
  
“Okay,” Felix shrugs and he stands up, brushing his hands down the long shirt he’s wearing.   
  
“But you can always find me, don’t keep it in all the time,”   
  
Chan ducks his head. “Okay…” 

“Get some sleep soon, Minho said he’d come and take over when dawn hits,” 

Chan sighs deeply when Felix finally leaves. His rapid beating heart takes a bit to calm and really, that’s all Chan wishes to tell Felix. About how when he smiles it leaves a flutter in his chest and a blooming warmth around his body. 

Chan had once willed himself to not fall, but maybe it’s not such a terrible thing after all because Felix is the warm, golden sunshine and Chan feels like a lone storm cloud. A little sunshine would be welcome.

→

Jisung finishes Minho's jacket within a week.

It’s well made and Jisung hopes he’ll like the black fabric with many built-in pockets that Felix helped him sew in. It keeps the warmth in but is thin enough to not overheat in. Jisung is rather proud of it and when he finally wanders to Minho to give him the jacket, he comes in with a wide smile.

“Minho,” he calls and the man looking at the ocean as he leans against the railing of the boat slowly turns, his eyes slightly wider than usual.

Jisung waddles over and Minho reaches out for his arm. Jisung smiles broadly up at him and Minho chokes on a breath. 

“I made you a jacket,” he says and Minho blinks dumbly. 

“A jacket in the middle of summer?” He speaks the words before he thinks and he wants to slap himself silly when Jisung's smile falls. “Oh… well… I thought it would help you stay warm when you go out at night… like you do sometimes,”   
  
“Oh yeah!” Minho clears his throat and takes the black jacket from the younger boy. “Wow… it looks really well made,”   
  
“Felix helped me,” He admits and he smiles again when Minho tugs it on, making a noise of satisfaction. “You look nice in it!” Jisung cheers and gives him two thumbs up. Minho chuckles and tugs on the black fabric. “It’s waterproof and even has a hood!” He shows him excitedly and ends up so close his stomach pokes against Minho's own. Minho stiffens when he feels a kick clearly against his own stomach. 

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Minho finds himself asking while reaching out to grip the round bump tenderly. He feels more movement and he tenses. 

“Not all the time. If they’re up in my ribs or trying to escape it does,”   
  
“Escape?” Minho's eyes widen and Jisung laughs. “No not like that, they just push down pretty hard sometimes,” Minho retracts his hands and flashes Jisung a small smile. 

“Thanks for the jacket… but why did you make it?” His voice trails off but Jisung hears it just fine. “You fixed the boat,” He reminds him. “It was the least I could do,”   
  
“Ah… it's fine, really I didn’t expect anything from anyone after I fixed it,”  
  
“It was a big job. I wanted to show my appreciation somehow,” Jisung shrugs his thin shoulders. Minho averts his eyes and hums. “Thanks,” he mumbles and Jisung lets out a giggle.

  
“Hey,” Hyunjin pouts when Jisung runs into him in the kitchen. “Why don’t I get a jacket for all my hard work,” Jisung flicks his nose. “I didn’t see you fix a whole boat, Hyunjin,” he narrows his eyes at him but they soften quickly. “Besides, you get kisses from me what else would you want?”   
  
Hyunjin hums and then grins. “A kiss?” 

“Ugh, I can’t believe I let you even touch me,”   
  
“Don’t act like you hate me,” Hyunjin whines and Jisung scoffs but allows him to swoop down and connect their mouths together. 

Hyunjin's touch over the three months has been rather constant and it's grown from quick kisses and Hyunjin being ever so prudish and reluctant to him barely allowing Jisung to breathe and his hands wander further and further each time. 

Like now, his hands wander to the small of his back and if it weren’t for the blockade of his belly, Hyunjin would have it his way and be pressed up against Jisung as much as possible. 

“Gosh,” Jisung breathes when he breaks off for a breather. “Don’t squish my baby,”   
  
“I won’t,” Hyunjin promises before reaching down once more. Jisung is addictive Hyunjin had quickly found and now, its almost impossible to keep his hands to himself, to keep his want at bay, but Hyunjin doesn’t want to scare him away or push him into anything because Hyunjin still knows Jisung doesn’t feel the same way about him. 

Hyunjin thinks it’s love he feels, but he’s so scared to tell Jisung because this little bit of bliss they get from each other, after being so starved of intimate touch is so good it’s almost painful. 

Hyunjin has gone from an enemy to tolerated, to whatever this is. Hyunjin doesn’t know if they’re friends, he assumes so but Hyunjin has assumed things in the past that were completely wrong so he doesn’t trust his own judgement much. 

Maybe he can keep his feelings to himself but as time goes on and Jisung soaks in his touch, in his attention Hyunjin thinks he might just have a chance.

But Jisung is mercurial, too divine it hurts him to even hold him so close. Hyunjin wants to fuel those fires, be the nourishment that keeps those fires burning so bright. 

Jisung is a struggling ember, a spark that will burn down the world one day and Hyunjin can only watch hopelessly, absolutely enthralled by the flames dancing against the wind. 

  
→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HII!! first of all skz!! im so proud of them!!!! 
> 
> again thank you everyone who leaves comments, you guys keep me going honestly. The slow burn in this is so... i love it. writing all their characters so deeply and all their backstories (which will all be told by everyone at some point! some of them are important to the plot!) is so worthwhile to write bc i think it adds depth to them all! in my last fic the main pairing got together by chapter 13 i believe and gosh... i can tell you the main pairing is not getting together soon... hahaha I've planned for this fic to be BIG... I'm so excited to finish it and share it all with you. 
> 
> i hope all readers from America are safe and i really hope you guys are okay <333 sending love!!
> 
> here's my twitter if anyone wants to talk!! my dms are always open!! <333 [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)  
> thank you guys again! you're amazing!! <333


	17. 16→

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw mentions of drowning

Jisung wakes to a scream and as soon as his eyes peel open, he’s flying off the mattress, out of Chan's warm embrace and his back crashes against the wall. A winded moan leaves his lips and a scream then sounds out, ripping harshly through the air. 

Minho swings the door open to the room, swaying on his own feet, struggling to stay upright. His eyes are wide in alarm and he looks straight to Chan. “There’s a storm!” He cries out loudly. 

Changbin leaps up and clambers towards Jisung, helping him from the ground. “Are you okay,” He rubs at his back and Jisung manages out a wince. “I’m okay, just got the wind knocked out of me,” 

“What do we do?” Changbin wraps an arm around Jisung's waist, trying his best to stabilise him but the boat rocks hazardously and Changbin can barely find his own balance. “Let’s all stay together,” Chan asserts and with struggle they fall into the other room, finding the other four huddled together. 

Seungmin is weeping softly with Felix trying to comfort him while Hyunjin is looking at Jeongin’s arm. 

“Jeonginnie?” Jisung whimpers. The youngest looks up at him, his eyes blurred with tears and his lips pouty. “I feel on my arm,” He whines out with a sniffle. 

“I think it’s broken,” Hyunjin then declares and Seungmin bursts out into sobs as Jisung lets out a high pitched cry. “Not Innie,” 

“I’ll be okay!” Jeongin tries assuring them. “I promise,” 

The boat rocks dangerously again and Jisung plops himself down on a mattress before anything worse can happen. 

The storm doesn’t settle for hours, but it continues to rage. Lightning and thunder strike loudly Jisung can feel his flutter jump at the particularly loud claps of thunder.

No one falls back asleep. The rocking of the boat turns into a vicious shaking that never ceases to stop. The wind howls and water laps higher and higher, splashing on the deck and water slowly begins to seep in through the roof. 

“Umm I don’t think that’s very good,” Hyunjin whispers, pointing at the water dripping down. Minho nods his head. 

“I think,” Chan speaks up. He licks his lips and turns to look at all of them. “That I should go up and see what’s going on,”

“No!” Felix instantly screams. Seungmin is quick to yell out next. Jisung stares at him. 

“What good is that going to do?” Changbin speaks up. Chan purses his lips. “Maybe we’re close? Maybe there’s something out there now?”

“Chan…” Hyunjin voice cracks. 

“I’ll go with you, then!” 

“Sit the fuck down, Jisung!” Minho tugs on his wrist roughly and pulls him closer, his hands pressing him closer to his side. Jisung frowns. 

“I’m not going to risk you, Ji,” Chan shakes his head at him. “Stay here and give me the peace of mind that the both of you will be okay,”

“But what if you get thrown off overboard or some crazy shit? It could happen, Chan!” 

“Look, it’s nice to see you so concerned about me but I promise you I’m going to come straight back down,” 

Jisung pauses for a bit. 

“If you don’t I’m following you into that damn ocean,”

“And do what?” Minho deadpans. “Hope that your bump will be buoyant?” 

“I don’t even know what that means!” Jisung cries out. Hyunjin clears his throat. “I’ll go with him instead, Jisung,” Chan goes to open his mouth again, probably to refuse but Hyunjin glares at him. 

“Fine.” 

“We’ll be right back, okay? No one worry too much,” 

When they disappear out of the room, Jisung flinches at the thunder and the door slamming at once. The baby jumps too, jarring a limb up into his ribcage. 

No one says anything, but Jisung can hear the ragged breathing, the harsh intakes when particularly loud splashes are heard. A scream, they freeze all together. No one dares to move until the thumping of feet down the stairs is heard— two pairs. Jisung lets out a sigh of relief. 

The door slams open and Hyunjin's bursts in, Chan right behind him.

His eyes are light, face stretched in a smile and he breathes in heavy before exclaiming. “We can see the land!” 

Noise erupts around the cabin. 

But Jisung's ears ring.

_ Land.  _

_ Safety _ . 

_ Revolt _ . 

But the cheering swiftly stops when a deafening crack fills their ears. Jisung desperately clutches at his ringing ears. 

“A leak!” Minho then screams out and the brief moment of relief, excitement and triumph dissipates into nothing.

Water rushes through the floor rapidly wetting the floor. 

Jisung's heart thumps and his hands shake. He stands on surprisingly steady legs and with Seungmin and Changbin he runs to the deck, up the stairs, one hand pressed under his heavy middle. He doesn’t exactly know what had filled him in that moment, but Jisung had been prepared to swim to the shore that peaks in the horizon if it meant their survival. 

But there’s a lifeboat, a flimsy old plastic thing that no ones sure is going to even float them, but it’s the only thing that could heighten the chance of survival. 

“The bags! Get the bags! The first aid kit!” Someone yells over the wind and rain that’s already drenched them. Jisung stays on deck, trying his best to get the lifeboat full of air with Changbin and Seungmin. 

Jeongin comes up on deck and joins them in blowing up the boat, his left arm tied in a makeshift sling from one of the sleeve-less shirts Seungmin had sewn. 

Jisung can hear scurrying below deck and grunts and when Hyunjin, Minho, Felix and Chan come up to the deck, bags on backs, clutching their only belongings, they throw the lifeboat down into the raging waters— a move that could sabotage them, but there is no other way. 

“We have to jump!” Seungmin yells over the pelting rain and angry thunder strikes. “It’s so far!” Jisung cries out. 

“We can do it! You can do it!” Minho is the first one to jump over the edge, surprisingly enough because Jisung knows for a fact he doesn’t know how to swim, but bravery runs through that mans veins. He lands it, and the plastic boats holds his weight and the two bags easily. 

“Come on!” He screams. His hair sticks to his forehead, sharp ends poking at his eyes that are wide in alarm. His brows are narrowed and he’s focused on Seungmin who throws his leg over the railing. He catches him easily, only the boys foot catching on the edge of the boat. 

“Chan,” Jisung breathes out when Jeongin leaps off careful of his arm. 

“Sung, it’s okay you can do it,” 

“No,” He’s crying and he’s only aware of it because of the stark difference in temperature over his cheeks. “I can’t do it,” 

“Yes, you can!” Chan has to yell over the howling wind. Felix has made it on with Changbin. The boat seems to be holding up well with the five males and it stays afloat when Hyunjin barrels down, clutching onto the first aid kit desperately. 

“Come on!” They scream up at them but Jisung's knees are wobbly. The boat is sinking down, making the drop lower and lower. 

“I’ll wait until its low!” Jisung cries over the roaring elements. “Jisung, come with me then! It might be dangerous!” Chan proposes but Jisung shakes his head. 

“No!” He screams this time, not because he needs to shout over the blistering wind and icy rain, but because he’s genuinely growing more and more upset with him now. 

“Everyone was landing on their tummies when they jumped!” He then bursts out just as Chan opens his mouth again. Chan's lips part and his eyes shine in realisation. 

“Jump into the water!” He tells him as he nears the railing. “I’ll get you on that boat no matter what, okay?” 

Jisung trusts Chan. He trusts his firm hands that hold him as he falls under the daze of sleep. He trusts him because its Chan, the man who had seen him as a child, who had always remembered him. 

Chan jumps off, lands on the boat, on his stomach like everyone else and Chan understand why Jisung is so adamant to not follow everyone else actions. The action leaves him winded, too and if Chan was in his position, he knows he’d not want to risk it. 

“Come on, Sungie!” Felix shrieks. “You can do it!” 

And he does. 

He leaps off the ledge and plunges into icy, salty water. Panic fills him when he thinks about what could be lurking underneath, but before he can go into a rush of panic, a hand grabs his shoulder and pulls his head above the angry, unforgiving waves. They slap at his face, saltwater filling his airways and he tries to splutter, but it only makes in inhale more water. 

When Chan and Minho pull him up on the boat, Jisung is choking on air, unable to breathe or get the water out of his lungs. 

“Keep coughing!” Hyunjin urges him. A warm hand plasters to his back, Chan's broad palm and it hits him hard. He buckles, his body lurching forwards and water then dribbles down his chin from his parted lips. 

He coughs after he gets the water out, his throat and nose irritated from all the salt. 

Their boat sinks before their eyes. Minho makes a strangled noise and flings his head back, roaring at the skies. His balled up fist bangs at the water over the lifeboats rim and it splashes back into his eyes. 

Jisung's mouth is dry, even though he had almost drowned for the second time in his life. 

“Oh fuck,” Hyunjin whispers out. His hands fall limp in his lap and he heaves out a breath. 

“Is everyone okay?” Jeongin murmurs. “I think so,” Changbin answers rather breathlessly. 

“But fuck that made me age like five years I think,” He continues on and Felix snorts. “It’s a bit squishy with all eight of us,” 

“Nine,” Minho grunts. “I’m sorry,” Jisung whispers. They’re all jammed in and the only way they fit is squished up together. Jisung's bump is pressed uncomfortably pressed Minho's own abdomen and the baby is going absolutely insane. 

“Why would you apologise for that?” Minho frowns at him and tugs on his jacket— the one Jisung made for him just last week. “You can’t help it,” he raises his eyebrows. “It’s fine anyway, at least they’re letting us know they’re okay,” 

Jisung blames it on the absolute raging mess of hormones through his body that makes him burst out into ugly sobbing once more. 

“Oh Sungie,” Felix reaches out and clutches his hands. “It’s okay,” 

“I know!” He wails out. “I think that’s why I’m crying!” 

“Not to alarm anyone but I think we’re meant to paddle to the shore! We’re going to get dragged out at this rate,” Seungmin voice rings out. “Oh always the level headed one, Seungmin,” Changbin pats his thigh. Seungmin shrugs. “I’ll take that as a compliment?” 

“It was!” Changbin calls out before he shoves his hands into the water with the others, trying their best to paddle through rough waters. 

They rock back and forth on waves, pushing and pulling and it’s only when one massive swell of a wave speeds the inflatable boat towards the land. 

Dawn breaks, but no one can tell because the sky is dark and stormy. They can only guess how much time has passed since they escaped the capsizing boat. 

It becomes clear that trying so hard to paddle to the shore in a storm is not a very good idea, so they wait. 

Big waves take them further to the land, but not close enough to get out and swim. It’s still too far, too deep and they’re not ready to take such a risk. 

The storm clears slowly and the last big wave that drags them closer is enough for them to start paddling again and once the shore is only a few hundred meters away, Chan jumps out. Felix and Seungmin scream and Jisung tries to reach out for him, but he finds movement almost impossible. His body has seized up from the uncomfortable position. 

But Chan can stand and he smiles at them just as a wave doses him in saltwater. He blinks its away, not swallowing a whole breath full like Jisung did. 

“You are so reckless!” Jisung yells at him and if he were in reach, he’d hit him. 

“I once read in school the oceans tend to be shallow close to the shore. Shallower than you might think,” 

“What if it wasn’t?” Jisung hisses back. Chan shrugs as Hyunjin jumps out. “I would’ve swum back and got back in,” 

“You’re so optimistic…” Minho mutters under his breath. Felix slaps him and frowns at him. “At least he’s not a pessimist like you and Sungie!” 

Minho just shakes his head and pushes himself out, pushing at the back right corner of the boat. “Oh wow, you really can stand up here,” 

Changbin then jumps out with Seungmin and Felix goes to Hyunjin, helping him pull the front along. 

“Umm I would love to get out and help you guys but I don’t think I can move right now,” Jisung admits bashfully. Jeongin just gestures to his arm in the sling. 

“It’s okay we’ll be there at the shore soon,” Chan tells him. “It’s no trouble,” 

When the front of the boat catches on the wet sand, Jisung is close to tears again. The others are cheering over the storm that’s slowly dying. Jeongin is howling in celebrations next to him, but Jisung currently struggling to even move out of the boat. 

“Gosh, I know you might think I’m being dramatic but can someone please pick me up I  _ cannot move _ ,” he hisses out through clenched teeth. Chan reaches in with no complaints and bundles him in his arms with hardly any issues. “I’ll put you on the grass, okay?” Jisung just hums, glad to be finally off the water. 

The sand stretches for at least twenty meters, but Chan gets across it quickly and gently places him down on the harder ground. 

“We’ll get the rest of the stuff and come right back, okay?” 

“Thank you,” Jisung breathes out. 

The rain patters down softly on the ground around him. 

“I feel dizzy,” is the first thing Seungmin says before collapsing right before Jisung. “Minnie!” 

“I’m fine!” He shouts back. “Just being off the boat and all… the world feels like it’s swaying,”

“It kind of feels like after getting off the spinning tractor when we were kids,” Changbin mutter and Minho starts cackling almost instantly. “I remember the first time you got on it!” He clutches his stomach. 

“Dad wasn’t happy when you puked all over the green onions,” Changbin shrugs. “Shouldn’t have fed me so much first!”

“Whatever, whatever,” Chan shakes his head at them. “Should we go on for a bit or stay to rest?” 

“I think if we go a bit further inland we’ll find old houses again,” Changbin says and they hum in agreement. 

“I think I fucked my hips up,” Jisung then states matter-of-factly. Changbin raises a brow at him. 

Hyunjin kneels down next to him and takes his hips with both hands and does some god-awful movement with them that makes Jisung scream and slap his head. 

“You could’ve warned me!” He cries out but then expresses his surprise with a little ‘hmm’. “Your bones and joints move during… this particular stage,” 

Minho shivers and Jisung pales slightly. “Hey… it’s okay I promise we’ll be in Mydar by the time you… you know,” Hyunjin pats his middle and then stands, reaching his hands out for Jisung to take. Jisung allows the help. 

“You have ten weeks to go. We’ll be safe before then,” Jisung breathes in deeply. “I hope so, I don’t know what we’d do if we don’t find it though…” 

“We will,” Chan says strongly. 

There’s no room for argument in his tone. It’s strong, unmoving and it fills Jisung with hope. 

Hope that they find this haven quickly. 

→

The first house they find that hasn’t collapsed on itself is a shack that’s barely big enough to fit them all, but they take it gladly. It’s got a few leaks in the roof but they’re definitely desensitised from earlier events. 

“How do you feel after the walk?” Hyunjin asks Jisung who groans out loudly. “Like shit!” He responds loudly. Hyunjin hums and lays next to him. They had dried off a little bit, but Jisung is too tired to switch his clothes. 

“You might catch a cold,” Hyunjin warns. “I’m tired,” 

“Jisung,” Chan cuts in sternly. “No one is to get sick. We need to get to Mydar so Sung can settle in before… before the baby,”

“Fine. But can I go to sleep right after?” 

“No food?” Chan cocks his head at him Jisung shakes his head. “I want to sleep.” 

“Okay, but you have to eat in the morning,” he asserts. Jisung hums and catches the clothes Felix throws him.

He comes out minutes later in a large dry long-sleeve shirt with a pout across his lips. “The pants don’t fit!” He cries before stomping over and burying his face in Hyunjin's side. Hyunjin just laughs and Jisung can hear Minho's cackling laughter. Chan spoons him from behind and tugs his shirt back down over his butt. 

“You’re going to suffocate me,” 

“I’m trying to prevent you from getting sick,” Chan tells him. “Now sleep,” 

Chan falls asleep before Jisung, which is unheard of, but after the day they’ve had, Jisung doesn’t blame him. However, Hyunjin takes that as a chance to indulge himself in another kissing session. 

Jisung falls asleep with plush lips gently brushing against his cold cheeks and when Hyunjin whispers words he means with his heart under the intoxication of Jisung's touch, his aura and of thick sleep, Jisung wishes it was only his imagination.

But it’s too vivid to be a dream and Jisung sinks lower into himself, into guilt that he had pushed away in turn for pleasure. 

Jisung regrets only a few things in his life, but he wishes now that he had never indulged himself in Hyunjin's physical affection because it was unlined with feelings. Love that Jisung can’t give back. 

And suddenly something shatters in him.

→

Jisung avoids Hyunjin at all costs. 

Hyunjin notices it first, of course, but Chan then catches on, then Minho, Felix and then the rest of them. And then it’s too late to pretend nothing has been going on between them. 

Two days. 

It doesn’t sound like much, especially after Jisung hating his guts for pretty much half their journey, but these past few months have been different. Jisung had allowed something to happen and Hyunjin was foolish enough to take that step, not caring about consequences. 

Hyunjin had become used to the physical affection he was now allowed to shower Jisung in, to touch his skin, brush his lips over his. 

Jisung doesn’t even look over at him. Instead, he waddles along with anyone else except him. He even falls into step with Minho a few times, talking about something that causes Minho to crack a small smile sometimes. 

“What happened between you two, now?” Felix's arms are crossed over his chest, his eyebrows furrowed. It’s honestly intimidating. 

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin sighs loudly and Felix purses his lips. 

“Liar,” Felix accuses him boldly and Hyunjin sighs dramatically. 

“Look,” Hyunjin begins. He swallows hard. He doesn’t know how, but over the months they’ve spent doing… whatever this is, no one had caught them and honestly, Hyunjin is exactly ecstatic about them finding out, either. 

“Our relationship is a little difficult,”

“No shit,” Felix deadpans as they fall into step with each other. 

“I think… I’m in love with him,” Felix's jaw drops and he stops in his tracks. “What,” he whispers out and frowns. “How can you fall in love with someone who basically hates your guts?” Felix hisses at him and Hyunjin's mouth goes dry. 

“He doesn’t hate me…” Hyunjin whispers. 

“Jinnie,” Felix sighs out. He reaches for his hand and clutches it firmly with his smaller hands. “At least try to sort it out with him,” Felix mutters. “We can’t risk anything right now.” 

“I know,” Hyunjin wets his lips and breathes out heavy. “I’ll talk to him, then,” Felix gives him a weak smile. 

After their camp for the night is set up, Hyunjin seeks Jisung out. 

He tenses when Hyunjin wanders over and it causes a clench to Hyunjin's heart. He knew he had crossed the fine line they had but stupidly he had hoped Jisung wouldn’t care, or suddenly confess his own feelings. 

He tries to emerge into a conversation with Felix but the other just shakes his head and jerks his head to Hyunjin. 

“Talk to each other,” He mutters before leaving. 

“I think it’d be better if we get some space from everyone else,” Jisung sighs as he heaves himself to his feet. 

The woods are cooler here than the coastline of either continent. The air smells different from the forests on the other continent. It smells sweet like nectar is dripping down trees, getting caught in the breeze. Jisung rathers the smell Chan naturally carries, the petrichor scent that calms him down almost instantly after catching a single whiff.

“Why are you avoiding me again?” Hyunjin starts. Jisung's bottom lip catches in his teeth. 

“You know, don’t you?” He asks him and Hyunjin looks down, humming. “I have a guess,” 

“I don’t think you’re stupid enough to need me to tell you, right?” 

“I meant it,” Hyunjin rushes out. “I can’t take it back, I can’t hide it or forget it happened, Jisung.” 

“What if that’s the easier way out?” Jisung narrows his eyes at him the tiniest bit. “What if we can forget it happened and go back to normal— no kissing but how friends act?” 

“I love you Jisung, fuck, don’t you get that? I can’t just… not after tasting what it’s like to have you, to hold you, that’s not fair…”

“Life isn’t fair, Hyunjin,” Jisung spits out and Hyunjin then realises that’s one thing he should never say to Jisung. 

Jisung's life hasn’t been fair not one little bit. He has suffered through everything he didn’t want, didn’t say yes to.

Maybe Hyunjin is in love with him, and maybe it doesn’t feel fair that Jisung wants him to forget, bury his feelings but Jisung still lives through the unfairness of his life. It makes Hyunjin feel like a selfish bastard saying that in front of Jisung. 

It probably is best, burying his feelings in turn for a comfortable trip, it is probably worth the pain but Hyunjin won’t forget it until Jisung knows until he really knows how he feels. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry… I just, you know. I know that you know, because your smart but god, Jisung when I say I love I don’t think you understand the depth of that,” 

“I heard you days ago,” he replies gently. Jisung's mouth is dry, his throat aching with his next words. “But I chose to ignore it so I wouldn’t have to do this,” 

Hyunjin has fucked up. 

He should’ve thought more rationally because Jisung isn’t the type of person to be lured by stupid kisses. He’s more than that, complicated but Hyunjin can’t blame him for that. 

“But why,” Hyunjin croaks out. “Why does it all have to be so difficult, Jisung?”

Jisung takes in a deep shaky breath.

“Because… you remind me of the things I try to cut out of my mind every day. When I wake up every morning, I’m ready to greet white walls and cold sheets and when I open my eyes and see this all, the nature and everything, I feel like a human again. Someone that has a choice but when I see you,” Jisung cries and Hyunjin reaches out, catching his shoulders.

“Sometimes I see your face and it flashes before my eyes. Needles, pain. Blood. Loss. And I can’t shake it off Hyunjin, not now and I can’t let you love me when I feel so… so negatively about this all still. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t think it’s bad that you love me, but the moment those memories come back, I just can’t even bear myself to look at you,” 

And now that Jisung tells him that, it suddenly all fits into place. The times Jisung had barely spoken a word to him, had busied himself and had fallen asleep before Hyunjin could even reach out for him. He had brushed it off then as Jisung needing space, Hyunjin knows he does need that sometimes, but this… Hyunjin's stomach churns. 

He hates himself for making Jisung feel this way. Jisung could never be so right. Life isn’t fair.

The truth hurts and it stings on its way out, ripping Jisung’s tongue to shreds, but none of that compares to the utter look of destruction on Hyunjin's face. 

Hyunjin loves him. A pure love, a protective love, a warm love that Jisung wishes he could accept. 

Jisung would like to give it back, but he’s too familiar sometimes and Jisung can’t drown himself anymore. He must reach the surface and breach the barriers that are slowly tugging at his frayed edges, pulling him apart. 

But Jisung has pulled Hyunjin apart at the seams and as much as Jisung wishes he could soothe him back to his strong self, Jisung can't. He wants to caress him, tell him he’s loved too, but in his heart, Hyunjin is like a needle piercing through his vital organ. He’s there, in his heart but his presence hurts Jisung and he can’t let it grow into a festering wound. 

Not right now at least. 

“Maybe in five years I'll be able to look at you and nothing will haunt me,” he says. “But I can’t let you waste your life away, waiting for me. I will never forget the scars they’ve left on me. Physically and mentally, but one day I will let you in. And maybe it won’t be full of love like lovers feel, maybe it will be friendship.” Jisung breathes in deep. “And I hope I do because friendship is the most beautiful thing I’ve felt so far and if there’s any part of me I can give you, it would be the trust of a great friend, because you deserve that. More than that. But right now, I have nothing to give because I am nothing,” 

“You are everything,” Hyunjin whispers out. Jisung shakes his head. 

“You trust me, you do,” Tears begin to run down Hyunjin's face and Jisung has to take a step back. Hyunjin cups his cheeks and presses their foreheads together. 

“I do,” Jisung murmurs. “But we just can’t do this…” 

Hyunjin's sob is so loud it cracks through Jisung's ears like lightning. 

“I can’t stop loving you, please… why can’t we just go on?” 

“Because,” Jisung chokes on his own saliva. “I’m not going to let you waste any more of your time giving you false ideas… that’s not fair on you,” His voice cracks. 

“Fuck, you’re so complicated,” Hyunjin sobs and Jisung whimpers out. “I know,” he whispers. His fingers gently tug at the material of Hyunjin's shirt. 

“We’re not saying goodbye, Hyunjin… we’re just going down the better path because we can’t go down the paths we wish,” 

Hyunjin cries even louder. His tears wet the neckline of Jisung's shirt, but he doesn’t care. His heart hurt for Hyunjin. His friend. 

“What path do you wish of?” Hyunjin asks him through his mess of tears. Jisung strokes his face gently. Hyunjin's thumb brushes over the plump flesh of his bottom lip. 

“I cannot tell you that,” Jisung murmurs lowly. 

A path of destruction. A path that will burn and tear humanity to the ground, because it has failed him, failed his friends. Jisung will not let it destroy him any further. He will never let greedy fingers touch the life he carries. Jisung has promised himself he will dismantle the place that caused his life to fall into ruin. 

But not yet. 

Jisung doesn’t dare to speak of his wishes, his plans. He will do it. He will erupt into golden flames if he must, but he will march in, flames licking at his fingertips and they will wish for mercy that he will not give. 

Hyunjin weeps and with shaky hands he tugs on Jisung's waist, pressing their middles together. Jisung lets him close his eyes and lean in one last time because its the least he can do after breaking his heart. 

Wet lips plaster over his own and through a choked cry as Hyunjin kisses him one last time, the taste of salty tears leaks onto his tongue. 

Jisung can’t hold back his own sob and he clutches onto his shoulders. The living proof of how unfair his life has been wiggles inside of him, Hyunjin feels it and sobs louder, breaking apart to try to suck in useless air. 

He tries to smile at Hyunjin, tries so hard to end this on a good note because it did give them both comfort at some regard, but it comes out as a pained wince. Their hands fall from each other's bodies and when Jisung finally takes that step to leave, he hears the crunch of Hyunjin's knees hitting the leaves covering the ground and a choked back cry. 

Jisung doesn’t turn back. 

Jisung's path will be full of desolation in the future, but he will not be on the end of the fire. He will be the welder. The cause of destruction to take down everything that has hurt him and his friends. 

He swears it. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SO @ that one person in the bookmarks who said they no idea where the thought came from for this fic, i honestly have no clue either SO!!!
> 
> THEYVE MADE BUT AT WHAT COSTTT god... i know quite a few of you guys were rooting for hyunsung and u guys might be very disappointed to come to this point, but its not over, their relationship does continue to expand etc ANd even if it mightn't turn out as endgame hyunsung, the result of their relationship is worth it i think! plus once Minho gets his gears grinding u might be surprised of what is going to happen!! i hope you guys stick around!!
> 
> this is pretty much the first arc over!! part two of this fic pretty starts next chapter which I'm excited for!! more plot!! i cannot thank you guys enough like... what... you guys are making me think I'm actually okay at writing LMAOO thank you guys so much i love you!!!
> 
> also if you guys actually do enjoy my writing I'm posting something else very shortly AHHH
> 
> <333333


	18. 17→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW blood at the end of the chapter!
> 
> (also talks of birthing but it's in the tags but just in case!)

There’s a rift again. 

Jisung had tried to avoid that but after his conversation with Hyunjin, it hurt him too much to even look at him. It had taken hours for Hyunjin to come back, but Jisung had waited up, feigning sleep while Chan held him as he slept peacefully just to make sure he came back in one piece. 

Hyunjin didn’t seek him out either and hasn’t since as much looked his way.

Jisung would’ve been okay with that in other circumstances. However, Hyunjin is the only medic out here and he’s the only one that knows how to fix the illnesses or wounds they’ve collected over their journey. 

He tends to Jeongin’s arm almost daily for the rest of the week, making sure the bandage he put on the first night they arrived on the continent was tight enough and keeping his arm in place. 

And Jisung is stubborn. Too stubborn perhaps. 

It starts off as nightmares that leave him panting. Chan wakes every time he does and holds him close, rubbing his back and the other rubbing over the areas the baby harshly kicks at. Jisung is grateful he’s there for those bits but thence develops headaches. 

Ones that feel like his head is spilling in two when a louder than average sound fills his ears. Jisung would’ve got to Hyunjin, asked for medicine, for him to check up on his baby but there’s an unspoken agreement between them to not talk to each other, to barely acknowledge each others presence and he wasn’t that desperate. 

But he is, it’s just the fear that curdles in his stomach when he tries to muster his courage to face Hyunjin is overwhelming so he tries to suck it up. 

That is until three days of headaches nausea kicks in at full force and there was no way he could hide it now. 

Changbin is the one who catches him on his way down, but Jisung pulls him down with him and throws up everything he’d forced down that morning. 

And that had caught Hyunjin's attention.

Hyunjin gives him an anti-nausea tablet but Jisung refuses to take it after Hyunjin admits he’s not sure if its safe for the baby. 

He’s not willing to risk anything. Not after getting this far. Jisung can’t even bear the damned thought of anything happening now. It had destroyed him enough last time and he’d let anything similar happen.

Hyunjin doesn’t force him but tells him if he changes his mind he won’t be far away.

Chan lends him his aid to walk and Jisung allows him to hold him around his waist, helping him stay upright. 

“Not too much longer, we should reach Mydar soon,” 

“If it exists,” Jisung pants but Chan's fingers pat against his side. “It has to,” 

→

“I remember when we said this journey would take a few months at most,” Jisung comments that night around the fire. 

Jeongin snorts and plonks himself down on the fallen log with Jisung. Felix and Seungmin follow them quickly. Felix jams himself in-between Jeongin and Jisung, helping the smallest keep himself upright. 

“We were hopeful,” Seungmin murmurs and Jeongin hums in agreement. “I don’t think any of us really understood the weight of this journey and how tiring it would be,” 

“If we didn’t need to fix up the boat that much it would’ve taken a lot less,” Felix sighs but he shrugs. “But what can we do? We’re here now and we escaped the government!” 

“So far,” Jisung responds bluntly. Felix pouts and elbows him softly in his ribs. 

“You’re still… hesitant?” Jeongin peers over at him expectantly. Jisung purses his lips. “I just think safety isn’t guaranteed until we’re protected by something… somewhere,” 

Seungmin hums in agreement. “Chan thinks it won’t take much longer to get to Mydar…” 

“How crazy is it that we’re heading for a place we’re not even sure exists? Without a backup plan, too?” 

“I do trust Chan's judgement but it is a little impulsive,” Seungmin sighs out and he shrugs. “But I hope we get there soon. I’m exhausted… gosh, I can’t even imagine how tired you are, Sung,” 

Jisung chuckles. “I can’t believe I’m still going, honestly,” 

It falls quiet for some time as Minho wanders over and makes a fire in front of them. He doesn’t say much to them and keeps his attention on the flames roaring to life. 

“It’s warmer on this continent but it still gets cold at nights without shelter,” Minho speaks before sauntering away to Changbin who’s trying his best to organise blankets and clothes back into a singular backpack. 

Jisung hisses suddenly, a hand clutching at the underside of his stomach. It alerts everyone's attention nearby. Chan drops the metal pot they’ve used daily that he was trying to hang over the flames. Felix grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly. 

“Hey Hyunjin,” Chan calls out quickly when the wince doesn’t leave Jisung's face for a few seconds. 

“No, no, it’s okay,” he grits out but the doctor still comes forward and kneels down in front of him. 

“How long has this been happening?” He asks gently and Jisung sucks in a deep breath. “Only for three days… but they’re not that painful just a cramp, really. I would tell you if I thought something was happening,” Hyunjin just purses his lips and then turns to Chan. 

“We’ve got to get to Mydar as quickly as we possibly can,”

Fear spikes in Jisung and he scurries to look at the young doctor.

“Not because somethings wrong. It’s normal but it just means your body is getting ready,” 

Jisung pales a considerable amount. Felix squeezes his hand again.

“I know we’ve been avoiding this conversation,” Hyunjin mutters and he looks at the other three on the log. “But I think it's about time you discuss the birth,” 

He makes a small grunting noise. “I know,” Hyunjin slowly rises. “If you don’t want me to discuss with you I’ll leave, but I can explain things to you the boys mightn’t know,” 

“You guys know stuff?” Jisung turns to his friends and they all nod. 

“I... I do recall some nurses explaining the process but I’ve pretty much blocked it out...” Jisung explains and Jeongin clutches at his hand and sends him a warm smile. 

“Well,” Felix clears his throat. “We attended... uh lessons together at least four times so if you want to be enlightened?” 

“Please,” Jisung swallows and nods. It’s scary enough to know he has to actually birth the baby but going into with pretty much no knowledge of what’s supposed to happen terrifies him even further. Hyunjin chooses the ground over sitting on the log. He brings his knees to his chest and relaxes by the warmth of the fire.

“Well… we should be in Mydar by the time you’re due, so that should take some stress off…” 

They sit and talk over bowls of watery stew— something that reminds Jisung of his childhood in the slums. He learns that it's very similar to a typical birth, dilation and contraction wise but Jisung almost cries when he realises that because of how their artificial-wombs are placed, it takes double the amount of effort to finally birth a baby. 

“Then… do you want to discuss who you want there with you? Unless you don’t want any of us…” Hyunjin trails off but Jisung shakes his head quickly. 

“I can’t to it alone,” he mutters. Seungmin reaches for his other hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Will you three stay?” Jisung whispers and he lifts his head, looking at each of them. They all give soft smiles and nod at his question. “Of course. You’ll have us as support, okay?” Felix tells him and Jeongin breathes out heavy when he notices how Jisung relaxes. 

“And what if it goes wrong?” He then utters out. Fear swims clearly in his eyes and Hyunjin wants to hug him. One of the first times he’s seen so much emotion across his face and it had to be fear. 

"Do you remember when I said I was always going to be by your side? When I said that I won't let anything happen to you?" Jisung bows his head down and hums softly. "I do remember that,”

Hyunjin doesn't reach out to grasp his hand, nor does he shuffles closer to him as he would've mere days ago. He stays still, his eyes shining in the soft orange hues of the fire next to him. "Im not going to change my word on that. Never. I don't care what happens to us," Jisung shuffles. It's getting a bit personal, especially with their friends surrounding them, but Jisung won't tell him to stop because it reassures him too.

"So don't worry too much about it... I'm not going anywhere," 

It is comforting and when they settle for the night, Jisung sleeps soundly through the nausea that swirls deep within his stomach, something lifted off his chest that was choking him without even realising. 

Hyunjin is valuable to their group. Not just because he's the only one that knows how to properly treat injuries and diagnose illness, but he won't let his personal feelings in the way. It hurts Jisung far too much for him to even admit it but making Hyunjin cry like he did, breaking his heart sends regret through his body. 

When they would kiss Jisung was filled with the wonders of intimate touch, the tingles. The warmth and the hands that caressed him so gently belonged to him. The gentle way he would hold his middle as it grew. Hyunjin wasn't just interested in him, he grew to love him and something, somewhere in Jisung he had clutched that deeply, begging for him to keep it there. 

But he wouldn't because as much as he had tried, he could seem to hold Hyunjin the same way. He couldn't breathe life into him the way Hyunjin did to him and his heart had only just begun to thaw and it was painful enough to let himself grow to feel positive about his own child. 

He knows he loves his friends because he wouldn't feel so worked up over the small arguments, the inconveniences, the injuries that occurred to him if he didn't care. 

Jisung has gone far too long without love, and now to have these seven others-- soon to be eight-- people that he loves in his own unique way is enough so far. He worries about the state of his heart, how much damage has been done over the years of abuse and the many years of freezing it in stone. 

Jisung isn't ready for that type of commitment. 

But the thought eats away at him and it quickly turns on him. The commitment of a baby. Raising a kid when you're not done growing up yourself. 

Jisung's nineteen. 

The what-ifs plague his mind from dusk to dawn. 

What if he can't bond with the baby? What if he's disgusted by them even after the birth and what if he fails to be a good parent. What if the kid comes out hating the world and its parent just like he does? 

The morning is spent with him stuck in his mind, walking by Changbin and Seungmin. But he doesn't partake in conversation that makes them smile ever so often, because the plaguing thoughts he's tried to ignore for almost seven months are eating at him alive. 

It increases nausea that threatens to spill over at any second, but he tries his best to force it down. 

Jisung remembers things from his childhood, of his little sister being born and how his parents cared for her and he tries to tell himself he's not jumping into the deep end without knowing nothing, but truly Jisung has blocked out too much of his childhood for that to be sufficient knowledge. 

He'd cry if it wasn't for his exhausted state already and when he collapses, crashing to the ground later that afternoon, his whole disposition begins to crumble. 

→

Minho has overseen most things that happen during the journeys they've taken part in. 

From the fights at campfires to watching Jisung wander off into the forest, obviously not knowing which way to go. He's seen most things happen, just like Chan who makes sure he watches everyone else carefully. 

So it’s a surprise to him when Jisung goes down for the second time since they've hit this land. 

But this time, Changbin isn't close enough and he's possibly not fast enough to zoom over and catch him before he falls, crashing to the ground. 

He skids across the earth, the knees of his pants tear, grazing the skin underneath them. The rush around them is loud and the screams that rip out from their friend's mouths are loud, panicked. 

Minho reaches him first and pulls him from the ground, rolling him to his side. 

"Fuck!" He hears Hyunjin hiss out before he's on his knees too. 

"He landed on his stomach, didn't he?" Felix cries out. He's on the ground too, probably out of fear and not able to keep the strength of his legs. Hyunjin looks to Chan, then to Minho from confirmation. 

Minho was the only one to see it all. He had been watching him for quite some time, wondering if he could pick up his pace to walk by him. Jisung had only seemed in deep thought, he didn't show signs of struggle to keep consciousness but Minho had still watched. Looking at the way he picked at the skin around his nails anxiously. Minho wanted to grasp his hand and squeeze it, to at least try to help him out of his anxious thoughts. 

The moment his ankle had buckled and the sudden slam of his body to the ground was instantaneous. 

Minho swallows thickly and nods. "He didn't fall slowly, either. It was a pretty hard fall," 

"God damn it," Hyunjin hisses out. He scrambles through his medical kit with surprisingly steady hands. 

Minho's own hands are shaking on the top of his thighs. Chan reaches out and clutches on hand and squeezes it. 

“Chan.” Minho breathes out loudly. The eldest looks over at him as his thumb runs over his knuckles. 

“I know you might be hesitant, but I— we need you to tell us if that really is Mydar?” Are we heading in the right direction?” He’s hit his end of this god awful journey. He can’t go on further knowing one of their own is sick, hurt and it causes more panic to rip through him because it’s Jisung. Minho wants them to be safe more than anything. All of them, but now it’s vital and Minho can’t go along with these what if’s. He knows Chan's story, why he’s hesitant to believe that this place exists, but he can’t stand it anymore. 

Chan bites on his bottom lip and as Jisung stirs on the ground, a harsh pant leaving his mouth, he nods.

“If we run, we might make in in a few hours,” 

Minho shifts and Hyunjin pulls away from Jisung to look at the both of them. Jeongin is huddled in Seungmin’s embrace, Changbin standing beside them still. Felix is by Jisung's head, brushing his hair out of his eyes and patting his cheeks gently. 

“Then get yourselves into gear,” Minho growls underneath his breath and shuffles over to Jisung. He slides an arm under his knees and the other under his shoulders and pulls him to his chest. Jisung lets out a small groan but doesn’t open his eyes. 

“Is he okay?” Chan murmurs to Hyunjin. 

He looks lost and he’s gripping onto the hem of his shirt as if it’s the only thing grounding him at the moment. It probably is. 

“I… I don’t know,” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Minho hisses and Changbin slaps him across his bicep quickly. He frowns at him and flinches at him when Minho huffs out. 

“I can’t tell because I don’t have all the medical gear to see!” Hyunjin explains but Seungmin shouts over the top of them, “Stop arguing and start walking! The quicker we get there the sooner we can check Sung out, so come on!”

Changbin clasps tightly at Seungmin’s clammy hand and nods in agreement. 

→

Light seeps in at the corners of his eyelids, red and bright. Jisung groans as soon as he comes to. His head bangs against a chest in a steady rhythm and when he listens carefully, he can hear shuddering breath and footsteps all around him. 

Jisung finally opens his eyes and he’s met with Minho's concerned gaze. 

“I thought we were over this phase,” Jisung murmurs and Minho heaves out a deep breath. 

“You took your time waking up, that’s for sure,” Minho comes to a halt and squats down, placing Jisung on the ground. “Are you feeling okay?” 

The world spins a little and Jisung bows his head slightly. 

He feels the fingers on his chin and his head is lifted slowly. He meets Hyunjin's gaze and Jisung's pulse quickens from the relief trapped in his brown eyes.

“Thank god,” he breathes out and Jisung thinks he looks like he’s on the verge of tears. 

“What happened, hey? Are you not feeling good?” 

“I feel…” Jisung’s licks at his dry lips. His stomach churns and his previous thoughts flood back. “I don’t know what I feel,” Jisung whimpers out. His bottom lip catches between his teeth.

His body suddenly tenses and Hyunjin flinches back, thinking his touch is making him uncomfortable but Jisung lets out a choked noise of pain and his hands reach out, grasping at Minho's jacket. Minho jolts forward at the force and grunts in surprise. 

“Jisung?” Hyunjin calls out and Jisung answers with a shrill scream. “What's happening?” He pants, finally looking up with glassy eyes. 

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hisses out loudly. He pushes Minho out of the way who stumbles into Changbin's legs. He helps him find his balance again. 

“Jisung…” Jeongin calls out in a weak tone. Seungmin grips him by the shoulders and embraces him tightly, allowing him to blubber against his shoulder. Felix rushes to Hyunjin's side, panic evident on his usually delicate features. 

Hyunjin reaches out for Jisung's stomach, but the boy slaps his hands away with a strangled cry. “Somethings wrong,” Felix whispers to Hyunjin. Chan rushes over to Jisung just as he shifts his weight and collapses against him, shivering.

“Help,” Jisung mutters out. 

Hyunjin reaches out again, and this time Jisung lets him. His hands press against his middle, feeling for the baby’s position. “Oh,” Hyunjin then hisses through his teeth as his hands travel lower to just the top of his pubic bone. 

“The baby is engaged,” he looks to Felix, then to Jisung whose mouth is hanging open, brows furrowed. Jisung leans more of his weight against Chan and cries out loudly.

“Engaged?” Hyunjin nods his head and Jisung cries out. “I can’t!” He yells. “I have weeks to go! Months!” 

“Sung,” Felix says. He clutches on his hands and it captures his attention successfully. “Breathe with me for a bit, okay? Follow my lead,” 

“What does that mean?” Minho whispers to Seungmin who gulps hard. He looks close to crying himself like Jeongin already sobbing into his shoulder. “That means… the baby is positioned to be born,” Seungmin watches as Changbin's and Minho's eyes go wide. 

Minho's eyes flicker right over to Jisung who cries out again after a sharp intake of breath. 

“You’re having contractions,” Hyunjin announces and this time Seungmin is the one to take in a deep breath and buckle. Changbin holds him by his arm. 

“Fuck I don’t know what this all means!” Changbin hisses under his breath. “God this is so messed up,” Hyunjin murmurs and Jisung nods his head through the pain that shoots up his spine, and tears his middle apart. 

“It hurts,” Jisung cries out. “I’m scared!” 

“Hey, hey, let's breathe again,” 

Seungmin slowly wanders closer and offers Jisung a hand that he takes right away. His hand guides over his head, brushing wet hair from his eyes but Seungmin’s heart drops in his chest, instead. “What?” He catches Hyunjin's attention. 

“He’s burning up,” 

Jisung's dripping in sweat now and he pants louder, haggardly. 

Hyunjin reaches out straightway, his palm flat against his forehead. He swears under his breath and Jisung suddenly jerks up, eyes wide. 

“What?” Felix whispers to him. 

“Oh my god,” Changbin whispers out, his legs buckle and Minho grabs him. He stares up at him in horror, his mouth open. His eyes flicker to Jisung and back to him. “Minho… I think you’ve got blood on you,” Minho still and looks down at his shirt. He doesn’t know how it had missed the dark stain, but his shirt is black, the mark harder to spot. It’s damp against his torso and the sudden realisation fills him with dread. 

“Hyunjin,” Minho looks over at him with wide eyes, pointing to his shirt. The young doctor frowns and slides over on his knees and lifts Jisung's right thigh. “Fuck, we need to get moving,” He tells Chan. The eldest nods once and bundles Jisung up in his arms. 

“Hey,” Jisung croaks out just as Chan begins to walk ahead. “What’s going on?” 

“I’m getting you to Mydar,” Chan answers.

Seungmin spots the puddle that formed on the ground where Jisung was sat seconds before and gasps out. “Don’t make him panic,” Hyunjin hisses to the rest of them. Felix rushes to Chan's side, wiping tears from Jisung's face and muttering reassuring words. 

“That’s… that’s not normal,” Seungmin mutters, letting go of Jeongin. The younger clutches at his hand instead. Changbin reaches for his other hand while Minho stares at Hyunjin. 

“Hyunjin,” Minho clutches onto the doctor's arm. His eyes are frantic and Hyunjin grabs one of his shoulders. “He’s going to be okay,” 

“He's haemorrhaging!” Jeongin cries out and clenches his good fist. “You can’t say he’s going to be okay when we’re not even in Mydar yet!” 

“I’m not going to let anything happen to him!” Hyunjin yells back and throws his bag on over his back. He looks back to Minho and Changbin. “Get your guns out, if they don’t welcome us warmly do whatever you must to get him safe,” 

“This is fucking insane,” Minho mutters under his breath but he doesn’t waste a second pulling out his weapon. 

“Come on,” he steps into pace with Hyunjin. “Get moving!”

→

Chan runs the fastest he’s ever run in his life. Faster than the time he ran from those men in white after murdering his whole fighting ring family. After escaping his mad mother. 

The footsteps of the others behind him are enough reassurance they’re okay, but it’s Jisung now who he’s focused on. He tenses at each pain that rips through him, but Chan panics when he sees him fading. He begins to not able to form a sentence when he asks if he’s okay— which Chan knows he’s not, but he needs something to ask him regularly because once he begins to not answer, Chan fears they might make it too late. 

Minho speeds forwards just as the form of something in the near distance is clear, its structure visible and near. So, so close.

The colony that lives in the structure shaped as a massive tree is there, so close. Its trunk is thick, but Chan knows that’s not where the colony resides but in its many bubbles up in the air, connecting with each other to form a canopy of homes. 

“I haven’t felt the baby in a while,” Jisung then croaks out with a sob and panic soars so strong through Chan he almost stops. But he keeps on going and he looks down at him and is horrified to see him pale, his lips dusty, free from the rich pink colour they usually hold and his eyes are so dim, but there’s so much still swimming around in them. 

Chan tries to ignore the soaking of blood that grows larger each passing minute, but it’s almost impossible to ignore the thick stickiness that clings to his clothes, sticking to his skin. 

“We’re almost there, just hold on Jisung, hold on,”

Jisung does hold on, he grips harshly at Chan's forearms every time he feels the pains return, gripping so hard Chan is sure he’ll bruise up badly, but he doesn’t care. 

It becomes apparent that the pains are hitting closer when they’re so close to the entrance because Jisung doesn’t stop gripping onto his arms or crying out in agony. And it turns out, his cries didn’t just alert Chan and their crew. 

Four men, dressed in green-plated armour are standing a hundred meters ahead, at the entrance to Mydar. They’re so close, it’s just there, but they come running, weapons angled to injure. 

“Hyunjin!” Chan comes to a halt as he screams for him.

The men don’t stop running. They’re coming at them right on and Chan moves quick, leaving a sobbing and near hysterical Jisung in Hyunjin's embrace while he Minho and Changbin spring into action. 

“Three against four!” Changbin grunts out, but his eyes strangely twinkle as he looks at Chan. “Not for long!” The eldest calls out before they finally crash.

A blur of dirtied clothing against green metal is all Jisung can see. His mind is muddled over in the thick haze of something he has never felt in his life. He’s focused on one thing and one thing only. The safety of the cause of the searing pain racking through him.

A sharp punch to the mans face that Chan nears first has enough force packed behind it for him to lose balance and during that time Chan snatches his rifle from his hand and promptly whacks the butt of the weapon over his head, knocking him out. 

He looks over briefly and finds Minho tackling one of them to the ground, probably due to his cocked gun. Chan doesn’t go over to help, Minho is a force to reckon with and Chan is confident in his friend's abilities to handle his own weight, no matter how worked up he is. Minho thrives on that but Chan fears the aftermath when his energy is overflowing, his anger unmanageable. 

Chan sees Changbin kick his leg up, hitting the much taller’s head. 

The fourth man is standing closer to the door, his gun ready to shoot. 

“Don’t!” Chan roars at him. The man is clearly much older, at least a decade and Chan sees him hesitate just as he hears an intolerable scream sound out. The man shakes the slightest bit. Chan has to fight himself from turning around. 

“You may be a threat to our colony,” The guard speaks but Chan sprints forward, a fist crashing against his nose. “My friend is  _ dying _ ,” Chan hisses out. “Sorry for this,” he swiftly apologises before he grips at his hair and thrusts his skull against the metal of the trunk-like structure. 

And Chan turns around and his previous words weigh down on his tongue. 

Jisung is limp by Hyunjin's side, mouth parted in a silent scream, his hands pressing between his thighs now coated in blood. 

Chan slams his fist against what he hopes is the button to open the fucking doors. 

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONEEE so totally not going to go on about how that just went :o 
> 
> so first of all, i just want to stress that there is gore in the tags andddd it isn't just a one time thing and i do have a history of writing rather... bloody scenes so if anyone is uncomfy with it dw ill always but TWs!!! i did in my last long fic too! with that out of the way i also want to make sure you guys are just aware of the tags just in case bc we are heading further into this fic and the tags are very important!! 
> 
> AGAIN thank you guys so much for always leaving the nicest comments i feel so loved u guys are the absolute best AAAAA <33
> 
> ALSOO!!! i did post a oneshot a few days ago!! (a repost of a fic i wrote back in 2019 but i decided to edit it for skz instead lol) and if anyone is interested here is the link for it!!! [oneshot!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894275)
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYSSS MWAH!!!


	19. 18→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! obviously a direct continuation from last chapter, so take care as in there is several bloody scenes :] and Jisung's trauma is finally mentioned, only briefly but it is there! take care!

Jisung had thought that arriving to Mydar would be a very positive experience. He thought maybe Chan would pick him up again, twirl him around him happiness again.

Jisung had not expected this to be the way they’d arrive.

The entryway opens up to an elevator, something Jisung has never seen before, but Hyunjin carries him in without a second thought. The space is wide, but not quite large enough to fit eight people comfortably.

“Jisung,” Felix pushes through and helps Hyunjin to hold him upright. “I feel,” Jisung sucks in a deep breath. “I think I’m going to die!”

“No, you’re not. You’re not going to,” Hyunjin pats his cheeks and Jisung gasps for air. “I made a promise,” Hyunjin concludes but Jisung shakes his head, gritting his teeth as he roars in pain. “I don’t believe in promises,” he puffs out through waves of pain.

Felix grasps onto one of his hands, flinching briefly at the clamminess and the drying blood.

“We’ve made it now, Jisung… just a little bit more,” Seungmin begs. Jisung meets his eyes briefly. Seungmin’s eyes are wide, glazed over with fear but Jisung feels as if he’s slipping, falling down into this abyss.

“I haven’t felt the baby move since we got close,” Jisung then cries out. Chan sucks in a deep breath and shudders deeply. Felix's eyes zone onto him. “Still?” He whispers out.

The clarity of fear and desperation in Jisung's eyes is overwhelming and Minho, who is buzzing with anger and the adrenaline of punching some guys lights out is crumbling into that anger, deep and hot. But he bites down on it because uncertainty and fear is thick between them all and with the dark crimson that is stuck to him, to Chan, Felix and painting Jisung’s lower half red, Minho doesn’t have the ability to even breathe.

He can only watch, so hopelessly as Jisung's sobbing suddenly changes into obvious panic and his screams of pain become more agonising.

Chan kicks the elevator door, agitated they haven’t hit the floor yet.

“They can’t die,” Jisung wails out and everyone freezes briefly. “Jisung,” Changbin breathes out but Hyunjin shoots him a harsh look.

Minho feels likes he’s trapped in that cave again with him. Back then, when Jisung was shivering from real cold, not from fevers racking through him. That chill filled with dread is now feverish fear and pain that chokes them all.

“You’re both going to be safe,” Hyunjin assures him and Jisung cries out, biting on his lower lip. He gives him a weak nod.

Minho recalls the first time Jisung had ever felt them move. Jisung's panicked expression and then his sudden relief after deeming them alive and well. Minho feels himself fill with heavier dread.

Chan kicks at the doors once more and Changbin squeezes his bicep, their eyes on Jisung.

But then the doors open and whatever hope they had crashes like a fallen star then embedding itself deep inside the earth.

The light is bright and it shines down on them, making red glisten and just as Jisung heaves out a deep breath, gasping before roaring loudly, Chan and Minho instantly are out, tackling the men that were guarding the entrance.

Sirens are blaring out and Jisung buries his head in Jeongin’s lap as he follows him to the ground.

“Changbin! Hyunjin! Back up!” Minho hisses out, his gun cocked at the sudden storm of green armoured men.

Jisung's hand pushes down against his lower stomach and a sickening gush is heard. “They moved!” He cries out and they don’t miss the relief filling his tone.

Jisung lifts his head for a few seconds and he witnesses briefly Chan grabbing one of the guards aiming a weapon to the elevator by their neck and slamming them down to the ground, winding them.

“Jisung, Sung,” Seungmin calls out. Jisung pants and meets his eyes. “You have to stay with us, okay? You can’t leave,”

“You’re speaking as if you think I’m going to die, too,” Jisung mumbles. Seungmin’s mouth remains open as tears glaze over his eyes. “No,” he whispers but his voice breaks.

“Nothing is going to happen to you, Sungie,” Felix then tells him. His voice is strong, but there’s a nasally tone behind it, giving away that Felix hasn’t kept dry eyes.

Jisung manages out a weak humming sound. “Sung! You have to talk to us!” Jeongin cradles his head and helps Seungmin and Felix gently place him on his back.

“I’m tired,” he pants out after brief silence. “If I could fall asleep…”

“Hyunjin!” Felix screams at the top of his lungs. The doctor turns back and his eyes go wide at the sight of Jisung struggling to maintain consciousness. He pivots out of the way from the guard's punch and flies back to the elevator.

Changbin screams out and throws his body to the doctors and they crash down against the ground just as a loud bang pierces the air. Jisung flinches and his droopy eyes open more.

“Jisung stay with us!” The three other boys are sobbing now, clutching onto the boy that barely registers their cries.

Minho yells out again and there’s a sudden clang of metal as a body hits the ground, a cocked gun sliding over the elevators entrance.

“Jisung, come on!” But he’s pale, almost grey and the pool of blood around him is growing larger and larger each passing second.

“I want… destruction,” Jisung whispers incoherently as his eyelids flutter. “What?” Hyunjin frowns. Felix grabs onto Seungmin who hugs him tight. They cry into each other's shoulders, shaking and in near hysterics.

“What is going on!” A booming voice then fills the space. Hyunjin looks back briefly to see a woman, tall and broad wearing an elegant pale green dress across the hall.

A gasp falls from Jeongin’s lips. “A woman?”

The guards halt and stand tall and still. The three in the hall slowly retreat to the elevator.

“Are you the leader?” Chan calls out. Her brows furrow lightly before she nods. “I am. And what business do you have here? Covered in blood?”

Jisung tenses when a contraction hits again. He cries out again, suddenly awake and not slipping from the land of the living.

“Our friend,” Minho grunts out, pointing to the elevator where he’s tensed up, holding onto Hyunjin's and as he roars out.

“Oh my is it contagious?”

“No!” Minho then yells at her. “He’s having a baby! Can we get directions to the fucking medical ward!?”

“A baby? Oh, that’s a lot of blood for a birth. Quick! Follow me! You guys,” she points a finger to the men in green. “Help your others out,”

“There’s more outside,” Changbin states in a shaky voice. The woman mouth twitches. “Of course,” she breathes out. Chan rushes back to Jisung and Hyunjin helps him carry him before hurrying to follow the woman in green.

“I haven’t seen a woman since my mother…seven years ago,” Jisung murmurs. The stench of blood is thick that Chan almost chokes on it. “Me either,” he replies in a grunt.

They hurry after the woman blindly. Citizens of the colony stare and whisper as Chan runs after their leader in a haze. His arms are shaking with the added weight of Jisung after fighting, but Chan pushes himself and tries his best to ignore the dripping of blood.

“Hyunjin,” Jisung pants out, his hand falls limp over Chan's arm. The young doctor reaches out and grips it, squeezing it as he runs in sync with Chan. “Can you do it?” Hyunjin's brows furrow slightly at his question and he thinks for a brief moment before he understands.

“I don’t want anyone else to do it,” Jisung adds on and Hyunjin sucks in a deep breath. “Of course, I’ll do it. I’ll keep you safe,”

Jisung sighs out deeply, relaxing his tense body. “Good,” He murmurs out. His eyes flutter before closing for a few seconds. Hyunjin can see him slipping, his complexion losing its honey glow each passing moment and panic soars through Hyunjin's gut.

He lets out a growl and the woman turns, stares wide-eyed for at least a second before she understands. She picks up her gown, kicks off the shoes she was wearing and runs, her bronze locks flying as she speeds on.

Chan forces himself to pick up his pace, despite his heart beating so rapidly it’s beginning to hurt. The padding of footsteps behind him tells him the others pick up their pace.

Screams begin to erupt from unsuspecting citizens going about their day as their leader runs by, knocking some of them out of their paths and then eight deranged looking men running by, leaving a trail of blood in their wake.

“Everyone out of the way!” She yells just as they turn a corner that leads into a large circular room with large cloudy glass doors.

“It’s just here!”

It had only taken less than three minutes, Hyunjin knows this because another pain hadn’t hit Jisung but just as the woman slams a button and the doors open, Jisung cries out again, but his voice is weaker this time, his strength fading. 

Chan rushes through the doors with Hyunjin. The quiet peace in the medical ward is shattered the moment they storm him, the leader right behind them, panting.

Nurses, dressed in pale green aprons turn to face them, shock apparent over their faces. “Your Grace! What is going on?” One questions the woman in the green dress. She just shrugs and sends her a look.

Hyunjin spots a free bed and ushers Chan to place Jisung down. “Someone get blood in here! Quick!” Hyunjin shouts as soon as Jisung's head hits the pillow.

Chan takes a wobbly step back as a shuddered breath emits from his mouth. He looks down at himself and his head spins at the blood covering him. He steps back again just as the others storm in.

A nurse hands something over to Hyunjin, but he shoves it back in their hands and points to the stand next to the bed. She seems perplexed but follows his orders, scrambling for things.

“Is he a doctor?” The leader asks Chan and the eldest is knocked out of his spiral to look into her jade eyes. He gulps and nods. “He is quite young, is he not?”

“Hyunjin is one of the best,” Chan utters out.

“Jisung!” Felix cries out running over to him. Seungmin follows him but Jeongin is frozen at the door with Changbin clutching his hand. At some point, Minho had come to stand with him. Chan must’ve missed it with his momentarily space out before.

“You’re covered, too,” Chan whispers out. Minho bites down at his lip and scoffs. “I wouldn’t worry about me right now, Chan.” The eldest swallows thickly.

One of the doctors wanders over to Jisung, his white coat bright underneath the artificial lights. Chan squints a bit.

And the moments that follow causes Chan to stare, his heart thumping and his skin slick with cold sweat.

Jisung's eyes fall from Hyunjin's sudden comforting gaze to a pair of aged blue ones. His pulse quickens and Jisung's eyes go wide in terror.

The white coats, the sudden hand on his thigh.

Jisung cannot control anything in that moment. He falls, back into that abyss he was stuck in for seven years. Terror is what Jisung finds.

Red against white is back, haunting him now is not the presence of just his memories but physically. Jisung's lungs burn and he lashes out of whatever imaginary restraint he had been put in the past.

“Don’t touch me!” He screams out first, before crashing into Hyunjin's side. The doctor heaves at the sudden impact, but he supports his weight. He kicks at the older doctor that is watching with wide eyes.

He snatches scissors from Hyunjin's hands that he had just been given by a nurse and holds them to his own neck. Hyunjin's eyes go wide and he moves quickly, grabbing the scissors back and pinning the hysterical Jisung down to the bed. 

“Hey,” he whispers gently. His eyes are still wide, glazed over and Hyunjin knows he’s not yet back.

“You’re okay. You’re not there now,” he sees his eyes begin to change, soften. Hyunjin continues on. “We’re in Mydar right now. Remember? You’re safe here now. You’re with everyone, hey?” Hyunjin looks back briefly his eyes wide with fear. “Chan!”

The moment Jisung's eyes flicker to the eldest of their found family, he breaks and clings onto him, hiding his face into his broad shoulder, breathing in that secure petrichor scent.

Hyunjin pulls back, meets Felix's teary eyes, then Minho's who’s breathing heavy, one leg outstretched. “Is there a private room we can take him to?”

“There is,” one male nurse steps forwards but Hyunjin bites down on his lip. “Could… we only get females present, perhaps? Uh… Jisung has been trough a lot… I think male medics would trigger him,”

“But you’re—“ One nurse starts. “Jisung trusts me. We have been through a lot together. All of us,”

“This way!” One of the ladies nods, gesturing to the back right of the room. Another two of the female nurses step up and begin to help wheel the bed away, another taking the blood transfusion line the first nurse had somehow got in.

“Felix,” Jisung cries out weakly, his eyes flickering between Felix and Seungmin. “Minnie…”

“Come on,” Changbin pulls at their hands and they follow Jisung into the other room.

“Hey,” Hyunjin stops them at the door. Jisung let go of Chan as another pain hit him and the women take him into the room by himself. “Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin,” he addresses the three and they look up at him, all with teary eyes. “Are you coming in?” Seungmin and Felix nod without a second thought but Jeongin hesitates.

“I… I don’t know,” he admits. He’s looking a bit pale himself. “I think I might make it worse instead of supporting him.”

“Okay you stay with the others, then,” he begins to walk in, but Minho speaks up. “Why can’t we come in?”

Hyunjin turns back and glares at him. “Jisung only wanted those three at first, then he asked me. We’re not overstepping boundaries, Lee Minho,”

“But—“

“It’s not going to be pretty, Minho,” Hyunjin then hisses. Jisung screams louder this time he shakes his head. “Jisung wouldn’t like it. Now I have to go,”

“Hey,” Minho grits out, his finger curl around Hyunjin's wrist. “Whatever you do, don’t put one of those coats on,”

Hyunjin stills briefly and nods. “I wouldn’t dare,”

He then speeds over, the two younger boys following him to Jisung's side.

“We’re going to need more blood,” One nurse says and another hurries over to grab some, shutting the door in the others faces.

Minho punches the wall nearest to him as soon as it shuts. “Fuck!” He yells out and Changbin grips at his hands and breathes out deeply. Minho fights it at first, looking like he’s going to push Changbin's lights out but he caves in and begins to breathe with him.

“You boys might want to get cleaned up in the meantime,” The leader has wandered over to them. Chan jumps at her voice. He looks up at her, she’s at least got ten centimetres on him, even taller than Hyunjin.

She senses the obvious displeasure they radiate but she shakes her head at them. “At least in twos, then,”

Chan clears his throat and nods. “You guys go first, I’ll stay,”

Minho slaps him across his shoulder and frowns at him. The woman raises her eyebrows at him and gives him another look over. “Perhaps I would accept that if you were not covered in blood,”

Chan's jaw tenses. “You two bloodied ones, follow me,” it’s a demand and as much as Chan and Minho would like to wait at the door, waiting for any updates on their friend's condition, Chan is not stupid enough to deny her. Especially after breaking into her colony and doing harm to more than a few guards. Not to mention the blood trail Jisung had left all around the place.

“Okay,” He tugs at Minho's arm and he follows with disdain.

“So,” she starts as they leave the medic bubble, turning her head to look at them. “I would be guessing you’d like to stay for a while?”

Minho scoffs loudly again and Chan purses his lips at him. He settles down a bit at Chan's warning.

“Would it be too much to ask for a long while?” Chan asks in a mutter. She cocks her head at him. “How long are we talking here?”

Minho cuts in with a drawl. “Permanent. Got anything?” Chan glares at him again. Minho's lips press into a thin line and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Sorry about him, he’s a little weary from our journey.” Chan apologises and the woman chuckles.

“I can give you a semi-permanent residency while we sort out a larger one? Presuming you eight are wanting to stay together?”

“Yes,” Chan breathes out. “Please. That’s wonderful. Do… we not need to give you anything?”

She sighs loudly and begins to walk. They follow after her. “We can sort that out later. Let’s just make sure you’re all comfortable while your friend has a baby, yes?”

“Are you really not going to ask?” Minho wonders aloud as they walk. She sends him a look that Minho doesn’t really understand.

“It would take an idiot to realise you have been through a rather rough trot lately,” Chan sighs out loudly. “Anyway, this is the emergency residency branch we created… and had never really had to use… until now,”

“Thank you,” Chan stands there awkwardly, not sure how to thank her. She smiles. “Just go in, I am to report your rather… special intrusion in my system.”

“Oh,” Chan swallows. “We’re not bad people,” he finds himself saying and the leader chuckles.

“I do not believe you to be… your name, perhaps?”

“Chan.” He tells her. “Bang Chan.” She smiles at him and turns her gaze to Minho. “Lee Minho,”

“What must we call you… Your Grace?”

“My title is just fine, however, my name is Fern Mydar, not that anyone uses my name very often. Such a shame,” Fern sighs loudly.

“Mydar…” Her lips twitch upwards slightly. “My family was the one to found this colony, hundreds of years ago.”

“Ah…” Chan whispers out.

“But do not think you are off the hook so easily,” Fern reprimands them with a small frown. “I will be back to question you all. And your motives, I am rather concerned about this whole ordeal,”

“Of course, Your Grace…” Chan gives her a small bow and she laughs. “No need of that. Now go get cleaned up and hurry back to that friend of yours,”

→

Jisung has pondered over moments like this for seven years. It had brought fear upon him every time his mind wandered to it.

But Jisung doesn’t have the strength for fear now, finally, facing the moment he has feared for so many years.

Jisung had known it would hurt, but even with the fluttering of his slowing pulse, the blood loss draining him, Jisung can feel the rips and pulls of life dragging out of him and its a pain Jisung knows he will not forget soon.

His body feels as if it's being split in half and Jisung could scream and kick if he had the energy but all he can manage out are grunts of pain as Felix places a cool washcloth on his forehead, Seungmin squeezing his hand trying to comfort him.

Jisung's eyelids are heavy, breathing seems like a chore and when he loses most of his strength, he can only cry out at the burning sensation he begins to feel. Felix grabs his other hand and his eyes drift to Felix's eyes, his mouth that’s moving, but Jisung cannot hear it.

Felix's face has become familiar, comforting and even in the haze of the pain, the burning Jisung feels himself relax at his friends face. Seungmin’s hand runs over his head, brushing hair from his eyes.

Even throughout whatever abyss Jisung is falling into, he feels himself regret.

Regret that he had been so stubborn and afraid of commitment back then. He could’ve been friends with them earlier, able to confide in each other there. But Jisung knows he’s a different person now, and back then Jisung had barely been able to tolerate his own presence. That tells him enough and brings an odd sense of comfort.

The white walls are gleaming in his mind, but when he takes another shallow breath, his vision clears from memories of stark white and is met with soft green. Jisung's brows furrow as Hyunjin's hand slips against one of his bloodied thighs.

Felix looks back, to Hyunjin for a few brief seconds but it feels like ages and when his gaze returns, he’s nodding and Jisung's senses suddenly roar back to life at the sudden tug.

He roars loudly, his body overtaking. He meets Hyunjin's eyes quickly and he nods.

“You’ve got it,” Felix whispers to him. Seungmin squeezes his hand again.

And then suddenly, the pain is gone and in Hyunjin's hands is the tiny flutter he had dreamed of for so many nights.

Jisung's head spins and he sighs out, his chest heavy, suffocating and just as Hyunjin lifts them for him to see, Jisung loses his grip and tumbles right down that abyss and is met with the calm dark. Jisung dissipates right down into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WWWWWOOOOO there we go, a very dramatic chapter!! there's going to be quite a few more dramatic chapters so here's to the first taste of that i guess!! 
> 
> the rest of the Mydar chapters are honestly quite exciting in a few ways :PP a few people were worried about how they broke in and i can only say that it does create a few problems :0 But I'm so excited to share the rest of the chapters!! i hope you guys like them!!!!
> 
> thank you for all the comments!!! i read them all reply to them as much as a possibly can!! I've just started back at school and its my senior year so I'm going to be pretty darn busy but i have tried to make a good schedule and I'm really hoping i can stick to it so i have time to write too!! i really enjoy writing and its something i want to prioritise since i find it quite relaxing!! so yep!!! i might be a bit late to replying to comments but i promise i will fit it in!! THANK YOU!!!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts)


	20. 19→

Changbin flinches and grasps onto Chan's arm when a booming sound is heard in the room. Jeongin gulps and the four of them share worried looks. 

The door suddenly bursts open, and Minho's heart drops at the women that storm out, blood adorning their scrubs. Jeongin lets out a strangled cry and Chan hurries him into his warm embrace. 

“Excuse me! Please make way!” A woman’s voice rattles out and Minho freezes for a split second before moving from the doorway and just as he does, that same woman rushes by, a tiny, soundless baby bundled in a blanket tightly to her chest. 

“Oh god,” Changbin pants out. 

Minho races forwards, but Chan catches his wrist. 

“Let go of me,” He growls out but Chan shakes his head. “You’re mad,” Changbin then speaks out, reaching for his other arm. Minho huffs and tries to break out of their grasps. “You act rashly whenever—“ 

“Let go of me,” He then whispers low. His eyes are narrowed and his chest rises. “I’m not that same stupid kid,” 

Chan's grip on him losses. Changbin looks at him and shakes his head. 

“Then go,” Chan mutters. “I trust you,” Changbin begins to open his mouth but Minho darts away quickly, trailing after the nurse that had zoomed away moments prior. 

Minho freezes in the doorway to the room the woman had run into. 

The tiny baby she had run with is lying still as the nurses rub towels down their tiny frame. 

“Excuse me,” a hand lands on his shoulder and Minho flinches and looks down at the woman peering at him. “You’re not supposed to be in here,” 

Minho's hands shake. “The baby…” He whispers out and her mouth parts as she nods. “Your baby is in the hands of the best we have,” 

Words form on the tip of Minho's tongue, that it’s not his baby, but it fails to come out. Instead, he nods and allows the nurse to lead him closer to the baby. 

“Dad is here,” she announces and one of the nurses holding a towel smiles at him. His stomach flips and he barely recognises her presence after gazing down at the tiny thing. He sees their arms twitch, toes wriggling and Minho sucks in a deep breath. 

“Why aren’t they crying?” He murmurs out, his heartbeat picking up. He tightens his hands into fists, trying to control the shakiness of them. 

“She was born prematurely, in most cases the lungs aren’t quite developed yet,” 

_ She _ . 

Minho's vision swirls and the nurse talking to him notices his sudden paleness. “Hey, maybe you should sit?”

“No,” Minho gulps out, shaking his head. His eyes stay on the tiny girl, her toes wiggling ever so lightly.

“Most dads will follow the baby instead of staying with the wife,” Another nurse perks up. Minho frowns, lips pursing. “Did you see your wife before?” 

“He’s not my wife,” Minho grits out cooly. The nurse peers at him and her mouth opens before she nods in understanding. “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have assumed anything,” 

Minho just scoffs softly. “It’s not a very simple situation anyway,” He grits out and the nurse decides not the press any further. Minho's glad. 

Minho steps forward, closer to Jisung's daughter when one of the women shove tubes up her nose. 

“For oxygen,” And just after she speaks, a gurgle and then a sharp, shrill cry fills the room. 

Minho's heart, that had been beating in his throat suddenly goes back to his chest, picking up in relief. “Oh my god,” 

Her cry is high pitched, strong and Minho's heart rattles in his chest. Minho wishes it come differently though. Jisung shouldn’t have gone through such a difficult birth and missed his daughter's first cries. Minho just knows he’d cry for sure. Not how he did in the cave when he realised her presence, not the spine chilling sobs that had escaped him. 

Jisung would burn brightly, and the tears he cried would be warm, his face soft and his heart swelling. 

But he’s not here to see her breathe her first breath. Minho is and maybe he thinks he owes Jisung something or maybe Minho isn’t as strong as he thought him to be. Because the moment that cry pierces his ears, something inside Minho bursts and his heart clenches, a warmth oozing out of it. 

He watched her cry, one twice and on the third cry, Minho breaks and before he can catch himself, he’s crouching down, head in his hands as he sobs, hot tears wetting his palms as a tiny daughter cries out her first breaths. 

→

Chan gulps, his vision stuck to the ceiling as he wills himself not to cry. 

Felix squeezes at his hand, comfortingly. “He’ll wake up. Hyunjin has said so,” Felix brushes his thumb over Chan's calloused knuckles. “That’s great,” he says as his eyes wander back down to Jisung's sleeping figure. “As soon as the baby was born, he passed out,” Seungmin says. “He did so well for holding on for so long,” 

“I just can’t believe our luck,” Changbin sighs. Seungmin sits on the arm of the chair Changbin is sat in. The elder snakes an arm around his waist. “That one of us actually got pregnant from the institution in the first place is rather unlucky… but this all,” Jeongin winces when he looks over at Jisung's pale face. 

“We all thought we had time,” Hyunjin sighs as he walks back in, now cleaning his hands with a wet towel. “Where’s Minho?” He asks he feels Jisung forehead for his fever. “It’s going down,” Seungmin breathes out in relief. 

“He ran after one of the nurses,” Chan tells him and Hyunjin raises a brow. “Shouldn’t we go get him…?” Jeongin asks but the elder boys shake their heads. 

“Minho’s rather stubborn… especially after being riled up on so much emotion. It's best if we leave him for him to come back to us on his own time,” 

“Yeah, last time I went looking for him after he was upset, he broke my nose,” Changbin laughs. Seungmin raises a brow at him, grimacing lightly. “No hard feelings, of course, we were still learning about each other back then,” 

“But hey,” Chan breathes out shakily. Felix squeezes his hand again. “The leader has given us our own place to stay,” 

Jeongin nods his head, smiling. “It’s big! And it has actual beds!” 

“Wow! Really?” Felix beams at their younger friend who nods back at him with two thumbs up. “And its own living quarters… a kitchen too! A proper one that’s not hundreds of years old!” 

“Oh nice,” Hyunjin muses with a nod of his head. 

“She’s coming back though.” Chan then says. “She doesn’t trust us yet,” 

“Understandable,” Seungmin sighs out. “It’s not exactly everyday your home is broken into by eight grubby guys and one pregnant and in labour,” Changbin winces. “Definitely,”

“We should go, shouldn’t we?” Jeongin turns to Hyunjin who nods.

“Come on then, I’ll show you guys the way,” Chan tugs on Felix's hand who nods and smiles. 

→

The room is dark when Felix steps in. A soft rustle sounds out and Felix stands still while Chan touches the lamp by the bed, lighting up the room enough to see each others faces clearly. 

“Why were you sitting alone in the dark?”

“How did you know where I was?” 

“I saw you slip away once we made it here,” Felix sits himself down onto the bed next to Chan. The mattress is plush underneath him and Felix sinks down into it with a sigh. “You washed up?” Chan's fingers slip by the softer fabric of a white shirt that he wears. “Yeah. It was nice of them to provide more clothes, too,” 

“God knows we needed them. Those other clothes will probably always smell of sweat and mud,” Chan scoffs lightly. Felix hums and slowly reaches out to holds Chan's hands. 

“Look…I know you have this notion that you need to be strong for the rest of us, but Chan,” Felix shakes his head at him. “I can tell you’re not okay. You don’t have to keep acting and keeping everything to yourself. You know that? I said you could lean on me,” 

“I don’t need—”

“Chan,” Felix cuts him off and he squeezes his hand. “You don’t need to but up a barrier for me,” Chan stares at him and then he nods, barely but Felix sees it. 

“Now that we’re here and safe, you can confide in us like you let us confide in you,” 

“I’m fine—“

“Chan,” Felix breathes out. He clutches at his hand tighter and Chan responds back by a gentle squeeze back. 

“Talk to me. I know you’re not okay right now,” 

And like that, the concrete dam Chan had made over the past months begin to crack by the pressure of the past events. 

He crumbles down, walls crashing and the emotions he had held in for so long for the sake of the others tear out, running raging rapids down his face. 

Felix pulls him close and his shirt muffles the sob that elicits from his mouth. “Just let it out,” Felix whispers to him, running small fingers through his clean hair. 

Chan has never been one to rely on other people. He had learnt from a young age to trust himself, to only rely on himself because he was the only one he could trust to get to the places he wished to go. 

He had only ever confided in his mother, but that was taken from him and he had never confided in anyone since that night of broken glass and shrill screams. 

Chan could hold all of his friends up and take care of them, that was enough for him. It made him feel useful like he was needed and quickly he had fallen into that role, never once putting himself before one of his friends. 

The past months had been a struggle for everyone. Chan felt the pressure too, but he put it aside in favour of helping. 

He had thought he would never break. That they’d get to Mydar and everything would be fine. 

Now, Chan worries about their chances of being allowed to stay. They had broken in, hurt the guards just so they could save Jisung and his kid. He doesn’t regret it, because Chan has grown to only need their new family. The outdoors weren’t that bad when they were all together, but when he had thought about the possibility of losing one of his own, all reason had flown out of him. 

The image of Jisung bloodied and fading, clinging on so desperately to save both him and the child he’s fretted over all these months— Chan has never quite felt such fear and desperation in his life. He had seen his mother go insane, the death of Minho's mother, the executions of his ring family. Chan has seen a lot in his life, but then, Chan knew he could nothing to help then. This time was different. Jisung's and his baby’s life was in his hands this time. 

Chan's legs are aching, shoulders stiff but he wouldn’t change it because he had saved their lives. 

“You did so well,” Felix praises him gently, fingers drumming across his shoulder blades. 

“I don’t know how I’ll ever forget,” Chan sobs out. Felix's hold on him tightens. “All the blood, everything he said… Felix he thought he was going to die. His baby too…” Chan pulls back to look at him. Tears run down Felix's own face but he smiles gently through them, brushing Chan's rapids away, but they keep coming. An overflow that was too long overdue. 

“They’re okay… we’re all okay, Chan.”

The eldest sniffs and nods. Felix pats his cheeks and that same soft smile takes over his lips. Chan leans in, his forehead pressing against Felix’s own. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you feel like sunshine itself?” Chan whispers. 

Felt breathes in and hums. “No. But if I’m the sunshine I’m going to push all your dark clouds out of the way,” 

Chan pulls back, his hand landing gently on the younger’s waist. 

Felix gleams, shines like nothing else in Chan's eyes. Like the light that streams through the clouds, brightening the world, and leaving his eyes coated in liquid gold. 

“We’re going to be okay now,” Felix says again. Chan just gulps, his tears slowing. 

Chan had once tried to swallow his emotions, but the light from the sun peeked in, breaking his walls and cradling those fragile feelings in small, soft hands. 

Chan leaps off the ledge, flying into the suns warm embrace. 

“What if I asked to kiss you?” Chan then mutters. Felix's eyes lighten slightly and when his lips stretch, Chan finds his answer in the sweet blend of sunshine and petrichor. 

→

Felix stirs awake from the warm light hitting his face.

He sighs softly, trying to wiggle out of the warm and comfortable embrace Chan has him in. When the blankets fall from his body he shudders a bit, wishing for the warmth again. Instead, he wanders over to the window and murmurs in awe. 

Mydar is built up in the sky, its branches stretching high and high. The golden morning light streams in through the window. The world down below is breathtaking in all its glory. Greenery shining gold in the early light, the rivers that surround the far side of Mydar’s trunk, Felix breathes out heavily and brings the curtains to a close. He turns and looks at Chan's face once more and smiles gently.

His eyes are swollen from all his tears last night, but Felix has never seen him looking so content since he’s known him. Felix creeps out of the room, careful to not wake him. 

Felix should probably sleep more himself. After all, by the light, Felix knows it’s barely morning but he knows he won’t fall asleep again. After the long journey they’ve had, Felix is absolutely sure he could sleep for days, but Felix has always been rather resilient. 

He would sleep if things were different, he thinks. 

But his mind is racing now, awake to thoughts of how Jisung is, how his tiny baby is? Felix finds himself worrying about Chan and how much he had sobbed last night, so much his mouth tasted like nothing but the saltiness of tears. Felix's heart thumps in his chest and heat rises to his cheeks, his ears, probably painting them a soft red. 

Felix knows their entrance to Mydar wasn’t a welcome, at least. But as rash and dangerous it had been— even the risks that still are apparent— Felix wouldn’t change that because they had saved Jisung and that tiny life they had all grown to eventually love. 

But their risky and brash decision could lead to problems now. 

Felix just wants to be safe. He wants to be loved in peace. A peaceful life is what he wants now, a mediocre life. Felix wants a quiet life, filled with the warmth of love, a family that he can tell this adventure to. 

But Felix would do anything to stay with his new family, whether it be filled with peace for filled with even more disaster. 

His hand glides over the soft fabric of the lounge situated in the round living room that leads to all the different rooms. This place has provided more comfort than any place they stayed in for the past eight months and it hasn’t even been a whole twenty-four-hours. 

Felix breathes out a steady breath and drags his feet across the soft carpet, the softest thing he has felt under his feet in what he thinks is years.

The rooms back the facility were small, the beds thin and the mattress springy that dug into his spine every night. The mattress he slept on last night with Chan felt like he was sleeping in the soft embrace of a cloud. Scratchy sheets rubbed against his legs every night for years, and the carpet under his feet, rough. 

Mydar is a whole new sense of comfort in more one way. 

Felix presses the green button near the sliding doors and they open soundlessly. He steps through the doorway and heaves out a sigh. 

Mydar feels comforting in a way. The walls green, resembling the trees Felix had never been able to see until Chan and the others had broken him out. It’s peaceful. 

He turns a corner, and the walls open up, walls rounding until he’s standing inside a circle, the ceiling made of glass. People are already awake, some walking with small children, others carrying a basket of fresh produce. Felix wonders where they grow such nice looking crops up here. 

Felix merges in with the crowd, behind a mother with a toddler waddling next to her, clutching at her much larger hand. It brings a smile to Felix's lips. 

There’s an explosion of scents around him, then and Felix's stomach growls at him, his mouth-watering. 

A hand then grabs him around the wrist and Felix flinches as he’s pulled softly to them. 

“You might get lost and not be able to find your way back to your friends if you keep on going,” A soft voice fills his ears and Felix then meets soft hazel eyes staring at him. 

“Oh,” he breathes out in relief at her uniform, one of the nurses that had assisted the birth yesterday. 

“None of them are awake yet,” he replies gently. Her grip on his wrist falls and she nods her head. His stomach rumbles again and she laughs softly. Felix knows he’s staring then, his eyes wider and his mouth parted in shock because he just doesn’t remember the last time he’s seen a woman. 

Her head cocks to the side and Felix gulps, shaking his head. “I’m sorry… I just haven’t seen a lady in such a long time…” 

Her brows raise up then and her mouth opens but Felix's stomach cuts in again. “Why don’t I take you to the breakfast hall?” She suggests with a small laugh and Felix smiles gently before nodding. 

The hall is large, some parts separated with glass walls to keep out the sounds of thousands of conversations. Felix and the nurse end up in a rather empty section, and Felix is glad because the amount of noise is quite different from what he has become accustomed to over the moths it took them to arrive. 

“When you guys arrived,” The woman starts softly and Felix looks up at her over his bowl of steaming berry porridge, the spoon halfway in his mouth. Felix's tastes over the eight months of travelling through the wild had become used to the gamey taste of hunted meat, the deep earthy taste of any vegetable they found and now Felix's tongue is overwhelmed with the tastes of proper food. 

“It wasn’t the best… obviously but anyone could take one look at you all and realise you didn’t intend on harming us… your friend,” she gulps and Felix's grip around the warm wooden bowl tightens. “It was clear that you only wanted to get help,”

Felix swallows the food in his mouth and hums softly. 

She leans over the table slightly, sleek black hair flowing down her shoulders as she does. “But… you mentioned you haven’t seen a woman in a long time?” A frown marks her features. “What do you mean?” 

Felix heaves out a shaky breath. 

How did they not know of such a tragedy, Felix knows but it feels so wrong that no one else knows of the deadly disease that had almost wiped out the other continent. 

“The eight of us,” Felix drops his spoon into the bowl and takes in another deep breath. “We are not from this continent.” He starts and her lips part, obviously intrigued. 

“We spent eight months journeying to this place,” Felix huffs out a small chuckle because looking back, they hadn’t expected any of this. They didn’t even know if Mydar was real or not at the start, they didn’t know of the flutter inside of Jisung and they had never thought they’d enter Mydar with one reason instead of the one they had originally planned for. 

“Eight months…” her jaw drops. 

“There’s another colony, another settlement on that continent. They call it the Capital,” Felix's gaze drifts. “There’s a big city, technology is advanced… so advanced…” it sends a shiver down his spine. “The city is full of people… it seems rather amazing when you first look at it. People are well fed, jobs are available steadily, but if you look closer,” he blinks, looking back at her. 

“There’s a slum outside those tall walls that keep the city people inside safe. People live in mud huts, in a place where tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to anyone,” he stops briefly and she blinks softly. “Did you come from the slums, then…?”

Felix shakes his head. “I didn’t but Jisung did. Right in the middle of it, the worst place one could live. And how fair is that, living in such poor conditions when people inside the wall were fed, warm and slept well every night,” The nurse gulps. 

“Maybe it was karma?” Felix then whispers and he straightens his spine. “It was twelve years ago when a new disease was born. I don’t know where it came from, still to this day but it ruined everything in the Capital, in the slums. Maybe it destroyed the continent, who knows?”

The nurse leans away then, but Felix shakes his head. “I cannot carry the disease or catch it,” he tells her and she settles back into her previous position. 

“It killed all the women off like flies, anyone who was born with the curse of a womb. The infection spread so fast that it had claimed over hundreds of lives in not even a single week,” 

“What?” She whispers and then her eyes widen. “All the women are dead?” She hisses out and some people look over at them. Felix stiffens and shakes his head gently. “I do not know… I don’t think so some went into hiding, some homes were built to give them refuge away but I don’t know if they survived,”

“Then,” she gulps. “Humanity was being wiped out?” 

“The disease hasn’t lifted,” Felix replies. It is true. Even in the facility, Felix had heard news of women still suffering. 

“It was only months later that the government decided they needed to do something for the sake of humanity surviving,” Felix licks at his lips. 

“You were there when Jisung gave birth,” she nods, a frown between her brows. “I saw your face, how shocked you were to see him,” 

“I have delivered many babies in my life,” she pauses briefly. “I haven’t gotten your name yet,”

“Felix,” he replies quickly and she smiles. “Kaya,” 

“And no delivery I had helped with previously could even compare to what just happened… it was rather shocking, I cannot lie,” she admits and Felix nods, a small hum vibrating in his throat. 

“I am like that too,” Felix tells her softly and he watches as Kaya’s smile falls, shock marring across her face. 

“The government took young boys only three years after the disease broke out, finally figuring out how to make males carry without allowing us to contract the disease,” 

Kaya’s tan complexion has paled a fair bit in these past few seconds. Her lips purse and she gulps, hard. 

“Why… why would you say yes to such a thing?” She whispers in horror. Felix's lips purse because the question is so ironic because Jisung had never said yes to anything, hadn’t been able to say no, but he still yet was the first to have the first child born out of such… disgusting desperation. 

“We were in danger. Some of us thought it would be a good thing…” 

“And the others?” Felix's shoulders slump. “Some people aren’t as lucky as the others.” He answers simply and he can only see Jisung's empty eyes as he speaks. 

“It was deemed a good thing,” another voice joins and Felix smiles at Seungmin, Jeongin trailing right behind him. 

“We too are like Jisung and Felix.” 

“Are you all?” Kaya asks then, looking between the three of them. “The eight of you?” 

Felix shakes his head as his friends join him at the table. “The four of us only,”

“Ah… then how…?”

“It’s quite a story,” Jeongin tells her. “One will not tell unless someone agrees to speak about it,”  _ Jisung _ . 

“I don’t mean to be rude… but if you can fall pregnant shouldn’t Jisung have been more careful?” Her brows are tightly knit together and Felix finds himself mirroring her expression. “And the father?” 

“I do not think you understood…” Seungmin drawls out and she cocks her head. 

“Is the man with the baby, not the father? He didn’t sleep a wink in fear something would happen to her,” 

Felix lets out a small sob at the sudden information. Jisung has a daughter. The tiny flutter, a little tiny girl. Seungmin holds onto his hand while he breathes out heavily, too. 

“Minho isn’t the father,” Jeongin tells her. “He got pregnant in the facility,” her face falls and her eyes glaze over. “Oh,” her voice is weak. 

“I just assumed because he hasn’t left her side since we brought her in,” 

“And you let him stay without confirmation he’s the dad?” Jeongin frowns at her. Kaya puts her hands up and shakes them, “No, not at all! We did think he was, he didn’t say he was, but anyone could tell he’s with you guys and he seemed to have that fatherly heart to him,” 

Jeongin actually scoffs then and Felix almost joins him. 

“Minho, a fatherly heart?” Seungmin whispers and Kaya shrugs. “Well… when she finally cried I’ve never seen a new father breakdown like that,” 

And Felix's heart drops in his chest. “Minho?” 

Kaya looks at them, takes in all their expressions and a tiny smile pulls at her lips. “I’m taking it he’s not the most loving figure in your group,” 

“He tried to drown me in the lakes we washed up in,” Jeongin tells her and she snorts. 

“Ah, maybe you’ve unlocked his hidden affections,” 

And like that, it slaps Felix across the face. 

“No way,” he whispers and his friends look at him. He shares a worried look with them and then stands. “Can you show us where Minho is?” 

“Oh, of course!” Kaya stands and they follow her out of the hall. 

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin asks him. Felix purses his lips, “I think Minho's not okay,” 

“Why, because he’s suddenly showing a soft side?” Jeongin asks and then his face falls. “Yeah, okay that’s weird,” 

And when they enter the room, they find him slumped against the transparent shield that Jisung's daughter lays in, his eyes locked on her. 

Minho doesn’t even look up at them until they’re right next to him. 

“Is Jisung awake?” Minho asks in a gruff tone. 

“No,” Felix whispers. 

“Look at her,” Minho whispers out. “She’s so little,” Seungmin whispers in awe. Her nose looks like Jisung’s, the curve to the bridge to the nostrils and her lips are similar, but just fuller than her dads. Her eyes are closed, but Felix can make out long eyelashes that brush against her still red cheeks. 

Felix's heart clenches in his chest. 

“Can we talk Minho?” The oldest then looks up at them and Felix swallows at his reddened eyes, and the dark purple bags hanging heavy underneath his dropping eyes. 

Felix has never seen this side of Minho. So raw and openly drained of energy. Even throughout their journey, Minho had been one of the most resilient, next to Chan and Changbin. He had never wobbled on his feet or seemed to need a break. 

Minho was a formidable wall to anyone, but now Felix swears he can see right through him and he breathes, one and then twice because he seems so unfamiliar now. 

But Felix leans in, his lips hovering over his ear before he whispers,

“Do you like Jisung?”

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHH SO here we are!!! Chanlix has awakened god I've been so excited to finally write at least one ship getting together and here we are, getting there!! Again thank u all so much u guys make my week with all your lovely comments MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! 
> 
> have a lovely week!! see you next Sunday!!! <3333


	21. 20→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi theres talks of ableism in the last part but its not graphic at all but it is rather important just to show how this world works now

Minho's pupils quiver. 

That’s enough for Felix, for now at least. 

The blonde boy turns back to his friends and smiles softly. Their gazes are glued on the little baby, eyes sparkling in wonder. 

“Hey,” Felix whispers out gently. “Maybe you two should go check in on Jisung now?” Seungmin takes the hint quickly and gently tugs on Jeongin’s arm whose eyes continue to linger on the baby until Seungmin has dragged him out of sight. 

Felix's gaze returns to Minho who has sat a lighter straighter in his chair. His own eyes have lifted from the sleeping baby to Felix's face. Minho's own face is covered in that blank stare he has perfected and Felix feels himself shiver at the intensity of the elder's eyes. 

“The nurses think you’re the dad,” Felix begins and the corners of Minho's mouth purse, his brows furrowing. “I know,” he replies and his voice has a raspy edge to it as if it’s been dried out by cries. 

“Why didn’t you say that you weren’t?” Felix edges on and Minho's nose twitches, a telltale sign that he’s growing annoyed. 

“It wasn’t really the most important thing at the time, I thought,” Felix blinks at him and then sighs. 

“Minho…” He settles in the chair next to him finally and reaches out for one of his hands, but Minho flinches it away before he can grab it. “You know we have been travelling together for a long time… it’s not a bad thing you like him,"

Minho heaves in a deeper breath. “It makes sense I guess,” Felix shrugs his shoulders and then reaches out to massage at the elder's shoulders. Minho allows him this time. 

“I saw how you looked at him when you were working on the boat. Sometimes I saw how you’d stay awake when he’d sleep by you, that time he slept in your arms for the first time,” Felix sighs out as Minho's eyes shine. “How do you know all that?” Felix laughs, gently and smiles. “Jisung is my best friend… we have this connection and if you haven’t noticed Jisung is rather oblivious to feelings so someone has to try to understand what he’s feeling,” 

The shine in Minho's eyes fades suddenly. “But I do have to give it to you, I didn’t figure it out until the nurse said you cried over his kid,” His face hardens once more, his eyes piercing. 

“I didn’t—“ 

Felix shakes his head at him. “I don’t care Minho,” he breathes out and it sounds so tired that Minho's face softens slightly. “If you cried or not.” He finishes quietly. “You don’t have to admit it to me if you don’t want to, but after eight months together I think our bonds have strengthened enough to allow each other to know how we feel,” 

“I don’t talk about feelings,” Minho tells him and Felix stares at him for a few seconds. 

“What happened to you and Chan?” He breathes out, shaking his head. A frown dents its way into Minho's forehead. “What do you mean by that?” 

“Did you both decide to just not talk about anything, ever?” Minho blinks at him, Felix sighs louder this time. “You’ve been friends all your lives but have you never sat down and, you know, gone over all the feelings you have over the journey? Not at all during the eight months?” 

“I don’t see why we should have,” Minho mutters and Felix's mouth parts in slight shock. 

“Chan cried all last night,” That gains his attention. Felix isn’t an idiot at all. By the red-rimmed eyes and his darkening eye sockets and chapped lips, he knows Minho has been crying for more than a few hours at least.

A knot forms deep in Minho's brows. “Is he…is he okay now…?” 

“See?” Felix raises his brows and tilts his head to the side. “It’s human nature to feel, Minho. That doesn’t make you weak or whatever you think it does,” 

Minho breathes in, his usual grimace returning. “Is Chan okay?” 

“And that, too. Chan is your best friend, right? So why haven’t you asked him instead?” 

“Because I came here instead,” Minho hisses and Felix's body temperature spikes at the sudden aggression in the elder. “Chan is fine by the way,” Felix finally answers and he can see some heat redact from Minho. “What I meant is why you never talked to each other during the eight months.” 

Minho blinks, his gaze faltering. 

“When my mother died,” his voice sounds heavy like he’s reliving the times where he watched his mother die.

Jisung had reminded him of his mother's painful death. The blood, the heat radiating from his skin, but where her womb had been poisoned by the unknown disease, Jisung's was bursting with life waiting to be born. 

“Both Chan and I lost the only maternal figure we had,” Felix listens, even when Minho stops, taking deeper breaths every now and then. 

“Times were hard. We were the working class, the middle class you could say I guess. We lived by working, feeding ourselves by our hard work to sow seeds, harvest crops. We were needed there but when she left… by such a horrific death we had both become lost. My father was a good man,  _ is _ a good man, but we were older than you, aware that the disease was going to do much more than just kill women. So we ran away, desperate to make our own path, to find something that was worth living in such a desolate world.” Minho's head whips as soon as he hears a shuffle, but he returns his attention back to Felix after seeing a nurse exit the room. 

“It was live through this all, die anyways in the end and that was it, or fight for something, find a place somewhere,” Minho gulps. “Chan told me about the institution one night, under the stars in the wild. It sounded at first as if it could be a solution, but the more I thought, the more my stomach churned and the more I dreamt about young boys locked away… I was eleven when Chan and I first thought about breaking you guys out,” 

“What…” Felix whispers. 

“But we were nothing more than children. When I got sick, we realised we were nothing to the world anymore, but children that would grow up into adults and die without a cause because there was no more hope for life. We came back and we dropped the plans because we were stupid children that had gone off with hope. And there was no use for hope in a world so broken,” 

“You’ve lost hope…” Felix mutters, eyes wide and glossy. 

“But… Jisung's had a baby, doesn’t that change things?” 

“They broke him,” Minho grits out. “They may have succeeded in finding a way to up the population again, but who’s to say it’ll be sufficient, what if the disease mutates? Jisung doesn’t know what hope is, fuck he doesn’t even know how to process his emotions,” 

“What about Mydar…?” Felix gestures around them and Minho sighs, shrugging. “There are women here…” 

“It’s not just about women, Felix,” Minho purses his lips. “This world has been doomed from the start. All the wars, the Great War, the separations of civilisations, governments. God the fucking governments. Did you know what ours did? Do you know how many people they murdered on the streets, anywhere because they answered a question with the wrong word?” 

Felix blinks at him. 

“You think they’re all going to be corrupt and nasty?” 

“Well, I’ve only grown up seeing one fucked up government. I can’t see others being rather positive,” he scoffs. 

“Then… what if we stayed here?” Minho raises a brow at him before his face falls. “You can’t seriously think they’re going to let us stay here after we almost killed all their guards?” Felix winces at his words. 

“I… maybe the leader will be very merciful?” 

“God, you really do have a lot of hope,” 

“And now I have the answer to why you’re such a pessimist,” Felix shoots back, but he softens quickly. 

“Why haven’t you come to see Jisung?” 

Minho points to the baby and Felix cocks his head. “She’s not going anywhere,”

“She’s all alone if I’m not here with her,” Felix's heart warms at the usually cold man's words. Minho's eyes shine looking over at her. Felix doesn’t fight his smile. 

They spend time just staring at her through the glass. Felix traces her profile with his eyes over and over again until Minho breaks the silence.

“I was scared,” Minho's bottom lip then wobbles. He catches it between his teeth. “When my mother died she bleed out just like he did, feverish and her womb was so inflamed she looked nine months pregnant,” 

Felix's heart drops in his chest and realises that Minho's desperation to help Jisung just wasn’t stemmed from his growing affections for him but because of his own traumatic experiences. 

“I wanted to stay with him. I remember the day she first moved inside in him and he cried in my arms, saying that they were alive, alive, alive… Jisung means a lot to me and because of that I just knew he would want someone here because he loves her so much… even if he doesn’t really know what that is, I can see it. I saw it in his eyes when he found out about her growing inside him. I’ve seen it all, Felix…” 

And he breaks out into tears, allowing Felix's warm arms to envelop him. 

“Jisung is hope,” Minho cries out. “And I will not give up on him,” 

→

“She’s so tiny,” Jeongin gushes. “Did you see her tiny fingers? I didn’t know babies were that tiny!” 

Seungmin gives the younger a smile. “That's because she was born early, she’s extra tiny,” 

Jeongin ducks his head in a bow to the nurse in front of the medical ward. Her eyes narrow at them. “Names? Identification? Name of patient you are visiting?” 

Seungmin gulps underneath her judgemental gaze. 

“Uhhh… Kim Seungmin and Yang Jeongin. We’re looking for Han Jisung?” Her eyes narrow at them. “No ID’s?”

Jeongin grits his teeth. “We arrived yesterday,” he tells her and she raises a brow at them, eyes raking over their bodies. “Ah,” she murmurs. “The ones who broke in,” 

“We just want to see our friend,” Seungmin tries again, his tone softer. 

She mutters something under her breath that Jeongin fumes at, but Seungmin slips his hand into his and squeezes it tightly. “Go in,” She grunts out while giving them both a harsh glare. 

“I think we deserved that?” Seungmin whispers and Jeongin pouts but hums. 

A nurse at the front desk inside the ward gives them directions to where Jisung's room is because neither of them can remember where they had run yesterday in the flurry of panic to save him and his baby. 

Seungmin reaches a hand out to open the door to the room but he halts his movements when his ears pick up the whispering voices of what sounds like Hyunjin. 

Jeongin raises a brow at him and Seungmin halts for a few more seconds before he moves. 

“So that’s why you guys looked tense around each oth—“ Changbin cuts himself off when the door opens. 

“You guys are awake already, too?” Seungmin hums at Hyunjin's question. He gives them both a brief smile before going back to attaching a new drip in Jisung's hand. 

“How is he?” Jeongin settles near the bed, fingers bushing over Jisung's long lashes that brush by his under-eyes. 

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” Hyunjin informs them with a tired smile. Hyunjin stayed with him overnight, making sure that his fever was lifting and his haemorrhaging stopped. “He continued to haemorrhage after the birth but we managed to calm it down… he’ll still bleed though… postpartum things. We just have to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand again. His fever still hasn’t broken either,”

“When do you think he might wake up?” Jeongin questions. Jisung looks peaceful, sleeping soundlessly. Although he is still regaining colour and his tiredness and sickness shows, Jeongin has never seen him look so at ease. 

“Hopefully in the next few days,” Hyunjin says. He looks back up at the both of them and smiles gently. Changbin settles beside Seungmin, snaking a muscled arm around his waist. “Did you guys go and see the baby?”

Jeongin smiles wide and nods. “She’s so tiny…” 

Hyunjin's lips lift into a smile. “Jisung did have her,” He slyly comments and Seungmin’s eyes float down to the male in mention. A fond smile etches its way across his face. Jisung has always been the smallest out of them all, structure-wise. Changbin wasn’t tall himself but packed on muscle and a broader frame where Jisung hadn’t. 

“I think she looks like him, I can’t really tell because she’s so new,” Hyunjin just smiles fondly at Seungmin’s words. “I didn’t really get to look at her,” he sighs softly and Changbin pats his back,

The door opens again and Felix pokes his head in, a soft smile edging at the corners of his lips. 

“Someone,” he says. “Has finally decided to show up,” 

Minho walks in after him, grumbling under his breath. 

“Nice to see you again,” Jeongin waves at him and Minho rolls his eyes at him. Hyunjin eyes him down, to his reddened eyes, dishevelled hair and the dark circles under his eyes.

“You look exhausted,” Hyunjin tells him and Minho flips him off with a grimace. “We all are, it’s not such a surprise,” Changbin murmurs and Seungmin nods along to his words

“I thought you wouldn’t leave her side until you got the news that Jisung woke,” Changbin admits and Minho shrugs at him. “The nurse is feeding her at the moment,” Minho tells them. “I’m going back.” 

“At least shower? Eat?” Minho hums and brushes his fingers over Jisung's knuckles. “Will he wake soon?” 

Hyunjin breathes out and shrugs himself. “Depends on how fast his body can recover. It could be days, could be tomorrow,” Minho lets out a shaky breath and just as he goes to open his mouth, the door to the room is thrust open, harshly and a panting Chan runs in, clearly panicked. 

“Chan?” 

The eldest stands there, gulping and his eyes flicker to everyone around the room. 

“I just,” He swallows thickly. “I woke up alone and no one was there… I thought…” Felix is there by his side then, hand reaching out for his own. Chan grips it harder, squeezing it. 

Chan has always had rather amazing timing so when not mere minutes later after Felix helps him to calm his racing heart, there’s a knock on the door and then it opens to two women in pale green and yellow dresses, hands held tightly together. Felix squeezes Chan's hand tighter. 

“Here you all are,” Fern speaks and Chan stands taller, nodding. 

“We have come to talk,” 

“I wouldn’t have expected you to come to ask us to dinner,” Chan grits out and the curly-haired woman next to Fern chuckles lightly. Chan doesn’t comment on it. 

“Your friend I see is alive,” 

“Yes,” Chan says through clenched teeth. She seems calm but she talks with arrogance and it’s rather hostile. “Good,” She breathes out through her nose loudly. “That would complicate things if he had died,” 

Chan doesn’t say anything but Minho steps forwards to her, eyes fuming and his fists clenched by his sides. Seungmin gently pulls him back to Jisung's side instead. 

“Something, when I was writing the reports of yesterdays incident, came to me,” Fern stalks around the room, a dominating behaviour. No one dares to move and Chan spots the gleaming green of guards stationed outside the door. “And what was that, Your Grace?” Her plush lips pull up into a smirk and she settles in front of Chan. The eldest has slowly shuffled Felix behind him, shielding the rest of his friends behind him. 

“I was being nice yesterday, I was pitying you enough to not ask you any questions but when I think about it something just doesn’t match up.” 

“Are you here to clear up our situation or to make us into prisoners?” Chan presses on and the leader shrugs her shoulders. “It depends on how you answer my questions, doesn’t it?”

“Mydar is a relatively new colony. Less than two hundred years old. This colony has only been around since after the Great War,” she raises a brow at them. 

“You’re asking where we are from? How we knew about Mydar?” Minho steps forwards, ignoring Chan's cue for him to fall back. Fern eyes him up and down again and hums. “Certainly,” 

“We are not from this land,” Minho tells her. Chan wants to cut in but Minho stands so tall, formidable in the presence of a figure that could kill them all if she chose to. Minho was never known to be a coward to anyone who knew of him, but to the people that really knew him always thought his ego and bravery would get him into trouble one day. Chan was one of them. But he doesn’t stop Minho from stepping down because he sees it in her eyes, how they sparkle at his presence, the way his aura is suddenly towering over her own, dwarfing her power. Fern wanted this, to rip into them to see their true strength and motives. 

“We travelled for eight months, over land and sea to arrive on this land. We didn’t mean for all this to happen,” he gestures back to Jisung. “And as for how we knew about Mydar’s existence, you’d have to ask him because the whole journey we didn’t know if we were going to even end up in a settlement or just some barren wasteland,” 

Fern cocks a brow and turns her gaze to Chan, then gazes around the room. 

“You journeyed for eight months to a place you didn’t know even existed?” She scoffs at them and frowns. “Insanity,”

“Desperation,” Minho growls back. That flicker of pleasure in her eyes shines again. Chan grips Felix's hand tighter.

“Insanity runs in my family,” Chan then speaks up. He looks up at Fern, his gaze unmoving as she comes to hover over him. “Ah,” she mumbles. 

“But we were desperate enough to agree to travel all the way here. We had decided that and gone alone with it even after discovering that one of us was pregnant, even though we knew it would be inevitable that we’d be slowed down by that, we kept on going,” 

A small frown appears between her soft brows, obviously intrigued as to just why they were so desperate. Chan wouldn’t tell her until Jisung wakes and gives his consent to share their story.

“You eight are something else, I must say. Stupid. So stupid, but rather admirable…” 

“You want to know how we knew about Mydar? Why we weren’t sure it was even real?” Chan presses on and that sly smile returns. “Of course,” 

“My Grandmother hailed from this place. She was born here, raised into adulthood,” The shorter, curly-haired woman settles by Fern’s side, her head cocked in interest. “Until she was banished,” 

Fern lets out a small chuckle. “There have only been two people in existence to ever be banished from Mydar’s walls. The murderous woman that killed for her own pleasure an—“

“And the woman who was kicked out for being a bad omen,” Chan finishes off for her. Fern raises an eyebrow at him before her face falls. 

“You surely cannot—“ 

“Your grandfather kicked her out of this colony with nothing but a bundle that she carried just because they began to fear her she was a bad omen to your colony. The death of the past leader, the deaths of your siblings—“ Fern reaches for his throat. 

Minho comes quickly, his own broader hand wrapping around her throat and pushing her away. 

“Fern!” The other woman shrieks.

“She wasn’t a fucking bad omen, she was trying to tell people the things she saw, why the leaders were dying—“ 

“We caught them,” Fern spits at him. “Before I was even born,” 

“How?” He asks her even though he already knows exactly how. 

“There was—“

“A family residence covered in lily of the valleys?” Fern blinks at him. “Poisonous when digested by humans,” Chan concludes. “My grandmother worked as a kitchen aid before her banishment. She was trying to warn you but no one was nice to her because she couldn’t talk,” 

The leader of Mydar is helped back to her feet by the smaller woman who clutches tightly onto her waist. 

“She was never insane, she was smart. She knew when no one else did but everyone eventually led her to her own demise because she then believed she was insane, that Mydar didn’t exist but was a fragment of her imagination,”

Fern presses her lips together. “We are over that event. The past belongs in the past—“

“That’s not my main concern right now. They’re all dead now, what’s the point?” Felix breathes in deeply, rubbing a thumb over Chan's knuckles. “I didn’t know if Mydar was real or not because my own grandmother didn’t believe her own mind. But in her diary, I found the coordinates, the landmarks on the way from her journey to the Capital and I believed it enough to have hope. Mydar was nothing more than a fable of humans living in a floating paradise, a known bedtime story to others but that was enough for me to have enough hope this place was real,” 

“Then,” Fern gulps her strong persona weakening. “Why the hell would you be so desperate to reach this place?” 

Chan shakes his head at her. “For that,” he says. “We’re going to need everyone awake,” 

Fern bites down at her lip, eyes flickering to Jisung, then back up to Chan and the rest of them.

“Then,” she sucks in a deep breath of air. “We will have to finish this conversation when he is awake,” 

“That’s it?” Minho hisses at her. The smaller woman hisses back at him but Fern just chuckles gently. “I don’t believe eight young men would spend eight months coming here if they were a threat,” She tries to smile. “I must apologise for my earlier behaviour, I had thought you were spies of some sort,”

“Have you ever seen a pregnant spy enter their target in labour?” Minho deadpans and the corner of her mouth twitches. 

“Perhaps there’s a first for everything?”

Chan is reminded of the first time Jisung showed interest in something when Chan taught him about revolutions as she speaks. He remembers his face illuminated by orange flames, absorbed in deep thought.

Chan shivers, a wicked thought poisoning his mind.  _ No _ . Chan clenches his fists and breathes, but his mind his racked with Jisung's fiery eyes.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !!! a special early chapter to celebrate my birthday!!! i love updating probably as much as u guys enjoy reading this so I'm so happy to post this early!! there will be a chapter on Sunday as well!! i love you guys and thank you for making my weeks brighter with your lovely words I'm over the moon!! i love writing and i enjoying sharing it even more!!
> 
> I'm looking forward to the rest of this year and all the projects I'm going to share with you!! thank you guys for making me feel so loved I'm just so happy :DDD💓
> 
> also this chapter is one of my favourites just bc Minho my god... he's coming in hot now so get ready for the rest of this wild ride!!


	22. 21→

The darkness is comforting, calming and when it lifts Jisung is met with pain once again. 

His bones feel heavy, moving feels like an impossible task, but he manages to shift and when his eyes blink open, soft green walls and dim light greet him. A groan passes out of his dry lips and there’s a shuffle of movement before Jisung's gazing into Minho's eyes. 

“Hi,” he whispers and Jisung heaves a deep breath through his nose. 

“I feel like shit,” He croaks out and Minho's lips twitch before he hums, passing him a cup of water. “You did go through quite a lot,” 

Jisung is honestly rather surprised to see Minho here with him of all people. He had guessed it to be anyone but him, really. He was the most distant, but when Jisung thinks about it, it’s always been Minho by his side in times like these. 

“You look tired,” he mutters to him after taking in his pointed features. The bags under his eyes are heavy and turning a dark purple, his own lips chapped. Minho just smiles gently and gestures to him. “I didn’t just have a whole human exit my body,” Jisung cringes a little at his words, but his mind finally lands on the thing he had been so desperate for before he fell into the darkness. 

“My baby,” he gulps, his fingers tighten around the glass he had been drinking from. Minho's eyes twinkle in the dim lighting and Jisung reaches out to grip at his arm, his eyes wide in anticipation. He hadn’t heard a cry, hadn’t been able to see that face he’s been wondering about for so long. 

Minho sucks in a deep breath and nods, a smile painting across his lips. 

“You have a daughter,” he tells him and Jisung sucks in a deep breath before a whimper comes from the back of his throat, his round brown eyes filling with tears. Jisung remembers his promise from the very same night he had discovered her and he clutches onto the sheets before his head lulls forwards to rest against Minho's shoulder. 

The elder tenses for a split second before he moves closer, sitting on the edge of the bed so he can hold him better. Minho's heart thumps hard in his chest as he thinks about just how Jisung might feel. He was there when he realised he was doomed to a fate he had tried his best to run from, but he was there to watch as Jisung slowly accepted it and grew to even love it as best as he could. Minho's bottom lip trembles and he catches it with his teeth, blinking his tears away. 

He wouldn’t let Jisung see him cry. No. 

“She’s so small. They say she’s allowed to be held, though,” Jisung perks up, still caring but he looks right at him. “You’ve stayed with her?” His eyes shine and Minho gulps, his grip on him loosening. He blinks a few times before nodding softly, getting over his hesitation. 

“I thought you would’ve liked someone to,” Jisung's bottom lip wobbles and he grabs the hem of Minho's shirt before his head hits his chest. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Because Jisung words that he spoke in the middle of the still nights, words that Minho hasn’t forgotten, he had stayed. Even though his exhaustion Minho stayed, thinking what Jisung would do as he watched the baby. 

“Because of overmorrow,” Minho murmurs back and Jisung pulls back to look up at him. Minho swallows. 

“You said that you want to make a better overmorrow for your kid to be born into,”

Jisung breathes in, his tears finally easing. “Would you want to build a better overmorrow with me?”

Minho's heart races in his chest, hard and fast. 

Jisung stares up at him while Minho's mind circuits. His mouth opens, and his eyelids flutter. 

“I would never say no,” Minho tells him in a whisper.

Jisung's blood heats and a small smile flickers across his face. But then his stomach churns with anxiety. Because Minho doesn’t know what he had truly meant behind his words. But that’s what Jisung has wanted all along. Even that night in the cave he’s been craving that madness of destruction. 

Jisung will get it. There’s no other answer. Jisung will get that destruction whether Minho stands by him or not. 

Minho shuffles away from him, the tips of his ears red but when Jisung moves to make himself comfortable, his hands press against his chest, his cheeks reddening and his eyes wider than usual. 

“Jisung? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Minho leans across the bed to look at his face. His brows are knitted together and his eyes shine with worry. “I… It didn’t occur to me this would happen,” Minho blinks dumbly at him. 

His eyes flicker to his hands that are pressed against his chest, to his red cheeks and Minho's own face goes red when he realises the cause of Jisung's embarrassment. 

“Should I call for Hyunjin?” He whispers and Jisung shakes his head no. “A nurse.” He murmurs out. “A nurse, please,” 

Jisung is mildly humiliated when the nurse arrives. She has a kind smile and explains things slowly but it doesn’t ease the burning of cheeks. Minho quietly sits in the corner of the room while the nurse talks to him. She takes out his iv then, too after making sure he’s recuperated enough. 

She leaves around ten minutes later, leaving Jisung with a small contraption of some sort, a clean robe that she helps him with. Jisung is left burning red by the time she’s gone.

“Why is this embarrassing?” He mutters to Minho when he comes to settle back on the bed. Minho hums and looks at whatever is in Jisung's lap. “It was quite an entrance I’d imagine. I don’t remember much, but I almost gave birth in the fucking entrance but my body doing this is the thing I’m embarrassed about?” 

“You’re doing very well, considering,” Minho tells him and Jisung gives him a soft smile. It’s silent for a bit until Jisung speaks up. 

“I never really paid much attention when I was in the institution,” He admits softly. Minho's eyes flicker back to his face, staying, waiting for him to go on. “I didn’t know why I needed to listen to everything they told me when I had no say in it. Maybe they had mentioned it briefly, or maybe it was just bound to happen… I don’t know. All the hormones they pumped into me could have something to do with it maybe?” Jisung sighs loudly but then he frowns, deeply. 

“But I had a baby, right?” Minho nods at him. “So… that’s why,” 

“Does it… does it repulse you?” Minho asks slowly Jisung bites down on his bottom lip and huffs in thought. 

“I don’t like it of course… but I definitely don’t hate my baby... it isn’t her fault even though she caused all these reactions,” he purses his lips and sighs loudly. “I think I can come to accept it... but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make amends with myself...”  
  
“That won’t be easy,” Minho comments and Jisung nods. “But maybe that’s better than hating myself for something I couldn’t control?”   
  
Minho breathes in, his fingers brushing over the soft skin on his hand. 

“But…” Jisung then whispers, eyes shining like roaring flames that Minho has missed so much. “I want to see her,”   
  
Minho sits straighter and his heart thumps in anticipation for that moment that he had been waiting for ever since he heard her cry for the first time. 

“Take me to her?” Jisung reaches out for his hand and Minho gladly accepts it. His hand is smaller in his, thinner and softer whereas Minho's hands have been worked since he was a kid. Calloused and board in comparison to Jisung's hands that done nothing but twiddle for seven long years.

Jisung swings his legs off the bed and with Minho's help, gets himself on his two feet. 

“Oh,” his brows furrow and he looks up at Minho who watches him with a soft concerned gaze. He takes a small step and Minho reacts quickly, slinging an arm around his waist as his legs give out, pain shooting like fire through his body. 

“Oh fuck!” Jisung hisses through gritted teeth. Jisung's hair tickles Minho's cheek and he then realises how close they are. Minho can feel his breathing against his face. He stands up straight again, his arm not moving from Jisung's waist. 

“I don’t think I’m going to forget this pain quite soon,” he speaks through gritted teeth. “God, I almost bleed out but I remember that pain of getting her out,” 

“I don’t think it would be pleasant,” Minho mumbles. “Felt like fucking fire,” Jisung tells him. He looks back into his eyes and juts out his bottom lip. 

“I’m going to see her,” Jisung says his chin lifting higher. “Could you ask a nurse for some he—“ Jisung cuts himself off with a squeak as Minho bends, his other hand gripping the back of his knees and lifting him swiftly into his arms. Jisung clutches onto his shoulder while he stares at him with big eyes. 

“Perhaps a warning would’ve been nice,” he tells him and Minho can only chuckle softly. Jisung settles into his frame and Minho swallows hard just hoping his heart won’t betray him and give him away.

“You know,” Jisung speaks as they exit the room. Nurses and doctors turn to look at them and Minho feels Jisung tense in his hold. He tilts his head, hiding it in the junction of his neck and shoulder. Minho stares them down and not one dares to question where he’s taking him. 

“Every time you’ve picked me up, something bad was about to happen,” Jisung whispers and Minho snorts softly. “Do you think I’m walking us to our impending doom?”   
  
“Dunno,” Jisung replies softly. “You threw us both of a cliff the first time.” 

“And then running to Mydar,” Minho mutters and he gets a hum from Jisung. “How long have we even been here? How long was I out?” 

“We got here two days ago. You’ve been out for two days. It’s late in the night now,” Jisung doesn’t reply for a few minutes until he sighs.  
  
“I like the colours,” Jisung comments as they walk. Minho occasionally bumps buttons with his hip that open doors. “It’s much nicer than the facility…” 

“I think they have a thing for trees,” Minho chuckles. “The shape of this fucking place is a tree, even,"  
  
“Trees are cool,” Jisung shoots back. 

Minho bumps into the last button and sucks in a deep breath. “Are you ready?”

“I waited eight months,” Jisung tells him as he lifts his head from his shoulder. “I want to see my daughter,” Minho smiles, wide and Jisung stares for a bit, a little taken back from the brightness he had just erupted with.

Minho shuffles forwards until they reach a nurse in front of a little glass bubble. She turns when they near and smiles at Minho before her brows lift when she notices Jisung. 

“Oh?”  
  
“I want to see my baby,” Jisung tells her firmly. Her mouth parts and she nods quickly. “Of course!” She looks at Minho for a moment, frowning gently. She hadn’t gotten the memo yet that Minho wasn’t the father. Minho just hopes she’ll keep her mouth shut.

Minho slowly bends down and helps Jisung back to his feet. He keeps his hold on him steady, allowing Jisung to hold onto his hand when he grunts in pain. The nurse scoots out of the way, allowing a clear view of the tiny sleeping baby inside. 

“You can hold her if you want to?”  
Jisung doesn’t answer. His eyes are glued to her tiny body. Minho clutches his hands tighter when he feels him tremble. His eyes map out her profile, dipping at the curve of her small nose, little red lips. 

“She’s beautiful,” He whimpers out, voice shaky and soft. Minho has never heard this tone from him, but it makes his heart so warm and full of something he even doesn’t know how to pinpoint. “She’s yours,” Minho whispers to him. Jisung eyes flicker to him and Minho’s heart squeezes in his chest. Not in pain like he had been used to over the eight months of knowing Jisung and travelling, but with the warm feeling of satisfaction… of what Minho thinks might be love. 

“Mine…” He watches as his hand falls to his abdomen where it settles for a few seconds before he presses it to the glass. “My daughter,” 

Minho nods at him, slow and gentle and he watches as his teeth pull in his bottom lip and how his brows knit together tightly. Minho pulls him to his chest in time as he lets out his first sob. 

He holds him tight, firm enough to remind him of his presence but gentle enough that he can still move in his hold. 

He cries for a while, sobbing and muttering things under his breath that Minho can’t quite catch but he guess all the same. All the things he had said in the cave, those whispering promises that had first cast Minho’s body into a block of frozen limbs now turns his blood into a soft simmer of warmth.

Jisung pulls away, eyes red and the skin around those fiery eyes swelling. Minho reaches out to wipe his tears from his face, now knowing from these past few days that leaving them there will itch and burn at his skin. 

“Do you want to hold her now?” Minho asks him in the gentlest whisper he can manage. 

The apprehension is so clear across Jisung’s face that the warmth that had soared in his veins cools a bit to turn into sorrow. 

Jisung doubts himself even after all these months of constantly allowing himself to bond with his unborn child but now, in her presence all his fears and worry are etching at the surface and Minho has seen him conflicted before but the waves of emotion that cast over his face almost give him whiplash now. 

“I... what if I’m not good enough?” He mutters tiredly and Minho’s heart cracks tight then. 

“Hey,” his hands are still holding him up and he pats them down his side tenderly. 

“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again. You’re going to get through this all. With me. With the rest of us,” 

Jisung’s bottom lip wobbles but he nods, not coming back with a pessimistic remark as he usually does. Maybe because he really wants to believe that this time?

“Then...” he turns to the nurse that stands awkwardly a few meters away. “Can I hold my baby now?” 

  
And nothing has ever made Minho's heart feel so full when Jisung holds his tiny daughter for the first time. 

When the nurses had asked him if he wanted to hold her, he wanted so badly to say yes. He wanted to cradle her fragile body and stare at her little face without a barrier between them. But Minho had given them a firm no because there was no way he’d allow himself to cuddle her before Jisung had the chance. Minho had given Jisung the comfort of knowing he had stayed with her, giving him the peace of mind but he wouldn’t ever step over a line they hadn’t even created. 

The moment she was settled in his arms, Jisung breaks out into tears once more. Muffled sobs escaping his throat while Minho runs a soothing hand down his back. 

She squirms in his hold, her little tiny feet kicking up. She’s just bigger than the length of Jisung’s forearm, but Minho knows she’d fit perfectly in a single arm of his. Minho watches for minutes that turns into hours as Jisung gazes down at his tiny creation with so much love swimming in his eyes. 

And those feelings Minho has tried to suppress crawl back up inside of him, making camp right inside the walls of his heart.

  
→

  
Jisung has a hard time leaving his daughter, but the night is deep and Minho's own eyes are dropping looking art Jisung nodding off, his daughter already asleep. 

He looks up at Minho, eyes wide and shining. “Would you… hold her?” Minho's eyes widen a fraction but he nods, firmly and Jisung manages a tired smile. 

“Hold her head,” Jisung whispers as Minho bends, his arms tucking underneath her tiny body. Minho looks up at him just as her warmth slides into his hold. Jisung eyes gleam and Minho can’t fight the smile that blooms across his face. 

Jisung holds his breath as Minho stands, his tiny daughter cradled safely in his muscled arms. Jisung's heart thumps. 

Minho gazes down at her with fondness in his eyes and Jisung fights the tears this time. 

Jisung grips the sides of the chair and hauls himself to his feet. Minho's eyes are fixed on him as he does, but they float back down to the baby. Jisung grips the sides of the green robe and swallows thickly. Minho looks good with a tiny baby in his strong arms and something swirls in Jisung's stomach. 

“They forced a drug into me before they got me pregnant,” Jisung then says. Minho's cheek brushes by the babe's soft hair as he focuses his eyes on him. Jisung's eyes fall to his sleeping daughters face, a soft smile paints itself over his lips. 

Minho waits for him to speak. He stays quiet, relishing in the warmth of the tiny body he’s finally holding. 

“And after that, the little sleep I ever got was plagued by nightmares of losing babies I hadn’t ever had. They wanted to awaken something inside of me, so I could love them as a mother would. Bonded before birth,” Minho swallows the rock building up in his throat. Jisung reaches out and cups her face with one hand 

“That is what they claimed anyways.” Jisung lips quiver but he breathes his next words out. “I carried her. I made her but they expected me to be a monster that wouldn’t love a child that I had spent all my energy on growing… and I know without being tampered with such horrible things I would love her just as much as I do now,”

Minho takes a step closer, close enough for Jisung to be able to brush by his daughter. His fingers gently trace over her soft face. Minho reaches out his free arm to wipe a tear that rolls down Jisung's cheek. 

“I would’ve died for her if that is what it came to,” 

Minho's breathing halters.

“I would have told everyone what it is I wish to do. I know I would’ve because I started to do that, Minho. I thought I was going to die when we arrived…”

Minho's hand lingers against his skin, fingertips taking in the smooth surface. “But I held on, not just for her but because I need to see it happen, I will not give in until I see it,” 

Minho hums in response. Jisung frowns at him, cocking his head to the side as he looks up at him. 

“Are you not going to ask what it is I want?” 

Minho takes a step around Jisung, opens the door to the incubator she’s been staying in and ever so gently places her in, making sure the blankets underneath her are smoothed out for her comfort. Jisung reaches out to touch the underside of her foot. Her toes curl around his fingertip instinctively and Jisung bites down on his bottom lip. 

“If you wanted people to know about what you want, you would’ve said it before you thought you were dying,” Minho replies as he shuts her crib. The nurse wanders back over to them and Minho reaches out for Jisung's arm before gently bundling him into a hug. 

“What’s this for?” The younger whispers. Minho breathes in his scent, not terribly pleasing since he hasn’t ben able to wash unlike the rest of them, but it's oddly comforting to Minho. It reminds him of those days where Jisung would smile at him as he worked on the boat, the nights where he would occasionally snuggle up to him. The night where he had first felt the fluttering movement when he had cried to Minho that his baby was alive. 

“For being so strong,” Minho praises him quietly. “For being yourself,” Jisung pulls back to look up into his eyes. 

“Then I think we should thank everyone else in the morning,” Jisung mutters and Minho can’t help the fond smile. Jisung doesn’t understand the hidden meaning underneath his words and Minho is glad in a way, because they’ve all been through too much— Jisung especially and Minho's own selfish desire for him will not get in the way of this crucial healing time. 

Jisung’s emotional intelligence is stunted— not his fault at all, but Minho will not take advantage of that. Never. 

Jisung needs time. To grow as a person, to figure out what his purpose is, how to express himself without harming himself or others and Minho will not sabotage any of that. 

That flickering ember that is Jisung will one day roar, Minho will make sure of that. But Minho has vowed to himself to be the water, easing the pain that might come with such glorious burning. 

Minho lifts him slowly, his body groaning at the effort. He hasn’t slept much more than a wink since the baby was born and he’s beginning to feel it.

“That we can do,” 

Jisung hums, quiet and low in his throat

“I’ll take you back, yeah?” 

“Not the medical ward?” Jisung asks hopefully and Minho hums. “The nurse said you were able to come back when she left,” Minho tells him and Jisung nods his head at him. 

“She did,” Jisung confirms and Minho gives him a small smile with a gentle hum before setting off to their new living quarters. 

It’s still unknown how long they have to stay there, they could get kicked out tomorrow after having the discussion with everyone present and the unknown makes Minho's stomach churn. But the baby, she had to stay here, to become strong enough to breathe by herself… Minho would tear down the whole of Mydar if the leader chose for them to leave. 

“You have your own room… but there’s two beds,” Minho tells him as he bumps his hip against a button. Jisung looks up at him and he looks rather relieved. “We thought with the baby you might want some help through the night?” 

“Oh… so more than one sleep deprived person,” Minho rolls his eyes as they step into the home. “Better than you never being able to rest. You lost a lot of blood. You still need to sleep as well as you can,” 

“I guess so,” his speech is softer, slower and Minho's own exhaustion makes his speech feel too heavy for his tongue to continue. 

He gets the door open to Jisung's room, ignores the stars twinkling brightly in the sky in turn for focusing on getting Jisung and then his own ass into bed. 

Jisung snuggles up in the sheets as soon as Minho gently sets him down. Minho's thigh bumps into the bassinet on the side of his bed— that wasn’t there in the morning— and grunts softly. Jisung notices and hums, reaching a soft hand to press against the throbbing bruise. Minho's eyes widen a fraction and he stills. His blood soars in his veins and he clenches his fists, willing his blood to cool back down.

“She will sleep right there…” he whispers, voice trailing off and when his hand falls limp, giving in to the temptation of sleep, Minho breathes. 

Without another second to waste, Minho bundles himself up in the sheets of the bed across the wall and as soon as his head hits the pillow—a luxury none of them have had in almost a year— Minho too gives in to the lull of sleep.

→

  
Chan stares at Jisung who’s still bundled up in his bed. 

“Are you feeling okay?” He asks him slowly and Jisung breathes out and shrugs. “I’m tired and I can’t walk by myself and,” his cheeks flush bright and he grabs something from the bedside table beside him and quickly hides it underneath the sheets. “Rather sore,”

Minho stirs in the other bed and groans out, throwing a pillow at Chan who just grunts and catches it. 

“Could you give us a second?” Jisung whispers to Chan who points back at Minho, rather surprised. 

“Oh, yeah sure,” he nods his head after Jisung confirms he does want to be alone with Minho for a bit. “Minho can come get you when we’re done,”

“Okay,” he whispers as he sneaks back out of the room. 

“Help,” Jisung hisses as soon as Minho sits up in bed. One arm had somehow come out of his shirt during the night, but Jisung doesn’t pay that any mind. He grips at Minho's arm and hisses, “I’ve never had to pee so bad in my life,” Minho stifles out a small laugh but takes him into his hold, carrying like he did last night to the ensuite. 

“God, thank you,” he cries out in relief when Minho helps him down to sit. He then glares at him. “Get out,” and Minho doesn’t hold back his laugh this time. 

He leaves quickly but doesn’t close the door behind him so he can hear when Jisung calls him back. 

“Just so you don’t freak out or anything,” Minho calls to him as he leans against the wall. “Hyunjin said you’d still bleed for a bit,”   
  
“How pleasant,” Jisung huffs back and Minho's lips stretch into a smile. Jisung has made progress that is rather obvious, like his use of sarcasm now. 

  
“The nurse said I get to decide if I want to… feed her,” Jisung tells him quietly after being helped back to his bed. “Oh,” Minho looks at him from his bed with soft eyes. Jisung grows more confused by this man each passing day. The look in eyes change dramatically from predatory-like to the softest brown eyes he’s ever seen. Apart from Chan and Felix. 

“I thought about it last night,” He continues on and his cheeks flush bright red. “And I want to… with a bottle,” Minho blinks at him, slightly confused. “I’m sorry,” Minho apologises. “I don’t know shit about babies,” 

“Ah…” Jisung looks down at his lap. “I’m sorry for making this awkward. It’s just… you’ve never judged me for anything but we’ve been through things together so I feel comfortable talking to you?” Minho's heart squeezes at his words and he can feel his own ears heat up. 

“It’s fine, Sung. I just don’t think I’m the most helpful one in this situation,” he gives him a small smile and Jisung offers one back. “I can ask Felix to join us for a little bit?” 

Jisung nods his head once and Minho leaves before coming back quickly with Felix in tow.

“Sungie!” The boy cries out and bundles him up in a gentle hug. Jisung hums, breathing in his clear and clean scent. “You smell like flowers?” Jisung cocks a brow at him and Felix laughs softly. “There’s a shower and a bathtub!! I’ve never seen so many bathing soaps in my life,” He sighs almost dreamily and Jisung can’t help but snort. 

“But hey…” Jisung tries to shuffle back to allow Felix some room but he winces and gives up until Minho helps him shift his weight.

“I um… I wanted to ask you some stuff?” Felix raises a brow and gestures to Minho who’s sitting quietly on the other bed. “Does he stay or?” Jisung blinks a few times in deep thought. “I mean,” a heavy blush coats his cheeks again. Minho has had his fair share of too much information coming from Jisung within the past few hours but he couldn’t care less. Really. It made his heart sit warm and comfortable in his chest just knowing Jisung trusted him enough to talk to him. 

“He can stay,” he replies quietly. “I have something I want to ask him after this,” Minho perks up at this but he zones out of the conversation he and Felix make. 

He only pays attention again when Felix has left the room and Jisung looks quite a lot more relaxed. 

“Is everything okay?” Minho asks him and Jisung hums in response. “I just feel disappointed in my younger self,” he juts out his lower lip and Minho's blood spikes in his veins. “For not listening in on the few things they’d let me know,” 

“So it is normal?” Minho whispers and he nods. “They changed us enough so things could progress ‘naturally’ or as natural as this process can get,” Jisung shrugs his shoulders. “I feel less like a freak now, I guess,”   
  
“Hey, none of this was your fault,” Minho reminds him with a frown between his brows. 

“I know,” Jisung sighs softly. “But uh I wanted to ask you to take it to the nurses… If that’s okay?” 

“Oh,” Minho blinks softly at him then nods. Jisung hesitantly passes the device the nurse gave him over to him and he tucks his legs closer to his chest, making himself appear even smaller. “Did you not sleep well last night?” 

“No,” Jisung shakes his head. “I slept fine I just woke up earlier,” 

Minho hums softly in understanding. 

“Should I let Chan back in?”

Jisung nods, blinking his eyes softly. Minho gives him a soft smile back and a small wave goodbye. 

“If they let you,” Jisung whispers to him. “Can you feed her?” Minho's heart aches inside his chest and the sudden overwhelming rush of emotions causes his eyes to water. He blinks it away quickly and gives Jisung one last nod before slipping out of the room.

  
Chan slips in after him quickly, eyes shining with worry. 

“If you wanted to just see if I was okay, you wouldn’t have come back after seeing me,” Jisung states and Chan's brows furrow deeply. “Or I could be showing that I’m still concerned for you?”   
  
Jisung blinks at him before he sits up with struggle. 

“I’m alive,” he gestures down to his body. “I know you’re the eldest and you want to protect us all, but I’m okay now…”  
  
“Are you sure?” Chan presses on and Jisung's gaze on him falters. “I just gave birth to a baby that was the result of the seven years I spent in hell,” he replies. “I think I’m doing pretty well considering,” Chan swallows thickly. “If it means anything to you, I think you’ve done so well,” Chan whispers as he settles himself down on the edge of the bed. 

“Enough of me,” Jisung grits out. “How are you?”   
  
Chan seems to freeze slightly, his lips quivering slightly. “What do you mean?” He whispers and Jisung frowns at him, crossing his arms over his chest.   
  
“We just walked for eight months. Travelled across a whole ocean to a whole new continent… I’m asking how you are because I’m pretty darn sure not many others can say they did that,”   
  
“And how many people can say they did that pregnant?” 

“Stop making this to be all about me,” Jisung begs him. “I know you guys all feel bad for me, and I feel bad enough for myself so can we just, I don’t know, congratulate each other that we did this and that I’ve just had the baby?” Jisung's voice cracks and Chan reaches for his hand to squeeze. “I just want to relax for a little bit,”   
Chan nods at him and shuffles closer until he embraces him in one of his warm hugs. Jisung greedily sniffs in the smell of petrichor and whimpers into Chan's shoulder. “That’s ominous,” Chan whispers to him and Jisung halts for a second before pulling back. He immediately wants to be pressed back against him and breath in his comforting scent. 

“What is?” Jisung cocks his head at him, genuinely confused. 

“You said for a little bit,” Chan tells him and Jisung blinks his frown easing. “I can’t help it but feel like you have hidden meaning behind these things…”   
  
“Chan,” Jisung murmurs out. The eldest looks back at him and purses his lips. “Please, Jisung, I know I told you all those things about revolts but do you realise they’re not easy to do? People die Jisung,”

“How did you know?” Jisung whispers out to him, eyes wide in shock. Chan stands abruptly, hands flying to his head as Jisung confirms his previous fears. Jisung can only watch in absolute shock that he’s been found out.

“I don’t know,” Chan admits. “All these little things, god, Jisung do you realise that what could potentially happen if you try to start a revolt?”   
  
Jisung stares at him, silent for a while. 

“It’ll be the change this fucking world needs,” He replies and that same look Chan had seen in his eyes the first time they met shines bright. Like desolating flames that will burn him to nothing but ash. 

“We can’t possibly lead a revolt,” Chan hisses back at him and Jisung shakes his head at him. “I’m not asking any of you to join if you don’t want to,” he grits back. Chan stills and scoffs at him. 

“Jisung—“  
  
“I know you think I’m insane, and maybe I am. Those seven years will be years I will never forget and if there is a chance I can stop that all from happening, save people from the same fate I had been so unlucky to not escape, maybe it will be easier. The world is in god damned shambles, Chan. A disease threatened a single colony which lead its corrupt government to change. Evolve into something darker. I am not willing to forgive them and if I have promised myself to burn them to the ground, then so be it. Why do you have to stick your nose in and try to talk me out of—“  
  
“Because we are a family!” Chan shouts at him. Jisung sucks in a deep breath. “Because we love each other. And maybe you can’t see it because you’re so blinded by revenge. But we all love you. We love each other and we will do anything for each other now. You have a daughter now, Jisung. You can’t just dive into something so risky… how long have you kept this to yourself?” 

Jisung is quiet. 

They are a family. 

They did things Jisung recalls doing with his parents. Sleeping in each other's arms, eating together, telling stories. They lived together, with each other, for each other. Jisung's mind swirls at the thought of their newest addition. 

“Before I knew I was pregnant,” He answers honestly and Chan reaches back for his hand. “And discovering you were didn’t change anything?”  
  
“I wanted the world to erupt into flames even more,” Jisung admits softly and a tear slides down his cheek. “I still do. But… I don’t know… why is this so bad?”   
  
“Because I care about you. Revolutions are dangerous and so many people die in every single recorded one. And I cannot risk even the thought of you getting caught as the mastermind behind a whole revolution. I have had my own fair share of pain, Jisung and I wouldn’t be able to live knowing that I knew about your plans and didn’t bother to try to help you.”   
  
“I don’t plan to go right now,” Jisung scoffs at him. “I’m not that dumb I know there are steps before I can even speak of my ideas,”   
  
“But you got caught early?”   
  
“It was just an idea,” Jisung hisses loudly. 

“Then…” Chan gulps. “We can wait for a bit. Heal and we can come back to this idea of yours… and see what we can do about it,”   
  
Jisung raises a brow at him. “You’re not totally against it?”   
  
Chan gulps and nods his head slowly. “You're not the only one that wishes to see those people burn. You weren’t the only one who has suffered at their hands,”

Jisung stares at him with those wondrous fiery eyes of his. Chan shudders. Those eyes, that hellfire that smoulders deep inside Jisung is crawling up each passing day and Chan knows only time can hold back the inevitable force that is Han Jisung.

“Then if we are getting secrets out of the way,” Jisung clears his throat and eyes him up and down once more. “Why do you know how to fight so well?”

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the birthday wishes yesterday!! i had a really great day!!! the minsung... u guys were so excited over the tiny crumbs in part one so i hope u are well fed after these two chapters!!! again i cannot thank u guys enough I'm so excited to share the rest of this story with you all!!!
> 
> [my twt!](https://twitter.com/sungiesprouts) come to talk to me!!


	23. 22→

Everything in Chan's life has felt like a puzzle piece, fitting in somewhere between the many pieces but not quite where he was at in that point of his life. 

Just like learning how to fight. 

Chan had his reasons, too many that piled up on each other. His mothers spiral into insanity, her death, Minho's mother's death. 

Chan had run away from it all, with Minho in tow. The world was broken, the fumes suffocating him and the government had not one glance to spare them over the rush and panic they had fallen into. 

Because the world was broken, far to gone to fix and they were twelve and eleven when they had given up. Chan remembers the night before they left so clearly. 

Minho was shattered and he had cried and cried for days on end. He would search for his mother when the sun fell, all his early childhood fears of the dark eating him back alive without her protective embrace. Chan remembered that all too clearly and when they sat in Minho's room, in the dark of night it had come over the both of them that there was absolutely nothing they could do to fix anything. 

They couldn’t get their mothers back, couldn’t save anyone else. They weren’t strong enough to withstand working out in the fields all day like Minho's father and his workers. 

They were children of this broken world. Children with no use for a broken future. 

So they left with nothing but a single bag between them. 

But the wild hadn’t changed anything. The lack of news made them more anxious than the constant updates and they would wonder, minds hazy with panic. 

It had been useless to go out in the wild. A death sentence really. But looking back at it, Chan knows that is what it was for. 

To disappear and get it over and done with. Not waste years and years of desolation just to die the all same. 

Minho had fallen sick, weak and Chan had panicked. They had gone out seeking something like this, but they were still children. Scared, frail and in need of someone else. Someone older that could offer love and support.

But most importantly, they still had each other. And that was enough for Chan to finally trudge home, carrying his sick friend. 

When Minho recovered they made a pact to not speak about it again. Not to bring up their lack of hope, not of their want to dissolve back into the earth. 

But then everything had changed for Chan. 

Fourteen and still lacking hope for the world Chan had seen Jisung. So small in the government officials arms, wide brown eyes glazed over with terrified tears. From that day forward Chan doesn’t only develop a burning hatred for the world but a slither of something had slid back inside him that day. 

Chan had seen him thrash and fight in the man's hold and Chan had wanted to help, to go up to them and knock them out cold to save him. But Chan was fourteen, smaller and with no knowledge of how to fight at all. 

And that was it. That was the turning point. Chan had learnt after meeting Changbin and he pushed himself harder and harder always thinking of those big eyes so afraid. 

Chan tells Jisung this. That it was him all along. That he had seen the beginning of his descension hell and that had been enough for him. 

But his own world had shattered at his feet and brought him further into the madness and rebellious thoughts.

Chan had learnt how to fight to become stronger, his young mind already filling with ideas too risky and dangerous to even think of.

He remembered Jisung's eyes when he fought against those much bigger guys that would face him in the area. And that hidden part of himself filled with pure rage and hatred for the world would topple him, filling him with so much adrenaline that it made him much stronger than he would be without thinking about Jisung. 

Chan prided himself on his composed self, his level-headedness but when he fought Chan was different. He was a monster ready to rip out throats because he was repulsed and so enraged with the world. 

And he became a rampage when all his friends were all murdered right in front of his eyes. 

Chan hadn’t been present when the ring was discovered but the sound of shooting and yelling, cries being cut off had attracted the four of them. And Chan felt fury, devastation and hopelessness like he had never felt before. He had made eye contact with the man that trained him for years just before he was executed. 

Chan had once shared his story with his coach. From his mother to the little boy that years later he’d be able to put a name to that face, and then about that idea of a break out he first thought about after he won his first ring fight. His trainer had called him an idiot, brash and reckless. But then he had told Chan he was strong, formidable, that he was brave and he could do it. He could make the world a better place with his friends. 

And that part of his life had been a piece of the puzzle that now fits snuggly between his younger years to the present. 

Jisung cries silently as Chan tells his life story to him. 

“So,” Chan clears his throat. “I made that plan for years. Made it foolproof with my friends and we did it. We saved you four,”

“But that’s wasn’t enough to make the world a better place,” Jisung whispers and Chan breathes in deeply, gulping before he nods. 

“I know that,” he murmurs. 

“Then to make the world a better place,” Jisung reaches for Chan's hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. “You know what we need.” Chan chuckles out and Jisung can sense the sinister edge of it. 

“Hope,” Chan grits out. “Hope.” 

“And hope we’re going to have,” Jisung’s eyes shine like the roaring of hundreds of flames gathered in one small clearing.

→

Their talk ends after Jisung's declaration and Minho wanders back in, a smile adorning his face. Jisung looks at him expectingly. 

“Did you feed her?” He asks him softly, a shift in his tone from how he was just talking to Chan. “I did,” Minho’s smile broadens a bit. Chan spots the red tinge of his eyes but doesn’t comment on it. 

Jisung's stomach then cuts them off with a loud growl just as Minho goes to speak. He laughs instead while Jisung sighs loudly. 

“I’ll go get something for you to eat,” Minho waves him goodbye but stops in the doorway. “Hey, what would you even like to eat? They have lots of options in the eating hall,”

Jisung looks down at his lap. “I don’t know… I grew up in the slums so I’ve never really had much. The facility gave the same soup and bowl of rice each day so I don’t really know what I like,” 

Minho doesn’t show the sudden crash of his mood to Jisung because he knows Jisung is sensitive about his upbringing in the slums as well as pretty much anything to do with the institution. “I’ll find you something extra yummy,” Minho promises him and scurries off. 

Chan looks back at him and smiles softly. “Would you like to come sit in the lounge with us?” 

“I would like to see everyone,” Jisung agrees quietly. 

Hyunjin checks his forehead the moment Chan sets him down on the black fabric lounge and hums in content. “I was worried you would develop an infection,” He breathes out and Jisung swats his hand away with a huff. “I’m fine,”

Changbin stares at him from across the lounge for a good few minutes while everyone else swarms Jisung. 

The smallest notices, which makes Changbin shake in his spot. “Changbin?” He calls out, cocking his head with a soft frown. “Are you okay?” 

And before they all know it, the man is gripping the side of the lounge as he breaks out into a flurry of tears. 

“Binnie?” Seungmin rubs his back and the older man allows him to hug him, trying to calm him down. Jisung and Felix share a look before Jisung shuffles slightly to sit up better. 

“Changbin,” Jisung calls softly and he breaks out of Seungmin’s grasp, wipes his tears with his long sleeves. He looks straight at him, his lips quivering but his tears have stopped. “I thought we weren’t ever going to see you again,” He croaks out and Jisung stares down at his flattening middle. 

“Oh, hey,” Felix mumbles. “Of course we were going to see him again,” 

“Yeah!” Jeongin pipes up. “Jisung is super strong. I knew he could do it,”

“I thought I was going to die, too,” Jisung cuts in and the room falls silent enough that he can hear the sharp intake of breath from Changbin. “Jisung,” Seungmin reaches for his hand but he doesn’t take it. 

“It was scary,” And tears well in his own eyes as he begins to talk, remembering everything that he had felt in that moment. 

“When I woke up I didn’t feel pain for a minute or so, but when I did…I’ve never felt panic like that. And it got worse and worse. It felt like I being torn in half and she… she went crazy at first until I couldn’t feel her expect of the weight of her body inside me,” no one talks over him. Their quiet, some trying to keep their own tears at bay. 

Minho stands quietly at the entrance, his eyes watering and his lips pressed tightly together. 

“And when we were running to Mydar, when we were right there that’s when I thought that I wasn’t going to get out of this alive. I hadn’t felt her move and I was bleeding so much,” 

Their faces show the remembrance of the horror they witness when he brings it up.

“I thought she was dead for a while. Until the guns started, but that’s when I was slipping away. I don’t know how to explain it, but I was numbing and in between all the pains, it was the most bliss I’ve felt in a while. I was slipping from life and I didn’t know how to hold on, I wanted to let go of it because it felt so weightless, so calm and peaceful. But then the pain would hit and I’d remember everything. I remembered my daughter and I was not going to die with her. She was going to live,” 

“You both did,” A new voice says and Jisung flinches at it. They turn their heads to see Fern and her partner standing behind Minho. 

Jisung grips harder onto Felix and lets out a low whine. His friend holds him closer and whispers to him who she is. 

“It’s rather nice to see you alive and well. Not dripping blood all over my floors,” 

Jisung's nose scrunches up with disdain. “Ah,” Jisung rubs at his collarbone sheepishly. “That wasn’t one of my best moments,”

Fern shrugs her shoulders and gestures with her hands around the room. “I heard you woke last night, so I came now in hopes you got much needed rest for the rest of our talk,” Minho shoots her a glare and she freezes for a second before smiling softly, the harsh edges of her face smoothing out into a kinder, friendlier look. 

_ Minho stops outside of the door to their residence and turns, meeting Fern and her small crew following behind her.  _

_ “Have you decided this is a good day to come and harass us again?” He hisses, brown eyes harsh and cold. He stands tall, even though she towers over him enough to make him feel small. But Minho outdoes her in presence. His pretentious aura overpowering everything around him.  _

_ Fern cocks her head and sighs. “I have come to have the talk we agreed to have when the eight of you were present,”  _

_ “If you say anything wrong at all,” Minho growls as he saunters forward, getting up in her space. “I will not just sit around.”  _

__

_ “You didn’t sit around last time, either,” Fern spits back but Minho's lips curve up into a smile that causes Fern to take a step back. That predatory gaze, that look that could eat anything up in his range of vision cracks something in the proud leader.  _

_ “I can assure you that was nothing,”  _

_ Fern nods once.  _

_ “If he shows any sort of apprehension and you continue on you will stop,”  _

__

_ Fern gulps. “You treat him as if he is a fragile doll,”  _

__

_ “Jisung is no fragile doll,” Minho spits. Because Jisung isn’t. Jisung is much more than a fragile piece of china. “He is an ember,” Is all he says to her.  _

_ He is a glowing ember, a spark. An ember that will grow into a roaring inferno and he will not forgive anything that gets in his way. Instead, he will eat it, just as a fire fuels on vegetation.  _

_ Fern doesn’t deserve to know that. Doesn’t need to know what Minho is so sure about. But Minho will do anything to protect that ember to make sure it will rise higher and higher until the world will be left wondering where that tiny ember had been hidden all along.  _

“We had a conversation while you were still unconscious. I was told I would have to wait for you to be awake before you tell me why you were so desperate to reach Mydar even in such conditions…”

Jisung raises a brow at her and turns to look at Chan who nods. 

“Why we spent eight months travelling here while I was pregnant, you mean?” Fern nods her head as she settles on the lounge in front of them. Minho stands behind where Jisung is sitting, looming over him to watch Fern like a hawk.

Jisung swallows thickly and sinks further back into the lounge. 

“Because the world is broken,” He replies softly, quietly. Fern sighs. “Broken from what?” 

“A disease that threatened humanities survival,” Jisung murmurs and Fern’s eyes shoot to Minho, obviously concerned. Minho just shrugs at her and she sinks back into her chair. 

“It killed women,” Hyunjin speaks up. “It festered in wombs, poisoned their blood and they died within a week, usually,” Fern’s hand wanders to her own abdomen and Minho sees the fear glaze over in her eyes.

“And you are not infected?” She zones in on Jisung who squirms under her gaze. “No,” he replies. 

“So you are a lucky one, then,” she breathes out, relaxing slightly

“No,” Jisung frowns, his voice suddenly gruff. “I am not a ‘lucky one’,”

“This place we came from created artificial wombs from our own cells. Our own DNA and made us grow them as young boys to save the population crisis,” 

Fern stiffens in her seat. 

“There was an institution where I was for seven years, Felix, Seungmin were there for six years and Jeongin for four,” Fern eyes them all and a frown settles between her delicate brows. 

“Chan, Minho, Changbin and Hyunjin broke us out. We were locked in, prisoners basically if you think about it hard enough,” Felix pats his shoulder and shoves his arm between his back and the lounge to hold him tighter.

“We kept going even when we found out I was pregnant because if we went back,” his eyes shine with salty tears. “We could’ve been killed, or worse, locked up again and there was no way we could do that,” 

“So you continued on? Didn’t stop to perhaps have the child first?”

“They were probably following us,” Changbin grits out. “They knew he was pregnant,” Hyunjin speaks up. “They would’ve done anything to get him back and we weren’t stupid enough to risk it,” 

“Stupid enough to continue travelling, though,” Fern’s partner pipes up with a sigh. 

“Desperate,” Minho growls out again. “As we said last time,”

“That world is ruined,” Jisung mutters and Minho just knows he’s spiralling down into that dark abyss he had spent seven years in. Felix catches it too and grips his face with both his hands and talks to him softly, muttering under his breath so it doesn’t reach prying ears. Jisung nods, once and then twice. 

Fern stands slowly. “I will allow you all to stay. Recover from your harsh journey and you,” She eyes Jisung down who is still a bit shaky. “You rest well and take care of your baby well,” 

Minho clenches his fist. He remembers the apprehension on his face before he held her for the first time. Minho knows he will struggle because he’s Jisung, so damaged but so strong and resilient. He’s young, emotionally stunted but Minho will be there as that calm water, the waves that can take control when things get a bit too much. 

Jisung gives her a small nod. She looks at Minho who just gestures with a jerk of his head for her to leave. 

As soon as the leader is gone, Jisung breathes in heavily, gripping at both Felix and Seungmin’s hands.

“Gosh,” Jisung murmurs before he turns his head to look at Minho behind him. “I’m starving,” Minho chuckles and lifts up the basket he’s been holding all this time. 

“Breakfast is served!” 

→

“Oh!” Jisung shakes his hand as the sewing needle pricks his thumb. “Ah,” Felix tuts at him. “That’s the third time yet!”

“Hey, he just almost died of blood loss I think he’s doing good!” 

“Thank you Jeongin,” Jisung grins and pats the younger's thigh. “Always on my side,” He beams at him and Felix laughs at him. 

“What's up, I heard yelling?” Minho pokes his head into Jisung's room to see all three of them huddled on his bed. 

“Jisung keeps poking his fingers,” Jeongin shrugs at him. Jisung glares at him and nudges him with his elbow. 

“Oh, what are you all making?” He slips into the room and sits down on the bed he slept in last night, watching as Jeongin holds up a shirt that Mydar had given them. “I’m taking the sleeves up because Jisung’s arms are short,” 

“Hey!” Jisung whines out at him and Minho snorts at him. 

Jisung hesitantly holds up his creation. A little pink, bunny-like doll in his hand. “For my daughter,” He whispers with a fond smile and Minho's heart skips a beat. “Felix is making a blue one,” Jeongin sings and Felix slaps him with a scowl. Jisung had questioned him before and the fond smile that appeared across his face had told Jisung enough.

“Can I make something?” Jisung gazes over at Minho and he can’t fight his smile when he notices that he’s wearing the jacket he made him. Minho notices and he fingers at the fabric. “Washed all the blood out,” he tells him. 

“Come here,” Felix pats the space between him and Jisung. Minho shuffles up the bed, dodging the bassinet connected to the bed. His weight makes a dip in the bed and Jisung shifts a little closer to him. “I can teach you how to make something?” He offers rather meekly. Minho picks up periwinkle fabric from the pile in the middle of the boys and shows Jisung it. 

“Sure,” 

Felix stares at Minho a little too long and the elder notices. His eyes narrow at him slightly and Minho’s gaze falters after his nose twitches at him. 

“I’m going to see if Chan needs help,” Felix mutters. 

Felix wanders out to find Chan washing vegetables in the sink. Felix sneaks up behind him and picks up a large carrot, inspecting the root vegetable they didn’t have the luxury to find during their journey here. Chan jumps slightly, his eyes widening when he spots the blonde boy. 

“Where did you get all this from?” Felix points to the sink full of vegetables and Chan smiles. “One woman saw us enter,” Felix grimaces and Chan agrees with him with a nod. “And obviously noticed Jisung… uh she gifted it to me saying I had to make him nutritious meals,” Felix laughs lightly and picks up another carrot. 

“I wouldn’t trust you in the kitchen to make him said ‘nutritious meals’” Chan nods along with him. “Cooking definitely isn’t my forte,” he sighs but Felix points to himself and giggles. 

“Let’s to it together, then,” he proposes and Chan accepts the offer quickly. 

There’s enough ingredients for them to make several meals to feed the eight of them until they’re full and Felix's heart blooms inside his chest. 

This life. A quiet life where they grow older together, raise the children that may come to exist, that’s what Felix can see happening. 

He looks up at Chan after the eldest pulls out a dish from the oven and stares. His eyes travel down the smooth curve of his nose, the plush lips that feel even softer than they look, those warm brown eyes that never fail to bring warmth into his heart. 

“Can I kiss you?” Felix whispers out, already breathless at the thought of their lips touching again. 

Chan turns to face him, his cheeks and ears tinged red. Felix's heart stutters in his chest. His brown eyes blink and Felix shuffles closer to him. 

“I like you,” Felix tells him softly. His own cheeks are hot, the blood warm underneath his skin. “A lot.” He admits. 

“My heart,” He lays his hand flat across his chest, reaching for Chan's hand to make it rest against his ribcage where his heart thunders underneath it. Chan gulps and shifts closer to the blonde boy. “I’ve always been a hopeless romantic,” Felix whispers. “And for eight months we’ve gotten to know each other… for eight months I’ve slowly fallen into your orbit,” 

Chan sucks in a breath before it shudders out of him. “When you opened up to me that night, my heart made up its mind and now,” his hand raises to stroke at the eldest’s cheek. “I cannot keep it to myself anymore,” 

“Then don’t” Chan finally utters out. His voice is so soft and his touch that lands on his shoulders, that creeps up to his neck sends shockwaves of warmth down Felix's spine. 

“You feel like what I imagine home to feel like,” Chan whispers back to him and Felix's heart flips in his chest and he can’t help the tiny laugh of joy that escapes his lips. 

“And you make me feel like much more than a boy who made the wrong decision,” 

Chan's forehead rests against Felix's own and when their lips meet, Felix melts right into his hold, falling further into the shelter that is Chan. His scent overwhelms him, but Felix will never want to change how the smell of petrichor tingles at his nose. 

Felix will part the storm that Chan fights each day with the sunshine that he bathes in. 

Chan's fingers dig in for purchase at his hips and Felix responds by leaning further into the kiss. 

Chan is a storm but Felix is the sun to chase all those grey, drizzly storm clouds away. 

→


	24. 23→

Jisung sighs softly, his breath steaming against the cool surface of the window in front of him. His fingers brush over the cushioned fabric of the lounge by his bedroom window and he tucks his knees closer to his body, resting his cheek on his knee as he stares up at the starry sky.

The lounge dips slightly and Jisung looks away from the sky to see Minho looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. He looks deep in thought rather than anything else.

“I like the stars,” Jisung whispers out. Minho hums in response. “They’re pretty,” he comments.

“I do like this room, don’t get me wrong… I’ve never slept on something so comfortable in my entire life, but I can’t help it but miss those nights where we slept underneath the stars,” Minho tucks his own knees to his chest, copying Jisung's position. The younger looks back out at the stars, eyes shining as he watches them.

“When we were out there, they were always there. It made me feel alive,” he breathes out the words in a soft utter. “Alive because for seven years I never saw the stars and they reminded me that it was over. That I escaped alive and I could live now. I wanted to see them when I was locked up. I always yearned to see them again, count them until I couldn’t stay awake any longer,” he heaves in a breath.

“I had forgotten the way they shone so brightly by themselves, how bright they were when they clustered together,” he blinks and his forehead falls to rest against the glass. Minho sits quietly, looking up at the stars while Jisung continues to talk. “The stars give me hope,” he then says and Minho stiffens ever so slightly. Jisung doesn’t notice.

“I had hoped to see the stars again one day, and I got to. I got to look up at them every night and I was reminded by them that this was the start of my life. Now I could live instead of scumming to such a painful fate,”

Minho's fingers brush by his knuckles lightly.

“I cannot give up my hope,” he continues on and Minho tears his eyes away from the twinkling stars to look at Jisung instead. “Because hope will be the thing that keeps me going. That will power me on to accomplish these things that I want so desperately,”

Jisung hopes and hopes even after all he’s been through.

Minho feels a knot form in his throat. He had known Jisung was hopeful, even though he tended to be a pessimist. Minho had felt his hope drain from his body long ago but Jisung makes his gut swirl and Minho wants to hope. Hope so bad that whatever Jisung needs hope so badly for works out in the end.

_“Jisung is hope and I will not give up on him,”_

His previous words ring in his mind and Minho clutches onto them.

“I will hope,” Jisung whispers and Minho can’t help but agree now. He can overcome it, the searing pain that had once taken his hope away. The death of his mother, the realisation that life itself was becoming pointless,the murder of his friends.

Minho can try his best to overcome that if that is what will let him hope again. For Jisung. With Jisung.

→

Jisung shoves his head through the hole in the long-sleeved shirt just as Hyunjin slowly opens the door and pokes his head in.

“Hi,” he waves at him as he stands rather awkwardly in the middle of the room. “Hello,” Jisung greets back.

“I came to check up on you,” Hyunjin tells him and Jisung frowns and as he opens his mouth Hyunjin adds, “as a doctor,” and Jisung shuts his mouth.

“I’m feeling okay,” he admits. “I can walk by myself now,” he tells him and Hyunjin smiles, seeming happy with the news of progress. “Um… what do you want to know?”

“How the cramping is going and if the bleeding is slowing down, things like that,” Jisung grimaces and shifts around on the bed. “It’s not slowing yet,” he grits out. “And it still hurts quite a bit,” Jisung points to the nightstand where the painkillers Hyunjin gave him after Fern left are. He had admitted he had been in quite a lot of pain before but was distracted by his baby to really acknowledge it. That was until she left and the pain was flaring up inside of him. “I might need news one at this rate,”

“It should stop within a few weeks,” Hyunjin tells him. “But let me know, yeah?”   
  
Jisung frowns but nods. “Why do these Mydar doctors trust you so much?” He questions and Hyunjin chuckles sheepishly. “I brought my medical license with me… and after saving a haemorrhaging patient that quickly they believed I wasn’t some scheming asshole,”

Jisung sighs and slowly pulls himself up.

“You look tired,” Hyunjin points out softly. There are bags underneath his eyes, light but visible. “Yeah,” Jisung murmurs and he sucks in a deep breath, pausing for a few moments, looking deep in thought.

“I can’t stop the nightmares at the moment,” he mutters looking up at Hyunjin before his gaze falters.

For the past few nights he had been awoken to Felix's urgent touches, his soft eyes blown wide with worry before they relaxed and brought him into that comforting embrace of his.

“Could you… tell me what they’re about?”   
  
Jisung's hand falls from the door handle. His eyes stay on the ground, however.

“About my baby,” he admits. “Sometimes I dream she didn’t make it… or that she was ripped away from me. Just like those dreams I used to have but instead, it’s her and not some make-believe baby,”

His eyes met his briefly. “I feel stupid… I know she’s not going anywhere and the nurses say she’s healthy for a baby born at her age and how malnourished I am but I just can’t help it,” his bottom lip wobbles and Hyunjin steps closer, pulling him into a gentle embrace as he cries softly.

“Would you like to see her again?” He offers and Jisung nods his head, pulling away from the hug. “Okay,” Hyunjin whispers softly. “Let’s go see her, yeah?” Jisung slips the pink plush toy into his hand from his bedside table and nods.

Seeing her always makes Jisung's heart and mind ease and when his eyes settle on her tiny frame cradled in Minho's larger arms, looking snug as a bug in the little periwinkle blanket Minho and Jisung worked on making together, his heart swells comfortably in his chest.

“You’re always almost with her,” Jisung murmurs as he sits next to him. Minho hands her to him without a word but he smiles down at her. “She’s just too lovely,” Minho replies and she opens her mouth, face pressing against Jisung's chest as soon as he settles her in his hold.

Hyunjin smiles and pokes her cheek gently before announcing his leave, saying Jeongin and Changbin have been bothering him to join in on a sparing round.

The nurse smiles and hands over the bottle to Jisung. “She knows that you’re her daddy,” She coos, watching the baby nuzzle up to him. “Babies can distinguish the scents of both parents,” the nurse tells him and Jisung stares at her for a few seconds before his eyes rest on Minho, confusion clear in them. Minho coughs and shifts around in his chair. Some of the nurses really haven’t caught the gist that Minho isn’t her parent as well.

“She’s putting on weight much better after you started eating more protein. Good job,” she gives Jisung two thumbs up and he grins at her. The baby is almost a week old now and in that short time Jisung had already warmed up to the idea of being able to provide her with nutrition although still hesitant and rather embarrassed about the whole ideal. Felix and Seungmin had talked with him a few times to offer knowledge they learnt and the more that Jisung learns about these things, he seems to accept faster.

He rathers feeding her through a bottle however, still not quite ready to give that small part of his identity or whatever dignity he has left. The nurses are even proud of his progress and Minho's heart swells with pride for him.

“We should put her name on the blanket,” Jisung mentions as she drinks away. Minho looks at him, surprised. “Have you decided on a name for her now?” His eyes shine in anticipation and Jisung giggles at his readiness. “I have,” he sighs out happily.

“Eunbyul,” he utters it out and Minho grins broadly down at the little baby— Eunbyul.

  
“The stars give me hope,” Jisung murmurs once more. “There is hope in the stars and there is so much hope in her,”

Minho's thumb brushes by her soft cheek and he then looks up at Jisung, smiling fondly. “It’s perfect,” He tells him.

The daughter that he had grown all while sleeping underneath the veil of hopeful stars squirms in his hold, a little hand escaping her swaddle. Minho reaches out for her hand and his grin almost hurts when her tiny fingers wrap around his much larger one.

“Eunbyul,” Minho tries it out and he feels his heart bloom.

→

The lounge room becomes the place where Chan lands most of them on their asses.

“Oh come on!” Jeongin cries out after being thrown almost halfway across the room. Jisung flinches at the noise just coming back inside their shared home. “You should be going easy on me!” He whines out and Changbin laughs loudly.

“He is going easy on you!” Changbin squawks out and Chan can only nod to Jeongin who then lets out a screech.

“If you guys are going to act like this when my daughter comes home, I’m kicking you all out,” Jisung warns but he can’t fight the smile from his face.

The nurses had informed him today that Eunbyul was allowed to come home with him after she passes her tests in a few weeks. The nurse seemed confident she will pass and Jisung has been a flurry of excitement since.

“Oh! Is she coming home soon?” Jeongin’s eyes sparkle as he asks and Felix zooms over, asking too many questions at once. Felix usually followed Jisung to visit Eunbyul but the boy hadn’t been awake this morning when they went down. Jisung wonders what time Minho had woken to go cuddle with her.

“ _She_ has a name now,” Jisung tells them slyly as he crosses his arms over his chest. The room erupts in chaos and Minho scoffs at them, holding back both Felix and Jeongin who zoom forwards. They realise their mistake quickly and take a few steps back.

“Eunbyul,” Jisung announces her name loud and clear and pride sweeps across his face when the room erupts in celebration.

Jisung grins, eyes shining underneath the skylight built into the curved ceiling. Minho's breath has been taken away too many times over the eight months he’s known Jisung. Overwhelmed with the gleam in his eyes, the plushness of his lips, the tinge of pink that highlights his cheeks. Minho's never seen him smile like this, though. Something so pure, free of that dismal and fiery hatred that usually surrounds him.

He looks carefree. Free from the shackles the government had sealed him in and Minho has never seen him look so… ordinary.

From the boy that had held so much fear in his eyes when Minho had opened that door to the small room, to a boy that could barely stand their presence for more than an hour he now insinuates touch between them, enjoys hours of nothing but laying in someones hold. He thrives on it, needing the touch of someone else when all those emotions he can’t quite sort out by himself become a bit too much.

Jisung has grown from a boy they thought would never get over his struggles or accept his life to a boy that’s loving in his own special way. A boy that can’t do anything but love his daughter that he had feared his whole life.

And here he stands, glowing underneath the natural sunlight, talking animatedly about that tiny girl. Minho hasn’t felt pride like this in his life. Not even when Chan had won his first ring fight at the tender age of sixteen nor the tens of matches he went on to win after his first fight. 

Jisung was an ember once and Minho had continued to think he still was but know thinking of everything he has powered through, Minho thinks he needs to rethink that.

The dousing of icy river waters, the constant battle of fatigue, the injuries the pain to the unforgettable time Minho and he had soared through the air only to plummet into more cold water and the night that followed, freezing and chilling to the bone.

Throughout all the challenges of water trying so bad to extinguish that glowing ember, it had grown. So steadily it didn’t seem like growth was being made but now standing here after the added pain of burning sunlight, stinging saltwater and the crimson that no one will ever forget Minho finds much more than a single ember trying so hard to keep itself out of the wind, the elements just waiting to douse it.

Jisung is a flame that’s growing and stretching. A calming, gentle burn of a flame that reminds Minho of the fires he’d watch in his fireplace on cold winter nights, cuddling up to his mother while she drank a pot of warming tea while his father brought in more wood to feed the flame that kept his family warm. 

But Jisung’s flame is no where near completion.

The calmness is strange, unsettling almost and Minho burns himself to add something more to it but he stops himself as his fingers reach out because he knows it is crucial to whatever step Jisung is going to take next.

Minho will not feed the fire himself but be that calm water that heals, soothes those burns that will come with the roaring fire that he knows will come.

Minho watches him now, those few weeks have gone with a flash, as Jisung holds onto Eunbyul who is snug in her purple blanket as her father looks out to the stars again.

“Giving your star her first look at the stars, are we?” Minho slides next to them almost soundlessly. Jisung hums gently, his eyes flickering to his daughters hazel irises back to the stars.

“She’s not falling asleep,” Jisung tells him but there’s no hint of disdain in his voice at all. Rather he sighs, content and brushes his lips over the wispy dark brown hair, breathing in the calming scent of lavender lotion that Minho had traded one of the shop owners for over fixing his broken cooling system. Minho had discovered quite pleasantly that Mydar’s currency wasn’t the only thing they used to buy items. Trade was much more preferred than money around here. It was almost the opposite in Mydar to the Capital in so many ways and Minho finds it almost like a breath of fresh air.

“Have you slept yet at all?” They had been given the luxury of clocks, even, after arriving and Minho didn’t think it would soothe him this much to know what time it actually was when he woke up at some ungodly hour. Jisung had scoffed and called time a ‘useless concept’ but had then explained after he being awoken by Eunbyul one night that he’s never understood time since he had never seen a clock in his life before the facility.

The clock on his bedside table had shown _2:46am_ when he had been awoken to soft whispers and the coos of Eunbyul.

“A bit,” Jisung replies and lets Minho take her from his hold carefully. Jisung's hands linger on her for a few moments longer before he leans down and kisses her brow bone. “If I feed her she might fall asleep again,”

Minho nods in agreement just as she begins to squirm, a cry eliciting from her little mouth. “And that would be my cue to move,” Jisung hurries out of the room and Minho gently rocks her, his lips pouting at her as she cries.

When Eunbyul had come home three days ago he had opted for the first few shifts of sleeping in the room to help out. Well, he had been the one to the first volunteer before anyone could even say anything. No one challenged him on that either. Minho had been found out long ago about his early morning wakings to sneak out to go visit her. Minho almost visited more than Jisung himself did while she was in the hospital.

Minho just couldn’t help but fall in love with the tiny baby. Her lighter coloured eyes but the shape so Jisung, her mouth a similar shape to his. There's so much of him in her but there are the parts of her that are so unfamiliar. Like the lighter shade of her hair, her eyes that had lightened over the few weeks of her life. Jisung's own love for her bleeds out and Minho seeps it in, tightly gripping onto it.

Jisung hasn’t said too much about why he’s so interested and helpful and Minho's glad because he doesn’t know how long he can continue to hold his tongue around him.

The younger returns with a warm bottle in his hand and Minho passes her back, watching him as he sits in his own bed, cradling her while she gladly accepts the peace offering of a bottle.

“You can go back to sleep,” Jisung tells him and Minho slides back into his own bed still warm from his body heat, watching with sagging eyes as Jisung stares down at her.

Domestic bliss fills him up and keeps him warm. Minho has always had problems sleeping himself. He had been awake too many times during their travels and he had always seemed to wake for the parts where someone wakes, panting. Chan and Jisung were the main culprits of that, but Minho had soothed Changbin and Hyunjin a few times after they awoke in a frenzy.

Minho sleeps soundlessly now he even finds it difficult to wake when Eunbyul is screaming to be held or for a bottle whereas Jisung is up in a flash as if he was never sleeping. Minho knows he is though because those bags under his eyes have faded instead of deepening.

Eunbyul is rather quiet other than the few times during the night and talking to a nurse that had bumped into him while he was bringing the lavender lotion back had laughed and just hold him to wait, whatever that meant. Minho knew pretty much nothing about babies except for the fact they sleep, eat and poop. A lot. But looking after Eunbyul with Jisung just seemed so natural and almost easy sometimes.

One thing for sure is that all of this is not being kind to Minho's heart.

The flame and his little star reside in his heart so deeply that Minho knows that he will never find someone who makes him feel his way again.

Jisung has made his mark on him and Minho is a hostage to that splendid flame. All the willpower he had used before to try to tone down Jisung charging into his heart has shifted into willing himself to love him from afar. To be there and support him as much as he possibly could.

Minho can wait.

And as his eyes fall shut just after Jisung settles a sleeping Eunbyul in her bassinet beside him, snuggling back up into his bed, Minho knows if time allowed them he would wait eons for him. He will wait and wait.

Time won’t allow them eons, but this life is enough for Minho. Enough to love that burning flame and his twinkling little star that could grow up to a universe of her own.

Minho will wait for the day he can show Jisung his love.

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!! how is everyone?? the baby has a name!!!!FINALLY!! i only just realised that it's quite a gap between her being born and getting named SO whoops on my part i guess lol. Someone did comment a while back hoping that her name would be hope or mean hope and it isn't quite that but her name pretty much means star and Jisung correlates that to be hopeful so technically her name does mean hope! 
> 
> also, next chapter is the last chapter of part two but the change between part two and three isn't like the change between one and two!! things will have changed but it won't really be a dramatic change straight away! I've got to get a wriggle on with writing AHH I've been offered quite a few special things at school that may take quite a bit of my writing time away but i will stick to weekly updates on Sundays no worries!!! 
> 
> things seem they have slown down quite a bit and they have and i hope its not boring but dw it'll get exciting again very shortly! also, this chapter was pretty short but the next makes up with it being 7k lol
> 
> thank you everyone !! <3333


	25. 24→

Felix clutches Jisung's arm as he cries. He’s holding onto Eunbyul, tears streaming down his face while she’s screaming. 

“Here, here I’ll hold her for a bit, you go do what you need to do,” 

“I can’t!” He blubbers out and when Felix reaches for her she screams louder as if she only wants her dad.   
A week since she’s been home and Jisung’s previous thought that she’s a calm baby is suddenly shattered by the past three nights where she’s done nothing but cry, screaming for something Jisung doesn’t know. 

Jisung reaches for her again and she quietens to small whimpers, her face nuzzling up against his shirt. “Maybe she’s hungry?” Felix suggests but Jisung shakes his head. “I fed her an hour ago, she’s not due to feed for at least two more hours,” 

Felix blinks and nods and just as she goes quiet again she breaks out all again. 

Jisung changes her while he still cries and puts her in something cooler to see if she was too hot. She calms down a bit but still whimpers as Jisung holds her. He tries putting her in her bassinet but she screams the moment he pulls her from his chest. 

The door creaks open and Minho walks him, a fist rubbing at his eyes before they squint open and he looks at Jisung with sympathy. Jisung lets out a sob and waddles over to the elder who bundles him up in a hug. Felix shoots him a look and they communicate for a while through looks while both Jisung and Eunbyul slowly calm down. 

“I’ll swap with Felix,” Minho signals for the blonde to leave the room. He pouts but doesn’t fight it, both wanting to sleep himself and Minho just seems to calm them both better. “I must have the magic touch,” he teases softly. 

Felix plants a quick kiss on Jisung's clothed shoulder blade before he slips out of the room. 

“Are the walls too thin?” Jisung croaks out and Minho shakes his head. “I barely could hear her crying but I felt like something was up,” Jisung sniffs and slowly pulls away from Minho to look down at Eunbyul. He almost sobs again when he finds her now fast asleep. 

“That was so painful,” He whines out. “And all I had to do was get you?” Minho gently takes her and lays her in her bassinet. “I’m sure that wasn’t just it,” 

“Maybe. I did change her into something cooler,” 

“It is pretty hot at the moment,” Minho agrees. He flashes Jisung a smile who just sighs back. “Let’s get you back into bed, okay? If she wakes up again I’ll deal with it,” Minho pulls the covers over his body and Jisung sighs softly, his hand peeking out to land on Eunbyul’s soft belly. 

Jisung falls asleep in record speed and Minho follows him quickly. Eunbyul wakes up three more times before morning but Minho soothes her quick enough for Jisung to fall asleep almost instantly again. 

→

“You know that’s very domestic of you,” Felix chides and Minho glowers at him over a chicken sandwich. “It’s not a bad thing,” Felix continues on, shoving another spoonful of fruit salad into his mouth. They had both woken early and decided to come to the eating hall instead of waiting for everyone else to wake. Minho had left after seeing Jisung's head almost in Eunbyul’s bassinet, his hand still on her little tummy, it rising and falling with her breathing. 

“But I honestly hadn’t pegged you as the most domestic or nurturing person around here,”

“Are you calling me a dick, too?”

“What?” Felix scoffs, his mouth full of food. His eyes narrow and he shakes his head. “No. God, I meant that as a compliment! Who says you’re a dick, hey?” 

Minho snorts and shoves the last bit of bread into his mouth. “Jisung,” He replies muffled by the food but Felix hears it and he can’t help but laugh. “Whatever did you do to make him say that?” 

Minho's eyes narrow down at him and Felix squirms a bit in his chair. “Yeah, never mind I get it,” Felix waves him off quickly. 

“Is it even more obvious that I like him now?”  
  
Felix shrugs. “Now that I already know you do, it's hard to say because everything is just so obvious to me… but you did fool me for quite a long time so I don’t think so? Why are you so worried, anyway?” 

Minho shoves a grape in his mouth. He recalls Hyunjin's face as they stared up at the blue sky and how he had confided in him, telling him that his feeling for Jisung where strong and he didn’t know if he could keep it in any longer. A frown appears between his brows. He hadn’t talked a whole lot to Hyunjin these days, too caught up in baby bliss and trying his best to help Jisung as much as he possibly could. 

He wonders if Hyunjin has said anything to Jisung or if Jisung had noticed and told him off for even thinking he had a chance. Minho sighs and shakes his head. “It’s nothing,” he replies. Felix purses his lips at him but he lets it go. 

A thump on the table alerts them and Kaya slides next to Felix, giving him a smile. “What’s up? Hi, Minho,” Minho waves at her and she and Felix fall into talk easily. Minho continues to think as he eats the grapes on his plate if Hyunjin had made a move and he tries his best to stop himself from getting riled up from the thought but it makes him mad to even think about that day in the field. 

Minho had known then, that his heart had been captured by the very essence of Jisung but he had been stupid, thinking he’d be able to get over it like those silly crushes he had on the girls in his town back when he was young. But Jisung wasn’t like those other girls at all. They were shy, sweet and friendly to him and everyone else. But Jisung would snap, aim to hurt but that wondrous fire and the meek kindness that would seep out of him had him intoxicated with even the tiniest sip. 

Minho snaps out of it when his name is called. Kaya is looking at him expectantly. “Huh?” He mumbles, shoving yet another grape into his mouth. 

“Kaya is asking how Eunbyul is going? Jisung too?” 

“Why can’t you answer that?” He challenges back and Felix huffs at him, obviously irked by the sudden flare of his angry tone. “Because you’re the one that’s with them most of the day. Hello? You’re on baby duty at nights, you know the most?” 

“Oh, yeah. I guess so… they’re doing pretty good,” He then answers honestly and the scene of the two of them cuddling this morning pops into his head and his heart flips in his chest, suddenly filling him with more positive feelings. “Eunbyul hasn’t slept that great these days but we’re getting there. Slowly.”   
  
“She screamed all night for three nights,” Felix whispers and Minho sighs. “But then Minho came and saved the day. She stopped crying as soon as he hugged her and Ji!”

Kaya raises her eyebrows at him. “Not the dad, huh?”

“I’m not her father,” Minho grits out. “That’s Jisung and only Jisung,” Kaya pouts and rolls her eyes at him. “Excuses,” She sings and then stands up. “I saw Changbin and Jeongin go to the gym on my way here.” She tells them and then her eyes narrow at Minho. “Maybe someone should go let off some steam?” 

“If only that would solve his hostility,” Felix sighs and Minho slaps his arm with a glare. Felix throws his hands up, exasperatedly. 

  
→

  
Minho had always had troubles with his anger ever since he was young. He had held onto his emotions, not wanting or knowing how to express himself in a way he felt comfortable. They built up and up until Minho was a fuse about to blow up any second. 

His father had solved it by giving him jobs to do. Working his body hard so that anger would dissolve while he worked hard, his mindset on something else. He had outlets to go to for alone time which was vital for him to figure out how to solve these issues. 

Minho hasn’t had much of that lately, something he still needed. 

Changbin could always tell when he was about to boil over and ever since the day Minho had broken his nose after he dug his nose too deep into his business they had developed a mutual understanding of each other and Changbin could read Minho's antsy behaviour easily. 

“There’s no field you can go sit out here unless you go down there,” he points to the ground, referring to the earth below Mydar. “So fighting is the next best thing,” Minho huffs and straps on the gloves with a shrug. “I’ve been doing okay lately,”   
  
“You have,” Changbin agrees. “But you’re getting more hostile each passing day,” Changbin admits and Minho sighs. “Sorry,” He apologises and Changbin gives him a fond pat on the back. 

“I’m a little tired at the moment,”   
“Yeah,” Changbin nods his head. “Felix and Seungmin have said you taken up ‘fatherly duties’…” Changbin pauses briefly and stares up at Minho. A frown appears between his brows then, light but Minho can see it clearly. 

“You don’t… ah you don’t potentially like Jisung. Right?” 

Minho grits his teeth together. “No,” he ushers out. It hurts him to say it because he knows its the opposite. He’s enthralled by Jisung. 

“Oh, okay.” Changbin shrugs it off and doesn’t question him any further but the look in his eyes is knowing. 

“Let’s fight!” 

Jisung settles on the curved stairs that curve around the large room, Eunbyul tucked in his arms, sleeping soundly. Seungmin drops the bag next to him and coos at the sleeping baby. 

“She sleeps like an angel during the day,” Jisung sighs. “But doesn’t want to sleep when its night,” 

“I’m sure she’ll figure it out soon enough,” Seungmin gives him a wave then jumps down the stairs. Jisung watches from afar as Hyunjin signals Seungmin over and begins teaching him the basics of fighting. Chan had told him all four of them were well trained in the arts of fighting and all of them would be good teachers if the rest of them wanted to learn. 

Jisung would like to. The sharp and smooth movements that Minho fights with, such a dangerous element in the way it looks like a dance. Hyunjin is well-timed able to read his opponent's next move or maybe he had memorised his friends fighting style. Changbin was quick, nimble and flexible whereas Chan was a force, all strength and rough at the edges. 

Jeongin had picked up a lot already in the past few weeks and had this fluidity of him. Jisung felt like a proud mother watching him pick up on different moves. 

Seungmin and Felix had only started lessons recently, just before Eunbyul came home but they too are learning fast. Felix is flexible, like Changbin but his movements are strong, mirroring Chan in a way whereas Seungmin was more defensive, something Jisung has noticed Minho excels at too. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” A voice muses and Jisung flinches, turning to see Isa settle beside him. She gives him a soft smile. 

“Hi,” Jisung blinks at her and mumbles back a greeting.

“I train here with the guards,” She tells him and Jisung nods gently. “That’s how I met Fern, you know?” She sighs dreamily and smiles when Eunbyul fuses gently, waking from her nap. “I was the head of the guards— I still am, but she was appointed the leader the day we first got to talk. I always liked her. I thought she was pretty since I was a little girl,” 

He shifts Eunbyul in his arms and she whines out when he places her against his legs, but calms quickly when he gently rests his hands on her belly. 

“I do not see what this has to do with us?” 

Isa’s eyes twinkle. “Maybe it doesn’t,” She shrugs. “But stories usually bring people together, no?”   
  
“You want us to get closer?” Jisung asks her, confused as to why she was even talking to him. “Why not?” She replies. “I think you’re an interesting person,”   
  
Jisung grimaces lightly. “Not really,” he whispers but Isa shakes her head. “Well, if you want to go join them I’d gladly watch over your daughter,” Jisung watches her for a few seconds. “I don’t think—“  
  
“Of course you do not need to say yes,” She chuckles nervously. “I can just see you really want to be down there. I won’t leave. I’ll stay here. I promise,” 

“She gets fussy if she’s not with me,” Jisung whispers and Isa just smiles. “That means she loves you,” 

Jisung blinks at her. Once, twice and the third brings a tear down his cheek. He had known she liked him, but the thought of her loving him back… Jisung's heart has been through a lot during his life but the thought of his baby loving him back… that was enough to bring him to tears, overjoyed in that moment. 

“If she gets really fussy I’ll just be down there,”   
  
“Of course,” Eunbyul had fallen back asleep and when Jisung passes her over to Isa, she barely stirs. He breathes out a heavy breath before making his way down to his friends. 

Chan grins at him when he appears before them and gives him a pair of gloves. 

“Bring it on,”

  
→

Almost two weeks later Jisung is sitting in the eating hall over a plate of eggs when he looks up at Minho. 

“Do you remember when you told me what overmorrow means?” Minho blinks and slowly nods. “Of course,” his mouth is dry at the mention of that time. The cold rainy night where Jisung had cried, spoken of how he wished for a better world for his kid— for Eunbyul. 

Tomorrow was too near to change it but overmorrow, it was further away. It gave them time. Overmorrow was what Jisung wanted to change. 

He had spoken of a revolt, but Minho had forgotten about that quickly in turn for thinking about the mess Jisung was and how hopeless Minho was to him. 

“The day after tomorrow, right?” Jisung mutters and Minho nods softly. It confuses him to no end when Jisung suddenly stands, Eunbyul in his grip and wanders out. “I’m going to get ready for bed,” he tells him. “I’m tired.” 

“Okay,” Minho croaks out. 

He watches him leave and frowns down at his plate. Jisung has been acting different these days and Minho can’t help but think he’s got his mind on something that Minho doesn’t know about. 

He had trained with them, leaving Eunbyul in the care of Isa and sometimes Fern who wanders down to see her wife. He had made good progress and Minho can see his potential to be good one day. He would stare out at the window for long periods at a time, in deep thought and he had become restless almost. He was always doing something whether it was making new clothes for Eunbyul or jackets for everyone else when it was easy to get them through trade now. 

Chan looked concerned about his behaviour and Minho cannot help but feel uneasy about this if it has Chan worried.

  
→

  
When Jisung closes his eyes at night memories of the institution would sweep by his eyelids and he’d wake, gasping. He was remembering everything they had ever done and everything he’d gone through. 

He’s unsettled and that itch, that craving for the revolution is crawling up his throat, taking over him. 

Felix is asleep in the bed next to him. Eunbyul had finally calmed down these past few nights and Jisung was so grateful not only that she had finally settled easier but that Minho had stayed to help the remainder of her fussing.

Jisung can’t sleep, however. He’s been tossing and turning for what feels hours and Eunbyul had already woken once for a feed. 

His gaze turns to the window where he spent hours gazing out at, wondering what else is out there. How disarray was the Capital in now? Jisung craves to know if they’re out of their minds looking for them still. He wants to know if they had left a mark with room to add to it. 

He swings his legs out of bed suddenly and quietly picks up Eunbyul and creeps out of the door, careful to not wake Felix when the door clicks shut. 

Eunbyul coos up at him and Jisung down smiles at her. “Sleep, baby,” he whispers kissing her forehead. A few days ago Changbin had come back with a baby sling for Eunbyul to lay in, still close to him but so Jisung’s hands were free. His daughter loved it and slept so peacefully whenever she was in it, cocooned like she was in the womb again. 

He slips her into and she lets out a satisfied coo at him. He giggles lightly and then heads for the exit of their residence. Fern and Isa had told them they were more than welcome to ask for a bigger place with bigger beds and so Hyunjin and Jeongin didn’t have to share every night but they had grown used to this life. It was more comfort than what they had been expecting after months in the wilderness and staying together was important to them all. 

Jisung quietly treads down the halls of Mydar, coming across the occasional guard that would question him but he’d quickly answer he was in need of new books to read while he feed his baby. They hadn’t questioned him further.

He was going to find books, that wasn’t a lie but his motives were much different than just entertaining himself while his daughter ate. Jisung needed knowledge because Chan will not give in yet. He had tried many times lately but Chan had shut him down and tried to distract him instead. 

Jisung burns for this. His body feels as if it’ll erupt if he doesn’t sort this out and if Chan refuses to help him, Jisung will do it himself. 

The library is dark when he enters, save the dimly lit candles around the place. The library looks different from the rest of Mydar. It wasn’t as bright or as sleek, instead, it was cluttered with shelves of books and trinkets around the place. 

“It’s quite late for you to be out, Jisung,” He jumps, a hand shielding Eunbyul and pressing her closer to him.

“Oh,” he relaxes when he finds Isa smiling at him, her thick black curls bundled up at the top of her head. 

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Jisung shakes his head and sighs. “I’ve got a lot on my mind, I guess…”   
  
“Sometimes it is like that. Do you need any recommendations for books? Fern and I have pretty much read the entire library at this point,”

The thought smacks Jisung across the face and it leaves him red in embarrassment. He had forgotten he didn’t even know how to read but some part of his brain had been so impulsive he hadn’t remembered that very important information. 

“Uh… well I’m quite interested in history at the moment… just stuff,” he shrugs and Isa hums.

“The history section is always quite full. The people of Mydar are much more interested in the fiction this library has to offer,” 

She wanders over to a bookcase, tightening the pale yellow robe around her body as she walks. Jisung follows her, his arms cradling Eunbyul through the sling. 

“I know this might be strange to ask…” He starts off quietly and the older woman turns and smiles gently as her hand lands on a book. “Is there any way that books have been recorded? So you can listen to them instead of reading them?”  
  
Isa cocks her head at him and nods. “Of course.”

“It’s just I don’t want to wake Eunbyul or anyone else if I’m going to read at night,”   
  
Isa’s smile broadens. “That’s very considerate. I’ll get you a device for that, just a second,” she leaves him there between the bookcases and he sighs out in relief, peeking down at Eunbyul who stares up at him with wide hazel eyes. 

“Daddy forgot something very important,” he tells her and a tiny smile stretches across his lips. His heart flips in his chest and he laughs. “Pretty girl,” her first smile had happened last week in the middle of the night while he feed her. He was talking to her after she finished and she had blossomed into a beautiful smile and Jisung had woken Minho up with his crying. Minho had laughed and his smile had stretched so wide when he had seen her little smile. 

“All you have to do is scan the code on the spines of the books and it’ll appear on here to read or to listen to!” Isa hands him the device and Jisung thanks her with a smile. 

“I’m going to grab a book and then head back to my wife. Get back safely!” He waves goodbye to her and then proceeds to scan the first ten books in the history section. He zooms out quickly, bumping into Isa on the way back. He gives her a peek at Eunbyul who coos at the woman before he zooms back to his bed, quietly slipping in and listening to the first book on a quiet setting. 

→

  
The world beneath is bright. Full of greenery and splashes of colours were flowers bloom even in the heat of Summer. 

It’s a stark difference from what Jisung remembers his childhood and past years looking like. 

Three months have gone by. 

Three more months he’s watched his daughter grow from a tiny always sleeping baby to a chubbier baby, always happy to see him. 

Jisung is glad she was born here in Mydar, where the greenery is accessible and surrounded by people who love her and where she’ll never go hungry. 

Her childhood will not be anything like his and Jisung is so grateful for that. The sight of her growing so well had soothed that ache in him, settling him out of that frenzy of thoughts of a revolution. He had still listened to the many books, learnt of past revolutions and marvelled and swallowed bile sometimes from both the power and absolute destruction they could bring. 

He had thought over and over again that he should just stay put here in Mydar where his daughter will be able to lead a quiet and comfortable life. 

But the nightmares will not leave that easily. 

When he forgets about it, leaning towards staying his own mind rebels and fills his dreams with blank white walls, the spillage of red blood and the screams of terror. 

Jisung knew there were others there. Most of them younger than himself, some even as young as he had been. And as he lay awake, sometimes feeding his daughter when the night was high, he lets himself cry silently, just hoping those boys to not suffer the same way he had. 

His mind had been made up ever since he had jumped over that wall. 

Humanity would fall and it will fall at his feet. 

That was meant for them. Those despicable humans that brought this heavy weight of trauma upon him. Jisung will not let them get away with it. 

His door creaks open and he turns and Minho bounces in, a very happy Eunbyul in his arms. 

Jisung smiles and watches him walk up the length of his thin room. Eunbyul spots him and underneath the white towel hood, she beams, fists banging excitedly at the sight of her dad. 

Jisung laughs as takes her into his arms, peppering kisses on her face and letting her mouth wetly at his cheek in return. 

“She’s always so happy to see you,” Minho strokes her head with a fond smile. “She loves you too,” Jisung tells him and the elder nods. “I know that. But she’s the happiest whenever she sees you,” Jisung looks down at his daughter and she coos loudly, smiling. 

“You looked like you had a lot to think about when we came in,” Minho murmurs when Jisung wanders to his bed, placing Eunbyul down in the middle. Minho passes him clothes from her draw and the lavender lotion. 

“I guess so,” Jisung sighs and Eunbyul squeals when Jisung rubs the soothing lotion over her skin. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Jisung shrugs his shoulders and looks back at him, gently taking the nappy and onesie from Minho's hold. “It’s kind of complicated,” another way of saying he’s a complete monster that wants destruction. 

“I can’t argue with that,” Minho shrugs.  
“I need to get her bottle from the kitchen,” Jisung mutters back and Minho follows along with them both, making faces at Eunbyul as they wander to the kitchen. 

Jisung suddenly halts and Minho almost crashes against his back. 

Minho peeks over his shoulder and his jaw drops. Jisung gasps and the couple at the kitchen counter separate, cheeks flushed red and lips swollen. 

“Excuse me!” Jisung shouts out. Eunbyul lets out a displeased sound and Minho can’t help but smile at her before frowning at his own friend. 

“So you get a boyfriend and you don’t even tell me? I thought we were best friends!” 

Felix coughs out and Chan takes a hesitant step backwards. “We didn’t think… that it was that important?”   
  
“You’re kidding me,” Minho drawls out, his eyes narrowed. Chan starches at his neck and chuckles nervously. “Well, you know… Eunbyul and everything…” 

“Hey,” Jisung breathes out. “You help me out a lot,” His eyes stay on Felix. “I know I can count on you to talk to… do you feel the same? Is it because I don’t understand a lot yet?”

Felix’s eyes widen and he shakes his hands at him. “No! Of course not!” He clears his throat and steps away from Chan making his way over to Jisung. “I just didn’t want to disrupt what you had going on,” Felix's gaze flickers to Minho and his eyes narrow. Minho's cheeks flush a bit and Chan's eyes widen comically from where he stands. Minho gestures to him that they’ll be talking about this sometime later. 

“Lix… you can trust me to talk to as well,”   
  
“I know, I know,” Felix sighs. “But I wasn’t sure how you’d take it all… I’m really sorry! I won’t keep anything from you from now on!” Felix's eyes are glazed over lightly and full of sincerity. “I was never mad at you, I just wanted to let you know,” 

Felix freezes for a split second before a grin eats its way across his face. He shares a quick look with Minho before bundling him up in a gentle hug, mindful of Eunbyul lying in his arms. 

Jisung had grown a lot within these past months. The training, parenthood and the conversations he’d share with his new friend Isa had impacted him very positively. Minho has noticed lots of improvement in his sympathy and empathy. Minho will never stop being proud of Jisung. 

Jisung laughs softly and pulls back, giving his friend a soft smile. 

“No more babies,” he whispers and Felix throws his head back and laughs. His eyes twinkle and he hums at him, reaching down to kiss Eunbyul’s forehead. “Not yet at least,” 

Minho quickly warms up Eunbyul’s bottle and then they’re wandering out the door, to the large gym branch where the others are training together. 

Minho joins them as soon as they enter. He bids bye to Eunbyul with a quick squish of her chubby cheeks and Jisung quickly spots Fern reading a book while Isa is releasing her wrath on her guards. Jisung head to the leader who waves at Eunbyul when she peers up from her book. 

“Oh, she’s getting so big now,” 

Jisung usually would pass Eunbyul off to Isa if she was available or take her down in the sling she still fit into. His training was beginning to show and Chan and Changbin have told him that its rather impressing itself that he’s learnt this quickly, especially after only having a baby not that long ago. 

But this time, he stays and allows Fern to talk to him, ask about how Eunbyul is and how he likes it at Mydar so far. He’s honest and tells her he enjoys it and wishes he could stay. Fern smiles at that. Jisung tells her how he’s glad Eunbyul was born here and has the chance to see the beauty of the world here in Mydar.  
“I’ve been wanting to ask for a little bit now…” She pauses briefly. “I just didn’t know how to bring it up, honestly… but the council and I, we’d like to invite you eight— nine,” she adds on after Eunbyul coos. “to join us at dinner soon,” 

“Oh,” Says Jisung, surprised. Fern gazes at him, her green eyes full of what he believes to be hesitation. “Why ask me and not Chan? He’s kind of taken the leader role over us?”   
  
“You’re the one whose’s story everyone is the most interested in,” Fern tells him softly. “You’re the one who almost gave birth in the elevator,” Jisung winces at the memory and clutches Eunbyul tighter just the slightest bit. 

“I’m sure we can make it,” Jisung tells her and the smiles she gives him is relieved. 

→

Everyone had been shocked when Jisung told them the details of the invitation. They knew Jisung had gotten close to Isa but Fern was different.

They had accepted after talking about it as a family and Jisung had handed the invite back to Isa, promising to be there. 

The day has come and Felix had fiddled with Hyunjin the past three days to get suitable clothing for such an occasion. Jisung was still trying to keep out of Hyunjin's way. He still respected him, nothing had changed in that regard but Jisung was desperate when he was in labour and Hyunjin was known to him. It was different now. 

He couldn’t stand to be with him alone, remembering how the plush pads of his lips would press against his own. Jisung avoided him mostly and Felix had noticed, of course. 

He had tried to get it out of him but Jisung had nothing to say, even when Felix asked if he was the one that made Hyunjin so upset that day where he had broken down in the forest. Jisung doesn’t have the heart to admit that he had caused Hyunjin so much pain. 

Jisung sighs and lets out a soft coo when Eunbyul whines at him. “I’ll hold you soon, daddy needs his nice clothes too,” She doesn’t look happy with him but Jisung can only giggle at her little pout. 

He finishes buttoning up the silky blue shirt and reaches for her. Minho had been ecstatic when he came back from his usual trade route of repairs with the yellow dress in his hands. It was pretty much a perfect fit and the colour made the flecks of yellow in her irises stand out.

The shoulder of his shirt slips a bit and Jisung sighs but leaves it be. He had put on weight finally and he felt much healthier than he ever has but still had more to go to be deemed healthy. The gap between his thighs had narrowed down and he had been self-conscious of that at first, knowing the shape of them had been altered by the artificial hormones they’d pumped him with but he’d quickly forgotten over the fact that Eunbyul had started putting more weight on after he had as well. The nurses claimed it was because his body was able to keep up with the demand easier now with the changes. 

Jisung steps out to see Chan and Felix eyeing each other and Hyunjin comes out and slaps Chan cross the head. “Cut it out, lover boy, we’ve got places to be!” 

Felix rolls his eyes at him and gives Chan a hug, relaxing in his hold. The rest of them had found out about them the same day Minho and Jisung did because Minho had ‘accidentally’ mentioned it.

Jisung doesn’t think he quite believes that it was an accident. 

Changbin runs out of his shared room with Seungmin, the latter following in tow with a belt. “Your pants might fall down at dinner!” Seungmin whines and Changbin shakes his head. “Not if I eat enough!” 

“Eunbyul!” Jeongin thuds on over, his white shirt shines slightly under the light. “She looks so cute,” he cos out. He then looks at Jisung and gives him a thumbs up. “Looking good,” he smiles and nudges him with his hip. 

“You think? These pants feel a bit tight around my hips…” Jeongin shrugs and then leans in and whispers. “Minho hasn’t been able to stop looking at you,”   
  
Only then does Jisung notice Minho across the room. His dark green shirt is tucked into his black pants and he leans against the wall, his eyes glued to him. He only breaks away his gaze when Jisung looks at him and he quickly makes himself busy by fiddling with the ribbon in Hyunjin's long hair. 

“We should get going,” Chan then says, breaking Seungmin and Changbin out of their bantering and Hyunjin from slapping Minho for ruining his hair. 

Minho sucks in a deep breath and falls into pace with Jisung. “Eunbyul looks sleepy,” he comments and Jisung hums. “I fed her before I changed. She’ll probably fall asleep when we’re eating,”   
  
“You look nice,” Minho then tumbles out and his ears burn hot after he registers what he’s just said. Jisung gives him an eye down and then smiles. “Not looking too bad yourself,” Minho would melt if they weren’t on their way to what sounded like an important dinner. 

Seungmin settles beside them and coos at the tired baby. “She’s so cute,” he sighs out and Jisung hums in agreement. “Not so cute when she wakes up every twenty minutes for the past two nights,” 

Minho's eyebrows raise at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Jisung blinks at him. “She doesn’t cry, she just wakes and wants to be held most of the time. There’s no point for anyone to be there when she’s just wanting comfort,” 

The halls of Mydar begin to change. Photographs line the walls, of a man and family portraits. They walk past a portrait of Fern and then one of her and Isa together before they stop at a door. 

The guard that had escorted them presses the button to the door and speaks through the microphone, announcing who he had with him. A click sounds and then the doors are parting, sliding apart for them to walk into the leader's branch. 

Fern and Isa are waiting for them there, looking graceful in floor-length dresses of similar colours of yellow. Isa smiles at Jisung. The other council members are behind them, staring at them with interest. 

“Welcome!” Fern begins with a smile. “We are very pleased to be holding this dinner with you all,”  
  
“As are we,” Seungmin smiles. “The dining room is this way, please follow me,” Fern gestures with her hand to the left and begins to walk away. Isa waits a few seconds behind her wife, getting into step with Jisung. 

“Don’t you just look dashing,” Jisung huffs and smiles softly. “I wasn’t really expecting such a formal occasion,”   
“Fern likes to impress,” Isa mentions. “I find it rather amusing as well,”   
  
“I’ve never been to a dinner before,” Jisung admits. “I think I’ll be easy to impress,” she gives him a sly smile and then gestures to the table in front of them. She gives him a wink. “Enjoy,” She whispers and then saunters away to her wife. 

The eight of them pause for a little bit until Hyunjin takes a step forward, his hand gripping the back of the chair and sliding it out. They follow after that, gathering to take seats closer to one another than to near the council members. Jisung gets a seat near Fern and Felix. Minho sits across from him, Chan next to him. 

The food is unlike Jisung has ever had and Felix seems to think the same way with how he keeps shooting him glances every time he takes a bite. It’s rather endearing, Jisung thinks. 

He had originally thought it would be more… prying but they talk about how Mydar is going, how they all like it but then the questions of the Capital start squeezing in. Like ‘how did the disease come to be?’ They had all answered the same. ‘I don’t know,’ 

They had eased up a bit, asked about how it was compared to Mydar. Eunbyul had fallen asleep before they began eating and woke, wanting another bottle so Felix and Seungmin had volunteered to go back and fed and bathe her. 

The questions slowly got heavier. 

‘How did the government prevent the disease?’ Jisung didn’t know. Neither did anyone else. He shares a worried look with Hyunjin over that.

“What about the government? How is that run?”   
  
“Why is everyone so hung up about the Capital?” Jisung suddenly stands and frowns at them. “We came here to escape to you really think we’d like to talk about it?” 

Fern blinks at him, slightly deflating in her chair. 

“I apologise…” She whispers. “I was simply curious… even though we do not have contact with others much, I am trying to know what I can.” 

Jisung sighs and settles back in his seat. 

“The dinner was really great,” Chan pipes up. “But it’s getting late now, perhaps we should head back? Again, thank you so much for your hospitality,”

“Of course,” Isa replies sweetly. 

“Go back safely. Thank you for coming,” 

They make it to the doors before Jisung stops. “Go ahead without me. I want to talk to them for a bit,” Minho cocks his head at him, goes to open his mouth to probably ask if he should stay but Jisung shakes his head before he can even offer. 

“I shouldn’t be too far behind,” Minho's eyes ease and he nods softly. “I’ll keep the lights on for you,” Jisung gives him a gentle smile in return. 

  
Both Isa and Fern seem surprised to see Jisung again. The council members have disappeared as well and Jisung is thankful. 

“Are you concerned that they’re going to come here?” He spits it out and the women share weary glances. 

“Jisung…” Isa starts but he shakes his head. “I don’t believe they will, but I cannot know for sure. I was just a dumb boy when I lived there,” 

Fern blinks at him and then briskly walks for the window, shutting it. 

“I have come to tell you my story,” Jisung breathes out heavily. “The real one without any gaps or cover-ups. Everything,” 

Isa lets out a heavy breath. “But why?” Her eyes are soft, warm, motherly almost and Jisung wishes that he had that for longer. That his own mother had loved him enough to keep him safe from the prying hands of the government. 

“Because I want something and you both will not understand why I want it so much unless you hear my story from the first to now. I trust you both enough for you to understand where I am coming from,” 

  
Jisung speaks. 

He starts from the start. His life in the slums, tells them all about how his parents sold him. He goes through everything they did to him. He tells them of the first baby he had lost and he had cried once more. Isa’s arms were warm, like how he remembered his mothers to be. 

He hadn’t missed anything. He had spoken about the implantations and how Minho had burst through his door. Their journey, his pregnancy how it had weighed him down without them realising he was even pregnant. 

And when he finishes the women have shed tears, overwhelmed with how much he has been through in nineteen years of life. 

Jisung's lip wobbles but he catches it between his teeth. 

“So I want to change the world,” He whispers. “I want to free the other boys, to safe them from the same fate I suffered.” He takes in a greedy gulp of air and looks up at both taller women. 

“I want to lead a revolution,”   
  
Fern’s eyes widen a fraction and Isa takes a shocked step backwards. A shuddering breath leaves Fern and she gives him a nod. 

“I want to tear them apart,”   
  
“You have come to me for guidance in this?” Jisung gives her a firm nod and a smile stretches across her lips. 

“You cannot possibly lead a revolt with just Mydar’s forces,” she looks to Isa and the woman laughs. “It seems there is another journey ahead of you. Finding allies.”

→

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! BIGGER CHAPTER AAAAHH sorry this was a few hours late, i had a picnic dinner with my family which was really refreshing btw LMAo
> 
> so this week was horrible. and i honestly wasn't sure i would be able to write this week but writing gives me serotonin and i took that hit lol. i really enjoy writing this fic and i enjoy posting it more to share it with u guys!! everyone's comments make my week so much better but where have u all gone LMAO 
> 
> i was worried it was getting boring and not as many people were reading ahh I'm INSECURE IM SORRY i hope you guys are doing well!!
> 
> and this is the end of the second part!! if anyone is confused, it doesn't mean much at all dw but it just kind of signals the end of an arc and the beginning of something big ;) if u guys cant tell WERE GOING ON ANOTHER ADVENTURE!!! I'm am so excited... and how are u guys going with the slow burn? Personally, I'm so excited for the satisfaction in the end but i know ppl might feel different! also I'm rambling bc i just wanna talk to you guys lmao i love u and ur comments sometimes bring tears to my eyes!!! MWAH
> 
> i hope everyone has a good week!! see you soon!!! <333333


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